Give me Twenty

by jbarm

Harry is acting strange and Tom is going to find out why. Sorry I stink at summeries.

Give Me Twenty (Tom's POV)
By Julie Willett
August 2000


I should have known something was going on a lot sooner, we are supposed to be best friends? But it took me totally by surprise and even B'Elanna didn't notice anything unusual, I am talking about Harry, you know quiet, greenhorn, goody two shoes Harry! Well somehow he has gotten himself into a whole heap of trouble, and both B'Elanna and me are still shaking our heads about this. Me I could see, I have always managed to get myself into some kind of trouble, but with saying that I am also able to get out of it, or at least recognize a greater problem, I am not so sure on Harry. I guess the best place to start is the very beginning, which, started approximately 3 weeks ago.

As was not unusual in the Delta Quadrant, there are whole string of Alien Beings who for some reason another are bent on trying to destroy our happy little crew, it just doesn't seem to matter how often you tell them that we are just passing through, that we are explorers and mean no harm to anyone, some little punk gets this itch to bug the heck out of us!! Well this particular group of aliens that went by the identification of narcellians, had heard from someone, who had heard from someone, that we were sent by someone to destroy EVERYONE in this known sector, so they felt it their right to get rid of us as quickly and as proficiently as possible, what they seem to forget is that we hadn't made it this far into the Delta Quadrant by just rolling over and playing dead, so after a few good shots, and a lot of limping narcellians they decided to pack up and leave us alone, however, their little stint still left a lot of damage to Voyager, enough that we needed to stop somewhere and make repairs, and since they were not our first encounters with problems it was quickly becoming a point where we needed a lot of repairs.

We finally found a class M planet where the inhabitants were technologically similar and I guess hadn't heard the same rumors the narcellians had heard, so were willing to listen to our plea of need. The people went by the name of TeKaries, and the administrator of the planet TeKarn, who was called TeKlaun, seemed to be a nice sort of Joe and was more then willing to help with our plight for a few exchanges, which after we had our board meeting to determine just exactly that the exchanges they asked for were on the up and up with our prime directive it was decided that both the ship and crew needed and deserved this, so we stopped at TeKarn to make repairs and have some shore leave.

The Captain, Tuvok (being security he always feels his need to be on first away missions) and B'Elanna (so she could get more information for her precious warp drives) were the first to meet the TeKaries. After some niceties and a lot of technical mumbo jumbo, we were allowed to commence shore leave and start repairs on Voyager.

Me, B'Elanna and Harry went down together for a visit to TeKarn and found the planet to be very pleasant, the TeKaries were tall people, with fur instead of skin, their eyes were golden and the male had a much fuller thicker crest of hair, very similar almost to a lion on earth, they thankfully did not have claws as our lions did, but had appendages very similar to what we have minus one finger, and they were very long and elegant. The villages which we noticed they had a large amount of villages all designated in size with none being of extreme population, were very nicely taken care of and well organized, they had the typical street vendors, restaurants and bars, and none of the areas were decrepit or old looking, even the bars were not seedy looking. It was one of these bars that we made our acquaintance in, and enjoyed a local drink which was surprisingly good if not a little on the sweet side. While sitting and relaxing a young beautiful Tekaran female seemed to have her eyes on Harry.

"Hey Harry, haven't been here 5 min. and you already are attracting local attention."

"Really?" said Harry.

"Yep" "just behind you and to the left"

"You better not be teasing me Tom!"

"Harry, Harry, Harry"

"He's not Harry, she really is paying close attention to you" said B'Elanna.

Harry trying to look without looking spilled his drink while trying to drink and look at the same time and missed his mouth. Turning a couple of shades of red even for his complexion he just shook his head while wiping up the spilt drink.

"Ole clutzo strikes again" he said quietly "I am such a total loser"

"I don't know Harry" B'Elanna said, she seems to be intrigued by your predicament?

"Yeah Right B'Elanna"

"Well you must have impressed her somehow, because she is coming this way charmer!"

"Oh Great" as he quickly wiped up the rest of the sweet sticky liquid.

"Hello" "My name is TeKira" "You must be from the ship named Voyager?"

"Hi TeKira" "You are right, my name is Tom Paris, this is B'Elanna Torres and this sweetly decorated man is Harry Kim" Harry gave me quite the look for that one.

"Well welcome to our planet and our village, we are always interested in learning about different cultures and people" "I see that your ship is devised of many peoples? Of different backgrounds?" TeKira noticed seeing three different types of people before her. :"It must make things very interesting in your crew?"

Tom noticing that even though TeKira was especially looking at Harry, he was still blushing from his spilt drink and remaining quiet so Tom figured he better speak up!

"Yes TeKira, it is always interesting and sometimes we all have to work out our differences but we always manage to and it gives us much to learn and respect. We all come from many different places both on our own planet and on planets in our quadrant" Tom explained.

TeKira still staring at Harry directed her next question to Him.

I know of a place that you can clean up from that drink if you wish "Harry Kim"

"Oh Harry is fine"

"Would you like me to show you Harry?" smiled TeKira.

"That would be very nice, Thank you" said a smiling and recovering nicely Harry.

"If you will excuse us then, Tom Paris & B'Elanna Torres" TeKira then took Harry off somewhere towards the back of the bar area.


"You think he will make it there without stumbling over his feet?" laughed B'Elanna, as she watched TeKira lead him to an area where he was able to get a towel and some kind of cleaning solution.

We both noticed though that TeKira didn't seem to be in any hurry to bring Harry back to us after he got himself cleaned up, in fact it look like Harry was buying TeKira a drink, and sitting at another table a little further back.

We should have known right then that looks can be deceiving, we just were glad that Harry had finally found someone that was interested in him, that we didn't think anything of it at the time, and besides B'Elanna and I were enjoying our own little table between us, it had been awhile since we had really had any chance to just quietly enjoy ourselves.


Me and B'Elanna decided to go take a walk after finishing up our drinks, and went to retrieve Harry, who seemed to have recovered his little earlier faux paux and was enjoying his talk with TeKira.

"Hey Harry, me and B'Elanna are going to go for a walk around the gardens, you think you can get back to the ship ok?"

"Yoo Hoo Harry?"

"Hmmm? Oh yeah ok Tom I will see you later, bye B'Elanna"

As we started a our little walk B'Elanna and I were commenting how easily Harry had been hooked, we laughed and joked and enjoyed the village quaintness, but after a couple of hours it was time for us to head back to our ship, where B'Elanna was anxious to see how the repairs were going on Voyager, especially in the engineering department.


I had been assigned a lot of my duties to either training some of the crewmembers on their piloting skills, and working with the Doc, since I wasn't really needed at the helm of a non-moving ship. I really don't mind working with the Doc, but I would never let him know that, he certainly has improved in his bedside manners since he was first activated several years ago. I would have never thought that I had any talents in the medical area, but enjoyed the contact with the patients and the ability to help ease there pain. I think B'Elanna just likes me in my medical lab coat uhmmm well we won't go there.

I was recalibrating some of the medical scanners when Captain Janeway entered sickbay.

"Hey Tom, how are you doing this a.m.?"

"Hi Captain, doing just fine,"

"Tom, you haven't seen Harry lately have you?" "He hasn't reported back in yet, and I am getting a little concerned?"

I told the Captain that B'Elanna and I had last seen him at that Tavern yesterday where he was enjoying conversation with a young native women named TeKira"

"Well he is still officially on shore leave, but I really would like you all to make sure you check in every once in awhile, so if you see him let him know ok?

She then went in to talk with the Doc. I was surprised Harry hadn't checked in, he is usually the one that is such a stickler on these kind of things, but then when one was enjoying themselves with the opposite sex, well things could be forgotten. I decided I would give him a little call after my shift if he hadn't reported in by then.

