"And where are you off to? It's almost eight, and it's a school night. Senior or not, you still need your rest, Kurt," Burt warns as he mutes the TV and glances over the back of the couch as his son, whom is currently grabbing his car keys and heading for the front door.
"Oh, um. It's nothing, Dad, don't worry about it. A friend needs me right now, so I'm just going to meet up with them at the Lima Bean. I might go to their house for an hour or two, but I'll be back before curfew, I promise," he says, and none of it is a lie, but it feels like one. His father wouldn't approve if he really knew what Kurt was doing. Or, rather, whom Kurt was going out to see.
"Well, all right. It's not that I mind much; I just don't want to see you struggle tomorrow when you're tired from being up too late, that's all. Have fun, and cheer that friend of yours up. Sounds like they need it," he says, shrugging. "Oh, and be careful! The roads are a little icy at night lately, since the damn snow keeps melting during the day but the temperature just drops like crazy at night."
"Gotcha. Thanks Dad," Kurt says, smiling. "And don't stay up too late yourself; you're a state representative now, and once your holiday break is over, it's back to work."
"No need to lecture me!" Burt chuckles. "Now get outta here before I make you stay home."
Still smiling, Kurt exits the house and gives a little shiver once he's in the driver's seat. His baby purrs into life and blasts some much-needed heat in his face. And then he's down the road and away, his fingers itching every time he thinks about his phone and the text he received not ten minutes ago.
'Kurt. Hey, sorry to bug you, but I need to talk. Can you come to the Lima Bean in like half an hour? It's serious, but I get it if you can't come. I just need someone who understands. –Dave'
He rarely receives texts from former bully, let alone phone calls or offers to meet up to hang out. So it must be pretty dire for David to ask for such a thing. And that's why Kurt is finding himself in the parking lot of the Lima Bean, one of the few and only decent coffee shops in Lima.
He shuts his car door with a louder than usual slam, and brings his fashionable scarf up over his nose to keep the frosty air from nipping the tip too hard. He blinks, his eyes feeling dry with the cold, and fast-walks into the shop. The fragrant and comforting scent of coffee fills his nose, and he sighs as he lowers his scarf, welcoming in the warmth. He spies Dave in one of the more isolated corners of the shop. Dave's back is to him, and without a bell on the door, Kurt suspects that Dave doesn't even know his acquaintance has arrived.
Kurt orders himself a drink, and when he sits down in front of the other boy, Dave looks unsurprised. "I thought that was you ordering such a ridiculously healthy thing. Skim milk and everything, really? If you indulge in nothing else, at least indulge in coffee." he says with a faint smile, but his tone lacks the humor Kurt remembers hearing at the gay bar and on one or two other occasions afterward.
"David? Something truly is wrong with you, isn't it?" Kurt poses without any judgment or pity, only genuine concern. He unnoticeably clenches his coffee cup tighter in his hands, the heat of it nearly burning his palms. He ignore it and tries to look into Dave's eyes, but Dave has them cast downward at his own hands in his lap.
Dave heaves a sigh. He glances around, notes that only the employees and one other couple lightly chatting are in the coffee shop, and then finally admits, "I feel like such an idiot, Kurt."
"Why so?" Kurt prompts, leaning forward a bit as he rests his elbows on the table and raises his cup to his lips. Sipping, he awaits an answer.
Dave seems reluctant to give it. He licks his lips and adjusts his seating, his eyes never connecting with Kurt for longer than a flutter of an eyelash, not even long enough to be considered a glance. "I…" He cuts himself off, sighing again. He rubs his forehead with one hand and looks away. "I have friends at my new school, you know. Some good friends. Like McKinley, none of them know that I like dudes, but they seem like the type that wouldn't care even if I did. They're not like Azimio, but they're close. They're good people. They like me, and I don't even have to pretend to be a bad student or a bully for them to."
"That's fantastic, David, but that isn't a problem. What aren't you telling me?" Kurt frowns, because he can always see directly through David's guise. True, he never expected his bully was gay until that swift kiss over a year ago, but when he saw Dave again for the first time since Prom at a gay bar of all places… he knew. He demanded without a word and only with a look to know what had become of Dave and why he transferred and what was actually going on. And this is no different, not by a long shot.
Dave slurps his coffee for a moment and looks again briefly at Kurt's face, but when he speaks again, he returns his gaze to Kurt and doesn't look away this time. And that's when the words all come tumbling out, the truth rushing through Dave like adrenaline.
"I miss McKinley. But not because I was liked very much there, since I wasn't a good person while I was there. But I miss seeing the people I grew up with. I miss having the teachers I had for three years."
"I know how that feels," Kurt responds softly. "I missed my friends from Glee Club more than anything while I was away at Dalton."
Dave nods curtly. "Yeah, I thought so. But that's not the worst of it, Kurt. I mean, yeah, I miss Az and the guys on the football team, but… really, I just miss seeing you every day."
Kurt freezes. Dave seems to wince, and his gaze leaves Kurt's face once more.
"I-I know we were never friends, and Hell, we're barely that now, but that's the whole point: I don't have time now to even make friends with you, no matter how much I want to."
