Back when it all started, I never would have guessed this is how it would end. I figured the National Guard would come and clear out all the Walkers and we would be free to live life normally again. But before I knew it, a day became 3 days, 3 days became a week, a week became a month, a month became 3 months, and there was still people walking around eating each other. The only difference from when it start until now: I had a family. Now that it has been three years, I don't know how much longer I can take it. I want, no need to write down my story with this paper and pen I found.
I'd like to start with the story of how Katjaa and I met. It was in the summer of 2001. After a long day of fishing, I decided to head to the local bar. I was a run down piece of shit, but all my friends hung out there. It was our "After Fishin' Club". One day I saw the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. She had dark brown hair with blonde highlights. It was down to her mid-shoulder at that time. Her jeans looked a little ratted and her shirt said "Redneck Partier" with a beer keg and a duck on it. She seemed like the Redneck-raised-girl I had been searching for. So I sucked in my stomach, trying to look macho, and swayed my way over to her. I sat beside her on a stool while she ordered a beer.
"Howdie! My name is Kenny. What's your's?" I asked.
"Katjaa with two "a's" at the end." she chuckled.
"Well, Katjaa with two "a's", are you from these parts?"
"I grew up in Memphis and have lived in Fort Lauderdale since I graduated college."
"You went to college, huh? What do you do for a living then?"
"I am veterinarian. My father used to take me down to Southern Florida during the summer. He loved to hunt and since my father never had a son, he'd take me and my sister. I always felt so bad for all the animals that they killed, that I thought being a veterinarian would make up for it. Even though, I only know how to treat dogs, cats and other pets. What do you do, Kenny?"
Her voice sounded like a breeze blowing through my hair on a summer day. I loved to listen to that magnificent sound.
"I am a commercial fisherman. I, like father, hunt. Except I 'hunt' fish."
She giggled a little and smiled. Then she asked the bartender if he had a pen and a slip of paper. He had some and lended it to her. She wrote her phone number on it.
"This is my number. Call it!" she demanded.
"Yes ma'am." I swiftly responded.
She left the bar after that. I ran home as fast as possible. I called her. She answered. We talked. I called her around 7:30 at night and we continued to chat until 2:00 in the morning. I got about an hour sleep, but it was so completely worth it.
I proposed to her within a year and got married a year later. April 15, 2003, was the day we got married. I'll never forget how alluring she appeared. Her hair was done up so beautifully and her gown was almost as dazzling as her charming personality. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at me. At that moment, I had a feeling in my gut that I have never felt before or after. I have never had to do anything harder than wait to kiss her delicate face. When I did finally kiss her, she made the cutest little squeak… you know… because I hugged her too tight.
After the ceremony had concluded, we exited the church. At a typical wedding, the couple released doves. Not us Rednecks. We let out ducks. It was hilarious.
During the reception, she whispered in my ear.
"Kenny, I love you so so much. Today has been the happiest day of my life. I finally get to spend the rest of my life with the most charming man I could ever have asked for." Katjaa murmured. Her cheeks blushed and her lips smiled. I have a lump in my throat just thinking about her.
No couple is perfect without a child, I don't care what anyone says. October 23, 2004, we welcomed our wonderful baby boy into the world.
"Kenny, I want to name him Kenneth Junior. I want to name my child after the someone exdroninarly special. Would you mind?" Katjaa so sweetly asked.
"I would love that, Katjaa. I would love that." I replied.
I have never seen more her more joyful than that day. She kept raving about Ken Jr's black hair and adorable freckles. He looked so sweet (which he was), but also tough: like the redneck should be.
Not long after, we nicknamed Ken Jr. "Duck", because nothing bothered him. He washed it off is back like a duck's feathers. He was never a smart boy, but he was always such a giddy child that I didn't care. But more importantly, Katjaa loved that boy more than anything else in this world. That was reason enough to love him. She did everything possible to protect him.
If she could have, I know Katjaa would have had more children. In fact, she gave birth to another child. It was on August 19, 2006. She had a baby girl. Unfortunately, the baby, Hope, was born without a brain. She lived less than an hour, but it was enough time to fall in love with our little girl.
Katjaa cried for weeks after the birth. She just huddled under the covers with kleenex everywhere. The loss of that child really had an impact on her: it completely broke heart. It makes sense of course. Imagine going into the hospital giving birth and coming out with no baby. I tried to be as supportive as possible for Katjaa, but I didn't know how to cheer her up.
Finally, I managed to pry her out of bed. I told her how much Ducky needed her. That seemed to work. Ever since then, Katjaa has protected Duck and is constantly checking up on him to make sure he was okay.
As time went on, life became even more wonderful. I had a son, a wife, and a job I loved: until one day. Katjaa, Duck, and I were coming home from visiting her sister in Memphis. Our car was practically out of gas, so we stopped at a gas station. Duck wanted to buy a slushy. When Duck came out of the station, a man attacked him. Katjaa and I have never moved faster. I pried the fucker off of him. At first, I thought he was trying to kidnap him. Then I realized the Apocalypse had begun.
