Author: April
Email: apesshipper@msn.com
Spoilers: None
Summary: When the unthinkable happens, Monk learns that he must move
outside his comfort zone in order to survive.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to USA Network. The only profit I
receive is feedback.
Author's Acknowledgement: I got the idea from a Garth Brooks song.
Although a seasoned fic writer, this is my first Monk piece. Please keep
in mind as you review.
Adrian Monk stood, arranging the diplomas on Dr. Kroger's walls, cleaning the non-existent dust off a table. "They should call. Why don't they call?"
Kroger felt sorry for his patient. Sharona Fleming, Monk's nurse and closest friend, had been kidnapped, an attempt to keep the detective from testifying in a huge murder trial. It had been three days and not a sign of her or her captors. "Maybe they still don't know anything." He said, the voice of reason as always.
"Even if they don't know anything, they should still call."
"Would you rather have them keeping you updated or finding Sharona?"
"Both." Monk said, finishing cleaning. He went back to sit in the chair again. "I don't get it. I let someone else into my life for what? To get hurt again?"
"It hurts."
"Isn't that what I just said?"
"Why do you think it hurts?"
"It's my fault. He took her because of me, so I wouldn't testify. If I hadn't taken the case, she would be here. I like it when she's here."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
"I do.and so do you. The answer is inside you."
"Why do you keep saying that?!?" Monk said, his anger over the past few days finally coming out. "Why am I paying you if you have all the answers, but won't tell me?"
"How do you feel?"
"Angry." He was definitely angry, both at his psychiatrist and the person responsible for Sharona's being gone. "Hurt." Every morning he woke up and remembered.Sharona was gone too. He was lonely again and he hurt like he hadn't in years. "And scared." That was the hardest to admit.
"Like after Trudy died?"
"Yes." Monk finally answered. "It hurts." He froze. "What's the date?"
"The eighteenth."
Monk frowned. "What.what time?"
"Three thirty-eight." As Kroger said the words, Monk disappeared. *****
The stadium at the All-Star game was crowded and someone was in their seats. If Sharona had been there, he would have told him to suck it up and sit somewhere else, but she wasn't there. He finally talked them into moving two seats down, although they did look at him like he was crazy, especially when he left Sharona's seat next to him open. It hurt, being there, not hearing her cheer her son, even if, from what baseball he'd learned, it didn't look as if his team were doing too well. It dawned on Monk that Benjy missed his mother just as much as he did. He felt guilty: not only had he let Sharona be taken away from him, but he hadn't taken care of Benjy for her while she was gone. He'd left that job to the captain's wife and he knew that wasn't good. She deserved more from him; she took care of everything for him and would want him to take care of her son for her.
He approached Karen Stottlemeyer after the game. "Mr. Monk. How are you?"
"Bad." He made no qualms about his condition. "I was wondering.if Benjy could stay with me.until Sharona comes back."
She looked reluctant, but then nodded. "If he wants to, he can stay with you."
"Really, Mr. Monk?" Benjy ran up to him, overhearing the conversation. "You want me to stay with you?"
"I don't know much about baseball.it's been a long time since I was a boy. I don't know what to do." He knew some of the things Sharona had done with Benjy; surely that would be enough to get them past the next few days, just until she got back.
"It's okay." Benjy reassured him as Karen walked over to greet the other parents, giving them some privacy. "First.we go out for ice cream. Double dipped, chocolate with fudge syrup and chocolate sprinkles."
Monk frowned. "Would your mom let you have that?"
