Ash woke up one morning to the sound of his neighbor -Professor Oak- mowing his lawn. "Dang, its a beautiful day out today, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing..." He hopped out of bed in his Teletubby footie pajamas,to look down and notice a wet spot where his crotch was.
"You gotta be kidding... I guess I had one too many caprisun pouches last night."
And at that he changed into his green dinosaur pajamas and imploded his teletubby footies.
He walked to the stairs and shouted, "MOM I'M UP MAKE ME BREAKFAST OR I'LL SNEAK TRANQUILIZER INTO YOUR KIDNEY MEDICATION!"
He started down the stairs, only to slip on a pile of rat crap, tumble down, and rip open his nut sack on an upturned nail that jutted out of the bottom step.
Blood started squirting out of his crotch as he danced around like a marijuana crazed gorilla.
The pain was so intense he couldn't speak at all.
As he was hopping around grabbing his berries, he hit his back on the wall, triggering his weak bladder. Pee and blood were pooring out of the hole in his lower stomach area.
His mom came into the room and crapped herself when she saw she was standing in 5 inches of body fluids.
"SON, SON ARE YOU OKAY?!" She screamed frantically.
"OF COURSE I'M NOT YOU INBRED RETARD! I'M BLEEDING OUT OF MY FRIJOLES LIKE A FOUNTAIN!"
She started to speak but he couldn't understand her as his head struck the floor...
He awoke to find himself on an operation table, Professor Oak touching his twig-and-berries with silver spoons.
"What the- where am I?! Stop touching my man parts!"
He hopped off the table and ran to the door, almost forgetting he was naked.
"Gimme my clothes back!" He shouted as he covered his stumper.
"Hold your horses lady-killer! You need to rest for a while!" He says.
He leaned over to his mom and not-so-quietly whispered, "He has the ding-dong size of a pre-pubescent cow!"
"Can i leave now mom?"
"Yes, you and your small ding-dong can leave honey."
Just before he was about to leave, his queer cousin Gary pranced into the lab with his rainbow gayness.
"Hellooooo dearest cousin! You look like trash!" He said with that accent gay people have that make them annoying as heck.
"Excuse me?" Said Ash. He hated gay people, and he certainly hated his cousin.
He ran up to Professor Oak and gave him a big hug. "Hellooo uncle!"
"Gary you slut I told you not to call me uncle in public! How many times have I told you not to wear your rainbow gay pride sweater around this lab you light-in-the-loafers fag tard!"
He didnt seem affected at all by this. "Your concern makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Hey Ash I looooove how everyone loves me and not you!"
This infuriates Ash.
"Nobody likes you you shovel-blowing slut napkin."
Still, Gary didnt care.
"Warm and fuzzyy!"
Ash speed walks to the exit.
On his way out, he slips on Pikachu crap and face plants into Gary's wet underwear load.
"DISGUSTING!" He threw up all over himself and it got to the point where he couldnt breathe. He started hammering himself in the gut with his fists but he started coughing up blood with his vomit. One of his eyes bursted out of its socket.
He screamed with the force of a thousand elephants while trying to plug his eye hole with dirty underwear.
The bloody underwear plug gave way and vomit started bursting out of his empty eye socket.
His Pikachu, which he had to disown due to its psychotic nature, scampered up and swallowed his eyeball whole.
Everyone in the room just sat back and watched everything that was happening.