Flashbacks and Forever
Theresa blinked, temporarily blinded by the glare of the harsh city lights. After ten years of living in the country, the city sometimes made her nervous. There were so many people to stare at her, so many people to judge her because most of the time she had a glazed, faraway look in her big forest green eyes. Even now, while she was driving her red convertible into New Olympia, she was struggling against the vision that beat against the back of her eyelids.
"Why did Jay have to make us come to him?" she muttered darkly. After the team had separated, having defeated Cronus, Theresa had returned to her dad's house and then went off to college to become a psychologist. Archie and Atlanta had gone to university on sports' scholarships and had become Olympic athletes, while Odie had managed to snag a job as a professor at Harvard University. Neil had become an actor, a famous one at that, and Herry had become a stay-at-home dad, cooking a mean meatloaf and making sure his eight year old and six year old remained peaceful at all times.
And Jay, her Jay had become the chairman of a high-tech company. Theresa smiled a sardonic smile; all it had cost him was their relationship.
Flashback
"Atlanta, how do I look?" she asked her red-haired best friend, twirling around.
"Great!" The twenty year old Huntress grinned. "You'll knock Jay's socks off!"
"I hope not," Theresa joked. "It's pretty cold out."
The two girls laughed and she paraded down the brownstone staircase, her long white dress swirling around her ankles. Gold hoops dangled from her ear lobes, and her long fiery hair was swept up into a bun with a few wild curls escaping to get in her eyes. Swiping them to the side, she bit back an unladylike chortle as she witnessed all the guys' eyes popping out of their heads. Except Jay's.
She frowned; he seemed pre-occupied.
"Jay, wake up," Neil said irritably. "Or else I'll steal the car and take my woman out on a date."
Jay gave him a dirty look and grudgingly nodded in her direction. She crossed her arms, annoyed. She had gone to all that trouble to dress up, and all she got was a little nod, a little acknowledgement?
"Hello!" she snapped. "Earth to Jay!"
He snapped towards her, big brown eyes flashing angrily. "I don't have time right now!" he snapped out of the blue.
She staggered back, bewildered. "What do you mean?"
"Jay just got a new job," Archie tattled.
"You mean the one that we already discussed? The one that I didn't want you to take?" She asked, anger swelling up inside of her.
His shoulders sagged, but he gave her a defiant look. "Listen, we need the money!"
"For what?" she yelled. "So we can get married, and have kids that never get to see their dad because he's too darn busy? I don't want that kind of life, Jay! Heck with the money, I want you!"
"Theresa, I'll make it up to you," he promised pleadingly. She said nothing, just turned on her heel and strode up to her room, where she collapsed onto her bed and sobbed her self to sleep, the white dress hanging uselessly off her body.
He never kept his promise.
End of Flashback
Theresa manoeuvred the car into the proper lane and turned left, tears stinging her eyes at the painful memories. She sighed; Jay was too much like her dad, always busy, too busy for love.
The road she was on was stuffed with cars, and she honked impatiently, still feeling a tiny bit indignant about where Jay had to choose to live. Finally the traffic began moving again, and she searched the surrounding houses and apartment buildings for the one Jay lived in. Her eyes fell on 82 Busy Street. That was where Jay lived.
The place matches the man, she thought sarcastically. Indeed it did: a lush trim lawn showered the front of the house, and it was perfectly whitewashed and clean. A large SUV was parked in the driveway, also spotless. Everything reminded her of a neat freak who happened to have a good job, and a busy one. Shuddering, Theresa thought of her own home: it had a sprawling lawn with dandelions and wildflowers scattered across it, and in some parts the grass grew up to her knees. But she didn't care. She enjoyed the wild peace that engulfed her home, and she was immediately homesick.
"Why did I agree to come again?" she asked aloud. "Oh yeah, the gods have decided to visit, and they had to pick the place with the littlest room, instead of a big private mansion in the country where nobody would have to know you're there."
Now she was officially peeved. She pulled in alongside Jay's vehicle, noting that she was the first one there. Tempted to back out and drive away so she wouldn't face him, Theresa shifted it into reverse. Only her plan was foiled as he appeared in the doorway. She couldn't leave now without seeming rude. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing that she still cared enough to never want to see his face again.
Gathering her courage and gulping in all the air she could muster, she climbed out of the car, banging her head on the rim of her door.
"Ouch!" she yelped, angry with herself for not paying attention to where she was going. She straightened, still rubbing her aching head, and sauntered towards him, hand outstretched for a polite shake. But he forgot the rules and stepped forward and gave her a huge hug.
She tried not to squirm at the heat his body gave off. She wasn't used to being so close to him after calling off their relationship so many years ago, and she felt uncomfortable.
"Umm, hey," she managed to say without stumbling over her words or clamming up to stare at him stupidly.