After my shift in sickbay, I called B'Elanna and we made a time that we could meet later and try a local restaurant we had seen the day before, I decided to give Harry a quick call, I hate to bother him, but he still had not checked in and I would hate to find out he had been hurt or something, and we were just ignoring him.

"Paris to Kim"

Nothing

"Paris to Kim?"

"Kim here, what do you want!"

uh oh, boy did he not seem happy, oh well might as well finish what I started.

"Hey Harry, we were getting a little concerned? We had not heard any report in's from you?"

"Tom, you are not my mother, so if you don't mind would you quit bugging me?" "Kim Out"

Boy was he testy, but at least he seemed to be alive and well, so I decided not to think about it anymore, besides I had a date with a very lovely lady soon and I needed to get ready.

The night was beautiful, the two moons made it about perfect, and to top it all off I was with the most beautiful girl in the world. I still couldn't believe that I was blessed with such a women, I certainly didn't deserve it, and even though we had a shaky beginning, our feelings for each other just keep growing. We were walking down one of the many garden paths, when we practically stumbled over Harry.

"Harry?" "Hey Harry?"

"Hmmm, oh hi Tom, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you?" it is not every day you see your best friend laying in the gardens.

"Where's TeKira?"

"Oh she had to go back to her home, I didn't get much sleep last night and when I laid down to think about my night last night, well I guess I must have dozed off?"

"Must have been some night" B'Elanna said, helping Harry back up on his feet.

"Oh it was" said a smiling Harry.

"Well I for one am not going there" "Do you need any help back to the ship"

"No, I will head back there now, see you two later" Harry said as he walked away and out of sight.



The next morning I ran into Harry in the messhall, and he looked like he had been rolled over with a power conduit. He was just staring at his food, which is nothing to unusual with Neelix's food since half the time you didn't know if what was put before you was even edible or not, but I could tell that something was not quite right.

"How you doing Harry? Feeling ok?" I asked as I sat down at the table with the same foodstuff he had on his plate.

"Hey Tom, just a little down is all"

"Everything go ok, between you and TeKira?" asked Tom.

"Oh yeah, it was great, in fact we are going to meet again tonight after I get off duty. She is great Tom! She can make me laugh so easily, and she doesn't make me feel like the nerd from planet Mars"

"Well then you better eat up Harry, we wouldn't want you getting weak or anything" as they both dug into the gobbledygoop that was on their plates.

The rest of the three weeks we were on the planet TeKarn were easy and productive on the repair of Voyager, and B'Elanna was like a kid in a candy store, having her precious engines all nice and shiny new. Harry went down as often as he could to the planet, to be with TeKira and seemed to enjoy himself immensely, though his mood swings seemed to be increasing rapidly, he would one minute be as happy as a lark, then the next he would be despondent, and angry.

On the last night before we were to leave, Harry did not return to the ship, and Captain Janeway got an early a.m. call from the local authorities that an Ensign Harry Kim was currently in one of their hospital wards under security for disorderly conduct and possession of an illicit drug.

I do not know exactly what happened or how it got started but apparently Harry and a group of TeKaries including TeKira had been ingesting this drug which can cause mood swings that are quite dramatic and even deadly to both the person taking it and possibly to someone else who might become the recipient of someone under this drug. Harry apparently took offense to something a patron had said at one particular Tavern and decided to beat him and the Tavern keeper up and made quite a mess of the bar in the process of doing that. The barkeeper was able to get security there but it still took 6 of the local police to get Harry subdued and restrained, and needless to say his so called friends were not anywhere around, so much for TeKira being the sweet innocent that she looked! They took him to a local hospital ward and currently had him restrained when Capt. Janeway and Tuvok went down to retrieve and pay for the damages Ensign Kim had done to the local Tavern keeper there.

So instead of having for once a great stop over, and peaceful conclusion to our stay on TeKarn, I have my best friend currently sitting in the Brig after a recovery in sickbay and a very unhappy Captain! And I still find it amazing that it is Harry that is sitting there. I think the Captain is more upset because it is Harry, I don't think she would have been near as surprised if it had been me, though I have been doing rather well at keeping out of trouble and thus am back to being a Lieutenant J.G. again. I am hoping she doesn't do to him like she did to me and bust him back to crewman or something, though as peeved as she is who knows?

Well at least Harry was still an Ensign, I got to chat with him for a few minutes while he was in the mess hall to get his food before heading back to his quarters, apparently, she told him that he would be confined to quarters when not on duty with no visitors and with no replicator rations, since he had to payback the amount owed for his destructiveness he caused on TeKarn, for a period of two months, obviously Captain Janeway was ticked, however you could also tell he was very upset over displeasing the Captain as he had always been the perfect officer (except during the time with Tal) but even then he strived to please Captain Janeway, and now he had failed, at least to himself he had.

Harry's first few days back on duty was not to hard for him as he was put on a shift that was not the same as the main bridge crew, but after a few days he was again on the alpha shift and he could tell how disappointed the Captain and everyone else was with him, even though it was in his own imagination, it never the less put him in a despondent mood. You could tell that he was berating himself harder then anyone else had. Captain Janeway had decided that the issue was dropped and that he was paying for it with his punishment, and expected him to carryon with his duties, but Harry was becoming more and more depressed and unknown to us, apparently he started taking at first just small doses of the drug he had sneaked on board while on the planet, he knew if he did just small bits that it seemed to uplift his spirits and make him feel better at least for short periods of time, I however started to notice that his moods were switching a lot lately where he would leave for his quarters down and come back in a totally different matter.

About two weeks later, Harry came to duty with a huge attitude, and I became immediately suspicious and decided that I would talk to him during the next break, but I never got the chance because his attitude got called on the carpet before I had a chance to talk with him.

The Captain had asked him to relay some information on a planet we were approaching and he just told her it was Big? I couldn't believe he said that, well the Captain couldn't believe he said that either, because she looked at him again and told him to please phrase that in a more professional manner, in which he looked at her in a most insubordinate way and said it is VERY BIG! If I hadn't been sitting down I know I would have fallen over, this was not the Harry I knew? Captain Janeway relieved him of duty and her and Commander Chakotay retreated to her ready room. I was going to go visit him when my duty shift was over and talk some sense into him even though he wasn't supposed to have any visitors.

When my duty shift ended and I was stepping into the turbolift, Commander Chakotay stepped in with me, and I could tell he wanted to talk.

"Tom have you talked with Harry at all?"

"I was just going to Commander, this is not like him, if that is ok with you?" I figured he would let me go see him since he brought it up in the first place.

"Good, there is something wrong and we need to get to the bottom of this, the Captain is not happy and I am afraid of his position on the senior staff if this keeps up"

"Let me check up on him then I will get back to you ok?"

"Ok Tom" and he exited, and I went on to Harry's quarters.



On my way to his quarters I kept asking myself why he would do this to himself? He seemed to be happy and enjoying his position on Voyager? What did TeKira do to get him to change so drastically, what kind of drug was it that he was using? I did not know all the specifics on it, the next time I got a chance I would have to ask the Doc, what he knew about this particular drug that could cause Harry to change so dramatically.


As I came closer to his quarters, I realized how nervous I was about confronting Harry, I am not even sure why? Is this how people had felt about me when they were trying to help me? I rang his intercom, and nothing, so I rang it again and I still got nothing, I tried one more time thinking that maybe he had gone to sleep, but I still did not get an answer so I used the override code that can get me into his quarters for emergency situations as I felt him not answering could mean he was in big trouble.