"Okay, what about a Brown Cow?" Monk looked confused. "Coke float with chocolate ice cream." Monk nodded and walked off with Benjy. *****
Sharona had been in and out of conscious, starving and dehydrated. The last meal she'd had had been with Monk and Benjy, the night before she'd been kidnapped, but she couldn't remember how many days ago that was. Adrian had been over under the guise of going over his testimony and Benjy had been on his way to spend the night at a friend's house. They'd laughed and joked, even Adrian; it had been a perfect night. She wondered what had happened to them, who were taking care of them. She hoped against hope that they were taking care of each other. Both of 'her boys' were silent and shy, neither was quick to let anyone else around them, and both depended on her. Yet as quick as they were to push people away, they loved each other. In Adrian, Benjy found a father figure, one that could give him advice, and, in his own way, give him love. In Benjy, Adrian found the son that he had never had and an ally, one of the few he had. She was frightened though, that she couldn't get home to them, that something would happen to them. She remembered the last time that she'd let Adrian know she was frightened. She still couldn't believe he'd laughed, but when she'd pulled her friendship away from him, he'd been heart-broken and, as hard as it had been to admit, it had broken her heart as well. She still remembered what he had said, "I like it when I turn around and you're there." She loved it when she turned around and he was standing right next to her. She smiled as she remembered what he'd done after the elephant had killed that man. He'd taken her home, set her down in the chair, placed the throw over her, and attempted to make her hot cocoa, a stab in the dark to make her feel better by doing what she had done for him when they first met, cocoa and peppermint tea. It was funny. They'd met because Trudy had died and he hadn't left the house in three and a half years. Things hadn't been easy and she hadn't planned on it, but somewhere along the way, she fell in love with him. He was totally wrong for her, but she couldn't help loving him, despite his oddities, the way that he needed her, the way he loved Benjy. She wondered again what had happened to him, if he was really all right, if he had gone into hiding again. She prayed again for God to keep her boys safe until she could go home. When she started crying again, she found that she couldn't stop and finally cried herself to sleep. *****
Monk was vacuuming the rug into a grid position for the hundredth time when he felt like something was wrong. He turned off the vacuum and heard Benjy crying. He froze, not knowing what to do at first, but was led to the guest bedroom where the boy had his head buried in the covers.
"It's okay to cry." Monk said the same thing Sharona had told him over and over. "It's okay."
"That's what Mom says."
"She's right." Sharona was usually right. "Do you want something?"
"Mom."
"I know. I need her too."
"Why do you need a nurse anyway? You're not sick."
"I.I'm not sick, but I still need her with me. She helps me get better."
Benjy nodded. "Mom made everything better." He paused and Monk was about to leave when he finally said, "Do you really think Mom's coming home?"
"I." Monk was at a loss for words, but, instead of seeing Trudy help him this time, Sharona was standing next to him, taking care of him. "Yes, I do."
"What time is it?"
"Five oh three."
"Do I have to sleep anymore?"
"No. No, you don't have to sleep anymore. Do you want breakfast?"
"Do you know how to make French toast sticks? Mom makes great French toast."
"I could look it up."
"Okay." Monk walked to the kitchen and Benjy began to change from his pajamas to jeans and a T-shirt.
The phone rang and, despite his ravings the day before, Monk was hesitant to answer it. He smiled slightly as he could see and hear Sharona's image telling him to 'get over it' and answer the phone. "Adrian Monk."
Leland Stottlemeyer was on the other end of the line. "Monk, it's the Captain. We think we found her. Is Benjy still with you?"
"Yes."
"You might want to bring him. I'll send someone to pick you up."
"Okay." He hung up without saying goodbye and wiped the phone receiver down before calling Benjy. The boy came in and Monk searched for the right phrase. "Do you want to come with me?"
"Where?" Benjy asked, naturally curious. "Like Mom does?"
"Sort of." He didn't want to get his hopes up, just in case it wasn't her, but it had to be. His life had an order, a purpose, with her around and when she was gone, a part of him was too.
"Cool." Benjy said excitedly, going to get his baseball glove, something that always helped him think. ***** They arrived at the scene and the officer stayed with Benjy while Monk found the other cops. Stottlemeyer looked at him. "Okay, cop or not, I want you to stay out of the way, out here, until we know if she's in there or not. Is the boy okay?"
"He misses her." Monk watched, wanting to go in, wanting to help, but instead, brought himself to go back to Benjy and the officer. He couldn't do anything, so he began to pace. He was used to her being right next to him. What if they were wrong? What if she wasn't here either?
"MOM!" As Monk looked up, he saw Benjy running towards Sharona and he didn't know who he was happier for, the boy or himself. From a distance, he watched, making sure she was okay.
"Are you okay?" Sharona asked Benjy, hugging him tightly and kissing his forehead.
"Yeah. Mr. Monk took care of me."
Sharona didn't know how to respond to that. She'd hoped that was what had happened, but for Adrian Monk to volunteer his space, his time, to help with anyone else's needs was still a little new for her. She smiled across at him before turning her attention to Benjy again. "Well, I'm going to need to go get checked out. Do you want to stay with him or go to a friend's house?"
Monk had been slowly approaching them, like someone trying to sneak up on a wild animal. Benjy turned to look at him. "Can I stay with you some more?"
Monk looked at Sharona, as if to ask if she needed taking care of now. She shook her head. "I'll manage."
Monk looked back at Benjy. "Okay." *****
Sharona sat against pillows, three blue ones, and listened for a sound that either of her boys needed her. When she'd come to get Benjy, Monk had insisted she stay with him, which surprised her even more. He came in with a tray, complete with a cup on saucer, and three ham and cheese sandwiches, with mayonnaise and the crusts cut off. "If you don't want them all, I can throw them away, but you said you were hungry."
