Before I go on, let me say this: I absolutely love Terra Nova. It's an awesome show, and I watch every new episode religiously. Hell, part of the reason I decided to write a parody and to poke fun at the show was because I'm such a fan of it. I randomly decided to write this after I noticed a bunch of mistakes, both little and big, that were hilariously out of place or nonsensical, in pretty much every episode. Without further adieu:

Chapter 1 – De-Genesis

A flash of light and heavy pressure rocked the body of Jacob Greenberg, staggering him as he stumbled through a blinding white and blue light. It was all he could do to keep his stomach contents from ejecting out of his mouth. He knew it would be worth it. He had left his charred, former world to come to a new one, many millions of years in the past. Within seconds, the blinding light dispersed, and he found himself in the middle of a clearing. He took a deep breath, and his lungs immediately burned, forcing him to his knees, something he had not expected. He wheezed loudly until a hand forced a small mask over his mouth, and he could finally inhale without coughing. It took him several seconds before he could collect his thoughts.

"The sun!" He called, standing up, only to be blinded again, his eyes not used to the sunlight. "Gah, son of a bitch!" He stumbled backwards against a tree trunk, rubbing his eyes. Almost immediately, he felt something crawling over his shoulder. He swatted at it haphazardly, stumbling forward, before a nearby man in uniform and armed with a rifle pulled it off. Jacob watched as the armed man crushed the massive centipede underfoot.

After calming himself, Jacob examined the ferns in the thick forest around him. Trees stretched upward, the canopy reaching for the sky. Jacob turned his attention to his fellow pilgrims. There was the typical mix of people he had read about going through on past pilgrimages: doctors, scientists, former soldiers, geologists, farmers, and more. He was deep in thought when a dark haired man came charging through the portal, shouldering him, and spinning to the ground, falling on his back. Everyone stared, until they saw the pistol clenched in his hand.

"GUN!" One of the uniformed soldiers yelled, raising his rifle. The man was surrounded quickly and professionally, which gave Jacob confidence in what his new profession would be. A woman and two teenage kids surrounded the man, pleading with the soldiers.

"Drop it." Another soldier, an officer of some sort, commanded. Looking confused, the man did as commanded. The officer looked up at the pack left behind by the woman who was apparently the man's wife. "Check that pack for weapons."

One of the other uniformed men nodded and pulled out his knife. He quickly reached for the pack, switching the knife into an ice pick grip.

"NO!" The woman screamed, pushing past the man and wrenching the backpack open to reveal a young girl inside. The family all gathered around the child as a mask was put to her face.

Jacob, meanwhile, was staring at the soldier who was commanded to search the pack as the man put his knife away.

"Were you seriously about to search a backpack with a knife?" Jacob asked, his eyebrow raised.

"What if there was something dangerous in there?" The soldier stated. "Sergeant's orders. Had to check for weapons."

"… With a knife…?" Jacob pressed.

The soldier looked stumped. It was at that moment, that another realization hit Jacob.

"Whoa, whoa… Did you just bring your kid through, inside a backpack?"

"What?" The woman looked at him, confused. "We had to sneak her in! We couldn't leave her."

"Okay… So you put her in a backpack instead of, say, having one of your kids walk ahead with her?"

"We had to be together!" The woman cried.

"But we all pretty much fell through the portal." Jacob pressed. "What if whoever was carrying her would've fallen on their back? Your husband there, did."

"We… had to be together?" The woman repeated, her voice uncertain.

"Settle down." The officer called. "You're all safe. Welcome to Terra Nova! My name is Guzman, I'm a security captain."

Jacob shook away the unpleasant first encounter and smiled. His grin immediately faded as he took in his surroundings and the other members of the tenth pilgrimage to Terra Nova.

"We're in the middle of a forest…" Jacob grunted. "Where's 'Terra Nova' proper?"

"We have a bit of a walk to get to the settlement." A rather good looking, dark-haired woman who looked to be in her mid thirties spoke up. "I'm Alicia Washington, second-in-command here."

"Um…" Jacob stated, pausing. "So you built the town… somewhere else?"

"Yes, near a large, open field." Another guard commented. "We have to walk a long path through this forest. We'll have to cross a massive, fallen tree along the way. It serves as a bridge."

"Why do you have guns? That's not really a positive way to welcome us." Jacob pointed.