The doors slid open and the room was dark, I called out to Harry but still heard no response, I went back to his sleeping quarters and he was not there either? I asked the computer where was the location of Ensign Kim and it told me that he was currently in his quarters, that is when I saw his commbadge on his nightstand by the bed. This led me to the conclusion that he was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be since he was confined to quarters, and this was not good, he was in enough trouble already he didn't need this on top of everything else! So I started thinking on where Harry would go? There could be so many places and hopefully for his own good he didn't go anywhere too public, I thought maybe I better get some help with this and I decided on Chakotay since he knew I was going to come to his quarters anyways.

"Paris to Chakotay"

"Chakotay here go ahead Tom"

"Sir can I speak to you privately please?" I wanted to keep this as quietly as possible right now.

"I am in my office right now Tom, why don't you come here?"

"Ok, be there in a few minutes" I was still trying to figure out how I was putting my trust into a man who I used to think was my enemy. We both had come a long way, as we all have on this little side trip to the Delta Quadrant.

When I got to Chakotay's office, I could tell he was concerned and knew the topic was going to be about Harry.

"Sir, I just went to Harry's quarters, and I am afraid he is not there, his commbadge was left on his nightstand, but I cannot find any sign of Harry, I know he is confined to quarters, and I know he has messed up a lot lately but if it is at all possible I really would like to try and find Harry as quietly as possible and try and help him. I am sure that these drugs are causing him to do things he would not normally do!"

I didn't know if Chakotay would listen to me, he was very close to the Captain and it was his duty to report all incidents to her. But his eyes were showing me that he was as concerned by these events as I was, and I knew then that I could trust him and he would help me help Harry.

"Tom, do you think Harry's mood swings are being caused by this drug he had while on TeKarn? "Yes Sir, I do I have noticed him with a lot of mood swings lately and I had my suspicions, I was going to go talk to him after my shift today and then he got relieved before I had a chance" " where do you think Harry would go? " I don't know, that is the problem there are so many places he could possibly go which is why I thought maybe you could help?" "If we can find him before he goes somewhere public we might be able to get control of the situation, however, if he gets himself into a position where the Captain will know then I have no choice but to confront him also" " Do you understand?"

"Perfectly Sir"

"Well then lets get started, keep in contact with me and we will split up maybe we can find him quicker that ways?"

So we left in search of my poor best friend that was slipping farther and farther away from us, all because of some stupid drug, which I would have bet a months worth of rations that he was still taking.

I searched for over an hour and still nothing, nor had I heard from Chakotay which meant he was not having any luck either, that is when I remembered one time when Harry was a little down that he would go to this place on the lower decks that had a small observation window, so I headed in that direction.

I hadn't been down here in quite awhile, it was a quiet place but nothing spectacular compared to the main observation window higher up in Voyager where most people would go to observe the stars and other planetary objects that would fly by. After a few minutes traversing the halls I found the door I was looking for, opened it up and there laying on the couch totally unconscious was Harry and you could tell he was quite high on the drug he had acquired from TeKira.

"Paris to Chakotay"

"Chakotay here, had any luck yet?"

"Yep, can you come down to the lower observation area?"

"On my way"

Chakotay arrived a few minutes later, in which time I had ran a medical scanner over Harry to make sure there was no emergency situation, but found that he was just totally skunked, otherwise he seemed to be ok, though I would have preferred a more stable heart rate. When Chakotay got there we decided to do a transport to Harry's quarters, which we know we are not supposed to do but figured it would be better then trying to carry an unconscious Harry through several decks, so we initiated the sight to sight transport where we put him in his bed to sleep off the effects of this drug.
"Chakotay, I really want to try and help Harry through this, and it may take a couple of days to get him through the withdrawal symptoms, do you think there would be anyway you could reschedule my shift for me, without drawing to much attention to what I am doing?"

I know he was warring with his emotions on whether to be the first officer and report this to Captain Janeway where she would probably have no choice but to put him off the senior staff, and being his friend and letting me try and help him.

"You know Tom this is not going to be easy, withdrawals can be quite nasty and he will probably hate you a lot at first and maybe for a long time, are you sure your willing to go through with this?"

"Harry is my best friend, and has done the same for me, I can't just let him down without at least trying first" I said this with more confidence then I actually felt, but knew that I would do it.

"Ok Tom, I will have the Dr. come and check up on him just in case, and maybe give you some pointers on what to expect, but I want to let you know now, I will not lie to the Captain if she asks me, understood?"

"Yes Sir, and thanks Chakotay"

He left and I began my vigil with Harry, knowing that it was going to get a lot worse before it got better.

The Doc arrived shortly after, shaking his head and looking at us in wonderment, but I could tell that Chakotay had told him to keep this quiet for now, so I could at least try and help Harry.

"Do you know what you're getting yourself into Mr. Paris?"

I was getting rather tired of hearing that question, "Yes Doc, I do though any information you could give me would be appreciated"

He is hooked on a drug that is quite addictive as you probably have surmised by now called "clincher" by the locals of TeKarn, the reason it is illegal beside the addictiveness is that it causes huge mood swings which apparently Ensign Kim showed to extreme while on the planet. What I would like to know is where he got this stuff after we left the planet? I am assuming he has stashed some away, so as his mentor and caretaker I suggest that you try and find out where the heck he has put it and get rid of it. You will have to be firm and solid with him, as he will probably try and use every tactic he knows to persuade you to give him some of that drug, and he may cry like a baby one minute and try and kill you the next so be prepared. You will have to make sure that he does not only try and harm you but also try and harm himself; he may also go through a lot of grand delusions and think he is someone else entirely. He will also have huge temperature swings between hot and cold and of course will more and likely be quite sick, with spasms as his body tries to recover from the drug. So again I will ask you do you think that you can handle this? If not I will take him to sickbay and restrain him and treat him there".

I knew I didn't want that for two reasons one being that he would be humiliated by being restrained and two the Captain was sure to find out about him down there as someone would surely notice.

"Yes Doc. I am prepared to do my best to help Harry, and I appreciate the advice you have given me".

"Well if for any reason it gets beyond your control or medical know how you are to call me immediately, and I will be monitoring him from sickbay to make sure his heart rate does not accelerate to much" "Good day Mr. Paris"

As the Dr. walked out, reality washed over me that I was pretty much on my own with Harry, and though I had been through alcohol hangovers and sicker then a dog, I have never directly dealt with someone who had a drug problem. Ricki was the one who helped me through a lot of my alcohol problems when I was first kicked out of starfleet, and had gone on a drunken stupor, I remember her always being there to help me but she was firm and tough and would give me a good kick in the rear when I started to whine or fall back into a stupor. She was the one that at least got me back on my feet where I eventually met Chakotay and got a job with the maquis no matter how short lived that one was. I will never forget Ricki's help and like her I would do the same with Harry, he may end up hating me, but if I can save him from completely losing himself it was worth it.

While he was still sleeping I quickly went through Harry's quarters looking for the drug. I had to think where would Harry put this stuff, I started checking under his couch and in his bathroom where I found some where his toiletries were, I had to remind myself that this was Harry and his expertise on hiding things was at a minimum, though it definitely makes my job of finding it easier. I found a few more tablets near his nightstand, and some more near his reading table. I decided I would let the Doc have it to research its potency and any other thing he might find out about it, since we didn't have very much information on them at all except it has a tendency to affect your moods.

After I searched everywhere I could think of that he could possibly hide it, I decided I better get a little nap, as I wasn't sure if I would get a chance after Harry woke up. The Doc said he would probably sleep good for about 12 hours, plus or minus a few, partly because of the drug and partly because of the tranquilizer he gave him, I asked the Doc why we couldn't just keep him tranquilized while going through his withdrawal but he told me that to get the drug out of his system completely (and the quicker the better) he needed to be as alert as possible even though he may feel like he is going to die and probably start having erratic mood swings from time to time.

