Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
It's been such a long while since I sat down and actually finished writing something. I think being bored to death during a start of school lecture on academic expectations really help in getting your mind to wander about. Needless to say, if this piece turns out bad, I may just be so bold as to blame the lecture for killing any remaining brain cells in my head. However, if the writing turns out to be not so bad, then I would like to thank all the Female warden/Leliana pairing writers! Your works never fail to cheer me up on an awful day.
This will be a oneshot, I am not really sure if I should continue on. It was supposed to be Mahariel/Warden, but I supposed there isn't an ounce of romance at all in this oneshot as this piece took place when they were just starting to get to know each other. Needless to say, feedback is always greatly appreciated. What you liked, what you disliked and most importantly, what can be improved on. If you actually read all the way until here, thank you very much for bearing with me.
Lyna Mahariel sat in her tent, the silence that enveloped her was comforting and she was glad that she had pitched her tent away from the camp fire. The noise generated from the people there always disturbed her; it constantly made her lose concentration, disrupting her thoughts. The quiet solitude away from the other people was something Morrigan and her both treasured dearly, and it was something that they could relate to and bond over.
Soft footsteps signalled the approach of someone. Frowning a little at the unwelcome disturbance, Lyna stuck her head out to see Leliana walking towards her tent.
"Is something up? Did Shale threaten to squish Alistair again?"
"This may disappoint Morrigan, but no, Shale did not threaten bodily harm to Alistair. Does there need to be a reason for me to come to your tent?" The question in return to her initial question baffled Lyna; did humans tend to do things for no reason?
Leliana stood there as an awkward silence pervaded the distance between Lyna and her. It looks like Lyna had taken her rhetorical question seriously and was actually contemplating on how to reply to it. Maker, the elf was interesting.
"Well… I can hardly see the point of coming to see me for no reason," Lyna replied slowly, stalling for time as she tried to think of a proper reply. Was this a trick question? She had given up a long time ago on trying to understand Leliana. While Lyna admired Leliana's courage, she strongly doubted that the human had a shred of sanity left in her. Which human would plead to join the wardens on their impossible quest on the behest of the very God that refused to deliver them from their sufferings? She studied Leliana gravely, before affirming silently that the human was most definitely touched in the head. A small cough from Leliana caused Lyna to realise that she was distracted from her original thoughts and that Leliana was still waiting at the entrance of her tent. This was weird, what did she want? For various reasons, everybody, but Wynne, tended to stay away from her tent at night. Zevran stayed away due to the calmly worded threats about missing body parts if he were to try anything funny. Alistair did not come visiting after numerous botched attempts at making small talk. Morrigan would stay away due to a mutual respect and a shared understanding that the social norms and conventions like trying to socialise within one's group do not apply to people like them. Wynne would come to her tent because, well, Wynne was Wynne, and she had to share a thousand and one morals about how Lyna had to fulfil her duty as a Grey Warden. However, Leliana had remained much of an enigma to Lyna as she had not spoken much to the Chantry sister.
"Erm, would you like to come in?" Lyna decided to invite her in first; she could always eject Leliana out of the tent if she started preaching.
"Yes! Thank you." Leliana's eager response only served to confirm Lyna's presupposition that she was here for a reason after all. Lyna scooted over giving Leliana some space to sit. When Leliana had made herself comfortable, the two of them sat in silence as Lyna decided to resume her previous activity: her meditation on the events of the past few days. Leliana played with her fingers as she watched the elf drift away in her own thoughts. She sighed internally; her plan was an unmitigated disaster! Her intention for this visit was to get to know more about Lyna. She had not been able to find out more about the Warden; ever since meeting her in Lothering and being accepted into the group, they had gone to awaken Shale before rushing to help the Circle of Magi. There had been no extended breaks except for a few short hours of rest in between these two quests. However, after witnessing the horrific events at the Circle and gaining the assistance of Wynne, Lyna had suddenly decided that they should set up camp and rest for an entire day; a great reprieve considering what they had just been through. Leliana had thus decided to make use of the little free time she had to get to know the Warden better. Leliana had gotten along very well with Wynne and Alistair, and she knew that Morrigan and her would be best friends when Shale gave up her feud with pigeons. The other Warden, however, had been elusive at camp, and when present had just remained silent. Leliana had been unable to find out more through Alistair; her observation that the two wardens did not talk much to each was right. According to Alistair, Dog actually makes a better companion to talk to than Lyna. He also believes that Lyna was sorely lacking a sense of humour as she hardly laughed at any of his jokes. Leliana had to comfort him for a while when Morrigan pointed out that perhaps it was not a lack of humour that the Warden was suffering from, but it might have been the physical absence of a brain in the other Warden that made the jokes devoid of any intelligence.
"So," Leliana dithered, she had absolutely no clue on how to start this conversation. She was not even sure the Warden heard her; Lyna still seemed preoccupied with her own thoughts and now Leliana was trapped in this uncomfortable atmosphere. Gosh, what had she gotten herself into?
"So what?"
Leliana turned to look at Lyna who was staring straight at her; did Lyna just speak?
"Sorry? What did you mean?"
Lyna sighed, it was difficult trying to talk to anyone but Morrigan, "You said, "So". I assumed that you were going to ask me a question, but you just drifted off."
Leliana's eyes widened slightly; so Lyna had been listening. Urgh, what should she ask? What ever caused her to think that it might be fun to try to get to know each other better? She needed to think up a smart question soon.
"So… You were really quiet during dinner. I just wanted to check if you were okay?"
