A/N: Hey, to anyone who is looking for me to update '1 New Message' it might happen, but I doubt it will. '1 New Message' had a few serious plot devices, but in general it's a fairly light story, and I don't think I can do it justice right now, because I'm not consistently in a light mood.
This story is, in part (a very small part) based on some things that have happened to me lately. The story is a complete dramatization, but a few of the less dramatic plotlines are directly from my life.
ATTENTION: To make the various male characters not be acting like super creeps, the biggest 'Alternate' part of this AU is Claire's age. When the events of Eclipse happened and Quil imprinted, Claire was 13, rather than 2. Meaning that she was still too young for him to date, and thus he would take the friend role for a time.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
PROLOGUE:
This isn't a love story.
Not yet, anyway, and probably not at all. But, if it is, it's most definitely not of the usual kind. The normal form for a love story is as follows: Girl and boy meet, sparks fly, things begin, drama happens, girl gets hurt, boy fixes it, and everyone lives happily ever after. Maybe that shit happens to some people but not to me. For me it was more like: Boy and girl meet, boy already has a girl, girl doesn't care, girl becomes a skank and boy becomes a cheater, boy breaks girl's heart, girl deserves it, girl takes a downward spiral directly off the rails.
The end.
I think that may be the end to the story. I hope it isn't, but it probably is.
I stared at my own reflection in the bathroom mirror. There was old makeup under my eyes. It pulled down in angry lines at the center where tears had helped it along in its mission to smear across my face. I was pretty sure that even without the makeup, the area under my eyes would be dark, purple like bruises.
My hands shook slightly as I reached out to turn on the faucet. The cool water felt good when I splashed it on my face.
The biggest problem with fucking up your own life isn't what you do to yourself; it's what you do to the people around you. The thing that made me hate myself the most is the fact that he was there the whole time and I didn't want him, and now that I've finally realized how much I need him… I didn't deserve him.
I'm too damaged to be with someone like him, and I did it to myself. I made myself so full of poison that I killed everything I touched, and there was no easy was to fix that. If I wanted to get better, I'd have to suck out all the venom, and it was going to hurt.
I took a deep breath and pulled a small bag of white powder out of my jacket pocket. I pulled the bag open, taking care not to breathe in its smell. Swallowing hard, I tipped the bag over and allowed the powder to fall in a little stream into the toilet. Like snow.
I flushed the toilet and tossed the bag into the trash can.
My thoughts turned back to Quil. Out of everyone who I owed an apology, and that list was pretty damn long, he deserved one the most. I knew that he would be just about the last to receive one, though. He had always been there for me, always loved me no matter what, and I had done nothing but throw it back in his face. There would be no apologizing to him until I could be someone who deserved him.
If I could be someone who deserved him.
Once I had decided that I knew where to finish, it was a little easier to decide where to start. I decided that the best place to begin repairing things, was the place I had begun messing them up. So, the first person I needed to see was Leah.
Cold air met my still damp face when I stepped out my front door. The apartment that had once seemed so appealing, a representation of the independence I had so craved, now just stood as a reminder of the fact that even my own mother didn't want me around.
I twisted the key in the lock and then shoved it into my pocket. I pulled my jacket closer around myself and started my trek toward the little house that held the girl I had once considered my competition.
I bit my lip when I reached the faded red door. I knocked and waited a few moments, seriously hoping that she wasn't home.
"Claire?"
I looked up into the face of Leah's brother, Seth Clearwater.
"Hi, Seth," I said, "Is Leah here?"
Seth raised an eyebrow.
"She is."
"Can I speak to her?"
"I don't think she wants to talk to you."
I nodded, understanding.
"Look, Seth, I promise it won't take long." I said, an edge of desperation creeping into my voice. "I just want to apologize."
Seth considered for a moment.
"Leah! Door!" He shouted, and retreated into the house.
I stood alone for what felt like an eternity, but eventually I heard a noise from inside the house and Leah walked into sight. She didn't look much better than I felt, and I really couldn't blame her.
"What do you want?" She spat, glaring at me with cold eyes.
"To apologize."
"I don't really want to hear it." She said, turning her gaze to her own feet.
"Look, Leah, I know what I did was shitty. You didn't deserve that. Not after everything that happened with you and Sam and Emily. Not that it would have been ok otherwise, but no one should have to be betrayed like that twice."
"Yeah, I know what happened, thanks." She snapped, "You don't have to explain why it was shitty."
"Sorry, I just— Sorry."
"Is that it?" She asked coldly.
I let out a long breath.
"I guess it is."
She made to close the door.
"Wait!"
She looked at me expectantly.
"I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, so I won't do that. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. And I hope that someday you won't hate me."
"So do I." she said, sounding defeated.
Leah closed the door and I stood by myself on the porch.
I could expect a lot more conversations like that.
A/N: Ok, so there was the first chapter. I'll try to update at least semi-frequently, but I am notorious for failing to do so. I am working without a Beta, so if you see any errors, let me know. Also, let me know if you have any questions or comments.