"No, it looks great, really."
"It's peppermint tea."
She smiled, remembering the first time she had made peppermint tea for him. There was no doubt in her mind that he remembered it too. He was trying to comfort her and just the thought made it all the sweeter. "You know, you can sit. I've had a shower and everything. No germs, no needles, no milk, and no death. Promise." She smiled a little more at him, trying to get him to do so too, but failing for once. "You know, this is great. No one's taken care of me, I guess since the last time you tried."
"After the elephant killed that man." Sharona shuddered, nodding. "I remember."
Of course he did. He remembered everything. "How's Benjy?"
"Fine. He's playing his baseball game. He already did his homework."
Sharona smiled. "Thanks for taking care of him. It helped a lot." Monk nodded and silence fell between the two as she ate. "Did you two already eat?"
"Benjy had pizza and more ice cream."
"And you?" He didn't answer so she took her saucer, put two halves of the sandwiches on the plate, without touching either, and handed it to him. "Eat." As usual, he obeyed her.
By the time he carried the tray back to the kitchen, washed and dried it, and then returned, Benjy was taking a shower and Sharona was almost asleep. He stood there, hiding in the shadows, watching her, before mumbling. "What did you say?" She asked, half-asleep.
"I'm sorry." He said, coming into the room a little.
She patted the chair beside the bed and, after he sat, held his hand as she did when he was upset. "About what?"
"She died because of me. You were kidnapped because of me. They could have killed you too."
Sharona instinctively knew who 'she' was. "Listen, I'm not going to argue with you about Trudy anymore, whatever you want to believe, but what happened to me was not your fault, okay? And they didn't kill me. I'm going to sleep in a bed tonight and when I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll be able to take care of you again. We'll go back to normal, like you like it. I promise."
"Promise?" He asked, making the face that symbolized why she included him as a 'boy', the helpless lost person that needed her to protect him, make everything all right again, just like Benjy and his nightmares.
"I promise." She repeated, tired.
"I'd like that." She smiled and, still holding his hand, fell asleep. By the time Benjy finished with his shower, Monk was asleep too, sitting in the chair, still holding Sharona's hand. The boy tucked the covers more around his mom, kissed her forehead, and then found a blanket to cover Monk as well, slipping out of the room unnoticed to sleep himself.
Adrian Monk stood, arranging the diplomas on Dr. Kroger's walls, cleaning the non-existent dust off a table. "They should call. Why don't they call?"
Kroger felt sorry for his patient. Sharona Fleming, Monk's nurse and closest friend, had been kidnapped, an attempt to keep the detective from testifying in a huge murder trial. It had been three days and not a sign of her or her captors. "Maybe they still don't know anything." He said, the voice of reason as always.
"Even if they don't know anything, they should still call."
"Would you rather have them keeping you updated or finding Sharona?"
"Both." Monk said, finishing cleaning. He went back to sit in the chair again. "I don't get it. I let someone else into my life for what? To get hurt again?"
"It hurts."
"Isn't that what I just said?"
"Why do you think it hurts?"
"It's my fault. He took her because of me, so I wouldn't testify. If I hadn't taken the case, she would be here. I like it when she's here."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
"I do.and so do you. The answer is inside you."
"Why do you keep saying that?!?" Monk said, his anger over the past few days finally coming out. "Why am I paying you if you have all the answers, but won't tell me?"
"How do you feel?"
"Angry." He was definitely angry, both at his psychiatrist and the person responsible for Sharona's being gone. "Hurt." Every morning he woke up and remembered.Sharona was gone too. He was lonely again and he hurt like he hadn't in years. "And scared." That was the hardest to admit.
"Like after Trudy died?"
"Yes." Monk finally answered. "It hurts." He froze. "What's the date?"
"The eighteenth."
Monk frowned. "What.what time?"
"Three thirty-eight." As Kroger said the words, Monk disappeared. *****
The stadium at the All-Star game was crowded and someone was in their seats. If Sharona had been there, he would have told him to suck it up and sit somewhere else, but she wasn't there. He finally talked them into moving two seats down, although they did look at him like he was crazy, especially when he left Sharona's seat next to him open. It hurt, being there, not hearing her cheer her son, even if, from what baseball he'd learned, it didn't look as if his team were doing too well. It dawned on Monk that Benjy missed his mother just as much as he did. He felt guilty: not only had he let Sharona be taken away from him, but he hadn't taken care of Benjy for her while she was gone. He'd left that job to the captain's wife and he knew that wasn't good. She deserved more from him; she took care of everything for him and would want him to take care of her son for her.
