Morty awoke to someone banging on his back door. He had just fallen asleep on his couch after smokin' some SICK ASS dope and was confused as to what the sound he heard was. He automatically assumed that Rum Tum Tugger, the curious cat from the musical Cats, had arrived at his house to slay him.
"OH SHIT! I KNEW THIS DAY WAS COMING!" Morty jumped frantically off his couch and ran over to his hall closet, where he kept a baseball bat. He put the bat aside for this situation specifically. Ever since Eusine had made him go see Cats, Morty had a feeling that Rum Tum Tugger was out to get him. It could have just been the fact that Morty was flying high when he saw the musical, but no matter. He was a mystic seer for God's sake! He knew this day was coming. The gym leader snuck through his hallway to the front door, swatting Gengar out of the way as the ghost popped out of the wall. Morty wasn't in the mood for his Pokemon's actions right now. He was strictly business. As he approached the door, the stoner's heart was nearly pounding out of his chest. These could be the last breaths he could ever take. He lifted his shaky hand and rested it on the doorknob, slowly starting to turn. "I never wanted my life to end at the hands of a singing cat." His mind was racing. Slowly but surely, he opened the door.
"OH MY GOD MORTY HELP ME I'M AT MY WIT'S END."
It was only Eusine.
"Dude…..calm down" Morty was a bit disappointed. He kind of wanted to duke it out with ol' rum Tum Tugger. Instead, he got to see his crazy friend looking a mess and nearly in tears. Eusine leaped forward and embraced his dazed friend.
"I…I just need to talk to someone."
"Fine…..come in and sit down. It's not like I was doing anything important." Morty lied. He thought what he was doing was very important. Sleep trumps everything. Eusine ran into Morty's living room and plopped down on the couch, with Morty slowly walking after him. "So….what's your problem?"
"Morty! No one is listening to me! My mom told me to stop acting so childish, my girlfriend doesn't understand, and everyone else thinks I'm cray cray!"
"Wait….what you got a girl?"
"That's not the point! Just listen to me! My whole life. MY WHOLE LIFE, I have been searching for my one true love, Suicune. Why can't I find it, Morty? Why? Tell me." By this time, tears were running down Eusine's face. Like he lost something that he couldn't replace. Hopefully lights would guide him home but at the moment, Morty just stared at his friend. They have been through this scenario seven hundred and fifty two times. Frankly, Morty was getting sick of dealing with it. The ghost trainer stood and and ruffled his friend's hair, making it more messy than it was before.
"You'll be okay, kid."
"Morty stop you tell me that all the time. Things are different this time. I've been having fantasies, Morty. FANTASIES. I can't get them out of my head. I'm gonna go insane."
That last part really got to Morty. It could have been the weed working its magic, but Morty burst out laughing.
"Ha ha HAHahaHAH dude you're already insane what are you talking about?"
"I'm serious. Look into the future or something. Tell me what I could do to grab my baby's attention."
Just then, a commercial for CuddleUppets came on the TV. Eusine stopped complaining for a second and stared at the TV.
"Morty…..they all look like you."
"That's not the first time I've heard that," Morty said in reply as he was wrapping up another sweet joint.
"Back to what I was saying, though," Eusine turned to look Morty dead in the eyes. Morty shivered. It felt like Eusine was staring into his soul. "Tell me, Morty. Tell me what Suicune wants to see. What gets its motor running? How can I please my constant Suicune boner?"
"Stop."
"This means everything to me. I've been looking for Suicune since I was a teenager."
"You need help."
"Yeah…help from YOU!"
Morty sighed. He obviously wasn't gonna be left alone until he told Eusine what he wanted to hear. Just that second, Morty had an epiphany. "Man…..Eusine is so desperate. I wonder if I could get anything out of him?" Morty liked this thought. He always acted Jewish when it came to money and possessions.
"Aww gee Eusine….I don't know if I could do this for you. My mind is so cluttered with other information right now. It's gonna be really hard to find what you want."
"I'll do ANYTHING!"
"Hmm….anything you say? Buy me Dragon Ball Z on DVD. That is the only thing that will make me happy."
"You still watch that shit? Lame."
"Just do it. I won't tell you if you don't."
"Fine fine fine. Just spit it out!" By this time, Eusine was on the edge of his seat, staring at Morty with some kind of weird lust in his eyes. Weirdo.
"Suicune likes sunglasses. He desires a master with sunglasses. If you want to catch Suicune's attention, you must hunt for it while wearing sunglasses." Morty was spewing bullshit but Eusine would never know. All that mattered is that Morty would have something else to watch while stoned.
"Oh. My. LAWRD! IT WAS THAT SIMPLE? Morty, you're a life saver! I love ya bro, I really do." Eusine stood up and shook Morty's hand before he pulled his friend into a bro-hug. "I'll see you tomorrow so we can go down to Goldenrod Department Store and get sunglasses!" Eusine automatically assumed that Morty was going to go shopping with him. He wasn't gonna take no for an answer.
Morty groaned and threw himself back on his couch as Eusine strutted out of the house, head held high.
After he prayed in his Suicune shrine, Eusine snuggled all up in his bed, as visions of Suicune danced through his head.