A/N: This is just my idea of an alternate way of how things could have gone for Anna and Bates, starting at Season 2, Episode 3 and going slightly AU from there. The whole plotline of Bates accused of murder and separating the two like that nearly killed me, and this is my way of healing my heart. Not too many risks in this story; since this is only my second DA fic, I'm starting slow. Because I'm also working on another muiti-chapter story in another forum, don't expect quick updates, but they will come and I will make sure to finish it rather than leave it. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated; I can't tell you how much the reviews for my first DA fic "Natural" meant to me. Without them, I probably wouldn't have the courage to write this one. Please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Downton Abbey; Julian Fellowes does. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have put my favorite characters through the ringer nearly as much as he did. Most of the dialogue from this chapter is taken directly from S02E03.

One

When the motorbus jerked to a stop just outside The Red Lion in Kirbymoorside, Anna felt every cell in her body heat up on alert, ready for anything. But as she stood up and made her way off the bus, her legs felt as shaky as those of a newborn colt's. Her hands held the straps of her handbag very tightly as the motorbus drove away. The sky above was cloudy, threatening another fall of rain after the showers this morning.

Though the air was thick with moisture, Anna only felt the air thick with her anticipation, her nervousness, her confusion, and her fear of what this meeting could result from. Ever since she had thought she'd caught a glimpse of him the previous week, Anna's mind and soul had been in turmoil with confusion and questions, the biggest of which was what in the world was he doing here?

When Lady Mary had told her Mr. Bates's whereabouts, thanks to Sir Richard Carlisle, she had asked Anna what she would do with this information. For a brief moment, Anna had thought of leaving the information alone for a while. Was she ready yet to face him again, after the way he had left and her dreams had been shattered? By seeing him again, would she find new hope, or would it only confirm her dreams would never come true?

But that hesitation had only been fleeting. All layers peeled away, the simple truth was that Anna was still in love with him, and she needed answers.

Forcing her nerves down, Anna turned from the street and walked to the front door of the pub, her fingers trembling as she turned the handle. She entered into a tiny inner hall, the walls made of frosted glass, with patterns of clear glass in the center of each panel. Walking to the door leading into the pub, peaked through one of the patterns, which gave her a good view of the bar.

At first, she only saw one man behind the bar that certainly wasn't Mr. Bates; he was thinner and had gray hair. But then, another man came into view, carrying a bottle to put back on the shelf. His back was to her, but Anna didn't need to see his slow, careful, limping step to know it was Mr. Bates. She would know him anywhere.

Seeing him sealed her fate. Anna knew that there was no way she could turn back now. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest, she was surprised that he could not hear it from here. Her breath caught in her throat before she forced it back, breathing deeply as she opened the door inside. She barely heard the sound of the overhead bell tinkling; blood was pounding in her ears.

His back was still to Anna as she walked inside, stepping away from the door so as not to block it. He was pouring a drink for a man standing at the register. Part of her heart was screaming for him to turn around, while the other part willed herself to disappear, for she had no idea what to say to him when he would, inevitably, turn around. So many things came to mind – most of which she wanted to shout – but none of them appropriate for this public setting.

Finally, Mr. Bates turned around with the drink he had just poured for the customer, handing it to him. "That's one and eight, altogether…" he said, his voice fading as his eyes fell upon her. The expression in his eyes instantly changed from neutral to surprised.

Meeting his eyes gave Anna appropriate greeting words, surprising herself by how neutral, even cold, her tone was when she felt the complete opposite. "Might I have a glass of cider?"

Remembering his customer, Mr. Bates broke her gaze and made change to the man, looking back at her after the man had thanked him and walked away from the register. After the man had walked past Anna, she slowly walked up to the bar, still looking at him, keeping her expression neutral.

Watching him, Anna could see he was surprised, even unnerved, by the sight of her. Most people wouldn't have realized that, because stoic Mr. Bates was not a man who revealed his emotions unless absolutely necessary. But Anna knew him like no other, and his shock and nervousness were evident to her.

After a moment that seemed like an hour, of them both standing there with the bar between them, Mr. Bates finally spoke in his quiet voice. "I don't know if I've dreaded this moment or longed for it."

Whatever she may have expected him to say, that wasn't it. At least he is being honest with me, she thought, but that didn't stop Anna from feeling just a bit more cold towards him now. "Well, either way, it's happened."

She could see that what she said rattled him, but kept her gaze upon him. Her eyes felt on fire with all of the questions she wanted to ask him. Eventually, Mr. Bates sighed and said, "Would you go to that free table by the window and wait for me? I'll be with you in a moment."

