Note: It was only a matter of time. Me writing a fic like this. A huge shout out for "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie, which is where this fic really comes from. It's a really painful song but fits so well. Hopefully this is not too bad, haha. Thanks guys.
Collins gently placed a washcloth on Angel's brow while Mimi ran ice along his chapped lips. Hid best friend and his lover had hovered over Angel from the start. Collins looking so secure, like he knew that Angel was going to get better. Mimi stayed silent while visiting usually doing anything she could to keep her hands busy. Paint Angel's nails, give him a foot message. Anything. Angel would have liked to believe that it was all because of her worry…but he knew her too well. She was yearning for some smack again. If she wasn't already on it again.
Angel's eyelids drooped feeling incredibly tired. It was a great effort every day to simply wake up.
"You wanna go to sleep?" Collins asked him quietly rubbing Angel's veined face with his thumb. Angel closed his eyes, even though he felt so exhausted, a simple touch from Collins could still regenerate him. But these days it couldn't get him too far.
Angel murmured, "Yes." His voice barely audible now.
Mimi nodded and put the cup of ice on the table, "Ok sweetie, I'll leave you with Collins." She stood up from the bed and kissed Angel's forehead. "Have a good sleep. I'll be here tomorrow morning."
"Sleep in." Angel managed to say giving Mimi a slow wink.
His best friend giggled, "I would but I gotta come visit your man here." She said wandering over to Collins kissing his cheek and whispering, "Take care" to him. Mimi stood up and poked Collins, "He's the one that worries me. I mean look at his fashion sense." She said with a weak smile. "Hey Ang…you know I love you, right?"
"I do." Angel said simply, "Love you, too, chica. Now go dance for me."
"I will." Mimi kept her eyes on Angel until she closed the door.
Collins situated himself in Angel's bed, "Alone at last." He joked. Angel had noticed something knew about his lover the past few months. He fought grief like a gladiator. It was almost to the point where Collins would ignore the fact they were in a hospital room. When everyone came, he acted like they were hanging out in the loft. Collins would flirt with Angel, make sexual references, knowing all too well that his sexual exploits with Angel were over. But he kept going. Most people would say he was in denial, but Angel knew he wasn't. Collins was always delicate…but now he was tender . The way he held him was softer. The way he looked at him was gentler. His touches were deeply tender. Collins knew. But he was being strong for Angel, for everyone…yet the strong one worried Angel the most…
"Alone at last." Angel mimicked letting out a few weak coughs. Even his sickness was seeming to waste away with the rest of him.
Collins reached for a cup of water but Angel shook his head slowly. With a nod Collins came back to kiss his lover's temple gently, "Go to sleep baby. I'll be right here for you."
"You better go soon…they'll kick you out." Angel said grasping for Collins' arm showing that despite what he said, Angel didn't want him to go. The hospital had been quite clear since the first day. Only spouses were allowed to stay in the hospital room. Marriage certificate, tax benefits, spouses. Joanne had a good few arguments pointing out that Angel and Collins were a loving couple and should have the same rights as straight couples. But it was hospital policy. So Collins slept in the waiting room. The nurses gave him a blanket after the first night, touched by his devotion. And as soon as visitor hours started, he went to Angel.
"They'll have to drag me away, tonight." Collins mumbled gathering Angel into his arms, "Maybe they'll have to call security…they'll come running…those stick things waving in the air. It might be entertaining."
Angel smiled weakly, "All on the count of me?"
"Naw." Collins said with a shrug, "I like this room. You got a tv and everything."
Angel giggled gently holding back a few coughs, "Liar."
"You're right, I hate tv." Collins said with a sigh. He moved his arms around so he was hugging Angel to his chest, "But you…I love you."
Angel closed his eyes and relaxed his body to Collins', "I love you, too."
"Ain't I a lucky man?" Collins asked rhetorically, "Go ahead, Angel, sleep…I know you're tired."
"I am…" Angel said trailing his words off, "But…I'm…I'm scared."
Collins gulped and paled at the seriousness of the situation, "You remember what Paul says at the meetings? You always said that helped you through-"
"No…not that." Angel whispered, "I'm scared of dying but…not as much as…"
"What are you afraid of baby?" Collins asked gently.
Angel turned his head slowly to look up at Collins, "Who's gonna watch you die?"
Collins blinked a few times, "Baby…what do you mean?" He asked worry in his eyes.
"I have you…to hold me all night." Angel murmured, "To hold me until I'm gone. Until He takes me. Which I am…so grateful for…I don't know if I could do this on my own." He coughed a few times waving off Collins' offer of water. "I know when I do…when I leave…I won't be alone…but you." Angel reached his hand up to Collins' face. "Where will you be? Who'll be with you? The boys might not be there…"
Collins' lips parted and looked down at the ground, lost in thought. Then he smiled weakly, "I'll be fine. You know why?"
"Why?" Angel asked desperate for his words.
"Because you'll be there. Waiting for me. Maybe I won't have someone here with me on this earth…but you'll be there…and frankly…I will look forward to that day. Cause then we'll both be free from this damn sickness that tore us apart." Collins explained his voice cracking, "And because of that…we'll have beaten this disease. We'll be together again, right?"
Angel smiled feeling perfectly at ease and sure of what was to come, "I promise I'll be there. I wrestle all of the angels to get to you. Just to hold your hand. You'll never be alone..." With the last bit of energy in his body Angel pulled himself up and kissed Collins deeply. Their lips sealed together and their souls pouring into each other. When they parted Angel shook gently from the exertion.
"It's ok, Angel. Now you can go to sleep." Collins assured her guiding his light body back down.
"I can?" Angel asked his eyes closing, happy for a release.
Collins nodded, "Yeah Angel…go ahead…I'll be fine." He closed his eye tears starting to fall from his eyes knowing…just knowing.
"I'll be there…I promise." Angel whispered feeling sleep and death start to grasp him. With one last moment of coherent thought Angel murmured, "I love you."
Collins felt Angel slowly go limp in his arms. Tears flowing freely from his eyes, he nodded, "I love you, too, baby."
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said So who's gonna watch you die?
"That love is watching someone die"