Just a poem about how everyone felt when Neil killed himself.
Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me. If it did, this wouldn't be a fan fiction, would it?
Tears of Blood and Life and Death
Shock
Bewilderment
What-?
How-?
You need to know the details
As if it were a story
Or a dream
It doesn't seem real
It isn't real
It didn't happen
A dream
Floating on silvery mists
Then it hits you
Tramples you, crushes you, suffocates you
The force of a train
Straight onto your chest
Your heart
And the pain
Oh God, the pain
Silvery mists
Turning to black
And red
Guilt
How-?
How could you have seen?
The tiny part of your mind that is still rational reminds you you're not a prophet
Or a mind reader
How were you supposed to know?
But still-
Why couldn't-why didn't- you stop him?
It's all your fault
You realize just how
Fragile
Everything is
The veins
Throbbing with life in your wrists
What would happen if you slashed them open?
Crimson blood
Flowing and staining the white snow
Although the snow is black, black with gunpowder
You feel nauseous
You want to vomit
To regurgitate the pain
The tears won't stop falling
And you wonder
If his blood gushed like your tears
Did he cry
He must have been extraordinarily brave
Oh God, so freaking brave
To take his own-
You can't even think the words
If you do, you will implode
Collapse
All you are is a shell
Filled with anguish and grief and terror
Terror
If he …anyone could
Maybe even you
Who will be next?
And the tears stream down
Burning your ice-cold cheeks
All the beauty has left the world
Leaving it ugly, crude, black
Black with pain
And full of death
Fuck the world
You don't care
Anymore
Life itself has been tilted
Spinning wildly off its axis
You mutter profanities
You dig your nails into your skin
And welcome the pain
Black pain
But physical pain
It expresses the torrential typhoon of a storm
That you are inside
Your nails are crimson
Blood
You think of-
No, you can't think of it, you can't, you just can't
You begin to scare yourself
Is this how it starts?
He loved life
Loved it so exuberantly
So vividly
The picture won't leave your mind
You help them
And they help you
Talking it over
And yet, some small part of you is yelling
You liar!
How can you-how dare you-
Tell them they aren't guilty, aren't responsible
When you hate yourself
For not doing something
Anything
Even though there was nothing you could do
Oh God, God please
Help me
Unburden me
Please
You don't want it all to end
Yet you cannot
Survive like this
And then you have to say it
Make it real
Though it kills
Not kills please no
To use the past tense
You yell them from the rooftops of the world
Across the snow, black and red
Simple words
Plain words
Beautiful words
True words-
Neil Perry, I loved you.
Recently a friend of mine attempted suicide. Thank God, someone found her and she's okay now, but for the first day or so I was in serious depression. I wouldn't eat, was scared to sleep and felt like the world had collapsed on top of me.
Thankfully, I'm pretty much over it now.
So then I saw the movie and got the idea for this poem.
Anyway, I mainly based the poem on my experiences and feelings, although there's one difference-my friend was saved.
Please review. I would really appreciate constructive criticism. Also, please be gentle because this is my first fic.