"Damn, Ryu," said Apey, "You have no idea how glad I am to be out of that STUPID-ass alternate dimension!"
"Dude, I can't believe your split personality would be such a bitch to you!" said Apey's friend Tsume Ryu, "Jeebus, that must suck!"
"Yeah, I know," muttered Apey as she took another swig of fake champagne, "Anyway, where were we?"
"I believe the narrator was finishing up his plot summation before he left us to fend for ourselves."
"Oh yeah."
Late one night, Chiba Apey and Tsume Ryu were, once again, watching anime. This time within the deep reaches of Apey's secret underground lair. Apey had just returned from her stint in the alternate dimension, so they were having a party to celebrate her return. They were dressed like slobs, sitting in lawn chairs in the living room and chugging down a bottle of fake champagne. At the moment they were watching Trigun and Legato's perpetual case of the munchies had brought on a heated debate. Okay, I'm done now. If anyone needs me I'll be at Club Med.
"Spoon/fork!"
"Spork!"
"Spoon/fork!"
"Spork!"
"Spoon/fork!"
"Spork!"
"Spoon/fork!"
"SPORK!"
"Alright alright," sighed Ryu, "Spork is funnier than spoon/fork in some situations."
"Thank you," smiled Apey triumphantly.
"Now, let's just finish watching this 'Trigun' ep," said Ryu redirecting her attention to the TV.
A few hours/episodes later, both girls were completely buzzed and laughing hysterically. "K...kuroneko-sama!" laughed Apey.
"Oh, tape's over," said Ryu as she stumbled over to the TV. Just as she motioned to eject the DVD, she fell sideways into the TV.
"Oh fuck!" groaned Apey; "You busted the TV, man!" But before either of them could say anything else, there was a swirl of dust and both girls were swept inside.
An unknown amount of time later, Apey was woken up by Ryu shaking her awake. "Man," she said grabbing her head, "I didn't know you could get a hangover from fake booze!" She slowly opened her eyes and sat up. Blinking in the bright sunlight, she looked at Ryu. "Dude, what the fuck is it? I'm not ready to get up."
"Look over there and over there," said Ryu impatiently, pointing to either side of them.
Apey looked to one side and saw a rather tall man in red with brush-like hair staring at her curiously. As she turned her head to the other side, she saw another man and this one looked like he'd been beaten with the ugly stick one too many times. Before she could say boo, the man shot at her and she fell to the ground. "Apey?! Are you okay?!" asked Ryu anxiously.
"*Gasp* *hack* My heart!" wheezed Apey.
"But you're not hit?" asked Ryu.
"No, damnit!" growled Apey jumping up, "Now could someone PLEASE explain to me what the hell is going ON here?"
Before Ryu could answer, the man who had fired started spazzing as he turned his gun towards himself and blew a hole through his navel. The girls blinked and turned, but it seemed that the other man had gone. "Ryu?"
"Yeah Apey?"
"Does something seem, I dunno, odd to you?"
"You mean other than the fact that we're in the desert and that dude just shot himself?"
"Yeah."
"No, why?"
Apey turned impatiently to Ryu. "We're animated, Ryu!"
Ryu looked at her oddly. "Did you expect to be CALM after this?"
"No!" snapped Apey, "I mean anime-type animated! Drawn and painted!"
Ryu looked down at herself. "Well I'll be damned."
~Don't rush it~
"Who said that?" gasped Ryu.
"Who said what?" asked Apey.
~Come into the saloon~
Against their will, the two girls got up and walked into the deserted saloon. At a table sat a lone man, wearing a white coat decorated in spikes and a skull. He was calmly eating some pasta and didn't even look up when they came in. ~Greetings girls~
Ryu just stood there and gaped at him. Apey looked from her back to the man. "I believe the word you're searching for is 'eep'."
Ryu turned to Apey and whispered. "If I wasn't so scared, I'd glomp him!"
The man spoke this time; "I wouldn't recommend that."
The two girls cringed. "Please don't scare us anymore, mishter." Apey pleaded.
Ryu vigorously nodded, "Yes! We had a lot to drink a while ago and I didn't bring a change of clothes so I would GREATLY appreciate if you would KNOCK IT OFF!!"
He laughed in evil bliss, but the calm aura of him didn't change. He looked at them this time and the two otakus suddenly recognized him.
"Legato!" Apey squealed Ryu nearly choked as she suddenly realized who they were dealing with. The other girl, however, was unaffected by his seemingly limitless power. "Let me see your boxers!" She wailed.
He cocked a blue eyebrow slightly. "Excuse me?"
"I bet they have FURBIES on them!!"
He seemed to glow with anger before suddenly calming down. "Unfourntunetly, you will never know. However, since I am supposed to direct you little buttheads in this dimension, I'll let you off easy."
Both of the girls listened intently to Legato, who was explaining the situation to them.
"According to Knives-sama's notes, Vash the Sissy should be somewhere in around fifty iles away from the northwestern-most part of town. You're task is to-" He paused to swallow a bite of his pasta, "To frighten Vash immensely by killing bystanders and to get my cat back, and the box of Twinkies he stole from me."
Apey and Ryu looked at each other; Ryu looked up, "Your cat?"
He nodded, "Yes, and the Twinkies..."
Apey thought for a moment. "Is your cat... black?"
"Yes."
Ryu caught her drift. "Is your cat's name.... KURONEKO-SAMA!"
This time, Legato choked on his pasta, "YOU KNOW WHAT MY CAT'S NAME IS??" he finally lost his composure, "Knives-sama is the only person who knows I even have a cat!" He thought for a second, "Welp, now you know my secret, I'll have to kill you after this."
