Mario was having another saggy day and it melted his heart to see such gloom accompany his rear.
Luigi approached the once-cheery plumber he called his brother and solemnly examined the situation as he did every day for the past year.
"It's-a been many years since it has been the tight gluteus amalgamation of parkour and pounding, brother…" Mario exhaled. His eyes dropped slowly to his pudgy cheekers.
Luigi did not know what else to say. He felt any opportunity to build up towards a healthy conversation would soon result in a wearisome recollection of a glorious era wasted to nothingness by the unconventional sag.
"It's-a okay… If you have nothing to say, Luigi…" Mario sighed once more. "In my current state, I cannot really expect much from my yearnings for joy."
Luigi had finally had it with Mario's melancholy attitude. "Mario! Snap outta this funk! You may have lost-a your righteous tush tush, but your life is far from over!"
"Luigi…"
"Don't get all self-depreciative on me, bro!" He grabbed Mario by the hand with both of his. "Your bottom might be weighing you down, but you have friends that'll carry you through any trial. We won't cause you to sag; you can count on it!"
"Mama Mia…" Mario looked down at the portrait of him and his beautiful butt at the London 2012 Olympics. He was feeding his cheeky little friend a chili dog that he had received from Sonic The Hedgehog. A single tear streamed down his face and faded into his luscious mustache as he recalled the good times.
"He might be gone, but you have us still, Mario. All of us."
"You are-a right, Luigi." Mario stood up and instantly felt the weight lagging behind him as it slowly sagged to the floor. He almost gave up just then, but the caring smile of his brother shattered down any barriers that his depression had been desperately trying to fortify.
"I'm here for ya, bro."
"And I'm here with ya, Luigi!" Mario grabbed his hat off the hook and placed it atop his ratty brown locks. Mario had lost his bum, but he was not about to let his sadness turn him into one as a replacement.
Luigi led his brother out of the dark living room and through the hallway toward the kitchen. All the while, he dragged his drooping keister along the ground, each feeling of friction further embedding horrible memories into his mind.
The Thwomps, the Whomps, the Stairface Ogres, Bowser's numerous other crushing devices, those many hours trapped in the Koopa King's torture chamber. There were times where he did not know whether to cry or to laugh at the irrational hilarity of it all. All that mattered was he was constrained and could do nothing to rid himself of the emotional breakdown as the terrapin overlord reveled in his own cruelty. Thud after thud, the peppy plumber was dehumanised as hit captain's quarters were pounded into oblivion. Moments felt like eons as the once rounded collection of cheeky goodness was pulverized into the form of a wretched, dejected pancake.
Mario shuddered once again and considered turning back right before stepping across the mat in front of the door. It was time to make a choice. Luigi gave him a shy smile and patted him on the back. Mario smiled back, with a renewed spirit for that instant.
"Mario, we all care about you…" said Luigi.
Mario grasped the door knob and slowly cracked opened. He trudged outside, still enduring the deflated mess that hung at his ankles. The restoration of sunlight into his senses caused him to wince, but the coolness of the fresh wind teased his 'stache and gave him a cleansing revitalisation.
"Mario!" cried a host of familiar voices.
"It's about time that bloke got out here!" snarked a garlicky rasp.
"Yoshi! Yoshi!"
Mario's vision cleared and he soon saw what was laid before him. It was a crowd of all his friends and they were holding a banner that read "Welcome Back Mario!". They all threw their hands into the air and cheered. Luigi put a hand on Mario's shoulder and winked at his brother. Mario winked back and adjusted his hat. "Hey, thank you so nice…" he said between tears of happiness.
The End