A/N: Hey guys! So this is gonna be just a series of one-shots. It's not a continuing story and will only be updated when the plot bunnies in my head are getting too rowdy. :)) Sorry if it's not that good. This was just a spur-of-the-moment thing! So that means it's probably not a CHRONOLOGICAL series of one-shots, okay?
Hope you like it!
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Clue No. 1:
You cover for her/him when she's/he's on one of his/her retarded schemes.
Age 15/16
Li Syaoran regretted going to this dinner. Seriously.
Don Kanonji had been a business partner of his family—and Sakura's family—for a long long LONG time. They've been buddies since preschool. They were still buddies in college. They were buddies during the birth of their respective businesses. They were still buddies when they hit paydirt. They'll probably STILL be buddies until the Apocalypse… or 2012.
Naturally, three families who've been friends since the Jurassic Era often have dinner together in one or the other's house. Usually, Li ENJOYS these dinners because, hell, Don Kanonji and his family were awesome hosts and the food was excellent and and Kanonji's kids are pretty cool and absolutely lethal on Wii games…
… but he really really REALLY didn't like the dinner being hosted in Don Kanonji's mansion right now.
Because Don Kanonji decided to try a new meal plan.
He decided to go vegan.
The problem with this meal plan was that Don Kanonji's family chef decided that today was a good day to get diarrhea. Hence, there was no chef. No chef to give the basics about how to cook vegan food. No chef to give directions. No chef to head the kitchen. No chef to actually… well… cook.
One very inspiring "Top Chef" episode, a weighing scale, and a food magazine later, the one who cooked was Don Kanonji's wife.
She was a sweet, intelligent and cool woman. Seriously. Scarily efficient in her work, loving mother to her kids….
… but she can't cook to save her life.
Hence the reason why Li, after trying and failing to stomach the monstrosity that Mrs. Kanonji called, "Magnificent Vegan Pasta", decided to spare her feelings.
He discreetly collected all the food that was dumped on his plate on a napkin spread out on his lap and, when the timing was right, announced that nature was calling him.
He went to Don Kanonji's special bathroom, balled up the huge mass of uneaten food in a thick roll of tissue paper…and…
Plop.
…dumped it inside the toilet bowl….
Crouched in front of the toilet seat, Li grinned and reached for the flush….
The door stealthily opened.
Li was too caught up on his (premature) victory to notice.
"What are you up to now?"
He froze.
And turned around to see… Sakura. She was looking down on his crouched form in front of the toilet. She had one hand on the doorknob and another on her hips, an amused smirk playing on her lips.
He said the first thing that came to his mind.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?"
She stepped inside and gave him a dry look. "For someone on the throes of painfully bursting a bladder, you completely bypassed the very available bathroom on the first floor, doofus."
"… I like this bathroom! Don Kanonji has the coolest bathroom in the world, don't you know? He said this toilet seat used to be in Eddie Murphy's house and that shower cap over there came all the way from Timbuktu..."
Sakura started tapping her heels.
Li tried again, trying to look as much of a wounded victim as possible while crouched in front of a toilet seat. "You know, I could've ACTUALLY been taking a piss and with you walking here and all then you would've been blinded by the magnificence of my---!"
WHACK. A toothbrush bounced off his forehead.
".... OW. WHAT THE HELL?"
Sakura stepped inside the bathroom and rolled her eyes. She continued tapping her heels and snorted.
He shifted, running a hand through his hair sheepishly. Shit, his knees were starting to hurt. "See, I thought I saw a bug… a cockroach… near the toilet… and I was… that is…"
He cursed.
She raised an eyebrow.
Li groaned. "ALL RIGHT! I ADMIT! I HATE THE SUPER-VEGAN LOW FAT BUTTER PASTA TOMATO CRAP, OKAY? It was totally disgusting, and the carrots tasted like burned rubber, and I think my stomach just died while trying to ingest those rubbery shit HE calls 'veggie pasta'. I cannot take anymore of that monstrosity and—"
Sakura's eyes widened and, automatically, she locked the door and took a step towards her best friend… her demented best friend. "Please don't tell me…."
"—so I went here to cleanse myself from those evil things—"
"LIIIIIIII SYAORAN—"
"—I dumped it all on the toilet. There!" he admitted, pointing at the huge lump of soggy tissue ball floating merrily in the toilet water.
Sakura flopped down next to him and stared at the toilet bowl her jaw hanging open. "… you are SO dead."
"THEY TOLD ME IT WAS OKAY TO USE THE BATHROOM, OKAY?" he defended, holding a cross sign in front of him to ward off Sakura's incoming rant.
She elbowed him on the ribs ("OW!" Li whined). "NOT FOR THIS, GENIUS!"
"Shhh, you paranoid grasshopper," Li hushed her. "There's a thing called a flush!" He flicked her on the forehead.
Sakura snorted, "dude, if that ball of veggies clogs the toilet and makes it explode on your face…" She trailes of warningly.
He pokes her on the arm. "Oh, shut your pessimistic nature! It's not THAT big."