"David…" Kurt murmurs, a bit speechless. He watches as Dae's face changes and he looks so very broken. He looked happy at Scandals – maybe buzzed, too, but still happy – and the few times Kurt has seen Dave since then the other boy had seemed all right, but all his misery must be catching up with him. Kurt reaches out to place a hand on Dave's forearm for comfort, but Dave shakes his head and drops his arm to his lap.
"I pushed everyone away and left, and I have some pretty cool people to hang with now, but it's not the same. It feels like I'm lying to them all the time, and I hate that feeling. My parents know, now – they figured out where I was going some nights, the nights I would go to Scandals and say it was a friend's house – but that's it. It's a start, maybe, but not enough. There's also you and your boyfriend and Santana, but everyone in my life currently is completely out of the loop, and it's almost… cruel to leave them in the dark about such a big part of me. – I'm not saying I want to be Out yet, but…"
"But sometimes you wonder if it would just be better to get it over with," Kurt finishes quietly after Dave drifts off and doesn't complete his sentence himself. He nods, and Dave glances up. "Yes, I know how that is. But David, I'm tired of seeing you right with yourself over and over again about this. It's not as terrible as you think, honestly. Some people may reject you because of it, it's true, but people are changing. And if you wait too long, it will hurt you to hold such a secret. But if you tell at least one or two more people who matter, then I'm sure they won't reject you if you're earnest."
Dave nods numbly, and he sniffles lightly. He looks into Kurt's eyes. "Thanks, I'll try that, I think. But, Kurt… I really do wish things were… different between us."
"I-in what way, exactly?" Kurt stutters minutely as he drinks his coffee to hide the slight flush on his cheeks.
"I wish I had never bullied you. We could have been friends. Or… I dunno. Something. But am I crazy, or are things not awkward when we talk to each other openly like this? I thought it would be, or should be, and I was terrified to approach you when I saw you at Scandals that one time, but once I did it, it was easy. We're not… I mean, you don't hold anything against me, even though you have every right to."
And Dave's face is so honest and vulnerable and gentle that for a moment, Kurt forgets how to process words and formulate a reply to them. He blinks once or twice and slowly nods. "I'm not going to hold your actions against you from when you were a child. You've matured a lot this past year, Dave, and that's what matters. But I agree with you; sometimes I wish you have never bullied me, either, because I think you desperately need a friend like me. Not to sound prideful, but it's the truth: you need someone like me, a peer who knows your secret and accepts you despite it."
"I know," Dave whispers, "And that's the whole problem. I can't find anyone besides you."
"You will, in time," Kurt encourages.
"No, you don't get it," Dave replies tensely, his eyes closing tightly and his fists clenching. He's subtly trembling, and Kurt wouldn't have even noticed if he hadn't been looking directly at Dave's hunched shoulders. "You're perfect. You know just what to say at just the right times, lately you calm me right down when I'm about to freak out, and I can't stop thinking about how empty I feel every time I walk down the hallway at my school and don't see you somewhere in the crowd. I don't mean I – that is, I'm not saying I actually – uhg," Dave grunts, frustrated, and once he looks at Kurt again, Kurt can't find it in him to even breathe. "I just need someone, okay? And you're that someone."
Kurt stares for as long as the stillness lasts. When he opens his mouth, he doesn't look David in the eye. "I-I see," he says lowly. "I wish I could help, but I don't think you'd be very welcomed if you transferred back, and – and I don't think Blaine or my father would approve if I became any closer to you than I currently am." He sucks in air stiffly through his nostrils, and exhales very slowly. "I forgive you for all that you did, but my over-protective father won't. And then… Blaine is easy-going for the most part, but everyone has the capability to get jealous if they think – well. You get the idea."
Dave silently agrees. Then he ventures in a hushed tone, "Can we… Um. Can we still have coffee sometimes, then? Until we go off to college?"
It's almost childish the way Dave makes the request; his tone hopeful, yet clearly guarded, prepared for a 'no.' There is even the unspoken add-on of, "until we go off to college and never see each other again?" It's tragic, really, and it breaks Kurt's heart.
He smiles kindly and nods his head once. "Yeah, sure. We can still do that, David."
The relief is so obvious that it makes Kurt's heart ache just enough more to make his face crumple.
Dave looks immediately alarmed. "What's that look for?"
Kurt feels his eyes watering, and he doesn't know why. "Nothing. It's nothing."
No, not nothing at all. It's truthfully the fact that Dave seems to like and trust Kurt so much, and truly does seem to miss him, and despite how Dave tried to cover it up and despite how Kurt makes things up in his head sometimes… Kurt can't shake the feeling of waves of unrequited crushing radiating off of Dave's body. It almost makes Kurt uncomfortable, because he hates being the person with the unrequited feelings and knows all too well how they feel, so this… this just brings back painful memories of being crushed by his crush, and he hate that he might be doing the same exact thing to this poor, poor conflicted boy across from him.
The gleek stands and waits for Dave to do the same. "Let's get out of here. Want to take a walk? It's not too cold out, and the park isn't very far away."
