All characters (save one) are sole property of J.K. Rowling. I claim no
ownership, etc., etc. I am merely borrowing them. Thanks so much.
Chapter One
It was well past one in the morning when Dumbledore watched with anxiety as Madam Pomfrey quietly pulled the curtain back from the bed in the far corner of the infirmary.
"I thought this was the most private location I could give her," she whispered hesitantly. "I do think the child will want to be alone when she wakes. Poor thing."
"Indeed Pompy. You are quite right she will need her solitude. This young woman will have much to learn, discover, and heal from. I expect the normal chaos of the school will only cause her more grief in the beginning, however amusing it may become later."
He straightened his glasses glancing down the isle to where several first years lay sleeping quietly. They were recent victims of the Weasley twins new concoction "Mind Maximizing Malt Balls." intended to allow the mind to absorb more information at a rapid fire pace to aide in what is commonly referred to as "cramming." Unfortunately they only succeeded in engorging the brain to three times it usual size. First years, still gullible enough to test products from the escaped students, where presently feeling the full impact. "I trust that you were able to catch all the excess gray matter leaking from their ears in time? Their sculls do seem to be reducing in size." He mused smiling rather sheepishly.
"Oh yes Headmaster," Pomfrey replied holding her hand up to her cheek in exhaustion, "I must say this is the worst those twins have done yet, and they are not even students here any more. Well, here she is Headmaster. Still unconscious I am afraid. It must be the aftermath of quite a strong curse. There are traces of dark magic in her blood but nothing large enough to label what exactly was done to her."
Dumbledore stepped gently beyond the barrier of the parted curtain and his eyes fell on his old pupil. She was ragged looking, thin and bruised, but aside from that she was utterly the same. The same pale ivory skin almost transparent. Her long red curls cascade across her pillow in an unruly and unkempt fashion. Her brows which from his memory always wore the expression of mischief, laughter, and slightly eternal confusion are now knitted together in physical pain along with what he interpreted as emotional resilience. The only truly astonishing aspect of her appearance is her age. Has almost twenty years had no affect on the girl at all? She remained the fifteen year old girl he knew so many years ago. There is not one single wrinkle, or gray hair. Her face and figure has all the structure of eternal youth.
"Whatever it was," Pomfrey continued, " I doubt her body may every fully recover from the force of it. Despite its obvious outer charm."
**************************************************************************** ** Snape woke with a start raising a trembling hand to wipe the sweat that dripped down his face away from his eyes. His vision blurred unaccustomed to the vast darkness of the room. Snapping them shut he dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets so powerfully that a dull pain radiated through his head and splashes of brightly colored lights appeared on the inside of his eyelids.
The nightmare returned like clockwork. Every night for the past fortnight his precious sleep had been cut short by the terrifying visions in his dreams and the horrific feeling of fear and emptiness it left in the pit of his stomach. Hastily throwing the heavy covers off his perspiring body he let out a sigh as it met with the cold night air leaving goose bumps over every inch of exposed flesh. He stumbled as he swung his legs over the side of his large four-poster bead and made his way to his private bathroom. After splashing his face with what felt like gallons of icy water Professor Severus Snape examined his reflection in the mirror. There was a single large crack down the middle splitting his image in half and slightly distorting his proportions. His black hair was drenched and dripping while his long hooked nose had a minuscule river of water flowing off the edge and soaking his robes as it fell. He did not bother to dry his face just stood observing the effects of his nightmare. His almost ebony colored almond shaped eyes were bloodshot and unearthly looking at the moment. He felt detached from it all. Despite the sorrow and fear that still clung to his stomach like a large claw he stared at himself in the mirror as if watching someone else go through the emotions he was sure were actually plaguing himself.
"It looks very appropriate at least," he finally murmured to his double. "Such an ugly cruel cur should be haunted by something continuously. There is evil behind his eyes." His face contorted in compressed rage as he turned around leaving the bathroom and flung himself forcefully onto the plush green chaise lounge in his sitting room. His graceful white hand groped under his seat searching for something. He found it, pulling a large, worn, leather-bound journal out he dropped it onto his lap. He closed his eyes to compose himself, and slowly opened the cover turning the first page. There was a letter pressed inside. The small page was filled with a messy scrawl as if written in a hurry and it was worn from continuous reading. Severus stroked the page thinking the dreams were at least worth the memory of her. A small sad smile broke from his lips. He jerked back to reality his expression turning blank. He thrust letter back into the book and threw it across the room. "Pathetic!" he spat, sneering to himself, "What has happened to you. You romantic fool. Stop dwelling on the past, you ruined that past. She is gone and it is your fault you slimy git! Besides you are far better off unattached," He chuckled "you would not have lasted. She would not have stayed despite all her bravado and oaths." This was blurted out meekly a stark contrast to the anger of the previous statements.