"Hey, glad you're here," he said warmly. She cocked a brow. "Oh really? That's a first." She could have bit her tongue off. Now he knew she was still really angry at him. That gave him a reason to treat her like dirt for the rest of her visit.
Oh well, it wouldn't be any different than how he treated me while we were dating, she thought.
Two spots of pink splotched Jay's handsome face, and he rubbed the back of his neck, his tawny bangs trailing on his shirt sleeve.
"Well, come on inside," he countered lamely.
"Don't mind if I do." Actually, she did mind. Anything that had to do with him she wanted to avoid, but she wasn't going to loose control over herself again. Not this time. She stepped over his threshold and into his kitchen.
It was quaint and tiny, with a wooden table against one wall, and a tiny sink, refrigerator, and counter against another. A large doorway led to the dining room, where a large table stood in the middle of the room, encircled by heavy wooden chairs. A large oak bookcase was located against a mural of the seven heroes. Her jaw dropped, and she was actually impressed.
On the mural, Neil lounged on a couch, running his slender fingers through his blonde hair. Herry looked as though he were yelling at him to get off, and Odie was nearby rolling his eyes as he typed on his computer. Atlanta was punching Archie's shoulder playfully, but he was holding her other hand, and they both were blushing with sheepish smiles on their faces. And Jay was standing off to one side, looking off into a distant somewhere. And… wait, she wasn't on there!
She turned to Jay, hurt and furious, but the look in his eyes stopped her.
"The others all drew themselves when they visited me before," he said softly. "But you never came. So I left it for when you would."
Theresa wasn't ready to feel sympathy for him, or to forgive him for breaking her heart.
"What reason would I have for coming? And why would I want to paint on your wall?" she asked shortly. "It's not like you would have noticed anyways."
He winced openly. "I guess you're right," he admitted. Her brows knotted together. "Darn right I'm right!" she snapped. "When was the last time you ever kept your promises? Oh right, when you promised your boss you wouldn't let her down!" she snarled. "It seems she's the only woman you ever aimed to please!"
"What does my boss being a woman have to do with anything?" he asked, surprised.
She turned from him, a bit surprised herself. But her heart wasn't. She knew she was jealous of the woman who had inadvertently stolen Jay away from her. She was the one who had gotten to see his gorgeous smile every day while Theresa sat like a lump at the brownstone waiting for him to drive home, shower, eat, and go to bed without a word, kiss, or smile.
Her heart was beating rapidly, and it burned like fire. Her whole chest hurt, as though she was experiencing a stroke or something. She gasped and flailed about for air, but suddenly the air was too stuffy and hot. She thought she could feel something grasping her fingers, trying to connect through her agony, but she pushed it away and fled the house, turning onto the sidewalk and running towards the park.
Her head cleared and her heart stopped flaming as she slowed down, heart rate gradually decreasing to a slow, steady beat.
The sun was sinking below the horizon, casting a light golden rosy glow over the city. Trees shed dark welcoming shadows on the ground, and the river sparkled through the dense brush that lined the trials weaving through the park. Benches were scattered here and there, some holding homeless people and some supporting couples who stared into each other's eyes as though the rest of the world were simply an imagination. She stared longingly at one particular couple who looked a lot like Jay and her. The girl had big, yearning green eyes and long dirty blonde hair. The boy was tall and had grey eyes, brown hair, and a strong square chin. They didn't look to be much more than twenty-five, and the girl swelled with child, a gold wedding band sparkling on her left hand ring finger. They were smiling at each other, lost in each other' eyes. Theresa aroused herself from her dreaming and continued to walk along, more and more regret filling her heart at the thoughts of what could have been.
In the back of her mind she pondered what might have happened if she had stuck with Jay: maybe they would have had kids, and maybe she would have been depressed because she hardly ever saw her husband and taking care of the children alone was making her feel isolated from the rest of the world…
Theresa pinched herself so that her mind's eye couldn't scare her. She was sure she had made the right decision in leaving him, and it wasn't like he had really tried to stop her… but had she wanted him to? She bit her lip and wondered. Had she been mature enough to handle a relationship right then? Was she truly in it for keeps, or was she only living for the moment? Her head began to pound, but she kept on trucking, interrogating herself with as much harshness she could muster. Sitting down primly on a bench, she continued on with the war that raged inside of her. Did she really expect Jay to throw everything away for a girl who might leave on impulse anyway? Had she expected to live off whatever job they could find while they traveled? Why hadn't they thought to use her inheritance?
Because Jay wanted to prove himself a man to the world, she realized. He had wanted a chance to live a bit before relying on someone else's money. But what about her? Where did she fit into this puzzle?
Her head was really hurting now, and visions wanted to show themselves to her, but she pushed them to the back of her mind. Did she love Jay? Had she ever really loved him? Had he loved her?
"Theresa?"
