"C'mon Bones, it'll be fuuuuuun." Leonard refused to look up from the hypos he was cataloguing. If he had a credit for every time the infant said that exact phrase and then things immediately went to hell (IMMEDIATELY! Surely it breaks a law of statistics, or probability, or nature, or- Leonard made a note to ask the hobgoblin later), he could quit Starfleet and retire with a lifetime supply of Romulan Ale.
Unfortunately, they had yet to find a planet whose monetary system involved wishful thinking.
Leonard shook his head ruefully, still taking refuge in his medical supplies. Looking up was not an option. Looking up meant making eye contact with Jim Kirk. Looking up meant subjecting himself to those beautiful baby blues, widened with puppy-dog-like excitement. (Because of course they were. Leonard had known Jim for far too long to believe that his best friend wasn't trying to manipulate him. Damn puppy dog eyes.) Looking up meant...
...well…
it just wasn't an option.
"Bones. Bones Bones Bones Bones. Boooooooooones. bonesbonesbonesbones. Oh Bonesyyy-"
"Jesus CHRIST, Jim, ENOUGH!" Leonard whirled around to glare at Jim, hypo raised in his hand. And sure, enough there were those sad, pathetic eyes.
Dammit.
Jim's eyes widened in fear when he saw Leonard's weapon of choice. "Uh, okay, Bones, let's not be too hasty here." He waited until Leonard reluctantly lowered the hypo back onto the table. "All I'm trying to say is that implementing some shipwide games might promote mental health and allow the crew to blow off some steam. We're only 6 months into our five year mission, and we BOTH know the entire ship is getting antsy. Or did you already forget what happened with Ensign Rosse and that tribble?"
Leonard winced. That had definitely been one of the more...memorable days in his surgery.
Much as Leonard hated to admit it, Jim did have a point. And, as CMO, it was his responsibility not only to ensure the physical well being of his shipmates, but also their continued healthy mental and emotional states. Leonard heaved a huge sigh. Let's face it, no matter how much he protested, these conversations always ended in him going along with Jim's schemes. ("-snort- SCHEMES?" "Yes, Bones, scheeeeemes." "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a supervillain! Why the hell do I have to call them... scheeeemes?!" "Shut up or I'll make you do the maniacal laugh, too!" "Jesus Christ on a cracker…")
"Alright, Jim. Fine. You win. If I let you tell me what you have in mind, can I go back to cataloguing my supplies before another crisis pops up on this damn tin can?"
Jim smirked.
Unbelievable. Unbe-FUCKING-lievable. Here he was, scrambling for cover behind a fucking PLANT, for crying out loud, while the sound of shots being fired rang through the air.
"Okay, Doc, now would be an EXCELLENT time to come up with a plan! I don't know how much longer I can keep this up!"
Leonard barely heard Lt Sulu, currently trying to hold off the invaders, so intent was he on muttering to himself. "When I find that fool, hard-headed, son of a bitch INFANT I am going to invent new diseases JUST so I can hypo him against them. I mean, how could it have possibly gone so wrong?!"
"Hey Bones! Miss me?!"
JIM.
Leonard's eyes narrowed as he looked toward the infant in question, reappeared from God only knew where. Deliberately, oh so deliberately, he unfolded himself from behind his leafy excuse for cover, a scowl forming on his face.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, kid."
Jim's face began to take on a panicked look. The Captain was cocky, yes, but he wasn't suicidal. And Bones looked like he was out for blood.
Leonard noticed how silent the rec room had gotten. All of the other crew members, covered in ridiculous amounts of paint, were frozen, watching their Captain and CMO face off.
"Bones. Bones, come on, I'm sorry, okay? I mean, yes, I TOLD the other teams that whoever got you first could get a week's worth of water rations, but it was all in good fun, right Bones? If you hadn't-"
"You're babbling, Jim." Leonard raised his eyebrow. Jim knew the one. The eyebrow that said he had two seconds to shut up or risk incurring the wrath of one Doctor Leonard McCoy.
Jim shut up.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his crew begin to inch away from him. NO ONE wanted to be around when the Doctor was angry. Standing next to Jim would be like standing on top of a lightning rod during a thunderstorm.
He slowly put his paintball gun on the ground. "Okay, Bones, I think this has been enough excitement for one day, don't you? I'll go ahead and send the message through the ship's system now."
Jim turned towards the intercom mounted on the wall. In that instant, he made his fatal mistake. The moment Jim's back was turned, Leonard saw his chance and took it.
"YEOWCH! BONES! What the hell? The game was over!"
Leonard smirked at the bright patch of blue splattered on Jim's chest. "No, Jimmy-boy. NOW it's over."
Leonard sauntered out of the rec room, but not before merrily calling over his shoulder "And don't forget, I'll see you at 1400 for your weekly allergy shots!"
Jim whimpered.
Hah. That'll teach HIM to mess with the eyebrow.