Knowing sleep was not longer a feasible option Severus squinted in the direction of the clock. The numbers fell into their proper places slowly as his still sleepy eyes made out the time: one o'clock in the morning. 'Wonderful' he thought, 'I shall stay up all night grading papers again and then spend the rest of the day in a groggy stupor, with a splitting headache, trying to keep the students as silent as possible. That is almost laughable; as if Gryffindors even possess the ability to keep quiet let alone go one day without inciting disaster.'
He was startled out of his papers an hour later by a loud knock at his door. Confused Severus made his was to the source of the noise unlatching the door and pulling it open. There stood Dumbledore wearing a pleasant however weary and worried expression.
"I am so sorry to disturb you this late Severus. Were you asleep?" he did not wait for the younger wizard to reply, "I believe there is something I need to make you aware of. No doubt it will be upsetting but..." Dumbledore trailed off and gestured for Professor Snape to follow him down the dark corridor leading out of the Dungeons.
For being as ancient as he looked Dumbledore moved with a swiftness that alerted Severus to the nature of this late night visit. Dumbledore was worried. The tall dark wizard racked his brain for a clue to what the nature of this worry could be. Finding nothing within his own mind he searched for hints in the movements of his elder crossing the length of the castle steadily in front of himself.
When thay at last reached to entrance to the infirmary Dumbledore paused looking Severus squarely in the face said very calmly, " I do hope you will not do anything rash"
The expression of utter confusion and irritation that flashed through Snape's eyes made Dumbledore lower his head and his gaze upward became penetrating "Severus, the seriousness of what I am about to show you will make my attitude clear" With that he swung the door open and proceeded down the center isle of the room to a small curtained area in the back. Just as they grew near to opening the curtain it swung apart in front of them and Dumbledore was face to face with a terrified looking Madam Pomfrey.
"I was just coming to look for you!" She gasped leading him inside, "She is going through some sort of attack, it is as if her own body is attacking itself, I do not know what to do!"
Severus' curiosity was certainly peaked and he stretched his gaze attempting to see who the victim was that Dumbledore gently leaned over waving his wand and uttering calming spells. The little of the girl he could see was shaking fiercely and letting out audible gasps and cries in time with her writhing body. As the headmaster grasped a small white hand in his own and began to mutter a powerful charm linking her heartbeat with his own attempting to steady its harsh rhythm, the girl slowly settled and her breathing returned to normal. Dumbledore turned his eyes looking much older all of the sudden and he stepped aside revealing the young girl whose face now bore dried tears, and her wet hair clinging matted to her face. A few drops of blood were visible from her nose and mouth. Still it was unmistakable. Severus felt his face fall then harden in rage. "YOU CANNOT EXPECT THIS OF ME!" every word flew like a dagger into the thick night air. Dumbledore merely straightened himself up and replied calmly "I expect nothing of you Severus. I simply thought you had a right to know. She was found in the Dark Forest last night. It is her; she bares the telltale scar on the her shoulder. I will no doubt have others to inform of her reappearance, but Severus I belive you should come to terms with the girl that lies before you. She is very much alive.
"Whether her mental and emotional state will be in a similar condition I cannot say, but her body has been through a great ordeal. That much is certain. She will..." But Dumbledore could not finish because Snape advanced toward him with emotion tearing through his words. "I will not endure it! I cannot and if you brought me here expecting a miracle you will be sorely disappointed. I will not go through that again. It nearly killed me last time, or at least it should have." He stormed out of the room his robes billowing behind him.
**************************************************************************** *************
Severus sought the solitude of a deserted corridor. Hot tears were stinging his eyes causing him to cringe. He fought them back. It had been a good many years since he had allowed himself to succomb to his emotions and he was not about to start now.
His body felt numb and the image of her face burned the inside of eyes. "Iris, you cannot be real," He whispered her name into the shadows and half expected himself to wake up from yet another dream. She was alive, but barely. He closed his eyes again and once again resolved to forget her. Despite her ghostly presence one room away he could not let her go again, and he could not hurt her again. His deeds and thoughts had betrayed what they once had. The Dark Lord would forever stand between them. It did not matter that Severus was no longer a Death Eater true to the cause. His past would eternally pollute his present and future. He felt the weight of the Dark Mark on his arm and the burden of all his years of service deep within his chest.
The life he had made for himself was not a happy one, but it was just. Even if love were to present itself once again what right did he have to accept. The only gift he had to give was service and suffering. Standing tall again Severus' expression gre cold and hard.
*A special THANK YOU to my very first reviewer! You are right my grammar is awful! :) I hope this version is a little better. I know it probably isn't. I'm working on the grammar skills folks, but I don't think it would be wise to promise something I doubt I can consistently deliver. I LOVE YOU ALL!