I woke to hearing the door beeping and at first was disorientated to where I was, when I remembered I was in Harry's quarters. I hoped it was Chakotay or the Doc or I would have to explain what I was doing here since he was supposed to be confined to quarters without visitors, fortunately it was Chakotay.

"Hi Tom, how is it going?" Chakotay asked as he stepped in Harry's dimly lit quarters.

"Still sleeping, the Doc said he would probably sleep for a good 12 hours or more."

As we both walked into his sleeping quarters, he looked so peaceful, I thought this must be how a parent felt when looking at his sleeping child, just like an angel, but when he/she was awake he was the little devil, we could only guess what Harry would be like when he woke up.

"I have you off the helm duty roster for the time being" Chakotay said still watching Harry sleeping peacefully. "Ensign Baytart will replace you until you can get back"

"Did the Captain say anything about the duty roster?"

"As a matter of fact, yes she did, she wanted to know why you weren't there and I told her I was reassigning you for a few days to another job I had lined up for you."

Tom knew Chakotay wouldn't lie to the Captain if she started asking specific questions.

Chakotay continued, "She looked at me a little suspiciously, but didn't press any further."
Chakotay I think felt she had a pretty good idea about what was going on but knew not to press it as she wanted to see Harry back as much as we did, and if she was officially told then she would have no choice but to act on it and no one wanted to see Harry lose his position on the senior staff or Ops, especially me I just couldn't imagine having anyone else at Ops except Harry, especially over something as stupid as this.

"I also told B'Elanna that you were reassigned for awhile, I think she got the message."

Tom knew that B'Elanna was smart, she knew Harry was going through some tough times and had noticed the mood swings as easily as I, but it sure was going to be hard not being able to see her for the next couple of days, she was my rock, my support and not to mention one heck of a lover! At least she was keeping pretty busy with the new engine set up, integrating the Tekaries systems into ours.

The door beeped and in walked the Doc, again

"Any change Mr. Paris"

"No he is still sleeping soundly and his vital signs are steady"

"I might suggest then that you get some rest as it may be the last chance for awhile" I thought to myself that was what I was trying to do when I was interrupted by both of you but instead said "I already got a few hours" I then grabbed the couple of grams of the drugs I had found and handed them to the Doc. "I thought maybe you could research a little on these?"

"Do you think you found all of it?" Chakotay asked as he looked at the little tablets that caused so much trouble for one particular starfleet officer that up to this point had an exemplary record.

"I think so, I looked everywhere I thought he might hide it, besides he didn't seem to really take much effort to hide it, they were basically right in sight."

"It may be his way of asking for help" Said Doc.

"What do you mean?"

"Well he may subconsciously be looking for help, he seems to in a way, have been making it easy to figure out what is going on, and easy to find the drug, however when he wakes up he still will go through huge mood swings and withdrawal symptoms and may get quite violent or/and belligerent" The Doc Warned.

"Tom are you sure you won't need any help?" A concerned Chakotay asked.

"No, I think the less people he has to deal with at first the better, however, I will call you if he gets to be too much and becomes a danger to me or himself." I prayed silently that that would not be the case.

"Ok Tom, good luck then" and both Chakotay and Doc walked out, leaving me alone once again with sleeping beauty, wondering when he would turn into the Beast.

I thought to myself how I was going to handle this, and remembered how Ricki, with my alcohol binging was both firm and gentle, so I figured I would be the same with Harry, he may hate me for it but if it saves his career and even his life it would be worth it.

Harry slept a good couple of hours more when I heard him stir, he moaned and groaned as he sat up and grabbed his head. "Got a headache?" I asked. Harry looked up at me and I could tell he was trying to figure out what was going on and trying to re-orientate himself. He finally realized he was in his sleeping quarters. "What are you doing in here? I thought I was not allowed visitors?" Harry asked me, still trying to clear his head.

"Just helping a friend," I told him, "Would you like something to eat?" I had replicated some tomato soup for me earlier as it has always been a comfort food for me and I figured I needed some comforting right now. I had to use my own replicator rations since Harry's had been revoked, but I had a fair amount saved up since being on Tekarn me and B'Elanna ate a lot at the local restaurants and bars, I figured I had enough to get me and Harry through this crisis.

"No thanks I am not hungry right now."

"You need to eat something, and don't worry it is on me" I smiled.

"No Tom, not right now" he said that a bit testily, but then if I had a huge headache like I am sure he did I probably would be testy too.

"Well let me know when you are ok? Why don't you go take a shower and I'll clean your bed up," I suggested to Harry he was a bit smelly and I thought a nice shower would make both of us feel better.

"Listen Tom, I appreciate your help, but I can manage on my own thank you!" at least he got up (a little unsteadily mind you) and headed towards the bathroom, he obviously realized he needed some refreshing too.

"Do you remember anything from the last day?" I asked Harry in the bathroom, curious if he remembered his little drug induced stunts on the bridge and after.

"Some" was all he said, I could hear him rummaging through his toiletries in the bathroom, and I knew he was probably trying to find his drugs. He came out a few minutes later with a big scowl on his face.

"Where are they!" he asked angrily.

I knew I was going to have to be blunt with him, and he was going to have to face the fact that I was going to stick with this come hell or high water. "You know darn well that I am not going to leave them laying around, they are gone and you might as well face it,
You have become addicted to them and I am going to help you become un-addicted whether you like it or not!"

"You had no right!" he spat at me and started walking aggressively towards me. "I am not addicted to them, they just help me to relax!"

"I have every right!" I told him, refusing to back down. "Besides if you're not addicted to them why are you being so aggressive?"


He started bunching his fists at his side, still slowly coming closer to me "All they do is make me relax and feel more sure of myself, you are not my father, you have know right to come in here and tell me what I can or cannot take!"

"No Harry you are right I am not your father, I hope I am first and foremost your friend but if you wish to force me I am also your superior officer and as your superior officer I am ordering you to calm down and think about how you are acting!"

I could see almost a hatred in his eyes, and every muscle tensing up you could see he was studying me to see how he could best get at me, I knew I needed to say something that would get his attention and get through his murky brain so I quietly and with authority said "At ease Ensign"

Harry stopped for a second and looked surprised at me, but after his quick pause he once again started towards me with his fists bunched.

"I said at EASE Ensign!" with a little more authority this time hoping to get through his built up rage, when Harry suddenly sprang forward, his fists up ready to hit me and screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs (later I would hope that everyone on this deck was on duty shift and not wondering what they were hearing from Harry's quarters). Fortunately for me not having totally recovered from the tranquilizer the Doc had given him, I had the advantage and quickly took it. I grabbed his raised fist and brought it up behind him where he couldn't move without causing him a lot of pain and said through clenched teeth "I guess we are going to have to do this the hard way Harry, I want you to drop to the floor and give me twenty (I figured if he wanted to exert himself physically then maybe some good ole pushups would help alleviate some of that pent up frustration) and then go take a shower, Is that understood?" For a few seconds I thought he was going to resist me, but then his eyes cleared a little and I could feel him relax a bit, "I said do you understand?" I didn't want to lose that little bit of an upper hand I had and I knew right now he was still not at full strength, but that might not be the case later and I needed my advantage now. "Yes Sir!" Harry said through clenched teeth, but he obediently got down on the floor and did his twenty push-ups. Not only did he do them but also he did the correct academy type with his body stretched out and only his toes and arms holding him up. Every muscle in his body strained and I was quite impressed with this unknown ability he had, I didn't know if I could do it that precisely anymore as it had been quite awhile since the Academy days. He efficiently did his twenty as I had asked then got up and headed towards the showers without saying a word or looking at me.