The word was enough for her to loose concentration, and control. Hands thrown up in the air, all the apparitions swam before her eyes in a light blue hue, fighting for number one spot. Her leaving New Olympia, Jay going to work with a sad glitter in his eyes, girls at work flirting with him, but him just turning away and ignoring them. Then Jay nodding politely to a young lady he passed on the street, and then an elderly woman. Then he was opening the door for a pregnant woman, smiling as she thanked him, but he was still poignant.
Theresa snapped back to reality, but she was flabbergasted. Staring up ruefully, she looked into Jay's concerned brown eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
"I'm not sure anymore," she said. She ran a hand through her long hair and blew out through her lips in a sigh. "What happened after I left?" she asked curiously.
"What do you mean?"
"How did you react?"
He shrugged, but his back was stiff. "I… I…" he trailed off. "I knew that something had to change, but I didn't know how to do it." He clamped his mouth shut.
"Did you ever think to ask me?"
"You might have laughed, or said that I was trying to hard."
"You were! All I ever needed was you, Jay! I didn't need you to prove yourself capable of taking care of yourself, I already knew you could! I didn't want to loose you to your job…"
"Just like you lost your dad," he finished gently. She nodded, and was horrified to feel tears trickling down her face.
"It seems I lost you anyways." She tried to swipe her tears away; she was a fighter, she wasn't supposed to be weak.
You didn't fight to keep Jay that much, a tiny voice taunted her.
"I was tired of fighting!" she screamed at it, and she realized that she said it aloud. Jay was looking bewildered, and then she was sobbing, leaping up, trying to run. She hated everything. Life had been so lonely, and she just kept loosing. But Jay caught her wrist and smashed her into him, wrapping his arms around her, rocking her as she cried. She buried her face into his shirt and wept loudly.
"I'm so sorry, Theresa," he whispered into her hair. She didn't reply, just let her anger and frustration and jealousies pour out like a flood. Then she stepped back and away with him, feeling strangely calm and in control. She lifted her chin to the sky, but it was still trembling.
"Theresa, can I tell you a story?" Jay said suddenly, sitting down on the bench and beckoning her to do the same. She nodded mutely and sat beside him, wrapping her arms around her knees and sticking her toes over the edge of the wooden seat.
"There was a man who wouldn't let go of the past, when a woman broke his heart, and he continued to be bitter even when he met someone new. His past broke his future into shatters which couldn't be fixed. But eventually the woman helped him to rebuild his life again, but by the time he learned to trust love enough, she had died from cancer.
I'm sorry I made a mess of things because I was too wrapped up in trying to prove myself a man and worrying about a future that we could weave together as we went, living off love. I failed to see that, but I learned from my mistakes. Now I'm asking you to forgive me. You're the most important thing to me, and I'm ready to prove this to you, because I'm more concerned with what you think than what I do. I'm tired of dreaming of what could-have-been. I'm ready to what will be… but are you?"
Theresa knew what he meant. She had to learn to trust love again if she was ever going to get on with her life. Whether or not he was in it she wasn't sure, but she was willing to risk being friends again.
"I'm ready to forgive," she answered. "But I need time to learn how to deal with love properly this time, Jay. Rushing me will only make it worse."
He nodded, understanding. "I'm just glad we had this talk." He stood up, waiting for her to join him. Hesitantly, he clasped her hand and squeezed it. She smiled then; feeling like a part of her heart that had been missing was back, making her whole and complete. She grasped it tightly. Then he leaned down and brushed lips against hers lightly, enough to make her experience love and the knowledge of being needed, but not too hard that he seemed forward and pushy.
A wave of delight washed over her, and she automatically wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing harder. Then they broke apart. She was flustered and pink, but she was smiling. His eyes were shining in delight, but he allowed her to run off ahead back towards his house. She was trying to piece together what had just happened, but it was really quite simple: she had forgiven, gotten on with her life, and now was slowly healing and trusting love again.
Suddenly she knew what she had to do. Skipping ahead to Jay's house, she burst through the door and searched his basement for paint and rollers. Tomorrow the gods and her other friends would be arriving, and she wanted to be on that mural. Rolling up her sleeves, she began to paint.
By the time Jay arrived, she had her outline done, and he offered to help her finish it. She agreed cheerfully and soon it was completed: where Jay was looking off to in the distance she had painted herself, her eyes big and green. The two of them were making eye contact on the mural, and Theresa and Jay leaned back to survey their handiwork. Before, Jay had looked lonely on the mural, but now he had her, and she had him. Well, only on the mural.
But as he took her hand in his and kissed it, Theresa didn't feel so sure. Maybe she was wrong for once, and from the way her heart was beating rapidly and his brown eyes were glowing in ecstasy, she sure hoped so. Because no matter how long it took her to heal, she was sure she would heal some time, and when she did, she could love him again. But this time it would be forever.