A Gust of Augustus

by bp1996

as Hazel gardens in her backyard, she finds a strange box with Augusts's ashes buried beneath the dirt. For each handful of ashes she removes from the box and buries into the soil, she goes back in time and relive one memory with Augustus. After relieving several memories, Hazel realizes that she doesn't need Augustus's physical presence. She only needs his spiritual presence.

For me, gardening has therapeutic qualities. I forget about my own needs as I nourish and tend to something other than myself. Exactly twenty eight years have passed since Gus left the earth, and today I find myself planting tulips to commemorate his death. After spending the past three days in the hospital, I have a greater longing than usual to have Gus back on the earth. I deeply miss his physical presence. I would do anything to have him back. Anything.

As I am sifting through the dirt with my shovel, I notice a wooden box hidden beneath the dirt- Gus's ashes. I also find a note, explaining that I must use the ashes wisely. For each handful of ashes I take out of the box and bury into the earth, I will have the ability to go back in time and relive a part of my relationship with Gus. A wave of guilt washes over me. I know I should not be missing Gus with such intensity after twenty eight years. But something tells me to pick up the ashes. I want to relive just one more memory.

I scoop up a handful of ashes and I instantly know my heart feels at home. Gus stands at my doorstep with bright orange tulips and a picnic basket in hand. I had forgotten the feeling of true understanding and love. I pick up another handful of ashes. This time I hear Gus knocking on my hotel door, eager for our night out in Amsterdam. Handful after handful of ashes, I remember the beautiful relationship I once had. Within a few minutes, I bury every last bit of Gus's ashes into the soil. I can taste the saltiness of my tears. I finally satisfied my need to see and experience Gus's physical being.

I find it hard to confront Gus's death. I think about him every day. I have never found a man to marry because I know that nobody can replace Gus. Only Gus could truly understand me. Reliving these memories with him makes me realize that I don't miss his physical presence so much as I miss the ways that he enriched my spiritual being. He made me feel like I have the right to be "normal," that I have the right to love and to be loved.

As the sun arises and I awake to a new day, I glance out the window and into my garden. Something looks different. Something about my garden has changed. After burying Gus's ashes into the soil, the garden never looked more radiant. I take it as a sign that Gus still watches over me and helps me through each hardship that I encounter. Looking at my garden with a new perspective, I know that I can rely on Gus to help me through anything. In this moment, after twenty eight years, I finally come to terms with Gus's death.