Birds are my favourite animals; any type, really. To me, they're a symbol of freedom and possibility. Have you ever looked up in the sky and wondered where they were going or why they were going there? They mesmerize me in a certain way. When they spread their wings and soar, I see myself. I want the opportunity to glide through life, to do what I want. I want to be say I have a plan for the future, but am just making a few pit stops along the way. It may take a couple months, it may take a year or two –maybe even a decade, who knows? – but in the end, I want to be able to say I made it. I did what I set out to do and I'm content with myself and my decisions. But life doesn't always play out the way you want it to. Sometimes things happen that make you reroute the life into a more appropriate direction.
Late March of 2012, I met a cute stoner boy called Jason Deeps. Boy was he a looker; chopping chestnut coloured hair with matching eyebrows, light hazel eyes with faint specks of green, a firm, defined jawline, and tan skin with beauty marks were scattered around his face and neck making him look even more angel-like. Ryan, my boyfriend at the time, didn't even compare to him. Ryan was gorgeous, not doubt, with his strawberry blonde hair that he was letting grow out and piercing blue eyes, but Jason… it was like my eyes couldn't stop looking at him. It was like they needed to fixate themselves on his chiselled features.
I sat in the inside of the booth with my knees pulled up my chest, occasionally sipping from the cup of black coffee in front of me.
Kathleen was seated next to me while Ryan and Nolan were flipping through a car magazine across the table.
"Shouldn't you be sleeping, kid?" Kathleen glanced at me quickly before continuing her game of Temple Run.
"I guess." I mumbled gnawing on my nails.
"Don't you have school?"
"Not till morning."
She chuckled and nodded in an approving manner.
Kathleen, Matt, and Nolan were out of high school already while I was just finishing up my senior year. They were all considerably 2 or 3 years my senior and doing nothing, but partying it up and getting lifted. Matt and Nolan were in a band together named Four, but there's five of them… Yeah, I don't get it either.
The bell to Jim's rung signalling the whole diner that someone had either walked out or walked in. Considering we were the only people here including the elderly man in the corner and none of us had left, someone had obviously walked in. The sound of their echoing footsteps came closer then stopped. Out the side of my eye, I noticed a silhouette standing in front of our table. I raised my head and my eyes almost instantly connected with a pair of the lightest hazel orbs. The owner of those beautiful eyes winked at me; however not in a suggestive way.
He then cleared his throat catching the attention of everyone at the table.
"Well, fuck me! What are you doing here, man!" Matt spoke with wide eyes.
The guy shrugged with a smirk. "Needed a break and decided to come down to see what you faggots were up to."
"Ohmygosh, hey Jason!" Kathleen exclaimed.
Jason smiled down at her. "Hey Kath. How you been?"
"Good, good."
"Nice." He replied with a nod of his head.
"Carter, I give you Jason Deeps. Jase this is my girlfriend Carter." Matt said with a huge smile on his face. My lips curved downward into a frown as I realised Matt never seemed THAT happy with me…
The smirk made a reappearance on Jason's face as his gaze switched back to me. "Hey Carter."
"Sup."
His eyes stayed on me for much longer than they should have, then Jason started up again.
"So, I was looking to get into some trouble tonight." He said with a sly smile.
Out of everything I could possibly remember in my life, that night was the most vivid because from that day on, my life took a complete three-sixty.
I was laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling when my phone started blasting. Not moving my gaze from the ceiling, I reached over and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"It's Jason."
My eyes widened and I shot up into a sitting position. "How'd you get my number?" I questioned.
A moment passed before he replied. "That doesn't matter. You wanna chill today? Just you and me?"
My eyes scanned over my room as I nervously bit my nails. "Err, yeah sure."
"Great. I'll be there in 5." He replied almost instantly then click. He hung up just like that.
I slipped on my converses and grabbed a sweater then headed outside. I didn't bother telling my mom or leaving a note because she was out of town like always and my dad had lost his battle with cancer a few years before.
Walking out my door, I noticed Jason carelessly idling outside. He sat leaned up against the car with a cig hanging out the side of his mouth.
After a few more puffs, he took the cancer stick out his mouth and threw it on the road then squashed it with his foot.
"You ready to go?" He asked. I just hummed in response and slipped in the passenger side of the car.
That day we drove. We didn't have a specific destination in mind, we just drove until we couldn't drive anymore and I felt free and in control. I didn't realise it till just the other day, but Jason actually taught my something that day. He taught me that I didn't need to have everything planned out like the rest of my friends. He taught me that going with the flow isn't all the bad and sometimes, it actually leads somewhere you never thought you'd ever go before.
Lying in the middle of the field with Jason staring up at the stars, I can't but wonder how we got here. Never would I change this though, never would I change us.
"I still have that dream sometimes. I do. I come home from the store and find you on my doorstep with a suitcase." Jason says to me breaking our silence. "And not your entire wardrobe. Just a carry-on, a duffel bag. We don't say anything, but you have this look in your eye that kills me. It just…" He cuts himself short shaking his head lightly. "And I unlock the door and let you in. Then…that's it. That's the dream. When I wake up, I wake up happy…vibrating for a few seconds with my head in the sand."
I turn my body to face him while tugging my sweater with me, shielding my body from the cold breeze.
"Then it goes away." He continues with a sigh. "You go away. I really don't want to get out of bed then because it's cold out there, but I do. I get up. Life goes on."
Gently, I turn his head to face me.
"Tell me you love me."
You know when you're with someone; you just want to be filled up with this, this energy. You just wanna…vibrate. And that's what we do now; we vibrate.