Summary: It wasn't about being reckless, or looking for a fight. It was about fighting for something that was important, no matter the risk. [L/J Order years]
Disclaimer: Nope. Still not mine.
A/N: I started writing this one-shot shortly after I finished Incandescence. They aren't really related, except for the fact that to me, this is sort of a snapshot of Lily and James a year or two after the events of Incandescence. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!
Defiance
"The stars! The moon! They have all been blown out. You left me in the dark.
No dawn! No day! I'm always in this twilight - in the shadow of your heart."
Florence and the Machine, Cosmic Love
The town is in ruins. Black, acrid smoke rises up, chalky and thick, blotting out the light of the yellowed street lamps. The air is full of muffled shouts, bursts of hot light and sharp, unearthly screams. Lily spins, her wand raised as her eyes search the inky shadows, trying to get her bearings. Blood from a cut on her forehead trickles down her cheek, dark crimson against her pale skin.
"James?" she calls out, her heart caught in her throat.
"JAMES!"
Earlier…
"I refuse to believe you honestly think I'm going to name my child Arbutus." Lily Potter's voice is rich with disdain as she tucks a strand of her red hair behind her ear, her green eyes narrowed.
"It's noble!" Sirius Black argues from his chair at the Potter's kitchen table. It's an old scrubbed wooden table in a wide, low ceilinged room. It's painted a cheerful butter yellow. The rugged Marauder looks out of place while dressed entirely in black. However, he insists on a wardrobe of only black ever since he purchased his flying motorbike. He believes it completes the image much better, arguing that a man who rides a motorbike can't be flouncing around in cheery colours like any ordinary ponce on the street.
"It sounds like a shrub," Lily says scornfully. She places a plate of sandwiches on the table before taking a seat next to James, who watches her with hazel eyes, a smirk playing on his lips.
"I believe it's actually a type of tree," says Remus Lupin, taking a cucumber sandwich off the plate and biting into it thoughtfully, his blue eyes distant as if trying to remember something. Sirius grabs one as well.
"See Lily," he says, gesturing at her with his sandwich, a bit of cucumber flying out. "It's not a shrub."
He frowns at the fallen slice of cucumber before he picks it up and pops it in his mouth. Lily fixes him with a wry smirk.
"Because naming my child after a tree is so much better," she snorts. James wraps an arm around her shoulders with a chuckle. Remus snaps his fingers, his expression lighting up.
"I've just remembered! Arbutus is the genus for a bunch of flowering shrubs," he says, smiling and patting Sirius on the shoulder. "Sorry old dog."
Sirius shoots Remus a glare before turning back to Lily. "At any rate, it's still better than what Prongs wants to name him." He sends a baleful look at his best mate. James frowns.
"I'll have you know that Egbert is a family name," he tells Sirius primly. Lily makes a face.
"For a wrinkled old bloke," Sirius fires back, rolling his grey eyes with a derisive snort. James scowls at Sirius as Lily rubs a hand over her face, exasperated.
"We're not naming my child Egbert. That's absolutely ridiculous, James."
He gives her an affronted look. "I wasn't being serious!" he argues. "I was just making a point to Padfoot that I'd name my child Egbert before I ever called him Arbutus."
He glares at Sirius as he speaks the name. Peter's nibbling at his sandwich, his brows furrowed, and before Sirius can retort, he speaks up.
"Since when did Lily become pregnant?"
"I'm not," Lily explains, shooting a glare at Sirius and James. "These two are just eager to saddle my future offspring with a truly horrid name."
"It's not for lack of trying though, Wormy," Sirius informs his friend with a devilish grin. "Our dear Prongs won't rest 'till an itty bitty Potter's joined us."
James smiles at Sirius' words, not at all ashamed of what his friend is implying. Lily rolls her eyes. "Jealous, Sirius?"
Sirius winks, flashes her a big grin and wiggles his eyebrows. "I'm only a floo away, Lily dearest. All you have to do is ask."
