Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. I don't own anything of value. Don't rub it in.

Just to clear things up, this - /-------/ means thought.

On with the story......

It was recently brought to Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang's attention that Edward Elric was acting very strange. Like he really needed the armored Elric brother to tell him that. He had not found any information on the Philosopher's Stone in the last three months. He's been sleeping during the day and no where to be found at night. Strangest of all, any recent assignments of his having to do with any of the Sins, he had refused to take any one with him-even Al.

It's not that Roy really cared what Ed was doing with his personal life, but he found it as good a reason to snoop-and maybe to get some blackmail.

A few weeks later, Al left to visit Winry. He had wanted his brother to come, but Ed's response was that he "had too much work to do".

The day after Al left, Roy snuck into the Elric's dorm room after dark. He opened the door just enough to see inside. All he could see was the young alchemist's back. He was sitting at a desk, hunched over a piece of paper. Ed put the pen down and folded the paper. He slipped it into an envelope and put it in the top drawer of the desk. After that, the turned out the light, slipped into bed, and quickly fell asleep.

Roy's curiosity soon got the best of him and he snuck into the room. Making sure the blonde was asleep, he took the letter out of the desk and read:

Dear Envy,

/Envy…Why the hell would he be writing to him?/

I just wanted to thank you for the other night. It was the greatest night of my life.

/Do I really want to read this? Well, I got this far…/

Now I know why you never snuck me into a bar before. And don't think I'll forget how you get after a few drinks. But you have to admit, that motel really sucked…if you even remember anything about it. You were so wasted.

Envy, this is hard for me, but I don't think we should see each other for a while. I think Al and Colonel Bastard are onto us. And you know as well as I do that I could lose my certification if someone found out I was screwing one of the Military's main enemies every other night.

Roy froze, mouth gaping. He looked over at the sleeping blonde and starred. Then he heard the door open. It was so dark Roy couldn't see who it was.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Roy knew that voice, but couldn't place it. The stranger walked over to the bed and shook Ed.

"Envy…" Ed rubbed his eyes. "What are you doing here?" "What is he doing here?" Envy pointed to Roy. "I…uh…" He hid the letter behind his back and slowly moved backwards as Envy approached him, but he hit the wall. Ed had now joined Envy in starring Roy down. "What are you doing here, Colonel?"

Roy was stuck against the wall. For the first time in his life, he was genuinely terrified. Who knows what a sixteen year old alchemist with raging hormones and his centuries-old psycho, murderous homunculus boyfriend could do to him. Said boys started to move in on Roy.

A scream echoed through the air. "Al?" Winry looked up from her dinner. 'Did you just hear something?" "You heard that too?"

A/N: Well, I don't think homunculi can get drunk but who really cares? Please review!