Kurushimi: Ok! My first retarded random fic! I wrote this while incredibly hyped on sugar.

Hiei: You think?

Kurushimi: Nope, not at all. On to the disclaimer. I'll take the first part. To remove all annoyances, I do not believe in the Hiei/Kurama pairings, though I find them perfectly normal and fun to read, and maybe someday write. I'm not a homophobe or anything, I just don't support the paring myself. In this fic, I was just sugar high, hence Kurama's part. (You'll see) Now, for the rest of it, here's Damian, the Deranged Man with a Hockey Stick.

Damian: Right, we own nothing, 'cept my hockey stick. And maybe ourselves. Why aren't I in this? *twitch* I have a twitchy problem….

Kurushimi: Good Damian, here's your cookie, go get it…*throws cookie* Oh, and I'm Kaizen, identity crisis I suppose, and Kristina's my bud. We were both sugar high.

Hiei's Thoughts and the Magical Coke and Ice Cream

Hiei: *thoughts* Why does Yusuke get to be the front guy? This isn't fair, I bet it's cause I'm short… But wait, if I'm the shortest, shouldn't I be in front? Wait, they wouldn't put me up front, I would get attention, and people hate it when the short guy gets attention. This blows…

Hiei: *thoughts* Or maybe it's cause I'm so much hotter than them. If I was in front, they wouldn't be noticed. Or maybe it's cause I'm not a homosexual, so if I stay in the back, all of the female fans will be scared away before they can attack me, maybe this is a good thing…

  Hiei: Not to mention, if they put me in front, Kurama would just sit there and stare at my ass. What a flaming homo. Now that I think about it, my ass is getting kinda big, but that doesn't mean some homo has to stare at it. But still, I should get to the gym, I wonder if I'll have time on Thursday. I just hope Kurama doesn't see me there, I'd hate to have him watch me work out. Knowing him, he'd stare at more than my ass. I thought it was kind of weird when I saw him as I walked into the gym, but come to think of it, I never saw him after that…

Hiei: Man, he really needs a job besides this whole Spirit Detective gig. And a life now that I think about it. He's either on a mission, or looking for me. Yes, he needs a job and a life far away from me. I should try to get him a girlfriend or something. At least a temporary one, to give me time to run somewhere far, far away. Should be easy, all the human females at his school seem to like him. Oh crap, he doesn't like girls. Or maybe he just swings both ways. Why is my life so hard, and why am I talking to myself? WHOA!!!!!!! Who just touched my?! Kurama….

Hiei: That flaming idiot, I'm going to kill him someday. I told him, I don't swing that way. I must lag behind to ensure he does not touch my ass again. My rightful place is in the back, safe in the back.

Hiei : Oh crap, Kurama looked back at me, and he looked down, that is not good. Yama save me, I have gone through much torture in my life, but nothing like Kurama. I think I'll walk backwards now. Oh crap, that will just give him a perfect view of my ass. But maybe they won't notice I'm gone, I'll just make a run for that tree over there. Oh damn it, Kurama is watching me again. I was wrong, Kurama would definitely notice I'm gone, he won't stop staring.

Kaizen: This is fun. Hiei's thoughts sure are fun to read. I should do this more often.

Kristina: I agree completely. This is the most fun I have had in a while now!

Kurama: Yes, I feel the same way.

Kaizen and Kristina: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Kaizen: Run! It's him, the flaming homo!!!!! *dashes away, zipping past Kristina*

Kristina: Don't worry, I'm running, I'm running! *runs and catches up with Kaizen*

Kaizen: We must save Hiei!!!!! He may be powerful, but Kurama's gay ways may corrupt our little fire demon!!!!!! *turns into Yoko form* DIE KURAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristina: *rushes toward Hiei and pushes him away from Kurama Matrix style*

Kaizen: *turns to Kurama* I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TAKE MY HIEI AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Kuwabara: What's going on behind us? It sounds kinda bad, maybe we should check.

Yusuke: Nah, just ignore it, Kuwabara, I'm sure it is nothing at all to worry about.

*While Kurama is distracted by Yusuke and Kuwabara's conversation, Kaizen and Kristina push Hiei up into a tree*

Kaizen: *comes out of tree to face Kurama* Your Yoko spirit has been corrupted by your gay human mind, it is a shame, Kurama. *shakes head* A shame indeed. *reverts to regular demon form* Using my Black Dragon, I will burn you to a crisp in the name of Hiei!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kuwabara: Yusuke, are you sure we shouldn't turn around? I think something's going on back there.

Yusuke: It's fine, Hiei's back there, and he'll kill anything that attacks him, we're fine.

Hiei: Yusuke's right! And Kurama attacked my wonderful ass!!!! Die Kurama!!!!!

Yusuke: And besides, turning around would just show the world how paranoid we are.

Kurama: If you want me to die Hiei, I will die for you! *waits for Hiei to attack him*

Hiei: (0_0) Uhhhh, what? I'm not doing you any favors, so kill yourself. Oh, and don't do anything "for me", you weird me out. *whispers* Run.

Kurama: What was that my love? What would you like to do for you now, Hiei?

Hiei: Uhh, run away? Yeah, that's it, I want you to run away, yeah that's what I was saying.

Kurama: *runs away from Hiei, Kaizen and Kristina* LIKE THIS HIEI?????!!!!!

Kristina: I think he's going to hit that tree. He isn't exactly watching where he's going…

Kaizen: Yeah, that will be funny. He's not watching where he is going cause he's too busy staring at…. *stares at Hiei blankly, slightly drooling* Sorry, what was I saying?

Kristina: Right…. Maybe Kurama just had one too many margaritas this morning.

Kaizen: Man, I can take booze and most other things easily, but for some reason, Coke makes me crazy. And it's only regular coke, Diet and Cherry Coke don't do it at all.

Hiei: That is odd. What about Vanilla Coke, what does that do to you when you drink it?

Kaizen: Nothing, well, it does make me barf, I hate that stuff. It tastes horrible.

Hiei: I see your point, who's idea was that anyway? That's just wrong, it's horrible at that.

Kristina: *hiccup* Me too *hiccup* This calls for a little of the BUBBLY!!!!!

Kaizen: That reminds me, Sparkling Cider does it too, that's weird, imitation wine crap does it, but not the real thing. *shrugs*

Kristina: For me it is Sprite. That is unfortunate, however, I love my Sprite. Oh look, Kurama hit a tree.

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Kurushimi: Ok then! That concludes the beginning of the insanity! What do you think?!

Hiei: I think you are a sad and deranged little girl.

Kurushimi: No, Damian's the only Deranged one around here….

Damian: Review, or I'll hunt you down! I have a hockey stick!