While Harry was taking his shower, I went to change his sheets and make his bed, after putting the dirty laundry in the recycle shoot where they will be washed and cleaned by the ship maintenance crew or some poor soul on disciplinary duty (I've been there done that, when the Captain felt I needed a little humbling). I then went back out to the living quarters to sit and wait for Harry, not sure how he would emerge from his shower.

After a little while Harry emerged from his bathroom looking much better, he looked at me a little warily and it made me feel bad that I had to discipline him, but felt it was a necessary evil. Harry plopped himself down in the chair on the other side of the coffee table and I was sitting on his couch.

"So what do we do now?" asked Harry

"We take whatever's necessary to get you through this" I replied

"I don't think pulling rank and treating me like a cadet is going to help!" He said bitterly

(uh oh here we go again I thought) Look Harry I am here to help I prefer to help you as a friend, however, if you choose to act like an undisciplined cadet I will treat you like one by pulling rank!"

"I don't need your help!" Harry shouted out angrily, "I don't know why you feel you have to protect me from myself, I am not a cadet anymore and I can make my own decisions so why don't you save our little friendship and vamoose right on out of here!"

"I would love to Harry, and I will as soon as I have seen that all the drugs are out of your system and your mood isn't changing every two minutes." I secretly hoped that it would be that simple and for some reason he wouldn't be as hooked as we thought, but I knew I was probably fooling myself.

"Fine Tom," Harry spoke as he stood up from his chair "You stay and I will vamoose oughta here!" He walked towards the doors, and then into them as they did not respond to his presence.

"Sorry Harry, the doors will respond to my command only"

Harry turned around angrily and I could see the rage build up in him again,.

"You Bastard" he yelled and this time he came straight for me.

I stood up to my full height and yelled" I think you better give me another twenty, Harry!" and looked at him as sternly as I possibly could, he stopped bunched and released his fist a few times, I knew he was debating on whether to obey me or not, then he dropped to the floor and once again gave me twenty military academy push-ups.

After he did his push-ups, he stood and asked snidely if I wanted him to take a shower again also. I just replied that it was entirely up to him if he wanted to take another shower. He then walked over to the chair turned and started to sit down, then stopped, looked at me and said "Permission to sit SIR!" It hurt, as I am sure he knew it would, I did not want to treat Harry like this and I only hoped that afterwards he would still look up to me as a friend, but I also knew going into this that it would be hard! "Of course Harry" I replied calmly.

He sat down in the chair and ran his hands through his wet hair and after several minutes of silence on both of our parts he looked up at me and quietly said "I'm sorry, I just don't understand why you want to stay here with me?" he looked at me with those soulful brown eyes and my heart broke knowing how hard all this must be for him

"Listen Harry, I want to be your friend, and I, we all are concerned about you, we don't want to lose a very good friend and fellow officer, you have always been there for me when I was down or in trouble and I want to help you now in your time of trouble too so please let me help you ok?"

"Ok Tom" he responded, it almost sounded like the ole Harry I knew and loved.

"How did Captain Janeway let you in?"

"She didn't," I told him; I could see him look up his eyebrows raised with a questioning look. I asked again how much he remembered. "I know after your insubordination on the bridge the other day that you had crossed the line and how much trouble you were in and so I came by your quarters to check in on you after my shift was over, when I couldn't get your door to respond and did an emergency override on the door I noticed you were not there and had conveniently (I said this with a little sarcasm) left your commbadge on your nightstand, so I called Chakotay, who had already expressed his concern to me earlier, to help me find you. I finally found you down in the lower observation lounge totally passed out." Harry looked down at his hands suddenly obviously a little embarrassed that he was found that way. "Anyways Chakotay had told me earlier that you were told by Captain Janeway anymore incidents and you would be off the senior staff, so I asked Chakotay not to report this yet and he has agreed."

"He agreed with you?" Harry quietly said.

"I told you we are all concerned, anyways we beamed you here instead of sickbay so no one would see you and it accidentally get back to the Captain, and Chakotay has changed the duty roster so I could help you through this little slump."

"So only you and Chakotay know about this?"

"The Doctor knows to, he is monitoring you and the drug in your body."

"Clincher"

"What?"

"The drug it is called "Clincher" Harry looked back up at me "I am a little embarrassed about all this attention, it is a little overwhelming. I still feel that you are all more concerned then you need to be!"

"I hope so Harry, for your sake, the Doc said though that any withdrawal symptoms will probably start in the next few hours and since we do not know much about this drug, well lets just play it safe ok?"

"I'll try, but I can't guarantee which way my mood will swing."

We sat there a few minutes in silent contemplation when I finally asked Harry to tell me how this all got started, TeKira seemed to be a very nice girl.

Harry looked at me questioningly and I informed him it was as a friend not an order, so he sat back in his chair and got comfortable then started speaking.

"First of all it wasn't TeKira's fault! It was all mine." He then told me how after he left me and B'Elanna and TeKira took him back to get cleaned up she asked him if he would buy her a drink and Harry who has not had the best of luck in the female department was more then happy to have the attention totally devoted to him, he found it extremely flattering. He and TeKira sat and chatted enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other better, when me and B'Elanna told him we were leaving he barely acknowledged us and told us he would join us later to gone ahead without him. TeKira then took him to another pub where a group of her friends welcomed Harry as eagerly and friendly as she had. He instantly felt like he belonged and felt relaxed around them, he told me they made him feel welcomed just the way he was with no pressure to be the best little Ensign in the Delta Quadrant which he admitted he felt often, so I secretly said to myself that I would have to make sure that we did not put that kind of pressure on him in the future, anyways he was especially enjoying TeKira's attention to him. Harry then said he thinks one of them may have slipped on of the "Clinchers" at that time into his drink, because he suddenly got a very relaxed calmness that came over him and his confidence level went up like it never had before, everything after that was a blur, when he awoke the next morning he was in an upper room above the bar with TeKira beside him. They had obviously shared some intimacy together which worried him for a number of reasons, the main one that he didn't remember it, and making love to someone with fur on them should be he imagined quite memorable, secondly it brought back with a crashing soundness the incident with Tal which was still just a tad bit too fresh in his memory, and already started fretting on how the Captain was going to respond to this! Then when he looked at TeKira she was looking back at him with those doe eyes and pushed all thoughts of worry out of his mind, and this time when they made love he remembered what it was like to make love to someone with fur, which he found was quite appealing! Later when he had showered and cleaned up TeKira had some breakfast waiting for him, that she had sent up from the bar below, it was mostly fruit which was their main staple and he found odd since they looked so much like the Terran lion that he just assumed that they ate large quantities of meat, they also had a beverage that was very similar to Terran coffee and he wondered if the Captain had found it yet. Harry decided to ask TeKira about the feeling he had last night and what brought that on, not that he cared it was such a euphoric feeling he didn't care. She looked at him a little ashamedly and told him that one of her friends had slipped him a "Clincher" which they consumed quite regularly to help them relax and feel more open with each other, that they did this quite regularly and that it wasn't addictive or anything but because it can cause in some people too much of a mood swing the Tekarn government had banned it as an illicit drug though many of the citizens took it anyways and as long as you didn't create any trouble they usually ignored it. She gave him some tablets and decided that with the short time he was on the planet he didn't see where it would be so terrible "do as the natives do" as the old saying goes, besides he was tired of being the totally reliable Ensign Harry and this time he was going to really enjoy his shore leave.

"Well unlike the Tekaries ... " I told Harry "They are obviously very addictive to Humans!"

"Are you going to let me finish or not!"

