Author's Note: I have not written a fan fiction in so long. It always comes back to this – Karasu and Kurama. Somehow I write them effortlessly without thinking. I don't think this pairing will ever leave me.
The Fall
As I felt the vines of your plant spreading throughout my body, this is what I was thinking. It wasn't just about you, my darling, but about everyone I had ever loved. I saw them all reflected in your face. The way you looked at me was the same as them – disgust, hatred, and fear. I was nothing but a monster to you. As I was to them.
I thought about the very first boy. He was smaller than you. More frail. I loved him so dearly, Kurama. I never wanted to hurt him. The way he looked at me with those wide, innocent eyes… it was enough to melt my heart. This is mine, I would think to myself. This boy belongs to me. I felt proud of this, because he was so beautiful. I could see the way other men looked at him. He only ever looked at me.
One day I touched him on his face. It was nothing more than that. I just wanted to feel the softness of his skin. He was smiling up at me, about to say, "I love you, Karasu." I was smiling back, so happy just to look at him. My powers had not yet surfaced. I was young. If I had known then what I do now, I would not have touched him.
I still remember the sound of his face breaking. The feeling of his blood smear across my face.
There was another, much later in my life. I was more careful with this one. I understood my power much better. Isn't it funny, Kurama? There is always a problem. There is always something that takes them away from me. Just when I had fixed the old problem, a new one arose.
This was when Toguro took me. I did not believe that Toguro was stronger than me. How could he be? I could destroy someone just by touching them. Toguro was certainly no match for someone like me.
I remember everything about that day. Toguro broke my boy, just to show me how cruel he could be. The boy looked at me the way you do. I was a terrible monster who was watching him die. I was doing nothing to stop Toguro.
My boy's bones were crushed almost instantly. I heard his soft cry. I did not have the strength to fight back after that. I surrendered immediately and let Toguro have me. After all, what was I to live for now?
Throughout the years there were more and more boys, but all of them had to be disposed of one way or another. You were the last, my dear. I think I cherished you most of all.
I remember that night when you came to me in the hotel. The moon was so bright, wasn't it? You looked so lovely in that light. I pressed my lips against yours and you pushed me away. I smiled and told you how beautiful you were. You frowned and told me to go to hell. Why, Kurama? I just wanted a taste of you. I just wanted to know what it was like.
The vines spread deeper into my body. You watched me die without a single ounce of regret on your face. If only you had known, darling, just how much you meant to me. Did you know? I never wanted to hurt you. If I hadn't broken you, someone else would have. If I hadn't tried to kill you, Toguro would have done it for me.
Isn't that funny, Kurama?
My blood left me then, all of it. I watched your face carefully as I shriveled up. The quietness of the stadium was too much to bear. I remember feeling the ground hit me hard. I don't even remember the fall – just the look on your face. And the ground. And the darkness.
I am sorry, Kurama. I forgot how to be gentle to someone. I forgot how to tell someone I love them. All I knew was how to hurt and how to destroy. Things could have been different, right? If I could have remembered those things?
The last thing I remember was hearing the crowd cheer. The plant enveloped me entirely. I heard you stand up, smile, thank God you were alive. Isn't that funny? I spent all my time destroying the ones I loved in order to protect myself. I didn't want to watch them suffer a worse fate. I realize now – the only way I could have protected them was to destroy myself. Here I am, dying, and there you are. Alive.
Enjoy this life, Kurama. I have died so you could live. Remember that.