"Well, dinosaurs sometimes attack us… And there's the splinter group that wants to kill us." Alicia answered

"Wait, wait." Jacob gaped. "So, let me get this straight… There's a bunch of guys that want to wipe out the settlement."

"Yes." Alicia answered.

"… that you built near a wide open area." Jacob went on.

"Uh-huh."

"… and built away from the portal…"

"Yep."

"… where new people come in, and are mostly useless at first because they're so messed up by the over-abundance of oxygen."

"Mm-hm."

"… and we have to walk through this forest, and cross a tree trunk that's set over a chasm…"

"That's right…"

"… and there are dinosaurs, along with those crazy dudes, that attack the newcomers, not to mention massive bugs all around."

"Exactly."

"So… why didn't you just build the town around the portal? You could've even used the trees and boulders here as supports for the buildings."

Several seconds of silence followed this statement as Alicia and the other guards looked at each other, at a loss for words.

"Let's… Uh… Move out." Alicia finally found her voice, motioning for the new arrivals to follow her.

"Does no one else see the problem with this?" Jacob exclaimed, looking around at everyone. Most of the pilgrims walked on, massive smiles on their faces.

"Hey, it's a new world." One of the members of the pilgrimage stated, shouldering his backpack. He was a short, stocky, red-haired young man.

"They'll fix the problems eventually." A young woman added. She had shoulder length black hair and tan skin. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Jacob Greenberg. You?"

"Well, I'm Camden Edan." The man introduced himself.

"Anna Torres." The young woman waved. "Come on, they're going on without us."

Jacob joined Camden and Anna on the trek, quickly moving to the center of the group upon Jacob's urging.

"So… How'd they find you?" Anna asked.

"Graduated from college with a Ph.D in bio-engineering and a Masters in Zoology," Camden announced looking at the tops of the trees. "You, Jake?"

"Impressive…" Jacob nodded. "I'm not that smart. I went into the I.D.F. right out of high school. Did pretty well, got to be a Staff Sergeant. Stayed in for four years, and when I got out, I received the job offer to be part of security at Terra Nova. Honestly, I just want to shoot shit." Jacob admitted. "Anna?"

"I'm a teacher. Taught for about two years, right out of college. Did pretty well, won some awards… and I guess they were lacking here, so… Here I am."

"You should consider yourselves lucky." A soldier marching nearby commented to them. His gun was aimed into the forest, eye behind the sights. "Not many people get the offer."

Jacob paused, distracted.

"Why the hell are you aiming at a tree…?"

"Um…" The soldier lowered his rifle, looking put out. "It's for… um…"

"Are you mugging the woods? What… what…?" Jacob shook his head, trying to make sense of the soldier's actions.

"Okay fine, it makes me look cool as we're moving along." The soldier said. "You happy?"

Jacob didn't have time to question this further. A faint explosion resounded, followed by a rather terrifying roar.

"What… what was that?" Anna asked, looking around.

"An allosaur tripped a sonic mine." Guzman stated.

"This is what I'm friggin' talking about!" Jacob muttered in frustration.

"Just go on." Camden lightly pushed Jacob forward.

Jacob continued his rant about the idiocy of their walk. They had reached an open field, and Terra Nova lay in front of them. As they neared the gates of the Terra Nova, Jacob's tension eased again. It was a beautiful sight. His eyes had adjusted to the sunlight, and he was studying every detail of the town, following the crowd. Beautiful, metal structures lined the large, sturdy-looking walls that protected the city. People of all ages bustled back and forth, markets buzzed with activity, and strange-looking gun turrets were set atop towers on either side of the gate.

"What are those?" Jacob asked Guzman, who was walking several feet away from him.

"Sonic turrents. We use them to fight off the dinosaurs." Guzman stated.

"Nice. Save ammo and all that." Jacob nodded, impressed.

"If you'll excuse me." Guzman stated, breaking away from the crowd.

From the second floor of the building in front of the crowd, a white-haired, bearded man had appeared on the balcony. This had to be Taylor, the leader of the colony. The chatter amongst the crowd faded almost immediately.

"Citizens of 2149!" Taylor called. "I am Commander Nathaniel Taylor, but you probably already know that."

"At least he seems organized." Jacob whispered into Anna's ear.