"Sorry Harry, go ahead" (jeese, he is still testy I thought to myself)

So anyways he said, he took another "Clincher" and immediately had the same feeling he had the night before, it was amazing at how quickly they worked, it is strange you feel so relaxed yet you feel like you could take on a whole army without armor and not have a care in the world, like it was something you did all the time! He and TeKira made love again then got dressed and she showed him other villages and they even did a little rock climbing which was the easiest rock climb he had ever done, and even after climbing for several hours he still felt like he could climb another few hours more! He remembers vaguely me calling him on his commbadge, but he was too busy to really listen to what I was saying, at that moment he didn't' really care if he ever even stepped foot on Voyager again.

TeKira and him went back to the bar again that night, where once again they shared drinks and this time knowingly to him some more "Clincher." He said it was great, he felt great and he was enjoying himself with TeKira and her friends, after a few drinks TeKira took him out to the local gardens and they strolled casually along enjoying the TeKarn moons and just life itself, they found a nice quiet secluded spot and made love in the gardens, then TeKira said she had to get back as she had to work the next a.m., so Harry strolled around a little bit more then decided to rest a little on the grass before he went back to Voyager, he must have fallen asleep and didn't wake up until me and B'Elanna found him later when we went strolling through the same lovely gardens, I could definitely see Harry's attraction to it. He said after we woke him up he came back up to the ship and having acquired a handful of "Clinchers" stuck them in various places in his quarters, he knew he should have taken them to the Doctor to see if they were a danger or addictive even though TeKira said they were not, when he remembered last time he ended up with the Doc, he ended up on report to the Captain with Tal and an official reprimand on his record so he decided against going that route, besides he felt better then he had in a long time so he just forgot about it.

Unfortunately he was assigned duty with Tuvok in command, and normally that wouldn't be a problem but for some reason he felt irritated by his constant logical decisions and nit picking, he felt like all Tuvok was doing through the whole shift was riding him, and no matter what he did he could not keep par with the superior Vulcan, he seemed to be complaining about everything, of course now that he thought about it he probably was no worse then usual but for some reason it was really wearing on him, so on his lunch break he went to his quarters and decided a "Clincher" tablet would help him get through the next half of his shift before seeing TeKira again later that night. The rest of the duty shift as he knew would, went quite well, nothing Tuvok said could bug him, and it passed in peaceful bliss.

So the rest of the time on TeKarn was pretty much spent with TeKira and her friends and duty shifts that went pretty well with the help of a few "Clinchers" He said he did start noticing though that the periods of peaceful bliss was getting shorter and periods of irritation were becoming more common, he found it hard to control his anger, he always was the peacemaker but instead he found that he would even start a few arguments just for the heck of it with some of TeKira's friends especially a male TeKaries named TePaar, then he started feeling like everyone was talking about him so he was getting paranoid too. On the last night that we were in orbit on TeKarn he was especially irritable and was picking quite a few arguments with TeKira's friends, and he found that he had taken quite a few "Clinchers" probably at least six. He was feeling aggressive and was in a heated battle with TePaar when TeKira asked if they could just leave realizing that Harry was becoming too moody, instead Harry shoved TeKira away, when she came back he grabbed her and kissed her hard and asked her if this is what she wanted! They could do it right here if she wanted! TeKira slapped him hard on his face then she walked out, and so did TePaar and the rest of her friends, after they had left some older TeKaries in the bar said something about stupid youngsters and Harry already feeling aggressive and angry lost it and took it out on the man and then on the bar until he was subdued by the security of TeKarn. He didn't remember much else until he woke up and saw a TeKaries Doctor, Tuvok and a very angry Janeway looking down at him.

After his visit with the Doc to clear him medically Captain Janeway had sent him to the brig to cool off, (he was still feeling irritable) what they didn't know was he still had a few tablets hidden on him and was able to take them to get through his ordeal in the brig, until he was finally released to his quarters where he had already stashed quite a few away.

"What bothers me most though" Said Harry in a far away thought "Is I really care for TeKira and she never forced me to take them so no matter what you all think she was not a terrible person, and now all she will remember of me Is what a total jerk I was that last night. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye or try and make some kind of amend, though I doubt she would have wanted to, we knew it was a short lived relationship but she still treated me with utmost hospitality and now.you know your right Tom I am an absolute loser when it comes to women"

I knew it bothered Harry greatly that he couldn't resolve himself to TeKira, and I could see Harry starting to get upset again so I quickly decided to change the subject, since several hours had passed I decided that he may need some food on his stomach "Hey Harry, how about something to eat?"

"It's on you?" Harry said snapping out of his despondency.

"You know it is bud, what would you like?" I got up and headed to his replicator and asking the computer to put it on my tab I ordered a pepperoni pizza, another comfort food of mine, and turned back to Harry.

"I would really like sweet and sour pork, would that be ok Tom?"

"Sure thing Harry"

After getting our food and two seltzer waters we sat down and ate our food, after a couple of bites though Harry mostly just played with his, he looked up at me and told me he wasn't as hungry as he thought and would really like to just go get some rest.

"Ok Harry, you go right ahead, I am going to go ahead and get a couple of reviews done then I will sleep on your couch, if you need anything just give me a call." I could see in Harry's posture that he was not feeling overly well but he looked like he was handling it ok?

So Harry headed back to the bedroom and I picked up the dishes and put them into the recycler, then stepped over to the data Padd and filled out a few of my reviews I needed to get done anyways. What I really wanted to do was contact B'Elanna, but knew that I couldn't risk that, and I knew she knew what I was doing because normally she would have been barging in here wanting to know what I was doing and why I had not comm'd her! Just that lack of action on her part was proof, to me that she knew, what was going on, or had a pretty good idea, and was not interfering, she was one remarkable woman.


I could hear Harry sleeping and wondered again if maybe the Doc may have been over cautious and the worst of it was already over or that the drug was not as addictive and TeKira was right. If he made it through the night without any mishaps then maybe everything was for naught I secretly hoped. After a couple of hours working on the report reviews I decided that I might as well make myself as comfortable as one could on a couch and get some sleep myself.

I awoke to sounds of groaning coming from Harry's sleeping quarters and got up to check on him. He was rolling around in his bed coverers all tangled up and had a ghostly white sheen to his skin tone.

"Hey Harry" I gently touched his shoulder, he felt a little warm but nothing overly concerning, "Hey Harry" I probed again.

He suddenly opened his eyes and looked up at me and he had that glazy look to his eyes," I think I am going to PUKE!!" He yelled out, and grabbed his cramping stomach, which I could even see it cramping myself, so I could imagine what he was going through. "Calm down Harry, do you think you can get to the bathroom?" "NO!" so I quickly ran and got a bucket, which is what my mother would do for me when I was a child, she knew my father would explode if I didn't make it to the bathroom it just was an unforgiving sin, he always told us a Paris could do anything they put there mind to, so mom always made sure I had a bucket by my bed if I looked a little queasy. I replicated a bucket and gave it to Harry who by now was not even really acknowledging my presence, he suddenly lurched forward and he emptied whatever was in his cramping stomach into the bucket, but when he was through he looked a little better though still in a lot of pain. He lay back down and closed his eyes, so I took the bucket cleaned it out for him (now I know what my poor mother went through) as it took everything I could not to throw up myself! After I got it cleaned up and I put it back in by his bed I noticed that he was once again in a fitful sleep but at least was trying to sleep, I wished I could have given him another tranquilizer, but remembered that the Doc said it would just make things take that much longer and would be even harder on his system. So I went back and lay down on the couch again and tried to get some sleep.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke to hearing a shuffling sound but it wasn't in Harry's bedroom but behind me. I called out Harry's name and the shuffling sound stopped so I told the computer to turn on lights to half illumination, I then saw Harry frozen in movement over by a small picture he had hanging on his wall. "Harry? Are you ok?" I could tell he was hiding something and I had a pretty good idea what that something was, I obviously underestimated his hiding spots after all. He looked bad, his eyes were glazed, he was sweating profusely and you could see his muscles in his body bulging in spasms. I stood up to confront him and that is when he attacked me! He literally flew across the room and barreled into my midsection with his shoulder and we both went flying over his coffee table, he was screaming in the most feral sounding way and was trying to knock me silly, he probably could have too except he wasn't willing to let go of the "Clincher" he had in his hand, which gave me the advantage I needed. I was able to get a good grip and flip him off of me, he went flying back into the coffee table which this time broke under his weight, one of the pieces slashed into his side giving him a good cut but he still came back after me, I had already gotten to my feet so this time I was prepared though he got a good uppercut to my jaw but when he charged at me I grabbed his bunched fist and I was able to swing it around and back up behind his back as I shoved his face up against the wall. After a few minutes I could tell his breathing was slowing a little and I asked him if he was ready to calm down yet, I eventually relaxed my hold on his arm but didn't let him leave the wall, I had my face near his and told him to give me the "Clincher." I could see him seething but I slowly was able to get the "Clincher" he was so desperately hanging onto through all this out of his hand. "I hate you" he spat in my face.