"Damn..." Apey shook her head.
"C'mon Apey!" Ryu squealed, "I wanna go harass Vash-san!" Before Apey could reply, she was dragged out of the saloon.
As the two girls walked out Apey was embarrassed/laughing at the other. "Lookit me!" Ryu yelled to the people going about their daily lives. "We are the fourteenth and fifteenth Gung-Ho-Guns!!" She laughed loudly. "We are here to kill all of you and lure the Humanoid Typhoon out of hiding!! OhHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"
Apey FINALLY managed to shut her up and soon they had reached the spot Legato had told them about. Unfortunately, it was rather rocky, and it would be hard to find someone after nightfall.
"Where should we start looking?" Ryu questioned.
"Hey! You guys are just kids!"
They both looked up startled. "Who said that?" Apey growled and whirled around. They were staring straight down the barrel of a gun.
They both screamed and hit the ground. After a few seconds of quavering, Ryu thought for a minute. ~Waitaminute! Who in the world is fast and quiet enough to sneak up on us like that? ~
...
...
...
...
~VASH THE STAMPEDE!!!!~
She instantly leapt to her feet and glomped the poor, unsuspecting outlaw. Apey looked up cautiously to see what in the world Ryu was doing. ~Figures~ She thought.
She stood up and brushed herself off when something jabbed into her back. She craned her neck to look right in the dark eyes of a smug terrorist/priest, and of course he was holding a gun to her. She was unsure of how to react until Vash realized what he was about to do and the two of them got into a fierce argument over the value of life. Ironically enough it had saved Apey's.
After a few intense minutes, they looked away, sulkily. Vash suddenly remembered what the problem was to begin with. "Oh yeah!" He said out loud. "Why in the world are you guys saying you were Gung-Ho Guns? It's really very scary to a guy like me."
"Well, Legato asked us to do him a favor." Ryu explained. The blond man responded by cocking an eyebrow. "He wanted us to take back his box of Twinkies and find his cat."
Vash clutched his head and snarled loudly. "Those were MY Twinkies!! He stole them from me!!"
"Well, that doesn't matter!" Apey shouted. "We need to get those stupid Twinkies and the cat back before we can get back to our dimension!"
"Never!" He screamed, "Those were MY Twinkies!"
"What do you mean, WERE??" Ryu shouted griping a handful of her reddish brown hair.
"Yea, needle-noggin. Tell 'em." Wolfwood growled provokingly.
Vash glared at him. "I... uh.. got hungry..."
There was silence.
"You what?" Ryu asked quietly. "You WHAT???"
Apey slapped her head. "Quick! Tell me you have a Thomas around here!"
Wolfwood looked up and cocked a dark eyebrow, "Uh, yeah. There's two over there." He pointed behind a rock, and sure enough, two of the ugliest animals ever, sat there; waiting to be raced somewhere.
"Good," She said hurriedly. "Vash! Go with Ryu to find that stupid cat that follows you around, and Wolfwood, you're coming with me!"
He scoffed at her, indignantly. "What makes you think I'd listen to you?"
Apey near exploded with that last remark "Because if you don't, I'll be stuck here and the two of us will tag along with you everywhere!! We'll drive you to suicide!"
Vash struck his hero pose. "Suicide? That's the one word I disapprove of the most."
Ryu glared at him so icily, it could've frozen hell. "Shut up and get on the bloody Thomas!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Several hours later, Ryu rode on the smelly animal with the legendary outlaw, Vash the Stampede. Of course she was too aggravated to really care about all that mumbo-jumbo now. They had to find Kuronekosama as quickly as they could. They had tried everything. That damn cat could not be found.
Fortunately, Apey and Wolfwood were having a bit more luck. They had actually managed to find a saloon still open that sold them a box Twinkies. As they made their way out of the saloon, they saw the evil little form of the conniving Kuroneko.
Apey emitted a squeal and called it to it. It glanced up at her with bright green eyes and it liked its paw out of boredom. The anime otaku lunged at the animal, and succeeded in nabbing it by the scruff. Kuronekosama was obviously not happy with this because it began to wildly thrash about and blindly scratch whatever bodypart was closest, which, unfortunately was her Apey's face.
"OW!" She yelled, getting ready to club the stupid fleabag, "Knock it off! I'm just gonna bring you back to the Blue-haired Brainiac so me an' Ryu can GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!"
She roughly pushed the cat into Wolfwood's arms. Kurneko only replied with a mocking "Nya!"
A few hours later Apey and Ryu parted ways with Vash and Wolfwood and they made there way back to legato. The two of them walked into the bar looking quite disheveled and holding the spastic Kuroneko-sama. They groaned when they discovered that legato was no longer in the bar. "Oh come on!" Ryu whined, "Why did he leave us here!?"
A figure stepped out of the back room. It, thankfully, was Legato. Apey snarled at him. "Here!" She nearly threw the twenty-four super valu pack of Twinkies at him and Ryu shoved the cat to him.
Legato smiled briefly. "Thank you, girls. How many bystanders did you kill?"
Apey's glared darkened. "We didn't-"
Ryu quickly clamped a hand over her mouth. "We killed a bunch of people in two different saloons! Can we go now?"
Legato's eerie gold eyes lit up. "I'm very proud of you two. Too bad you have to leave so soon, you might've made good Gung-Ho-Guns."
The girls grinned brightly and they were about to say something when a blinding light flashed and they both lost consciousness.
AN: Aren't you all so glad we finally got an actual chapter out on this thing? We estimate there to be maybe…7 or 10 or somethin' chapters left. So enjoy and please review!