Hearing the plea in his voice and seeing it in his eyes, Anna nodded and, without another word, made her way to the said table, sitting down stiffly on one of the two chairs. After placing her handbag on the windowsill, she folded her hands and waited. If she could be patient for four years waiting for him to be honest about his feelings and intentions towards her, she could wait one minute for him to join her. She did not remove her hat or gloves, or attempt to make herself comfortable. She still felt restless, and eager for answers.

True to his word, he came to her a minute later, holding a glass of cider for her. She'd forgotten she'd even asked for it. His eyes met hers, and stayed in her gaze as he set the glass on the table before her.

"Thank you," said Anna, a bit breathlessly. It had been so long since they had been with each other, stood in his gentle gaze, smelled his familiar aftershave, felt the warmth radiating from his body. The butterflies in her stomach danced a joyful dance. But as he took a seat opposite her at the table, she ignored them with determination, and took a long sip of cider to dampen them. She had come here for answers, not to get her hopes up and subsequently smashed again.

Looking at his face, Anna could see that he also wanted answers: about how she had found him. He'd just told her he didn't know if he had wanted that or not. And if she really had seen him in the village last week, he clearly had not wanted to speak to her or be seen by her at all. What a mess, thought Anna, but I'd better answer his question to ensure my questions are answered later.

So, keeping her face neutral as she could, Anna took a deep breath and spoke in her same cold tone. "Last week, I was running errands in the village. As I was about to go into one of the shops…I thought I saw you. But when I ran over to where I'd seen you, or thought I'd seen you, you were nowhere to be found. I thought there was a true possibility I was going mad.

"I was preoccupied and unnerved all day, and Lady Mary noticed as I was preparing her for bed. I told her what happened, and she said she would ask Sir Richard Carlisle to enquire about you, whether you were still in London or not. Yesterday, Lady Mary told me what Sir Richard had found out: that you worked and lived here now. And I had to see for myself. So here I am."

Anna ended her story with a little shrug, feeling none of the indifference she was trying to convey, not to hurt him but to protect herself. Mr. Bates had listened to her tale attentively, keeping his eyes on her. In the silence that followed, Anna knew that her eyes conveyed the turmoil in her heart, and she begged him silently to end her suffering.

The grumbling chatter and clinking of glasses around them were nonexistent in their ears – all that existed for them now was each other.

After putting his forearms on the table and pressing his palms together, he spoke to her. "It was me," he said, and Anna instantly felt relieved that she had not gone mad. "I knew you used to go into the village on a Wednesday, and…" He paused for a moment, letting his longing for her shine in his eyes. "I so longed for a glimpse of you."

His last words made Anna's heart swell, to know that he had been missing her as much as she had been missing him. But this also made her angrier: he had wanted to see her, but would not let her see him? She would rather he had ignored her completely than been kept in the dark like that.

Anna did not try to disguise her quiet anger from her voice when she asked what she had come here to ask: "But why are you up here at all? And why didn't you tell me?"

To Anna's relief, he replied right away. "Because I want to get things settled first." He lowered his eyes briefly as he continued, keeping his voice low in the public place. "You see, I've discovered that Vera has been unfaithful to me. I've got proof."

Anna couldn't say that this news surprised her, considering what a horrible woman that witch was. She averted her gaze for a moment as she replied in an attempt to make her tone light, "We can't criticize her for that."

"No, but it means I can divorce her," said Mr. Bates, his gaze and tone serious and begging her to listen. She did. "I've had to leave the house to prove that it has broken the marriage. So I came up here to be nearer you."

"But what if she fights it?" Anna immediately asked. While it warmed her heart to know that he was fighting to break his marriage, they had been down this road before. When he had proposed to her, he had been certain that he could finally divorce Vera, and then the wicked witch had taken him away, shattering Anna in the process.

"She can't," replied Mr. Bates with certainty, reassurance and pleading shining in his eyes. "For her to divorce me, she needs something beyond adultery…cruelty or suchlike. For a husband, adultery is enough."

Even though Anna was glad of this fact, in Vera's context alone, she couldn't help but feel annoyance about the principle in general. Again averting his gaze, she muttered, "That's not very fair to women."

"I don't care about fairness – I care about you."

Though his voice remained hushed, the desperation and fierce tenderness in his tone touched Anna's heart deeply, and she brought her gaze back to him again. Her face remained impassable, but she could feel her walls crumbling down inside. Her coldness she used as a shield to protect her fragile heart; she knew it hurt him, but both knew she had every right to do much worse to him.

Mr. Bates resumed, the expression in his eyes stronger than ever. "The point is, I can get rid of her. If she goes quietly, I will give her money, and plenty of it. If not, she leaves empty-handed."