Lily chuckles as James glares across the table. "Wiggle those eyebrows at my wife again, Padfoot, and I'll burn them clean off," he growls, pulling Lily closer to him, tucking her into his side. She elbows him in the ribs with an indulgent grin.
"Settle down boys. There's plenty of me to go around."
"Ha-ha. You're such a laugh, Lils," James grumbles. He buries his lips in her hair as she takes his hand in hers and threads their fingers together.
"You can't fight a love like ours, Prongs old boy," Sirius teases. He snatches another triangular sandwich and stuffs it in his mouth before fixing James with a wide grin.
"Classy as always, Padfoot," Remus sighs, sipping his tea as he eyes the bits of cucumber and bread lodged between his friend's teeth. The werewolf fights back a grin as Peter snickers. The smaller of the young men ignores his friends as their bickering continues. Out the window, something glitters in the distance, piquing his curiosity.
"What's that?" Peter asks, pointing out the window across the room. It's a silver blur of movement, fluid and fast approaching. They all turn to see it, the kitchen falling silent. When James speaks, the mood instantly shifts, turning tense.
"It's a patronus," he says. It's barely above a whisper. Lily's hand tightens around his. The patronus shoots through the window, solidifying into a large, silver hawk, its wings spread wide across the table. It opens its beak and a hurried female voice rings out. They recognized it as Dorcas Meadowes.
"Louth. Corner of Eastfield Road and Park Avenue. Hurry!" it hisses before dissolving.
There is a moment of stillness before the commotion begins. Then it's a flurry of finding cloaks and shoes and whispers of 'be safe!' as the quicker ones apparate first. James reaches for Lily's hand, clasping it tightly within his own.
"I don't suppose there's any way…?" he says, giving her a doubtful, worried look.
"Not on your life, Potter," she tells him, her chin lifted in determination. With a resigned sigh he pulls her a bit closer to his chest and apparates.
The smell is the first thing that hits them. Heavy, thick and choking. No more than two blocks away several houses are consumed by the licking tendrils of hungry, unforgiving flames. There is yelling, the harsh snap of hexes being thrown. In the distance, a silver sedan is lifted into the air, hovering for a moment before it crashes back down to earth, crushing a house. Metal groans as wood cracks and glass shatters. Terrified screams. Cruel laughter.
"Lily!" calls a strangled voice. Footsteps. "Lily!"
They turn to their right to see Chelsea Fanrae hurrying toward them. She's battered and bloody, covered in soot and grime. A dark purple bruise is blooming across her cheek and her nose sits crookedly on her face as if it's been broken. Lily heals it quickly, but her best friend barely registers the crack of cartilage as she hunches over, fighting to regain her breath. Silent, salty tears are making tracks in the dirt on her cheeks as she sucks down air and looks up at them. Her blue eyes are wide with fear.
"Chelsea?" Lily asks, her hand resting on the young woman's back. "Chelsea, what is it?"
"Bellatrix," she manages, spitting out the name, caught between venom and disbelief. "Bellatrix…she got Dorcas in the alley back there," she says, pointing down the road, toward the fires. "Right…right after she sent the message to you." Her hands are shaking and she looks down at the ground again. "I…" she trails off, her face going blank, unsure of how to voice the chaos in her head. Lily's breath catches as she pictures Dorcas, smiling and brave as she'd seen her only a few days ago. Lily moves to comfort her friend, not knowing what to say. James shadows Lily, keeping close to her, his eyes alert and watching for movement in the darkness. They are exposed and stationary - two bad things to be in the middle of a war zone. Sirius is staring at the pavement, his expression unreadable.
"Come on," says Remus softly. "We should keep moving."
Sirius is the first to break away, striding forward, his mouth set into a grim line. James places a hand on Lily's back, silently urging her forward with the others. She doesn't relent until Chelsea shakily moves forward with them.