Chapter One
It was well past one in the morning when Dumbledore watched with anxiety as Madam Pomfrey quietly pulled the curtain back from the bed in the far corner of the infirmary.
"I thought this was the most private location I could give her," she whispered hesitantly. "I do think the child will want to be alone when she wakes. Poor thing."
"Indeed Pompy. You are quite right she will need her solitude. This young woman will have much to learn, discover, and heal from. I expect the normal chaos of the school will only cause her more grief in the beginning, however amusing it may become later."
He straightened his glasses glancing down the isle to where several first years lay sleeping quietly. They were recent victims of the Weasley twins new concoction "Mind Maximizing Malt Balls." intended to allow the mind to absorb more information at a rapid fire pace to aide in what is commonly referred to as "cramming." Unfortunately they only succeeded in engorging the brain to three times it usual size. First years, still gullible enough to test products from the escaped students, where presently feeling the full impact. "I trust that you were able to catch all the excess gray matter leaking from their ears in time? Their sculls do seem to be reducing in size." He mused smiling rather sheepishly.
"Oh yes Headmaster," Pomfrey replied holding her hand up to her cheek in exhaustion, "I must say this is the worst those twins have done yet, and they are not even students here any more. Well, here she is Headmaster. Still unconscious I am afraid. It must be the aftermath of quite a strong curse. There are traces of dark magic in her blood but nothing large enough to label what exactly was done to her."
Dumbledore stepped gently beyond the barrier of the parted curtain and his eyes fell on his old pupil. She was ragged looking, thin and bruised, but aside from that she was utterly the same. The same pale ivory skin almost transparent. Her long red curls cascade across her pillow in an unruly and unkempt fashion. Her brows which from his memory always wore the expression of mischief, laughter, and slightly eternal confusion are now knitted together in physical pain along with what he interpreted as emotional resilience. The only truly astonishing aspect of her appearance is her age. Has almost twenty years had no affect on the girl at all? She remained the fifteen year old girl he knew so many years ago. There is not one single wrinkle, or gray hair. Her face and figure has all the structure of eternal youth.
"Whatever it was," Pomfrey continued, " I doubt her body may every fully recover from the force of it. Despite its obvious outer charm."
**************************************************************************** ** Snape woke with a start raising a trembling hand to wipe the sweat that dripped down his face away from his eyes. His vision blurred unaccustomed to the vast darkness of the room. Snapping them shut he dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets so powerfully that a dull pain radiated through his head and splashes of brightly colored lights appeared on the inside of his eyelids.
The nightmare returned like clockwork. Every night for the past fortnight his precious sleep had been cut short by the terrifying visions in his dreams and the horrific feeling of fear and emptiness it left in the pit of his stomach. Hastily throwing the heavy covers off his perspiring body he let out a sigh as it met with the cold night air leaving goose bumps over every inch of exposed flesh. He stumbled as he swung his legs over the side of his large four-poster bead and made his way to his private bathroom. After splashing his face with what felt like gallons of icy water Professor Severus Snape examined his reflection in the mirror. There was a single large crack down the middle splitting his image in half and slightly distorting his proportions. His black hair was drenched and dripping while his long hooked nose had a minuscule river of water flowing off the edge and soaking his robes as it fell. He did not bother to dry his face just stood observing the effects of his nightmare. His almost ebony colored almond shaped eyes were bloodshot and unearthly looking at the moment. He felt detached from it all. Despite the sorrow and fear that still clung to his stomach like a large claw he stared at himself in the mirror as if watching someone else go through the emotions he was sure were actually plaguing himself.
"It looks very appropriate at least," he finally murmured to his double. "Such an ugly cruel cur should be haunted by something continuously. There is evil behind his eyes." His face contorted in compressed rage as he turned around leaving the bathroom and flung himself forcefully onto the plush green chaise lounge in his sitting room. His graceful white hand groped under his seat searching for something. He found it, pulling a large, worn, leather-bound journal out he dropped it onto his lap. He closed his eyes to compose himself, and slowly opened the cover turning the first page. There was a letter pressed inside. The small page was filled with a messy scrawl as if written in a hurry and it was worn from continuous reading. Severus stroked the page thinking the dreams were at least worth the memory of her. A small sad smile broke from his lips. He jerked back to reality his expression turning blank. He thrust letter back into the book and threw it across the room. "Pathetic!" he spat, sneering to himself, "What has happened to you. You romantic fool. Stop dwelling on the past, you ruined that past. She is gone and it is your fault you slimy git! Besides you are far better off unattached," He chuckled "you would not have lasted. She would not have stayed despite all her bravado and oaths." This was blurted out meekly a stark contrast to the anger of the previous statements.