I knew it was the drug withdrawal that was talking so I didn't pay him any mind to what he said, but I was getting tired of hanging onto him so I asked him if he had anymore in the room (I knew he knew what I was talking about) "You can go to Hell" he sneered at me and so I grabbed him by the back of his collar and threw him onto the couch, "You know Harry there was a time I really respected you, now you are nothing but a sniveling, maniacal drug addict! You disgust me!" I then turned and started heading toward the door.

I heard in a small voice "There's two more behind the picture."

I walked over to the picture and looked behind it where I found two more just as he said, "anymore I asked?" He was now sitting up on the couch holding the side he had gotten cut on and said, "That's all, you had already found the rest." I went into his bathroom and got a wet towel and the Medkit so I could fix the gash on his side, "let me see your cut" he moved so I could clean it up, I could see he was still having some muscle spasms.

"You ok I asked?"

"I have felt better" he replied.

I finished fixing him up then sat next to him on the couch.

"Is your jaw ok?" he suddenly replied.

I'll take care of it in a minute, let me get this cut to stop bleeding"

Harry sat there nervously on the couch for a few minutes more then suddenly sprang up on his feet. "I feel like I am going to crawl out of my skin" he yelled, he turned to me and in a pleading voice asked if he could just take one more, that that would be all he would need to get him through this.

"No Harry," it will just prolong the withdrawal symptoms" I could see him tensing up again, this up and down in his moods was really wearing on my nerves, just as I think he is going to calm down he goes off again.

"Tom, please I only have the three then I would have know choice!" he tried bargaining with me.

"Harry, we do it now, not later, you're already through most of it"

Harry turned around, walked over to his table and just threw everything on it including the Padds I was working on, onto the floor. I was glad he at least didn't attack me, but I couldn't allow him to destroy his quarters either, so I told him to give me twenty

"No" he told me defiantly.

Standing to my full height, and knowing I couldn't let him get away with it I said, "I gave you an order Ensign!"

"I guess you are going to have to make me."

I didn't even hesitate; before he knew what hit him I had him face down on the floor with me practically sitting on top of him, I said into his face, "Now you either give me the twenty or I walk out that door and this time I won't turn back, and you can kiss your career and everything else good bye do you got it?"

He mumbled something back to me, as well as one could with their face eating carpet.

"Excuse me, I didn't quite here that?"

"I said OK, I'll do them!"

I got up and gave him a few minutes to recover his breathing, and then he started his twenty.

Harry did his twenty then stopped and looked up at me, I wanted to make sure he would still obey me so I told him to do twenty more, he kind of looked at me like he might not, but then he got back down and did twenty more. "

"Would you like to try and eat something or do you want to try and sleep?"

"I think I would just like to sit her for awhile"

I got up and started picking up the Padds and things that he had thrown to the floor, when after watching me for a few minutes Harry got up and started picking up what was left of his coffee table.

"Tom, did you ever go through anything like this?" Harry asked as we were finishing getting everything cleared up.

"Yes Harry, I have though mine was with alcohol, a little slower to get hooked but just as addictive."

"Would you mind telling me about it?"

I knew that it was important to Harry to know, though I usually kept these things to myself, if it helped Harry I was willing to let him in a little on my sordid past life. "It's not a part of my life I am particularly proud of, but I don't mind telling you."

"First though lets get something to drink."


I then replicated some beverages and sat down across from Harry (now minus a coffee table) and worked up some courage to tell Harry about a time (one of several I suppose) of my life that I have not mentioned to a lot of people.

Well as you already know, after the incident at Caldik Prime I got a quick boot out of starfleet, I knew I deserved it, three people died because of my playing hot shot pilot and then I lied about it, that is what having an Admiral for a father who expects too much out of you gets, but my conscience wouldn't let me live that lie so I told the truth, and I didn't regret telling the truth but I had absolutely know idea what to do outside of starfleet!! That is all I knew from the time I was born, and my father had grilled me in no other way, I'll I wanted was to fly, well not totally true, sailing was always a secret wish of mine, but my father made that option out of the question, and I do love flying, not only do I love it I am very good at it! I knew my father was ashamed or maybe I should say just plain embarrassed by me so I knew that staying home would not be an option, so I started drifting around picking up odd jobs here or there, enough to make a few credits. But nothing would overly satisfy me and I found myself stopping at bars more and more often to drown out the emptiness I felt, yet I would not allow myself to be fulfilled in anything, maybe I secretly felt I still needed to be punished more for killing my three friends?

Anyways my bar visits were becoming more and more a part of my daily life, and I was quickly spending my credits on drinking and girls, I didn't care who they were, and they too were not looking for any committed relationships so it would always be beneficial to us both. Now that I think back I can't believe how stupid I had been, I am surprised I am alive to tell about this, there were many times when I was rolled or beaten up, but I just didn't care at the time whether I lived or died, so I didn't really try and stop it.

Through my odd jobs, that were getting harder to get because of my constant drunkenness, I finally ended up making my acquaintance at a bar called "Sandrines" and owned by a barkeeper by the name of "Ricki", for some reason she took a liking to me and I liked her back, no not in a sexual way, more as a companion that was willing to give me a shoulder to lean on and an ear to talk to. She let me use a room she had up above the bar where she lived and many times I would wake up in bed, cleaned up and fresh clothes folded nearby. I became quite the pool hustler when I wasn't so drunk I didn't know what I was doing, but it gave me credits and I was able to pay for my bar tab.

That went on for a good couple of months, but Ricki was getting impatient with my constant drunkenness, she kept saying I could be so much more, that I had so much potential yet I was determined to waste it away on booze.

On night when I was quite drunk, and had just lost a lot of credits in a pool game, because of my inability to concentrate and my shaky hands, I had ordered a drink straight up and Ricki brought me a coffee instead, I shoved it off the bar and told her to bring me a real drink!! A man suddenly grabbed my arm and swung me around. "She is just trying to help you!"

"I don't need her help, if I wanted a mother hen I would go home!" I yelled at him, I could see in the background I had hurt her by the look on her face, and the man just grabbed me and knocked me across the jaw, and all I could see were stars. "You know Paris, I can see why you are such a loser, you're an idiot, you don't know a good thing even if it's handed to you on a plate, I expect an apology to her now or I realign the other side of your face too!"

I was planning on apologizing to her anyways, I had not meant to hurt her and no matter what this man thought I was not always totally thoughtless in my actions, so I apologized to her and when I turned back around he was walking out of the bar, I didn't even get his name.