James is anxious, on edge, and Lily can tell. His jaw tenses, his eyes darting quickly, constantly searching. He moves with purpose, every motion calculated and precise to provide the most protection for her. She can feel it too. The way her heart hammers erratically in her chest, her nerves taught as the strings of a bow. On her other side, Chelsea has pulled herself together. She gruffly rubs away her tears, clamping down the feelings that will cloud her thinking. They have all shut down, focusing only on moving forward, keeping silent and to the shadows. They have a job to do. There is no time to mourn the fallen.
The chaos draws ever closer. They can sense the movement - hear the rustle of cloaks, see the silhouettes of hooded figures. Voices carry on the night time air. Some are angry, some full of manic vengeance. They recognize the blurs of the other Order members as they give chase to the Death Eaters. They spot Alice Longbottom, fierce Auror, battling off two Death Eaters in a narrow path between houses. She's pressed close to the wall as she shields a cowering, crying, Muggle child. Remus and Peter separate from a group to help her, wands out.
The others move faster, heading toward the heart of the small rural town. The heat from the first of the house fires reaches them, dry and consuming. The dancing, flickering light casts unsteady shadows in the growing darkness.
It's Lily who notices the body that's laying in the grass. A Muggle woman, blonde, no older than thirty-five, her face caught in an expression of absolute fear. Chelsea freezes then she sees it, her fingers tightening into fists.
A high pitched giggle reaches their ears, sounding absurd among the horror that surrounds them. Sirius is the first to recognize it, to see the mass of black chaotic hair as it disappears down a narrow footpath to their left.
"Bella," he murmurs in a low growl, not quite aware of doing so. He's off in an instant, thundering after her. Chelsea is right at his heels, her face set in a grim, vengeful line. Lily starts to go after them, but James catches her wrist.
"They can handle themselves," he says quietly. "We stick to pairs like the plan says."
She hesitates, her green eyes flicking to the quickly retreating forms of her friends. After a moment she nods, then turns to keep heading down the road. James falls into step beside her as they creep along, alert, wands ready at the slightest provocation. They follow the road as it bends to the left and voices grow louder, clearer.
"Aw, poor Muggle's broken his arm," drawls Yaxley as he stands over a teenage boy. The Muggle is thin, brown haired and covered in cuts and bruises. He's curled into the fetal position, clutching his left arm to his chest. It sits at an awkward angle. Yaxley kicks the boy in the chest, forcing him to roll onto his back, his arm left unprotected on the pavement. The Death Eater smiles at the boy for a moment, but the smile is one of only malice as Yaxley raises his foot and crushes the boy's arm beneath it. The Muggle boy screams out in pain as his bones crack and splinter, poking through his flesh.
"Stupefy!" Lily shouts. Yaxley is quick and deflects the brunt of the spell with a shield, but it is powerful enough to cause him to stumble back, away from the boy on the ground. Yaxley smirks when he recognizes them.
"Well if it isn't Mr and Mrs Potter. Come to save the day, have you?"
James' answer is a well placed jinx to the Death Eater's chest, but he's fast enough to dodge it.
"Careful blood traitor," whispers a new voice. Avery and Mulciber slink out of the shadows, their black cloaks billowing around them. "Wouldn't want to get yourself into a sticky situation," Mulciber says with a gruesome grin.
James, whose eyes never leave the Death Eaters, bends slightly to whisper to Lily. "If I tell you to run, you run, you hear me?"
She glares, edging slowly closer to the injured boy. "James-"
He cuts her off. "Lily, promise me."
There's a moment of hesitation before she gives a curt nod. As if her nod was a cue, the Death Eaters spring into action, curses and hexes flying with deadly precision. Lily and James work as a unit, capable of sensing weak spots in each others armor. They know weakness and strengths and they each place more stock in protecting the other than themselves. It's dangerous, but it works for them.
"Duck!" James shouts as a Cruciatus curse flies at Lily. She listens, hitting the pavement but she's up again in a flash, hitting Avery with a vicious stunning spell that, despite his shield, leaves him reeling.