He approached Karen Stottlemeyer after the game. "Mr. Monk. How are you?"
"Bad." He made no qualms about his condition. "I was wondering.if Benjy could stay with me.until Sharona comes back."
She looked reluctant, but then nodded. "If he wants to, he can stay with you."
"Really, Mr. Monk?" Benjy ran up to him, overhearing the conversation. "You want me to stay with you?"
"I don't know much about baseball.it's been a long time since I was a boy. I don't know what to do." He knew some of the things Sharona had done with Benjy; surely that would be enough to get them past the next few days, just until she got back.
"It's okay." Benjy reassured him as Karen walked over to greet the other parents, giving them some privacy. "First.we go out for ice cream. Double dipped, chocolate with fudge syrup and chocolate sprinkles."
Monk frowned. "Would your mom let you have that?"
"Okay, what about a Brown Cow?" Monk looked confused. "Coke float with chocolate ice cream." Monk nodded and walked off with Benjy. *****
Sharona had been in and out of conscious, starving and dehydrated. The last meal she'd had had been with Monk and Benjy, the night before she'd been kidnapped, but she couldn't remember how many days ago that was. Adrian had been over under the guise of going over his testimony and Benjy had been on his way to spend the night at a friend's house. They'd laughed and joked, even Adrian; it had been a perfect night. She wondered what had happened to them, who were taking care of them. She hoped against hope that they were taking care of each other. Both of 'her boys' were silent and shy, neither was quick to let anyone else around them, and both depended on her. Yet as quick as they were to push people away, they loved each other. In Adrian, Benjy found a father figure, one that could give him advice, and, in his own way, give him love. In Benjy, Adrian found the son that he had never had and an ally, one of the few he had. She was frightened though, that she couldn't get home to them, that something would happen to them. She remembered the last time that she'd let Adrian know she was frightened. She still couldn't believe he'd laughed, but when she'd pulled her friendship away from him, he'd been heart-broken and, as hard as it had been to admit, it had broken her heart as well. She still remembered what he had said, "I like it when I turn around and you're there." She loved it when she turned around and he was standing right next to her. She smiled as she remembered what he'd done after the elephant had killed that man. He'd taken her home, set her down in the chair, placed the throw over her, and attempted to make her hot cocoa, a stab in the dark to make her feel better by doing what she had done for him when they first met, cocoa and peppermint tea. It was funny. They'd met because Trudy had died and he hadn't left the house in three and a half years. Things hadn't been easy and she hadn't planned on it, but somewhere along the way, she fell in love with him. He was totally wrong for her, but she couldn't help loving him, despite his oddities, the way that he needed her, the way he loved Benjy. She wondered again what had happened to him, if he was really all right, if he had gone into hiding again. She prayed again for God to keep her boys safe until she could go home. When she started crying again, she found that she couldn't stop and finally cried herself to sleep. *****
Monk was vacuuming the rug into a grid position for the hundredth time when he felt like something was wrong. He turned off the vacuum and heard Benjy crying. He froze, not knowing what to do at first, but was led to the guest bedroom where the boy had his head buried in the covers.
"It's okay to cry." Monk said the same thing Sharona had told him over and over. "It's okay."
"That's what Mom says."
"She's right." Sharona was usually right. "Do you want something?"
"Mom."
"I know. I need her too."
"Why do you need a nurse anyway? You're not sick."
"I.I'm not sick, but I still need her with me. She helps me get better."
Benjy nodded. "Mom made everything better." He paused and Monk was about to leave when he finally said, "Do you really think Mom's coming home?"
"I." Monk was at a loss for words, but, instead of seeing Trudy help him this time, Sharona was standing next to him, taking care of him. "Yes, I do."
"What time is it?"
"Five oh three."
"Do I have to sleep anymore?"
"No. No, you don't have to sleep anymore. Do you want breakfast?"
"Do you know how to make French toast sticks? Mom makes great French toast."
"I could look it up."
"Okay." Monk walked to the kitchen and Benjy began to change from his pajamas to jeans and a T-shirt.
The phone rang and, despite his ravings the day before, Monk was hesitant to answer it. He smiled slightly as he could see and hear Sharona's image telling him to 'get over it' and answer the phone. "Adrian Monk."
Leland Stottlemeyer was on the other end of the line. "Monk, it's the Captain. We think we found her. Is Benjy still with you?"