Ricki grabbed my arm and headed me upstairs and this time I let her, besides my head was still reeling from the punch. But instead of her usual helping into bed, she told me that he was right, and I was going no where fast, she told me that she wanted me to quit drinking before it completely took over my life, she said if I didn't she was going to kick my derriere from here to eternity and then right out the front door!

Needless to say, I didn't pay too much attention to her, I tried to not drink for a day or two but eventually I was back to my usual drinking, besides I needed it, it was my vice, my security, and no one was going to take that away from me, and I knew deep down I was already pretty hooked on it. I would find myself going to other local bars, like that would make her not notice if I was drinking or not, but I always came back to the room above her bar.

One night I had once again snuck out to another local bar and when I came back I could not see her anywhere in the bar area, I figured she was probably back in the kitchen area, so I quickly headed upstairs to my room, but when I got up there into my room I found Ricki there waiting for me with her arms folded across her chest with a very angry look on her face, I knew I was in for it now.

She confronted me about my drinking, and like I always do I first tried charming her then joking with her. Well it wasn't going to work this time; I had pushed her once too many times. She told me to turn around and bend over, I was needless to say quite shocked, even though she had said she would do that, I did not think she would really DO that! Feeling very stupid, I bent over and true to her word she then kicked me in my rear out into the hallway and told me I was not to come back until I could talk with her sober!

"I'm glad you didn't use that method with me!" Harry interrupted

"Oh don't think it didn't cross my mind Harry, and may yet if your not careful." I could see in Harry's face trying to contemplate whether I would really do that or not.

For a couple of weeks after that I went around like I had before Sandrine's and kind of bar hopped from one bar to the other, but I found it didn't appeal to me like Sandrine's had and I missed her bantering, I also wasn't enjoying drinking as much as I used to and decided I would do as she wished and call it quits, she was right it just wasn't worth it.

After pleading, begging and promising my soul she let me back into her establishment, and I held to that promise of never being drunk around her again.

I eventually started helping her around the bar, fixing things up and trying to make up for some of the guilt and all the trouble I had caused for her when the man that had punched me a while back came into the bar.

"How are you doing Paris?"

"How do you know me?" I asked "and who are you?"

"I am desperate Paris, or I wouldn't be sitting here right now, because I don't like you, and I don't like your attitude, but we need a good pilot and if your not a drunk, you're the best pilot around"

"Well I am not a drunk" I looked over and smiled at Ricki "and I am the best pilot around, but for whom and for how much?"

"The Maquis and enough to get you going again!"

I watched this man, to see if he was really serious or just playing with me, I wanted nothing more then to fly again and he was offering me that chance, but he also already admitted he didn't like me and I wasn't overly crazy about him, he already had knocked my head off once and I didn't doubt he would do so again, but I just couldn't pass up on that chance at piloting again, it was what I was born for. " Alright, I'll do it"

"Get one thing straight Paris, I won't take any crap from you, the first time you drink or create any other kind of problem your butt is mine, Got It?"

I thought everyone seems to want that piece of my anatomy lately, but I agreed and we set up a time to leave for this unspecified area of space. As he was getting ready to leave again I asked him "What is your name again?" since he still had not mentioned it, and he turned to me and said "Chakotay, your new Captain and your worst enemy!" he smiled evilly.

Ricki knew how much flying meant to me and was happy for the new arrangement, but would miss my charming attitude and looks at her bar, but was glad for me to go, and I know secretly she was proud of how I had turned my self around and now had a chance to make up for those months I was in a shambles. And I to was looking forward to this chance. Her parting words were "Watch your rear, Tom" and well the rest you pretty much know.

"Thanks Tom, I know it wasn't easy for you telling me this."

"Anything to help a friend Harry, by the way how are you feeling?"

"I can still feel my muscles trying to spasm, and your telling me your story has helped distract me, but I sure still want to take a "Clincher" if you had it, But don't worry I think I am in control now and if it gets too much I'll just do my sit ups, beats being kicked in the Derriere" Harry said with a sly smile on his face. "I think I am going to try and go back to bed, if you don't mind?"

I looked up at the chronometer and saw it was 0300 already, and suddenly my body felt like it hadn't slept in weeks, so we both bid each other goodnight and I quickly fell asleep.

Harry woke a couple of more times that night and I knew that he was still feeling the withdrawal symptoms, but he never lost control like he had earlier, and after a few moans and groans things would quiet down and he would fall asleep again.

I was in a beautiful dream, with me and B'Elanna making love on a beautiful sandy beach, when I was brought out of it by a persistent beeping. I got my groggy body off the couch and opened the door to find the Doc standing impatiently there. "Finally" he said, like I just spent the last 48 hours sleeping the whole time! "So how is Harry doing?" He asked me. I started to respond when we heard Harry in the other room "I'm awake so you might as well ask me" So me and Doc went into his bedroom where a just as groggy looking Harry was sitting up in his bed, at least his eyes looked much brighter this morning.

"Ok, Harry, how are you feeling this morning?" asked the Doc.

"Sleepy, worn out, muscles feel like they have been through the wringer, hungry but fine"

Doc took his Medkit and ran the tricorder over him a few times analyzing the results, "Well it looks like about 90% of the drug is out of your system and after doing further research on this drug, it does appear not to have any long lasting effects on your system, so if you rest today and the commander approves you may be able to return to duty tomorrow."

"Thanks Doc"

Doc then turned to me and motioned me into the living quarters, when we got there, the Doc asked me how things went and how I was holding up, I told him it was shaky there a few times and that I was tired and hungry but doing well. Doc told me he wanted me to stay with Harry a little longer and that he would give his report to Commander Chakotay, then he left.

I asked Harry what he wanted for breakfast and he obviously was hungry because he ordered pancakes, bacon and eggs with Orange Juice and Milk, either that or he knew this may be his last replicated meal for awhile, I was pretty hungry to so I ordered the same for me and we both dug in. Harry only ate about half "I think my eyes are bigger then my stomach, I just can't eat any more, I am still feeling a little queasy" "No problem, it will take awhile probably for your stomach to get back to normal after what you put it through."

I picked up the plates and then we both took a shower, which went a long ways in making us feel better. The door chimed and this time it was Chakotay. Harry immediately stood to attention no doubt thinking he was going to get dressed down but Chakotay just told him at ease and he was just here to see how he was doing. A relaxed Harry told him he was feeling better.

"The Doc gave me his report and feels that you may be able to return to duty, soon if you feel up to it and get enough rest?"

"Yes Sir, I am thinking much clearer now, and am ready to get back to my duties, thank you."

Chakotay then turned to me and asked me how I was feeling, "Fine Sir, ready to take over helm again" He just smiled, then to both me and Harry said he wanted both of us to rest today, and that I was to start on Alpha Shift in the morning. He told Harry that he would have to be relieved by Captain Janeway back to his duties and that she would be down later, you could see the dread on Harry's face. I know how he felt; I had had enough lectures from her myself.

Chakotay then left and I gathered up my Padds to go back to my own quarters where a cute chief of engineers would interrupt my resting I hoped.

"Tom"

"Yes Harry?"

"Thank you, for being there, for helping me through this, I hope you will always call me your friend?"

"Harry your nothing but the best kind of friend and always will be!"

"Thanks for the good kick in the rear" he said smiling, "but would you mind not mentioning that you had to sit on me?" he looked with pleading eyes.

I just laughed and told him I promised but I better go before we both get all sappy with each other and he agreed.

As I left Harry's quarters I comm'd B'Elanna and we set up a date as soon as she was off shift, even though it had only been 48 hours it felt like days and I knew there was no rest for the weary and I was totally looking forward to it! I felt great, I had just helped my best friend out of a hard time, I was chief helmsman on the best ship there was and I had the sexiest, most beautiful girlfriend in the galaxy, what more could I have asked for? Thanks Ricki I said to myself.

THE END