Know Your Stars: Glee Style.
Rachel Berry.
"Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars…"
The robotic voice sounds out. Pan into Rachel B. Berry. She smiles and waves at the camera.
"Rachel Berry…Her favorite food is steak…"
"No, it's not." The brunette interrupts, hotly. "I am a vegan and I have been for over eight years, I would never eat something that comes from a cow. In fact, I don't even wear leather!"
"Rachel Berry…Half girl, half robot, half ravioli…"
"Wait, what? That's three halves! You can't have three halves in a whole. And for the record, I'm all girl. You can't have part robot or ravioli! Are you insane?"
"Rachel Berry…Is dating Principal Figgins…"
"No, I'm not! I'm dating Sam Evans! Sam Evans! I'd never even consider going out with Principal Figgins. Plus he's a teacher. He'd get suspended! And I'm dating Sam Evans!"
"Rachel Berry…When she isn't writing for the Edward Cullen Fan Site, she's cheating on Principal Figgins by hooking up with Sue Sylvester…"
"Okay, where are you getting this information? I'm straight! Not that I don't support gay rights, because I have two gay fathers and if you're trying to insinuate that I have nothing but utmost respect for the homosexual community, you're wrong! And I don't even like Twilight! I think Kristen Stewart is a wooden actress who would be better suited to working behind the cameras! And again, I'd never date a teacher! That's wrong! And if I were to date a teacher, I'd never date Sue Sylvester; she's been sabotaging Glee club for a year and a half! And one more time, I'm dating Sam Evans!"
"Rachel Berry…Works at McDonalds…"
"No, why would I work in a place where 90 percent of their produce is made by slaughtering animals? I'm a vegan! Plus, I'm far too busy concentrating on my goals that will eventually take me to be the lead in the Broadway revival of Funny Girl or possibly Evita…I haven't decided which will be first…"
"Now you know Rachel Berry.."
"No, they don't!"
"Yes, they do…"
The camera pans out, Miss Berry is heard screaming at the camera man.
"No they don't! They don't know anything about me! I am straight damn it! And I'm dating Sam Evans! Not Sue Sylvester or Principal Figgins or Barney the freaking Dinosaur! I'm a vegan, I don't work at McDonalds! Are you listening to me?"