That's when the curse hits James, and he crashes to the ground, his face torn with pain. She flings curses as she runs toward him, but Mulciber intercepts her, forcing her back, separating them.
Lily's distracted, unable to breathe properly. She can't see, can't hear James any longer, and she's struggling to keep Mulciber at bay. She backs ups quickly, trying to put more distance between them, to give herself a bit of time to get a grip, to focus.
She ducks down a narrow side street and crouches behind a parked car. Her mind is racing, tracing plans of how to get back to James. Suddenly, the car she's leaning against shudders before lifting into the air. Mulciber stands at the mouth of the alley, his face contorted into a vile smirk.
"Well, well, well, looks like I've found a Mudblood."
"Go to hell, Mulciber," Lily spits out. With a sickening grin the car comes crashing down and Lily has to throw herself against the wall so she isn't hit. In the moment it takes her to catch her breath, Mulciber hits her with a jinx, right in the gut and she doubles over, collapsing. Her head cracks against the pavement, a gash opening.
"Crucio!"
The curse hits her like fire, and she screams despite herself. And when the pain ends she's left panting on the ground, every inch of her aching. Mulciber laughs, and it's dark and sickening. Something deeper than pain begins to boil within Lily, and she forces herself to grip her wand, point it at the car and send it hurtling down the alleyway right at Mulciber. It connects, and the Death Eater is left lying in the street, howling in pain.
Lily forces herself to stand, stumble out of the alleyway. She uses a spell to bind and gag Mulciber, intent on working her way back to James before doing anything else. It feels like it takes years to run down the street, back to where the fight had taken place. In the brief time she was gone, the street has changed. Houses have collapsed in on themselves. There are gouges in the pavement. Blood streaks the grass.
The town is in ruins. Black, acrid smoke rises up, chalky and thick, blotting out the light of the yellowed street lamps. The air is full of muffled shouts, bursts of hot light and sharp, unearthly screams. But there's no sign of James, no sign of anyone, and she begins to think that perhaps she's taken a wrong turn. Lily spins, her wand raised as her eyes search the inky shadows, trying to get her bearings. Blood from a cut on her forehead trickles down her cheek, dark crimson against her pale skin.
"James?" she calls out, her heart caught in her throat.
"JAMES!"
But there's no answer, and she feels the icy fear grip her heart. He's gone. She's…she's lost him. The realization is enough to bring her to her knees, enough to make her want to throw up, but somehow she holds herself together. Her fingers tighten around her wand. She will find him. There is no other choice, no other option. She will find him.
She turns, heading deeper into the town, running despite the pain that jolts through her bones with each impact against the pavement. There are a few Aurors and Order members helping Muggles to get out of harm's way. Some, they are too late to save. She doesn't stop, she only runs, looking for him, knowing he's near. He has to be.
There is less movement as she hits the core of the town. More destruction, more motionless corpses lying in the street. Some of the faces she recognizes.
"Marlene McKinnon, isn't it?" says a high, cold voice ahead and to the left. It makes the hair on the back of Lily's neck stand on end. The only answer to the question is a muffled grunt. Lily rounds the next corner, and there, in the middle of the street is Voldemort, his pale white face resembling a snake, his long fingers clutching at the throat of Marlene. His red eyes scrutinize her with cruel indifference.
"And you think you can defeat me?" he hisses. The Death Eaters that flank him give a sharp burst of cold laughter. Voldemort drops Marlene to the ground, flicks his wand and suspends her in the air, her body frozen as she hovers. Her brown eyes are hard, determined not to show fear.
"Such a waste of talent," sighs Voldemort. "Avada Kedavra."
There's a flash of searing green light and Marlene McKinnon drops to the ground, her eyes frozen open, unseeing. Lily's hands shake as she sees her friend lying unmoving on the street. A gasp escapes her, and she knows she should run. Facing Voldemort when it's just her alone would be James was there, he'd be telling her to run. But James isn't there. None of the people she cares about are there. One of them is lying dead in the road. Something snaps within her, and Lily springs from her hiding place.
