Kindof a crack!fic…definite Robin parody though Marian is awesome as ever…
Robin walked jauntily back into camp, whistling and twirling an arrow between his fingers as if to remind everyone that he was the best archer in the world. Ever.
Marian glared daggers at him as she chopped carrots beside Much. Robin ignored it. They had only been married for four weeks so far, he was sure she would get used to it eventually. As she dropped the carrot and stalked towards him Will and John melted away in a cloud of hastily murmured excuses.
His whistle faltered as he noticed that she had not dropped the dagger with the carrot. In fact, she was clutching it so tightly he could see the white of her knuckles from where he was standing. He tried his best smile, but it seemed to have no effect. He didn't understand...couldn't she see how charming he was? He smiled again, and raised his eyebrows this time for extra emphasis. Still no change...what was going on with her anyway? He sighed, it couldn't possibly be his fault, so why should he waste time wondering what had set her off today.
She stopped in front of him, and crossed her arms tightly across her chest. "My lord husband," she said tightly, "I see you have returned from yet another trip to Locksley, on which you never invite me I might add."
He pasted another smile onto his face and said brightly, "Ah, yes, we were, umm, visiting the villagers. Yes, I found there were some... issues... that needed resolving at the potter's shop."
Marian just stood, examining him skeptically, so he quickly continued, "Well, actually, there is something I have been meaning to speak with you about, perhaps you could come with me?" She nodded, but when he held out his hand she just stared at it. He quickly put it into his pocket, trying to make out like that had been his intention all along.
Once they were a little way out into the forest he turned to face her. He leaned casually against a tree, hoping to appear nonchalant. Unfortunately Marian refused to play along, still standing stiff-backed and tense. It might not be the best of times for this, perhaps he should wait... no.... he reminded himself that he had promised to be honest with her... and that the daring and chivalrous Robin Hood always kept his promises. Bolstered by this reminder he plowed ahead, "So, there's this thing I thought we should try, I heard about it from some French knights in the Holy Land."
"Oh?"
"Yes, umm... well, it's called Entrainant and..."
Marian's brow furrowed in confusion, and her mouth fit awkwardly around the unfamiliar word, "Entrainant?"
Well, this was going well! She seemed to have forgotten all about the dagger!
"Yes, see, in English it's called Swinging, and the thing is you agree, and I agree, and so we both agree, and in that case it would be ok..."
"Wait, agree to what?" Marian interrupted.
"Agree to Swinging!" Robin insisted enthusiastically, "And in that case it would be ok to..."
"What is this 'Swinging' anyway?" she interrupted again. He sighed impatiently, why could she not understand? He had explained it perfectly clearly, he was sure.
"It's like this: you agree, and I agree, and so we agree, and then everyone agrees that it's ok to..." he stopped and took a deep breath before blurting the rest out in a rush, "...bring others into the marriage bed, and then..."
"Wait, what did you just say? Into the marriage bed?" Marian's scowl returned and Robin kept a wary eye on the dagger as she continued, "Robin, what are you talking about?"
"See, there's this blond wench I've had my eye on -- she has this really interesting braid thing right about here," he gestured vaguely in front of his face before continuing, " yeah, right there, you would love it, and so I thought if I brought her back here, we could all..."
Marian sat in stunned silence for a moment, looking as if she would either start laughing or maybe stab him, or maybe laugh while she stabbed him, or maybe stab him while laughing, or maybe both, he wasn't really sure. Finally she spoke, "We could all what? All three of us together? Are you crazy?" She huffed in indignation, "You can bring her here or take yourself to Locksley or to the devil for all I care, but I assure you that I will notbe involved."
"Really? I can bring her here?!" Robin exclaimed in excitement before remembering the need for a serious demeanor and continuing, "I mean to say, I am very sad and disappointed that you would not like to participate."
He considered for another moment before jumping upright and snapping his fingers.
"So, we are agreed then?"
"To what exactly?"
"To Swinging!" he declared happily, before clearing his throat and speaking seriously again, "but of course with the understanding that you do want to participate yourself." With difficulty he restrained himself from jumping in glee -- this was almost the best result he had dared hope for -- of course if she had been into it...OMG! ...but this was almost as good, really, better in some respects.
Robin was somewhat taken aback by her next question.
"So, if I do not wish to be a party to your...escapades...then in order to be one of these 'Swingers' I should find something else to do?"
"Well...ummm, " wait, was that a gleam of excitement he saw in her eyes? Maybe she had agreed to this too easily. Hadn't he expected her to be angry? He quickly backpedaled, "...I mean, if you aren't comfortable with this arrangement we can just forget about it, I didn't mean to..."
"No, it's fine, I agree." she stated with certainty. Hmm, perhaps this had been a bad idea -- he had not thought that she would actually...oh well, at least he could go find that wench at the potter's shop now, and come to think of it, whatever had become of Gisborne's sister? He pursed his lips in thought...he seemed to remember that she was tolerably attractive...
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Later that evening, the Nightwatchman smiled to herself as she trailed Sir Guy towards Locksley. Yes...she was really going to enjoy this whole 'Swinging' thing