Knowing sleep was not longer a feasible option Severus squinted in the direction of the clock. The numbers fell into their proper places slowly as his still sleepy eyes made out the time: one o'clock in the morning. 'Wonderful' he thought, 'I shall stay up all night grading papers again and then spend the rest of the day in a groggy stupor, with a splitting headache, trying to keep the students as silent as possible. That is almost laughable; as if Gryffindors even possess the ability to keep quiet let alone go one day without inciting disaster.'
He was startled out of his papers an hour later by a loud knock at his door. Confused Severus made his was to the source of the noise unlatching the door and pulling it open. There stood Dumbledore wearing a pleasant however weary and worried expression.
"I am so sorry to disturb you this late Severus. Were you asleep?" he did not wait for the younger wizard to reply, "I believe there is something I need to make you aware of. No doubt it will be upsetting but..." Dumbledore trailed off and gestured for Professor Snape to follow him down the dark corridor leading out of the Dungeons.
For being as ancient as he looked Dumbledore moved with a swiftness that alerted Severus to the nature of this late night visit. Dumbledore was worried. The tall dark wizard racked his brain for a clue to what the nature of this worry could be. Finding nothing within his own mind he searched for hints in the movements of his elder crossing the length of the castle steadily in front of himself.
When thay at last reached to entrance to the infirmary Dumbledore paused looking Severus squarely in the face said very calmly, " I do hope you will not do anything rash"
The expression of utter confusion and irritation that flashed through Snape's eyes made Dumbledore lower his head and his gaze upward became penetrating "Severus, the seriousness of what I am about to show you will make my attitude clear" With that he swung the door open and proceeded down the center isle of the room to a small curtained area in the back. Just as they grew near to opening the curtain it swung apart in front of them and Dumbledore was face to face with a terrified looking Madam Pomfrey.
"I was just coming to look for you!" She gasped leading him inside, "She is going through some sort of attack, it is as if her own body is attacking itself, I do not know what to do!"
Severus' curiosity was certainly peaked and he stretched his gaze attempting to see who the victim was that Dumbledore gently leaned over waving his wand and uttering calming spells. The little of the girl he could see was shaking fiercely and letting out audible gasps and cries in time with her writhing body. As the headmaster grasped a small white hand in his own and began to mutter a powerful charm linking her heartbeat with his own attempting to steady its harsh rhythm, the girl slowly settled and her breathing returned to normal. Dumbledore turned his eyes looking much older all of the sudden and he stepped aside revealing the young girl whose face now bore dried tears, and her wet hair clinging matted to her face. A few drops of blood were visible from her nose and mouth. Still it was unmistakable. Severus felt his face fall then harden in rage. "YOU CANNOT EXPECT THIS OF ME!" every word flew like a dagger into the thick night air. Dumbledore merely straightened himself up and replied calmly "I expect nothing of you Severus. I simply thought you had a right to know. She was found in the Dark Forest last night. It is her; she bares the telltale scar on the her shoulder. I will no doubt have others to inform of her reappearance, but Severus I belive you should come to terms with the girl that lies before you. She is very much alive.
"Whether her mental and emotional state will be in a similar condition I cannot say, but her body has been through a great ordeal. That much is certain. She will..." But Dumbledore could not finish because Snape advanced toward him with emotion tearing through his words. "I will not endure it! I cannot and if you brought me here expecting a miracle you will be sorely disappointed. I will not go through that again. It nearly killed me last time, or at least it should have." He stormed out of the room his robes billowing behind him.
**************************************************************************** *************
Severus sought the solitude of a deserted corridor. Hot tears were stinging his eyes causing him to cringe. He fought them back. It had been a good many years since he had allowed himself to succomb to his emotions and he was not about to start now.
His body felt numb and the image of her face burned the inside of eyes. "Iris, you cannot be real," He whispered her name into the shadows and half expected himself to wake up from yet another dream. She was alive, but barely. He closed his eyes again and once again resolved to forget her. Despite her ghostly presence one room away he could not let her go again, and he could not hurt her again. His deeds and thoughts had betrayed what they once had. The Dark Lord would forever stand between them. It did not matter that Severus was no longer a Death Eater true to the cause. His past would eternally pollute his present and future. He felt the weight of the Dark Mark on his arm and the burden of all his years of service deep within his chest.
The life he had made for himself was not a happy one, but it was just. Even if love were to present itself once again what right did he have to accept. The only gift he had to give was service and suffering. Standing tall again Severus' expression gre cold and hard.
*A special THANK YOU to my very first reviewer! You are right my grammar is awful! :) I hope this version is a little better. I know it probably isn't. I'm working on the grammar skills folks, but I don't think it would be wise to promise something I doubt I can consistently deliver. I LOVE YOU ALL!