"And when will this be?" asked Anna, the final question that she needed the answer to most, if he felt sure it could happen.

"I need to get her to accept it first. She's made threats about selling stuff to the papers."

Anna hadn't expected that. "What stuff?"

"Don't worry," replied Mr. Bates, not looking at all worried. "They won't offer what I will."

Anna took a breath and lowered her gaze again, taking this information in. She wondered if Vera's threats about releasing information to the papers had been the true reason why Mr. Bates had left all those months ago. It made more sense than him 'being reminded of his vows,' especially now that he was trying to dissolve them. Anna hoped that was the case.

He brought her attention back to him by a simple observation, his tone tender and intimate. "You've changed your hair."

She looked at him briefly again and quickly looked away as she felt blood rushing to her cheeks, self-conscious of what he had pointed out. And I was told that men never noticed things like this, she thought. "I was trying out Lady Mary's new curling iron," she said with some embarrassment. And because I foolishly wanted to be pretty for you.

When Anna looked at him again, she found him gazing at her with just the barest hint of a smile that spoke volumes to her.

"What do you think?" she asked, unable to stop the words coming out. Only with him do I sound as shy as a blushing schoolgirl…

His smile widened a bit, his tone of voice matching the tenderness and devotion in his gaze. "I think I would love you, however, whatever, whenever."

And just like that, her last resistance crumbled and her fragile heart went out to him. He had only said he loved her – in direct words – once before, as they'd held each other after sharing their first kiss when he had proposed to her. Of course he had told her as much many other times in gestures, in looks, in actions, but to hear them said like that was something she would always treasure.

Tears came to her eyes and a lump rose in her throat. She pushed both back resolutely as her heart took over her speech. "We don't have to wait, you know. If you want me to throw up everything and come with you, I will. Gladly." She meant it too, even if her mind and logic were screaming otherwise. A woman in love would, when tested, always choose love if within her grasp, whatever shape or form. It was a simple law of nature.

Her declaration seemed to jar Mr. Bates a bit, and the desperation returned to his eyes. "I can't marry you yet, not legally. And I won't break the law."

Her heart still speaking for her, Anna said the words before she even considered stopping them: "It's not against the law to take a mistress, Mr. Bates."

As soon as the words had left her mouth, a new turmoil boiled inside her. He gazed with intensity into her eyes, piercing through to her very soul as only he could, and she knew that he could see it, much as she tried to hide it.

Wordlessly, without breaking her gaze, he finally opened his hands, silently asking for her own. She looked down at them, and gladly put her gloved hand in his warm grasp after so long. Though her glove blocked the skin-to-skin touch they both craved, for now it was enough, and a great relief, to both just to be able to touch at all.

When she met his gaze again, he said firmly, gently, lovingly, "I know you, Anna Smith, and I love you – and that is not the right path for you."

Anna couldn't deny that this hurt a little bit, only because she wanted to be close to him, and their only available option of being close now he was throwing away.

Of course she couldn't hide anything from him in her eyes, and he saw the flash of hurt and understood it completely. "It won't be long now," he said, his tone more soft and intimate than ever, filled with promise that, for the first time since he had left eight months ago, she began to believe in.

At that moment, their world was interrupted by the sound of Mr. Bates's co-worker calling to him from the bar. "Bates! The afternoon rush'll be comin' in any minute."

Mr. Bates sighed and turned to his co-worker. "Be there in a moment, Henry," he called back, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice. Anna sighed too, knowing their meeting had come to an end.

He turned back to Anna and asked, "How long are you in the village for?"

Anna looked at the clock in the pub. "I've got some errands to run while I'm here…the return bus'll pick me up in about two hours time."

He heaved a deep sigh and looked down. "My shift doesn't end for three more hours." He looked up at her again and they both stood up, coming around the table to each other; he still had not let go of her hand. "Will you come back before you go? To say goodbye?"

Anna nodded, knowing it would be useless to try and refuse him. But she also felt a desperate need to now be alone, to be in the fresh air, to think. She took her hand back and took her handbag from the windowsill. After rummaging through it for some coins, she pulled them out and left them on the table by her partially-drunk glass of cider.

"Anna, I'll take care of that –" Mr. Bates began, but Anna held up her hand.

"No, you won't," she said firmly. "I ask for it, I pay for it." Both could sense the double meaning in her words, however subconscious; it terrified them both a little bit.

Feeling the need for fresh air more than ever, Anna managed to give him a small smile, nodded her head, said, "See you in two hours, Mr. Bates," and walked out of the pub without another word or glance. The fresh, moist air outside did good for her flaming cheeks, and it filled her lungs and spirit with new energy and determination.

Yes…I must make a decision now…and make sure it is the best one for the both of us…