One thing about my girl, Katjaa is that she hated to see people fight and she was easily frightened. That is a terrible combination for the Apocalypse. I promised her the National Guard would shoot down all the Walkers soon.
"I want to believe you, Ken, but are you sure? What happens if it gets out of hand?" Katjaa pleaded.
"It won't, okay? And if it does, we can get on my boat and get the fuck out of here," I reassured.
She half smiled and looked back at Duck to make sure he was okay. Duck was a bit shaken up, so we stopped at a little farm we saw. That was where I met Lee and Clementine. I'm so glad that I had Lee there for me and now I have Clementine. I can't believe she is almost twelve years old.
Anyway, after a few months, when we were staying at that old boarded up motel, Katjaa grabbed my arm tightly and looked in my eyes.
"Kenny, you promised me that it wouldn't last. And it has. I don't want anything to happen to Ducky. I mean, there are people out there eating each other. I don't like it."
"Nothing will happen, Kat. We're safe here. I know it isn't glamorous, but it's something."
She didn't respond to me. She just looked at the setting sun. I noticed her slowly realizing this wasn't going to end anytime soon. She was so right. My Kat always knew everything. Three weeks later, Duck was bitten. That fucking Walker bit him. I don't understand why the fuck that fucking thing had to do that to him. Duck didn't deserve it. No one does.
When we left the motel to get the hell out of that walker zone, Katjaa sat beside me holding on to Duck for dear life.
"Kenny, we have to tell Lee about Duck. I don't want anything to happen to anyone if…" Katjaa sighed.
"God, Katjaa! We don't need to tell anyone because he is fine!" I shouted back at her.
"It is for the good of the group. We have Clementine, Lee, Ben, and I just don't want to put anyone else in danger."
After we told Lee I felt like nothing would happen to Duck even though he was whiter than an albino animal. I didn't want to believe he would turn. Katjaa was smarter than me. She always had been. She knew he was going to turn. I just thought it can't happen to us: to Duck.
"Duck, how are you feeling?" Katjaa whispered in his ear.
No answer.
"Oh Duck, c'mon boy! You're gonna be fine," I insisted.
"Kenny," Katjaa sighed shaking her head.
"What? He IS going to be fine!"
"Oh, Kenny." Kat shook her head again.
For the rest of the ride, we were silent. Deep down inside I knew she was right, but my mind wouldn't let me believe it; I was in too much in shock. When we stopped by that train, Katjaa gave me this look that I had never seen before. Slowly, her heart was breaking.
As we hopped on the train, I could definitely tell that Duck had gotten much much worse, yet I still wanted to believe he was fine. Katjaa knew that I was in disbelief and that's why she wanted Lee to come and talk to me rather than herself. She knew that she couldn't convince me that Duck wasn't going to make it.
After Lee knocked some sense into me I realized Duck was going to become one of those fucking things and I couldn't do shit about it. I am so thankful that Lee volunteered to end Duck so we didn't have to. I just don't understand why Katjaa objected to it. After all, like Lee said, no parent should ever have to kill their own child.
Katjaa carried Duck out into the forest. Lee and I hung behind and we talked about Katjaa and I saying our "goodbyes" and then he would "take care of him" for us.
BANG!
My initial thought was Katjaa shot Duck. Then I thought "why didn't she let me say goodbye to him?". But when I discovered what really happened I almost threw up. Blood was splattered everywhere. Her head was gushing blood. I suppose losing another child would have been just too hard for her to handle. This one time she was unable to protect Duck and she knew that. For the second time, she was unable to save her child. It was just too much for her to think about.
Lee consoled me a little. Then he told me to head back to the train while he "took care of Duck".
Within two minutes I lost my world. Katjaa and Duck were no longer here and all I had left was their memory. I had no pictures of them. I had no remnant from them. I had nothing. I had absolutely no reason to live after that. Somehow, I still hung on to life. I honestly don't know how.
For a long time, I questioned why the fuck I was still on this earth. Then I met Sarita. Her Spanish accent reminded my of Katjaa's voice. I'm not sure why, though. Her black hair and green eyes stuck out to me. There was something stunning about her. Sarita depended on me. I suppose that's what I liked most: someone depended on me.
When Sarita was killed by Clementine after she was bit, I wasn't really mad at Clementine. I was mad at myself. I didn't actually love Sarita, I was just trying to replace my family. You can't replace family no matter how hard you try.
The take away from the Apocalypse so far: family is all that matters, nothing else. Duck was the sweetest little boy with so much enthusiasm. He was the most excitable child I have ever met. Katjaa was so unique. She was different than everyone else. She was delicate. She could be easily hurt, but she was also strong too. I don't really know how to describe katja. All she ever wished was happiness on everyone. God, I miss her gorgeous smile and caring attitude; and of course her voice. God that voice.
You know, I used to think my fishing trips were a break from my family. Now, I just wish I got to spend more time with them. All I want at this point is to see them just once more. I just want to touch Kat's face and play with Duck again.
Never take for granite the ones you love, because once they are gone, you never get them back ever.
One day I'll be with Katjaa, Duck, and Hope. One day soon. Maybe tonight if I'm lucky.
~Kenny.