"Yes."
"You might want to bring him. I'll send someone to pick you up."
"Okay." He hung up without saying goodbye and wiped the phone receiver down before calling Benjy. The boy came in and Monk searched for the right phrase. "Do you want to come with me?"
"Where?" Benjy asked, naturally curious. "Like Mom does?"
"Sort of." He didn't want to get his hopes up, just in case it wasn't her, but it had to be. His life had an order, a purpose, with her around and when she was gone, a part of him was too.
"Cool." Benjy said excitedly, going to get his baseball glove, something that always helped him think. ***** They arrived at the scene and the officer stayed with Benjy while Monk found the other cops. Stottlemeyer looked at him. "Okay, cop or not, I want you to stay out of the way, out here, until we know if she's in there or not. Is the boy okay?"
"He misses her." Monk watched, wanting to go in, wanting to help, but instead, brought himself to go back to Benjy and the officer. He couldn't do anything, so he began to pace. He was used to her being right next to him. What if they were wrong? What if she wasn't here either?
"MOM!" As Monk looked up, he saw Benjy running towards Sharona and he didn't know who he was happier for, the boy or himself. From a distance, he watched, making sure she was okay.
"Are you okay?" Sharona asked Benjy, hugging him tightly and kissing his forehead.
"Yeah. Mr. Monk took care of me."
Sharona didn't know how to respond to that. She'd hoped that was what had happened, but for Adrian Monk to volunteer his space, his time, to help with anyone else's needs was still a little new for her. She smiled across at him before turning her attention to Benjy again. "Well, I'm going to need to go get checked out. Do you want to stay with him or go to a friend's house?"
Monk had been slowly approaching them, like someone trying to sneak up on a wild animal. Benjy turned to look at him. "Can I stay with you some more?"
Monk looked at Sharona, as if to ask if she needed taking care of now. She shook her head. "I'll manage."
Monk looked back at Benjy. "Okay." *****
Sharona sat against pillows, three blue ones, and listened for a sound that either of her boys needed her. When she'd come to get Benjy, Monk had insisted she stay with him, which surprised her even more. He came in with a tray, complete with a cup on saucer, and three ham and cheese sandwiches, with mayonnaise and the crusts cut off. "If you don't want them all, I can throw them away, but you said you were hungry."
"No, it looks great, really."
"It's peppermint tea."
She smiled, remembering the first time she had made peppermint tea for him. There was no doubt in her mind that he remembered it too. He was trying to comfort her and just the thought made it all the sweeter. "You know, you can sit. I've had a shower and everything. No germs, no needles, no milk, and no death. Promise." She smiled a little more at him, trying to get him to do so too, but failing for once. "You know, this is great. No one's taken care of me, I guess since the last time you tried."
"After the elephant killed that man." Sharona shuddered, nodding. "I remember."
Of course he did. He remembered everything. "How's Benjy?"
"Fine. He's playing his baseball game. He already did his homework."
Sharona smiled. "Thanks for taking care of him. It helped a lot." Monk nodded and silence fell between the two as she ate. "Did you two already eat?"
"Benjy had pizza and more ice cream."
"And you?" He didn't answer so she took her saucer, put two halves of the sandwiches on the plate, without touching either, and handed it to him. "Eat." As usual, he obeyed her.
By the time he carried the tray back to the kitchen, washed and dried it, and then returned, Benjy was taking a shower and Sharona was almost asleep. He stood there, hiding in the shadows, watching her, before mumbling. "What did you say?" She asked, half-asleep.
"I'm sorry." He said, coming into the room a little.
She patted the chair beside the bed and, after he sat, held his hand as she did when he was upset. "About what?"
"She died because of me. You were kidnapped because of me. They could have killed you too."
Sharona instinctively knew who 'she' was. "Listen, I'm not going to argue with you about Trudy anymore, whatever you want to believe, but what happened to me was not your fault, okay? And they didn't kill me. I'm going to sleep in a bed tonight and when I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll be able to take care of you again. We'll go back to normal, like you like it. I promise."
"Promise?" He asked, making the face that symbolized why she included him as a 'boy', the helpless lost person that needed her to protect him, make everything all right again, just like Benjy and his nightmares.
"I promise." She repeated, tired.
"I'd like that." She smiled and, still holding his hand, fell asleep. By the time Benjy finished with his shower, Monk was asleep too, sitting in the chair, still holding Sharona's hand. The boy tucked the covers more around his mom, kissed her forehead, and then found a blanket to cover Monk as well, slipping out of the room unnoticed to sleep himself.