3

Don't Know Why

People say love overrides reason. Perhaps that's why it is intimidating for some. I mean, how can you do something without knowing why? It's like speeding on the freeway without knowing your destination—

Until it stopped. Abruptly. Cristina could not remember how she fell asleep and whether she was sleeping at all, but when the music stopped, it gave her a start.

Straining her eyes to make out the position of the hands on her watch, she learned that it was early. Normally, she would go back to sleep. Who cared whether the music stopped or not? Cristina never did, because she never had to sleep with her iPod—not until the night before. There were so many dreary thoughts to battle that she held onto her music player like a precious piece of emerald.

It stopped. Cristina felt like her step-father's scratched vinyl records, the ones that she deliberately scratched with her hairpin when she was a teenager. The word "stopped" repeated in her head like a mantra. To her demise, the world did not stop. In fact, there seemed to be more going on in the past 3 days than the 30 years of her existence on earth. So many hearts had been shattered, so many changes unveiled.

Who would imagine she spent her night not at home, not beside Burke, but alone in the basement? Things were so wrong. Soon enough, she would be like George O'Malley's stocky girlfriend, making the hospital her home, hanging clothes on water pipes.

But at least, Callie made George happy; she had not failed her boyfriend.

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The moment Cristina stood up, her head started to hurt. Her eyes still half shut, she stepped onto something squishy.

"What are you doing here, Mer?" Cristina exhaled deeply, feeling glad it was not a rat.

"I was sleeping—"

"I can see that."

"No, you don't understand. I was sleeping with him last night."

"Good." Cristina nodded, trying to sound excited. "I'm glad you had a good night."

"Cristina," Meredith hesitated. "I slept with Derek."

"Great!"

"You don't see how terrible this is?"

"Why? Does he have syphilis?"

"Cristina!"

"Look, Meredith. You don't have to tell me how terrible the world is. We all know it. Denny Duquette died, Izzie's on a murder charge, and Burke is shot. You only slept with your McDreamy. Once more. You're a grown up, Mer. Deal with it." Cristina snapped.

"I'm sorry, Cris."

"It's Ok." Cristina inhaled deeply. She did not mean to sound sarcastic to her best friend. She just couldn't help it.

"Are you really Ok, Cristina? Burke's shot. You're his girlfriend. You have a reason to be upset." For a split second, Meredith shifted her focus from herself to her best friend, but it did not last. "I mean, I was very upset when Doc died. I couldn't stop crying. I thought you'd be upset about Burke too."

"Meredith, are you comparing Burke with your dog?" Cristina tossed her hair brush down the empty gurney and muttered, "I gotta go."

"To see Burke?"

"To take off this stupid prom dress and get ready before Bailey comes after us."

Without saying a word, Meredith looked at her friend with a probing stare.

"Stop looking at me, Mer. That's creepy."

"I just think that you should—"

"Right," Cristina put up one of her non-committal smiles, "I know what I'm doing. Now, you go and get ready too, Ok?"

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