The Fault In Our Stars FanFiction

The Day All Changed

The slow beeping continues to echo through my head even after it has long stopped. I sit up from the cold, white bed where I was laying. I blink the daze from my eyes and focus on the nurse who has entered the room. She looks old and bored, but she manages to give me a small smile. "Your test for Thyroid Lung Cancer was a success Miss Lancaster. We will see you in a week to give you your results." I fiddle with my sleeve, not looking her in the eyes. "Okay." I wait for her to leave but she pauses at the door. With one hand on the knob she turns back to me. "Don't worry hon, it's just a test. Nothing's guaranteed just yet." Then she slips out of the room. I bit my lip and hold back tears. She doesn't understand, it's more than a test.

I wait on the bed, not sure what else to do. This room feels so empty. I think to myself. They should really put something else in here, like a picture frame or maybe some chairs. That would make it feel less bare. Instead of this one bed, and the white walls. The blank, white walls. I suddenly feel panicked as my eyes dart around the room. Glancing at each wall in turn. My breathing comes fast, and it hurts. Oh god it hurts! Hyperventilating probably isn't best for a girl who was just tested for lung cancer, but I couldn't help it. My lungs heaved as they seeked the air that wouldn't come. At last I broke and started sobbing. It was all just too much for a 13-year-old to handle. I sobbed in the room that would tell me my future. I could feel my face getting red and my eyes swelling. I have never been a pretty crier. I fall back onto the bed and lay there on my side. A puddle forming under my cheeks. I try to calm down the best I can, taking deep breaths and sitting up. I wipe my eyes and nose, wishing for some tissues. "Keep yourself together Hazel." I say to myself. "It'll be okay." My voice comes out like a whisper.

I don't know how long I sat there, might have been ten minutes might have been an hour, but at some point the doors opened again. I was pacing the room, trying not to stare at the eerie white walls, when suddenly the door flung open. Two bodies collided with me before I realized what was going on. "Hazel, oh Hazel honey. Are you alright?" My mother pulled back from our hug so she could get a good look at me. Her eyes were red and sore, she'd been crying. "Hazel, baby, answer me. Are you okay? Is there anything we can do?" She ran her fingers through my long, brown hair and hugged me again. I just shrugged, not trusting my voice. Then my dad was there, standing above me and looking at my face. He was a mess. His usually tiny hair was tangled and his face was blotchy. Tears streamed down his cheeks. My dad cries a lot. He got down to my level and looked me straight in the eye. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have too. I just nodded and felt tears popping back into my eyes. I hugged them both tightly again as we walked out of the white room.

The car ride home was long and awkward. I sat in the back seat, my head against the window. None of us spoke, the only sound was coming from our old radio. My mom was driving, trying to concentrate on the road but her eyes kept darting back to me in the mirror. My dad was still crying silently. "Hazel, honey, do you want to go out to dinner? Or grab a movie?" My mother's voice was full of worry. "Anything you want." I shrug, still looking out the window. My mom sighs."We could go get some ice cream." I shake my head. "I just want to go home." My voice cracks and I bit my lip. My mom lets out a long breath, obviously distressed. "Alright sweetie. We'll go home." My dad couldn't help but sob.

Our car pulled into the driveway of our small, two bedroom town house. I slip out the door and up our steps before either of my parents could start another sorrowful conversation. I couldn't take seeing the pity in their eyes one more time. I just wanted to be alone to try and figure this out by myself.

Lets just say that I didn't get much sleep that night.

The next day of school had been a disaster. Somehow news about my test had leaked throughout the school. Teachers gave my looks full of sympathy and I got out of a lot of homework. This didn't bother me much, I have never been one for math. It was the kids that I couldn't take. My friends would crowd me with too many questions. People that I've never talked to would ask me what it was like. I told them all the same thing, "I just sat in a room, then went through this big machine thing. No big deal." But they would keep pushing. Half way through the day I had had enough. I was getting really irritated and claustrophobic. Even my best friends didn't understand that I needed space. But I was doing the best that I could by staying calm. But at one point I snapped.

That was when my PE teacher tried to make me run laps around the track. He was a big man who was not one for feelings. He obviously had not gotten the memo that I might have lung cancer and when I told him that this is why I could not run laps, he just laughed. I had only ran half a lap when my lungs caved in. I feel to my knees, grabbing my chest. I gagged and heaved but it seemed like all of the air had been sucked off the earth. My face turned blue and I couldn't move. Paralyzed in both pain and fear. He had to carry me to the nurse's office. I could hear the principal reprimanding the foolish teacher. My lungs started to calm down and I sucked in large breaths. After that I heard the red-faced gym teacher leave the room in a rush. I peeked through the connecting doors to find the principal looking flushed and very disrupted. He sat back down in his chair and picked up the phone.

He stared at it for a few seconds, dialed a number, took a big breath, then pressed call. "Hello, Mrs. Lancaster?" I groaned. He was calling my mom. I knew for a fact that my mom would not be happy about this. Apparently Mr. Finch knew that as well. He ran a shaky hand through his hair and talked into the phone. "This is principle Finch... Yes I'm fine thank you... We'll you see, I'm afraid that there was a mishap with your daughter Hazel...Oh no no she's fine now. She was just having some trouble with her lungs... Yes she's breathing just fine... Yes... You can come pick her up wherever you like... I assure you Mrs. Lancaster that she is quite alright... Well, no... There was a small miscommunication with her gym teacher... Mrs. Lancaster please calm down... I am very sorry but... Okay, I understand... I will see you in a few minutes... Goodbye."