"Expelliarmus!" she shouts. Her spell is aimed right for Voldemort, but one of his Death Eaters leaps in front of him, the spell hitting him instead. Lily throws a hex, but it's deflected, and she has to duck as several curses come flying at her.
But one finds its mark as it catches her in her side, and she drops to all fours. The rough pavement scrapes her palms, digs into the knees of her jeans. She's gasping for air, trying to remember every spell she ever learnt. Something to use, something they won't expect.
"Miss Evans, how are you?" Voldemort says with a hiss. He sounds too cordial for the situation. She looks at him, her mouth set in a firm line. She won't give him the satisfaction to see her pain. She will not show him fear. She stands – shakily – but she stands.
Lily manages a smile. It's crooked. She learned it from James. She gives him a nod, "Voldemort."
A Death Eater lunges at her, grabbing her by the collar of her shirt, "You do not address the Dark Lord!"
"Merlin, Rook," Lily says, shoving him away from her, "Don't get your sodding knickers in a twist."
She's not quite sure how she manages to be so glib when any minute she might be dead, but a small part of her is proud. Rook goes for his wand, but Voldemort stops him with the slightest gesture. He gives a small chuckle, but it sounds wrong. Too high, too manic.
"You were just as amusing the last time we met, Miss Evans."
Lily bristles. "It's Potter, actually."
"Ah," says Voldemort, "How unfortunate, another pure line diluted by dirty blood."
Lily frowns, but says nothing. Voldemort peers at her for a moment, then smiles as he raises his wand. Lily's instantly frozen, and she knows this is it, this is the moment. Voldemort steps closer, leans in close.
"You are a fool, Lily Potter," Voldemort hisses, "to ever think you could defeat me."
Lily waits for it, waits to see the want raised, pointed right at her heart, and Voldemort does not disappoint. She finds she's worried. Not for herself, she's lucky it will be quick, but for James. Because if James is alive – and she has to believe he is – this will surely kill him. She does not close her eyes; instead, she stares right at the man who will kill her, hoping if there's anything he remembers from this moment it's that Lily Potter never showed an ounce of fear.
But Voldemort seems to wait. Not hesitate precisely, but simply wait, as if deciding something. Lily can feel her resolve crumbling, her strength disintegrating. She tries to hold on, she thinks of James.
And then he's there, right behind the cluster of Death Eaters.
"Lily!" he shouts. It's enough to distract Voldemort so that he looks away, and someone shouts the spell that releases Lily. She runs, dodging the grasping hands and stinging curses of the Death Eaters. Voldemort shouts orders.
"Kill them! KILL THEM!" he yells.
The marauders are there, as are more Order members and Aurors. The Death Eaters are holding their ground, but gaining none. Voldemort spots Lily as she runs for James. He heads after her, never running, but taking a few strides as he raises his wand.
James is running to Lily, shouting for her, reaching, and Lily does the same. Voldemort takes aim, his wand poised to kill.
Lily's hand latches onto James' and she collides into his chest.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
But the green killing curse only hits pavement for James and Lily Potter have vanished.
With a pop they reappear in their kitchen back at Godric's Hollow.
It's silent, and too bright. They're both covered in soot and grime and blood, and they stand, clutching one another. James runs a hand over Lily's hair.
"I thought I lost you," he whispers. Her face is buried in his chest.
"Me too."
They stay that way, long after the others return. There are whispers about how close Lily came to dying. Worries that maybe she should stay out of the battle for a while – to get the cross-hairs off her back, so to speak.
But it's the same discussion her and James have had since the beginning. And every time the answer is the same.
She will fight alongside him, always defiant – together.
A/N: So, I'd really appreciate it if you could take the time to write me a review and let me know what you thought. Your feedback means a lot to me! Thanks for reading. :)