"… that lump is the size of a freaking baseball."
"BAH. See, I just plunked the stupid thing down… push the thing…watch it swirl around a bit and bask in my brilliance… then…FLUSH! Tada!"
They waited for the telltale sound of water swirling, the slush-slush of toilet water taking the lump out of their sights forever. Sakura stared at the toilet. Li's hand was still on the toilet flush…er…thing.
Li's puffed out chest started to deflate.
"……"
"……"
Sakura politely tapped Li on the shoulder. "Oh, Syaooooran…" she sweetly purred.
The now-sweating heir sported two very wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Let it not be said that the Li Clan scion did hear the warning bells in his head.
Squeak. Squeak.
"…… why is it not flushing…???"
"…"
"Ohcrapohcrapohcrap…"
Sakura sighed and gave him a light shove. "Stand aside, doofus. Let me try…"
Squeak. Squeak.
She threw her hands up in the air and started to stand up.
"… It's jammed. Good luck, man."
Li's hand shot out and stopped her. He used the full force of his Awesome Puppy Dog Eyes. "Pleeeease doooon't gooooo! Help meeeee!"
They stayed like that for a few minutes.
Sakura rolled her eyes and allowed herself to be pulled down, although a small smile inevitably made its way to her mouth. "Liiiii," she pointed out dryly, "… I'm no plumber. I don't know how to fix a toilet flush."
She raised her eyebrows and, to prove her point, repeatedly pulled the metal that should've ended Li's misery
"Crap it all. TRY IT AGAIN!"
"Try it aga—Ok, fine. LOOK. THE FREAKING WATER IS NOT OBEYING MY COMMAND. It-- won't—flush!!!"
"… Reeeaaaally?"
Sigh. "Yeah, look…"
"…Well, shit."
Li ran a hand through his already disheveled hair, his mind undoubtedly going through a hundred different plans at once. He sighed.
He raised his hand and let it hover for a moment at the top of the toilet bowl, his face in a pained but determined expression. Sakura was confused... for a while.
Then it clicked.
She gaped. No way. NO FREAKING WAY. He can't possibly be thinking of…?!
"Oi…Hey… HEY! WHAT THE HELL YOU—? You're not thinking of—?!"
"It's better than facing that schizophrenic lady's wrath!!!"
She grabbed his hand and pulled it out of the air, shaking it in front of his face. "Li," she hissed, "it's a damn toilet! A thing where crappy things go through! Crap things like—oh, I don't know—(flat look) CRAP???"
He shook her off his hand and grinned at her, his mind already made up. "Chill, the water's newly replaced and…yeah, I don't see any… thing… floating around…"
"THIS IS THE OLD MAN'S TOILET PARADISE!" Sakura nearly yelled, waving her arms around to emphasize her point. "Do you have any idea how BIG his shi—!"
Li balked and covered his ears, dramatically shaking his head. "STOOOOP, dammit!" he cringed. "I am trying not to think about that!"
She smacked him upside the head.
"… bask in your freaking brilliance now, bastard."
Li rolled his eyes. "Shut up and find me a tissue…"
"I SHALL NOT BE AN ACCOMPLICE TO THIS STUPID YUCKFEST," Sakura swore, making a motion as if to ward off evil spirits.
"Ah, there's a tissue roll! Okay, I need all of this…"
Li's hand shot out and grabbed a tissue roll behind Sakura, who just slapped a hand to her forehead, feeling the headache coming on.
Still, she tried to reason with him. You know, for the benefit of her best friend's skin.
"Wait, WAIT! There's another way--!"
"Okay, I'm ready!"
"AH! NO, YOU IDIOT, WAI—!" ('I HAVE AN IDEA! STOP!' she tried to yell)
(splash)
Li's hand plunged into the toilet bowl, making a splashy-squishy sound as he tried to get a grip on the wet mass of food.
"…"
"…"
"What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" she hissed, her hands pressed either side of her face. There was a gobsmacked expression on her face.
"WELL, THE FLUSH IS BROKEN! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO???" Defensive. Yep, that was SO him.
"Oh, I don't know," she pretended to think deeply. "We could've… let's see… USED A TOILET PLUNGER? A BROOM? A PENCIL? Anything that isn't attached to a human body???!!!"
"… there was no time!"
"Excuses, excuses… pfft."
"Fuck you."
"Oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick."
"…what the hell am I supposed to do with these… abominations?" Li was holding the soggy mess of food on his hand, swinging it around and around and started pushing towards Sakura, who promptly backed away.
"Get them away from me… ew. Dude, it's dripping on the floor."
"Ugh… help me out here…"
They stared at each other… and then at the lump of tissue.
"…"
"..."
Sakura sighed. Li grinned.
"… why am I your best friend again?"
"… because you love me."
"… Correction: I hate you. You shall not let those freakishly disgusting and now permanently tainted hands anywhere on my person. I refuse to have shit smeared on my body."
Still, Sakura Kinomoto was smiling. Li whooped and smirked.
" I love you, too… now, to the TRASH CAN!"
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Lotsa Love,
CalCarrie