"Yeah, seems like he runs a tight ship." Anna agreed.

"Quiet." Camden hissed, listening to Taylor with rapt attention.

"The world you left behind fell victim," Commander Taylor went on, "to some of the baser instincts of our species: greed, war, ignorance…"

"Shitty parenting!" Jacob suggested loudly. Almost every person in the crowd turned to glare at him, most in confusion, some in anger, including the family he had mentioned. Camden rolled his eyes, while Anna seemed somewhat amused.

"Yes… Well…" Taylor muttered, trying to get back on track. "As I was saying, we blew it. We destroyed our home. But we have been entrusted with a second chance. A chance to start over... A chance to get it right. Welcome to Terra Nova, folks. Welcome home."

The crowd erupted in applause. Through the people, Jacob saw the man and woman from earlier get pulled aside by one of the guards.

"Finally… Where do we go now?" Jacob asked. "Do we get houses, or…?"

"I think so." Anna frowned, looking around. "Check it out, those guards are handing stuff out to people."

"Dr. Edan?" A soldier called out loud.

"That's me." Camden raised his arm into the air.

"Here's your key. Your apartment is down in the older block." The guard stated.

"Thank you." Camden took the key, tossing it into the air and catching it. He turned to Anna and Jacob. "Hey, I'll find you guys later. We should go find somewhere to relax after we get settled."

"Sounds good."

"Mr. Greenberg? Mrs. Torres?" The guard glanced at his list. "That you two."

"Yes, sir." Anna nodded.

"Here you are." The guard handed Anna and Jacob each a key. "You are down in the newer block. We're still building more structures, do you mind sharing a house with one other person?"

"Nah, that's fine, we get our own rooms, right?" Anna asked.

"Of course."

"Works for me." Jacob shrugged.

Within the hour, Jacob and Anna had moved into their new house, each picking a room. Their third roommate hadn't shown up yet, so they had decided to go wander around town, maybe try to find Camden. Jacob stood just outside the house, admiring the sights.

They took in the beautiful forest outside the walls, the clear blue sky, and the massive dinosaurs were stretching their heads over the walls eating the vegetation off of the trees in the town.

"Wait… Wait, what the hell!" Jacob froze in place, causing Anna, who was leaving the house behind him, to run into him.

"Gah. Why'd you stop?"

"Friggin' look!" Jacob pointed.

"Yeah, that's a Brachiosaurus."

"I know, I read dinosaur books as a kid." Jacob waved irritably. "My point is, does anybody do anything about them?" Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Those things are insanely strong, aren't they?"

"Well, they're herbivores…" Anna pointed out.

"I guess."

They watched as a little girl walked up to the fence, staring at the dinosaur. Jacob relaxed, watching the little girl's wonder as she look up at the creature.

"That's cute!" Anna exclaimed.

"Yeah…" Jacob titled his head to once side, still smiling. "I would've given everything to do that as a kid." He watched as the girl slowly picked up a bush and held it in the air. The dinosaur slowly bent down, and began chewing on the vegetation.

"That's nice." Anna said softy.

Slowly, the dinosaur lifted its head, the bush still in its mouth. Along with it, the little girl began to rise into the air.

"Ye- whoa, WHOA! HEY!" Jacob sprinted forward as the girl was raised higher and higher into the air with the dinosaur. "Hey! LET GO!" Jacob yelled. The little girl just giggled as she let go of the branch, dropping to the ground.

"Wow!" The girl gasped in astonishment.

"You okay?" Jacob asked her.

"That was fun!" She squealed.

"Where the hell are your parents?" Jacob asked her angrily. He turned to see the girl's family, standing together and smiling. The father had run several feet forward, but stopped, and was also admiring the situation.

"That's nice!" The wife purred

"ARE YOU PEOPLE SERIOUS?" Jacob yelled.

"What, it's a herbivore!" the older girl in the family stated. "That means it eats plants and doesn't eat-"

"I KNOW WHAT IT GOD DAMN MEANS!" Jacob cut her off. "How are you not watching your kids after you just arrived in a new world, like, an hour ago?"

The family just stared at him.

"Um… Come on… Let's go." Anna stated, grabbing his arm and leading him away towards the markets.

"But… did you see-?" Jacob protested.

"I know, come on."

"But they're fu-"

"Just… come on. Let's find Camden."