He let out a long breath and set the phone down. I had a feeling that my mom wasn't exactly kind to Mr. Finch. I looked away from my principal as he put a hand to his forehead in defeat. I stepped away from the doors, retreating back into the nurse's office. I crawled back onto to hard bed in the nurse's office, which was very uncomfortable, and focused on my breathing. I close my eyes and wait for my mom. She arrived exactly four minutes later and she had a long talk with Mr. Finch: a long talk that involved lots of yelling from my mom's side and a lot of pleading and apologies from Mr. Finch. I sat in the hallway and tried not to listen but it was kind of hard. While I was sitting on the floor, tracing the patterns in the cracks of the floor, a younger boy walked by and gave me a curious look. Then he heard the yelling and hurried off. Even he knew not to mess with an angry mom.

After a good twenty minutes my mom huffed out of the office and nearly tripped over me. She grabbed my arm and pulled to my feet, not too gently I might add. Mr. Finch tried to call after her as she dragged me out of the school doors, but she just kept walking. She was walking fast and her grip on my arm was extremely tight. We basically jogged across the parking lot to our car. I collapsed into the front seat of the car, very out of breath but not panicking. She jumped into the drivers seat and slammed the car into reverse. My mom drove out of that school parking lot ten times faster than I have ever seen her drive.

Mom didn't say anything for a long time, but it was very obvious that she was furious. We were driving in complete silence when she suddenly blurted out, "You're never going back to that school." I was shocked, I had seen my mom mad but this was completely different. She was quiet and seemed to have calmed down a bit. But not going to that school? That was over reacting. "What?" I spluttered. "I said you are never going back to that school. Ever." Her voice hard as stone. I looked up at her. "Mom that's crazy. I have to go back to school." Her eyes were completely focused on the road. "You will go back to school, cancer or no cancer, but it will not be that school. Understand me?" I shook my head. "No, mom, I don't understand. I'm okay. Yeah my teacher is an idiot, but I'm totally okay. You are way over reacting." The car jerked as she slammed her hand against the steering wheel. "Over reacting? Hazel, do you hear yourself? You almost died! You could have died on that track! And they didn't do anything about it. They didn't even call the ambulance! I will not put my daughter in that danger again." I put my head down, staring at my hands. "Mom, I-" My voice was small and weak. I took a breath."I said I was okay. That's why they didn't call an ambulance. I said that I was fine because I was." She let out an angry breath and opened her mouth but I started talking first. "Besides, it's almost the end of the year. We could pull me out of school then." She looked very unconvinced so I tried to reason with her. "I have lots of projects I'm working on. And what about all of my friends? I can't just leave! They will think something's wrong." Mom started yelling then, "Something is wrong Hazel! Something is very wrong! Your friends will have to deal with it. No more school. And that's that." I blinked back tears. She never yells at me, never. I was both surprised and hurt. "But mom-" I wiped my eyes. "No Hazel! No means no! No more school right now. Period." I nodded my head and looked out the window. I wasn't going to push her anymore, I knew that it would be no use. I wasn't going back to that school. I didn't even get to say goodbye to my friends.

Once at my house I jump out of the car before mom can open her mouth. I dash up the front steps and hurry through the kitchen. I take the stairs two at a time. Only half way up the steps do I realize that I can't breathe. I sit on the stair and struggle for breath. All of the stress and the craziness of today just crashes down on me. It was also all of the running through the house. As I wheeze in and out when my dad rounds the corner. "Hazel? Are you…" His face fills with panic when he sees me doubled over for breath. He takes two big strides and then picks me up in his arms. I cough and my lungs burn. He rushed into the living room and straight into mom. "What in the world? Hazel? Hazel! Baby, what happened?" All signs of the conversation we just had vanished. I finally get a good breath in. "I'm fine." I can barely get the words out and I collapsed into a fit of coughing. My mom looks up at my dad with fearful eyes. "Call the hospital! Hurry." My dad sets me down on the sofa. I try to talk but I can't make a noise. My lungs are literally on fire. My dad rushes out of the room, in search of a phone. I suck in three good breaths before I cough a little. "No." It comes out a whisper. Take a deep breath. "No, I'm okay." My troubled mother looks down at me. I feel my breaths starting to come normally. "No ambulance. I'm okay." My mom gets right down at my level, her hands on my shoulders and her eyes piercing into mine. "Hazel, what just happened?" I look down at my hands. "I couldn't breathe." I croak. "Hazel, honey, when you can not breath then there is something wrong. Something is not okay. You need to go back to the hospital." I look back up at her, feeling stricken. She looks so old. A mother who has been wound down over time by the stress and worry. I felt like it was all my fault. I buried my face in my hands and cried. I didn't want to cry in front of my parents but I couldn't help it. "Do you understand me now?" Her voice sounds surprisingly strong. I nod my head. "Good." I look down to find that my hands are shaking uncontrollably. I suck in a shaky breath, wiping my eyes. My dad hurries into the room. "An ambulance is on it's way." He announces. At that moment I can hear the sirens in the distance. My mother sets her jaw and nods. "Can you stand?" She asks me. I nod again, unable to speak. They both help me too my feet. One parent holding tightly to each arm: letting me know that they neither will never let go. That I am safe with them. We stumble to the door and down our front steps. By the time we reach the driveway, the ambulance is in view. It's loud sirens pierce my ears, making my brain hurt. I cough as it pulls onto the curb in front of our house, throwing dust into my face. As we make our way over to the back of the truck, people jump out to assist me. I climb aboard with the help of a young man. Both parents follow close behind. I sit on the uncomfortable bench in the back as I watch my home get smaller as we get farther away. Then it disappears completely, just like my dreams for a cancer free future. I turn my head and look up at the open road that lies in front of me. That's all anyone can really dream of, an open road.

The End