A/N: WOW! In a matter of two days, I got my laptop fixed, my files wiped, found my files, and got wifi. I'm currently on my porch posting fanfics! Wow. Well, in this wonderful story Fang and the flock stole another car and he is driving. Told in Fang's POV mostly. Max's gets boring. Btw, you don't really need to know the song mentioned, just know that it is very inappropriate. Also, unfortunately, I do not own Maximum Ride, or the characters, or the song Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss, or Holiday Inn, or Fall Out Boy, or McDonalds, or really anything mentioned in this story, except the story itself. Much FAXNESS (a lot in chapter 2)! YAYYYYYYY!!!!!! Heads up to yall, its gonna be freaking long!

Fang's POV

I'm not a good driver. But Max has got an even worse track record, so here we are. Oh, I haven't told you where we are yet. Well, we (me, Max, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, and of course Total) are driving back to Arizona to Dr. M's place, because, well, Max wants to. She hasn't decided to tell us why yet, though. I think she just wants to see her mommy again, but we'll see.

Just then the car started making this horrible noise, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Gosh Fang, learn to drive, will ya?" Max said angrily from the passengers seat.

"Hey, it's a lot harder than it looks. Do you want to try?!?" I said just as angrily back. As soon as I said that, there was a simultaneous "NO!" from the rest of the passengers. Well, that settles it.

"Hey Fang?" said Nudge. Here it comes. The little Princess Nudge probably has a problem with my driving.

"What."

"Why do you keep yelling? It's really annoying. Some of us are trying to get our beauty sleep back here." Nudge rambled.

"Good. You need it," I said snidely. Then I felt Max punch my arm. She's a lot stronger than she looks, so it actually hurt. Then I remembered it was probably like 11:00 in the morning and everyone else was probably tired, because we had flown all night, so I lowered my voice.

"Max, should we stop somewhere to sleep? There's got to be a hotel somewhere around here." I looked around. We were driving though a huge unavoidable city that clogged the way to Arizona, which was why we were driving instead of flying. There were too many people, too risky.

"No. I want to make it there before tonight," said Max, not even considering my idea.

"I still think we should've flown. Cars are so freaking slow. We're gonna spend the whole day in this cramped little car. By the way, nice choice on the car, Nudge." I said. She smiled and went back to sleep on the car door.

"It wasn't her fault. This was the only one with an engine," said Max.

"Whatever. Let's listen to some music." I reached down and clicked on the radio. I started flipping through channels, country, lame, pop, lame, rap, lame, people talking, lame, commercials, lame, news, lame, jazz, lame, hip hop, lame.

"This is useless." I mumbled, about to give up and let Nudge sleep in peace. Then I came upon one station that was playing a good song.

"Finally! I love this song!" I started singing along. Now, I'm usually more of a metal/screamo/hardcore awesomeness guy, but you can't not love this song. It's freaking hilarious!

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby

"Hey this is that song! Remember?Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss, by the Bloodhound Gang. There was a fat guy on the album cover," said Iggy, who I had just woken up.

Dog will hunt I'm the front end loader travoltin' over so try my slam on for size
Drive stick with that kung-fu grip let the banana split and watch it go right to your thighs

"Yeah." When we were living with Anne we watched a lot of MTV. I kept singing along and I looked over at Max. She looked completely disgusted.

Cop a feel Copperfield style abracadabra that bra do you think i can pull it off?
Wanna bang around? just jot me down on your to-do list under "put out like a fire" 'cause

"This song is extremely inappropriate, Fang. Listen to the lyrics. There are children in the car. Change the station," nagged Max.

I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss

"No! Besides, Gazzy loves it!" I looked in the back seat and saw The Gasman dancing and singing along.

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby

"He doesn't even know what it means!" yelled Max. She was really starting to get on my nerves.

"Yes I do!" Gazzy screamed.

"Oh, so you taught him that too, didn't you? You're disgusting, Fang."

"No I didn't, Iggy did," I said, smiling because I knew Max was gonna kick his ass.