Lyna gave Leliana a curious look, what did she mean by she was really quiet during dinner? When had she ever been talkative during dinner? Why was tonight such an exception that Leliana had to come over to her tent to talk? Her eyes widened, ah, tonight's dinner had been especially bad since it was marked by Alistair's return to cooking; perhaps Leliana had just wanted to check if she had managed to survive the encounter with Alistair's dishes?
"Leliana, do you actually mean to ask if I am suffering from any side-effects after eating Alistair's cooking? If so, you need not speak in code as he is rather far away from my tent," Lyna replied, feeling smug that she had for once understood what Leliana was thinking.
Leliana, on the other hand, was perturbed as she could not understand how Lyna managed to come to conclusion that she had been asking about dinner? Granted dinner was actually really bad, a historic "best" for Alistair, and that everyone had tried to choke down the charred remains of the animal Alistair had tried to cook, but when did the question "Are you okay?" ever get interpreted as "How was dinner?". Maybe it was an Elven thing, she decided. A headache seemed to be starting and she tried to fight it back, she needed her head to be clear if she was going to try to get out of this mess without Lyna thinking she was insane.
"Actually, Lyna, I think you misunderstood me. What I meant was you were quiet during dinner and I wondered if it was partly due to the recent events in the Circle of Magi. I just wanted to check if you were doing fine?"
"Oh yes, because it is so comforting to see mages transforming into abominations," Lyna muttered wryly.
"I'm sorry?"
"It's nothing. Thank you for asking, but it does not matter if what happened at the Circle affects me."
"Why does it not matter?"
"I do not have the luxury to spend time thinking about the emotional impact of the recent events. One simply lives and let lives. Yes, I do feel bad about what happened, but I fully accept the reality that there was nothing more I can do about it. And while people like Alistair can afford to think back on the past very often, I live in reality and I have to attend to what is actually important."
Leliana was taken aback by Lyna's reply. She was expecting a little more sympathy from Lyna for Alistair; they were both at Ostagar and suffered the most from Loghain's betrayal. She should actually be able to understand Alistair's pain better than all of the other companions, but Leliana could not help but feel that Lyna disapproved of Alistair's constant reminiscence of the better days with Duncan.
"Alistair has been through a lot," Leliana shot back, trying to defend the templar.
"Who hasn't?"
Lyna's reply caught Leliana off guard. She could not argue against a reply like that. Lyna's reply had been axiomatic in nature.
"But… but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be understanding!" Leliana carried on the argument, choosing to oversee the previous point that Lyna had given.
"Look, everyone has their own secrets; everyone has some issues that sting at the heart. However, we don't have all the time we want to hold plenty of therapy sessions to ensure that everyone is feeling great. What cannot be changed will never be changed, it is ridiculous to spend time thinking on what could have been," Lyna argued back heatedly. She suddenly realised that she was being dragged into an argument; and why did she even bother about what Leliana thinks?
"So now it's dumb and stupid to think about the past?"
"No, I never said that. It's not dumb and stupid, it's just sad."
What Lyna said had hurt; Leliana remembered her past, the betrayal, the pain that she had gone through. Was it pathetic to look back on it, would Lyna think that she was a "sad" individual if she chose to confide in her the truth about why she was hiding out at the Chantry in Lothering?
Lyna sat in silence, observing Leliana's expressions; it seemed that whatever she last said had really hit her hard. The hurt expression on Leliana's face instantly made her feel like a jerk. Leliana had come to her tent because she was concerned if she was feeling okay. It was a thoughtless and hurtful thing she said. Yet, Lyna knew very well that she was horrible at expressing her feelings, what should she say without making things already worst?
"I'm sorry," Lyna blurted out; the two words hung heavy in the air as her eyes met Leliana's.
"I'm sorry?" Leliana asked incredulously, she could hardly believe her ears, was Lyna apologising?
"Yes," Lyna replied testily, "I am sorry. There is no need to mock me; I am sincere in my apology."
"No, my friend," Leliana replied hastily, eager to escape from their previous spiral of negative emotions, "I just thought I heard you wrongly. I hope you could forgive me too; it does take two hands to clap after all. I guess we both just got carried away."
"My friend?" Lyna queried; would Leliana even consider her a friend after what she just said?
"Yes. Do you not consider me your friend?" Leliana mouthed each word slowly, unconsciously holding her breath while waiting for Lyna's reply.
"I just hurt your feelings. If anything else, I should be the last person on earth to be considered as your friend."
"You spoke what you believed without malicious intent. To me it just means that you are true to your heart. So yes, I consider you to be a friend." Lyna was shocked, was forgiveness usually given so easily? Looks like she was right, the girl was crazy, but perhaps… crazy in a good way.
"Thank you," Lyna mumbled. Making a new friend, it was a long-lost foreign feeling to her. The Dalish community was tight-knit, however, all the friends that she had was made since young, all the people she had interacted with, she had known since the start of her existence. "I do not know what I have done to deserve you as a friend. I hope that time will prove you right that your affections are not horribly misplaced."
"I have faith in you." With that last statement, Leliana smiled before bidding Lyna goodnight. Left alone with the silence of the night, Lyna retreated back to her thoughts. Her thoughts however, were inevitably torn back to the conversation that she just had with Leliana. She had faith in her? The cynic in Lyna snorted, anyone should know better than to have faith and hope for others; no one is as reliable as one's self. Yet, there was something unexplainable in herself that made her trust the Chantry sister. Ah, maybe Morrigan was right after all: craziness is contagious.