One fine day, the alpha wolf Chip Douglas was walking in the woods. He smiled as he saw his friend, pooing on the floor.
"Gee, I wish I was a beta wolf so I can devolve and defecate on the floor," said Chip Douglas. Sadly, Chip Douglas was a silly wolf, and therefore was wearing a dress. The pack often made fun of his metrosexuality. He wept and farted, producing a pink cloud. The pink cloud had sparkles in it. Then, all of a sudden, Chip Douglas could see a bear it be- another animal struggling with his sexuality? He smiled at the prospect of engaging in a long philosophical discussion about the merits of metrosexuality. Unfortunately, Chip Douglas found out that all the bear was interested in was sniffing flowers and picking his bellybutton. Chip Douglas began to hate him, and decided he wanted to kill walked over to the fat piece of lard bear and said, "Hi, what's your name?" Obviously he was trying to reel him into a fake friendship. The bear responded 'Winnie, Winnie the Pooh. What's your name little fella?' he said, stroking the wolf on his thigh.
"I uh…" he couldn't risk giving his real name. No alibis. "I'm Nacho," said Chip Douglas.
"Nacho is a mighty fine name for a stripper," Winnie laughed, moving his hand further up Chip's thigh. "Do you like being a stripper, Nacho?".
"Well… you see…" Chip was getting uncomfortable. "I'm not actually a stripper. I'm a male prostitute."
"Even better, sugar tits" said Winnie, pulling out his wallet. Chip was in too deep, he didn't know what to do except play along. "How much for everything?" Winnie asked, touching his non-existant willy-the-pooh.
Chip gulped. "Uhh… a uhhh… how about $1000?" Chip was anxious. Maybe his ridiculous price would push Winnie the Pooh away.
"Well, that is a steep amount" Things looked up for Chip "But I just got my inheritance through from Rabbit's death by glory hole, so I can afford a little rough and tumble with your wolf pelt."
Oh god… Chip thought. He was now oh-so-clear on his sexuality- he knew, by looking Pooh up and down, he was definitely a straight wolf. But fuck, if this is what it takes to kill him.
"Lets go then, big boy" said Pooh, a bulge appearing where his penis should be.
They got to Winnie's run down apartment. The floor smelt of piss and vomit, and there were needles everywhere. Winnie led him to the bedroom, and Chip was pushed face down on the bed.
"Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry," grunted Winnie the Pooh. Then, without the slightest of a pause, he immediately penetrated Chip's asshole without bothering to prepare him. Chip howled.
But he had the strangest boner. Winnie was ploughing him like a choo-choo train … wait, pooh-pooh train. Winnie didn't have a dick, so he was slamming him with his stomach, moulded into a point to pierce him. Winnie was stuffing it in there like a Christmas Turkey.
"Oh FUCK POOH!" Chip howled. "POOH YOU'RE HURTING ME." He didn't know how just a belly full of fluff could hurt him, but it felt like a guitar being shoved up his ass. He could feel blood trickling down his leg.
Pooh said 'Sorry, that's my blood' and proceeded to mop it up with his paws.
Then Pooh decided it was time for the pooh-nale, and shoved both paws up Chip's ass, with his stomach too. He split chip clean in half.
…
Pooh knew all along that Chip was after to kill him. He knew, he saw in his eyes, Chip's bloodlust for Pooh. He knew that he had to turn the tables and kill Chip first.