"Iggy?!?!" Max shrieked, turning around to face the back seat where he was sitting.

"What? He's old enough. Nudge knows. Heck, even Angel knows! And she's six!" Iggy defended himself.

"You told my baby?!?!"

"No, she learned it from reading your mind, because that's all you think about, because you're soooo in love with Fang!" Iggy screamed, obviously pissing Max off. Wait, Max is in love with me?

"Shut up Iggy!" Max screamed back, and then she threw an empty bottle from the cup holder at him. She missed, but he got the point.

"Iggy, that wasn't very nice. You made Max feel bad," said Angel. Wait a second. Max feels bad?

"Besides, if Max liked Fang, she could get him in a second. Max is sooo smart, and pretty, and nice," said Nudge.

"Ha." I smirked. Nice my ass.

Max's POV

Fang was laughing. He thinks I'm mean? Or was he laughing at the pretty part? Crap. Does he think I'm ugly? I mean, I don't wear makeup or anything, never even thought about it, and most of the time I don't care what I look like, but I didn't think Fang cared about that stuff. Maybe I should start.

"Oh, Fang! Oh yes! Uh uh uh uh," Iggy moaned and panted, trying to imitate my voice, but failing horribly. Fang was holding in a giggle.

"Oh my gosh, Iggy! Shut the hell up!" I screamed, and the whole car went quiet. I think I heard Nudge gasp. Iggy gave me an "okay, psycho," look, and Total just laughed. I looked over at Fang, who was still trying to hold in a smile. Was he laughing at Iggy or me?

Fang was still singing along with that song on the radio, which was weird because Fang doesn't sing. Ever.

Edible strange how do i get in your pants when you're tick tockin' them
Serious levis? so tight can't be classified that's why I'm here to fill that opening

Then I listened to the song. I heard it say f**** and Fang sang along with it.

Make a seasoned pass to mount that ass and bob hope that i might one night stand a chance
Let's go feng shui the fuck around my digs like a superball bring that sunny side up and

"What the hell, Fang! You just swore in front of the kids!"

"What the hell, Max, you did too." He said, unfazed by my yelling. He didn't even take his eyes off the road for a second. Still he sang.

I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss

"That's different. You dropped the F-bomb."

"What's an F-bomb? It sounds cool!" said Gazzy. I ignored him.

"How is that different? You're such a hypocrite," said Fang. I am not a hypocrite! Am I?

"But the F word is so much worse than hell."

"Oh! The F word! You mean fu-," Iggy pinched Gazzy's arm to keep him from finishing his sentence. Smart.

"Oww! Max, Iggy pinched me!" Gazzy wined.

"Good. Maybe it'll teach you not to say that," I said.

The song was still on.

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss

"Fang, seriously. Change the station."

Fang's POV

"No! It's almost over anyway." Then Max reached for the channel changer. I slapped away her hand like you would a little kid reaching for a cookie. Then she slapped me across the back of my head.

"Oww! What the hell is your problem? You've been pissy all day! Is it your time of the month or something?"

"You! You're my problem!" Max yelled, disturbing Nudge again. I looked at Max's face, she was all red and worked up.

"You do like me, don't you?" I said, as a grin grew across my face.

"What?!? No! You're such a pervert!" She sounded embarrassed and defensive.

"Okayyyy. Just making an observation," I said in a very patronizing, sarcastic way.

"Well, do me a favor and shut up." Ooh. Looks like I hit a sore spot.

"Fine," I said as I started flipping through more channels on the radio.

"More inappropriate music?" Max said as I stopped on a channel.

"No, it's Fall Out Boy, it's fine," I said. They're really not that bad. Comparatively.

"Oh yeah? Is there swearing?"

"Well, yeah-"

"Sex reference?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Violence?"

"Sometimes, metaphorically, but-"

"Drugs?"

"Yeah, I guess but-"

"So, remind me again how that's not inappropriate?" Max was really starting to piss me off.

"You know what? Fine. I'll change the channel for princess Maxie."