"Don't you have to get home soon?" Dave says quickly, and Kurt knows that he's just making excuses.
"No, I don't. I have quite a while yet. So come with me, David, just for a bit."
"Oh… all right. If you say so," Dave replies meekly. He dumps his cup in the trash and Kurt does the same. They head out into the chilly winter air. Christmas decorations are on the streetlamps and around the shop windows, and faintly Kurt thinks he smells pine. The sky is cloudy, but a few stars peek out here and there.
"David," Kurt begins as they pace down the sidewalk, "Why did you call me out here, really? It wasn't just to tell me all that. You could have said any of that on the phone, and even the main points of it through text. So be honest: you wanted to see me, didn't you? You… missed me, like you said before. Why?"
"Why what? Why did I miss you? That's one Hell of a question, Kurt. How do you expect me to answer that?" Dave retorts sourly, and he has his hands shoved in his pockets and a frown set firmly in place. He kicks at a chunk of snow on the side of the path and refuses to look anywhere but at the ground. "Besides, I already told you: I need a friend like you. I just do. So of course I want to see that friend and talk to them in person. I mixed up my words earlier, but I seriously wasn't saying anything like –"
"Like what, David?" Kurt challenges when Dave once again cuts himself off and goes quiet. "A confession of some sort? Because I think it was. I think that's why it's been me all along, and why you and I keep running into each other for various reasons in so many scenarios: it's because you can't help it. You're drawn to me." And he feels his cheeks rise a little in temperature, because God, is this embarrassing, but it needs to be said.
"No, I–! Aside from the bullying, it's all a coincidence!" Dave tries, but he can't do it. He can't keep lying, not to Kurt. He signs angrily (the anger directed at himself, naturally, as it always has been) and tightens his grip on the inside fabric of his pockets. "Fine. I give up. You're right, okay? You're right," he says, defeated, and stops walking. Kurt gapes at him and stands perfectly still. "I'm sorry, Kurt," Dave breathes, "Because I didn't want to. I mean, I worked so hard not to, because at first I didn't want to be gay, and then I knew you wouldn't like me anyway, and then you got a boyfriend, and then… everything was so messed up, and it still is. But I stand by what I said, okay? I still want to be friends, since I know that's all I'm gonna get. So don't – don't think about it, all right? It's gonna take it's sweet time fading, but I swear I won't let my feelings mess things up even more."
And that was it. That was the last thing Dave said for the rest of the night, even as they continued their walk to the park and took seats on the swings and lightly swung back and forth for a little while. Snow began to fall, the clouds filling up every hole in the sky, and it was time to go home.
"I'll call you the next time we can have coffee together," Kurt says as they part ways to their cars back at the Lima Bean parking lot. The shop is closed now that it's after ten, and Kurt is chilled to the bone, and David seems to be in the same condition.
Dave nods, appreciative, and wordlessly gets into his car.
From the wheel, Kurt watches Dave back out and pull away. He starts his car and lets the heat start flowing in and lets it warm him up. He's about to change gears and head for home himself when he spies a young couple on the sidewalk. He watches as this couple in approximately their mid-twenties walk down the sidewalk toward the park in the falling snow. The young woman looks so content; her arms are around one of the man's arms, her head on his shoulder, and they are walking almost perfectly in sync. The man has his hands in his pockets, but Kurt can tell that he wants nothing more than to hold her by the gaze in his eyes, the way he looks down fondly at her once or twice, his face practically glowing, until they are out of sight.
Fiancées, Kurt thinks. They must be fiancées, and this must be their first holiday season together as such. Maybe even newlyweds, and again, on their first holiday together. They must be enjoying the sights, taking long walks even in the cold as they wrap up their holiday shopping together and maybe eat a late dinner or had intended to get coffee until they saw that it was closed.
Kurt sighs. He and Blaine are a bit like that, except boringly so. He doesn't feel like that girl looks, and he sometimes wonders if Blaine feels how that man looks. Kurt is young – not quite eighteen – and he hasn't known love like that just yet. Sebastian likes to distract Blaine, persistent in pulling him away from Kurt, and Kurt is getting increasingly tired of fighting to keep Blaine. If Blaine really loved him, he wouldn't have to fight for it. Blaine is loyal to an extent, but Sebastian seems to be winning lately.
And Kurt… For once, Kurt would like a boy to be the one to chase after him. He wants to be romanced more than just what Blaine has given him: kisses and hand holds and one round of sex and a few minor dates that were essentially two friends hanging out but holding hands and sneaking kisses. He wants what that young couple has: true love. Glowing love that isn't shallow and teenaged.
And right now he's wondering if he's passing that up. He wonders if, has the circumstances and timing been different, if he could have had that with David.
He shakes his head and changes gears. The thought vanishes like snow on hot skin, and he drives home in silence, his thoughts vague. He needs to focus more on getting into NYADA with Rachel and his soon-to-be career instead of moot things like love. It will come to him sooner or later, he rationalizes. It's only a matter of when, and definitely not about with whom.