"No, no, that's fine. Just know, when Nudge is pregnant, Angel's shooting heroine, and Gazzy's in prison for attempted murder, it's your fault."

"Oh, yeah. I'm so sure," I said, concentrating on my driving.

"Max? What's heroine?" asked Angel. I couldn't help but laugh, and apparently neither could Total. He jumped out of Angel's lap, laughing, and walked over everyone in the back seat. Eventually he settled down next to Iggy.

"Uh, it's the word for a female hero," said Max.

"Max, that's not what you meant. You meant the other kind of heroine," Iggy said, pleased to have put Max back into an awkward situation.

"What's the other kind then?" asked Angel innocently.

"Umm, sweetie, uhh, it's a drug that…. you know what? Never mind. Just don't do it," Max said.

"Okay Max," Angel replied sweetly. I noticed Iggy was laughing hysterically, but trying to hold it in so Max wouldn't turn violent again.

"And Nudge, don't get pregnant. It'll really suck. And I don't want to have to take care of another baby," She said, glancing at Iggy, and then noticed it was pointless.

"Remember, condoms are your friend," Max added. Ha. This is starting to sound like a health class video.

"Nice, Max. Teaching children it's okay to go around having sex with every boy in sight as long as you use a condom," I said, making fun of Max. This conversation was probably really uncomfortable for her, but I found it very amusing.

"That's not what I mean. I'm just saying, if Nudge wants to do that with someone, than she should be prepared, cause you know the guy won't be."

"And you think Iggy's sexist," I said under my breath.

"Max? Do you really think I'll have a boyfriend to get pregnant with? That would be sooo cool. I mean, not the pregnant part, the boyfriend part. He could buy me flowers and jewelry, and…" I tried to drown the rest out, so I concentrated on the radio. I turned up the volume, hoping Nudge would take the hint and shut up. Then Max reached down and turned it back down. In return, I turned it up again, and she, once again, turned it down. She was really starting to get on my nerves. Why does she care what kind of music I listen to?

"Read between the lines, Max," I said, holding up my first three fingers in her direction. I looked over at her, and she looked confused. After a couple of seconds I think she got it, because suddenly she looked all mad and stuff, and then started yelling.

"Oh my-, You just-, Did you- You just shot me the bird!"

"Hey, that's cool!" said Gazzy, once again interrupting with his stupidity.

"Real nice, Fang. You just taught the kids how to flip people off without getting in trouble."

"Like they couldn't have come up with that anyway," I said, trying to make it sound like it was no big deal. It's not like they're good kids anyway.

"Hey, where'd you learn that?" said Iggy.

"Uhh… TV, I think. I don't know," I replied. Then I noticed Gazzy and Nudge doing the three fingers thing, and Angel laughing and giggling. Oops. Oh well. At least they're not actually flipping each other off. That would be worse.

"Iggy, don't encourage him," Max scolded. I rolled my eyes. Max was quiet for a while. She just looked out the window as I drove.

"We really should stop somewhere to rest, Max," I said after a couple minutes.

"The kids are tired. And they probably have to pee, or at least I do," I said. The quiet was kind of uncomfortable.

"Yeah, I'm hungry," Gazzy chimed in.

"I could go for a chilly dog!" said Total, and I heard Iggy make a cannibalism comment. Max looked like she was actually thinking about it. I could see the tiredness on her face.

"Fine. Whatever. Stop somewhere. Stretch your legs, just make it quick," said Max.

"I really think we should get a hotel or something. It's getting late anyway. I mean, do you really want to show up at your mom's house, uninvited, in the middle of the night? Come on, we'll stop, rest up, and go to Dr. M's in the morning," I suggested. Max thought for a while, and then finally answered.

"Okay, fine. But we're waking up first thing in the morning, okay?" Wow. I didn't think she would agree.

"UUGGHH! I need my 8 hours!" complained Nudge.

A/N: WOW! That was the longest chapter of anything I've ever written. But people keep complaining on my other story that the chapters are too short. Be careful what you wish for! What was that, like 7 pages? Yeah.