Dirty Peaches 10: The Return of the Princess
By Mitchell Coward
Published by Coward Inc.
Once upon a time, before George Washington formed the country of Puerto Rico, and before Elmo discovered the Pythagorean Theorem, there was a girl named Dirty Peaches. Dirty, the maid we all know and love, has once again fallen out of the spotlight. As always, the maid who saved the world from utter destruction, has been forgotten. Within a week of her saving the kingdom from the clutches of the evil witch Belona, the entire population, including the king, who she saved from certain death, had forgotten everything Dirty had done. And with that, Dirty was back to cleaning, cooking, serving, and fighting radioactive rats. But she wasn't angry with this, for she was very tired and desperate to finally have a break. Gandalf, who fought with Dirty against the terrible Belona, had safely made it back to the Wizard Ministry, and sent Dirty a monthly box of potions. Janet returned to helping the kingdom with her useful magic skills. Ringo went back to cooking pancakes, his specialty. And Mr. Coops went back to reading his suspense novels, most of which were badly damaged in the previous battles. They were all very content with their lives. After about a month, Dirty was finished with her break and ready to take on the next challenge fate threw at her. While she did want a new challenge, she didn't want one as stressful as last time. And the challenge was soon to come. The Princess, who had been grounded since she had been thrown out the window, had finally been ungrounded. She vowed for revenge against her arch nemesis, and started taking fighting lessons. After a long while of training, the Princess had finally become a master swordswoman. She was ready to take on Dirty Peaches. But Dirty of course had no knowledge of the Princess's sinister intensions, and continued with her job. But then one day she heard some terrible news. "Dirty!" yelled Ringo, frantically. "What is it now," replied Dirty, who obviously wasn't interested in whatever Ringo had to tell her. "There was an explosion in the King and Queens chambers just a short while ago, while they were in there. No one has seen them since!" Dirty was shocked. "Tell me more!" "They haven't seen either of them since then!" he exclaimed. "They believe the Princess was responsible. She's also started a revolt against the royal army, which is currently being led by her father's closest supporter, Maxwell Corn." "Well we should go help!" yelled Dirty. "No need, the Princess is headed here right now!" exclaimed Ringo. "Hide!" shouted Dirty, who was very nervous. The two of them went to a loose board in the floor and pulled it up. They crawled into the tight space under it, and put the board back on top of them. They left a small crack to see what was going on. Then the Princess came in. "Find her!" she screamed. Her guards immediately started searching the restaurant for Dirty, who was now extremely nervous. Dirty suddenly remembered something. Where was Mr. Coops! "Where's your dad!" she exclaimed quietly to Ringo. Right when she said that, Mr. Coops came out of his office. The Princess immediately noticed him, and she pulled out her crossbow and pointed it at him. "Where's Dirty!" she yelled. "I don't know!" he replied. "I'll give you one more chance, or I'll shoot. WHERE'S DIRTY!" "I really don't know!" he exclaimed nervously. The infuriated the Princess, and she shot Mr. Coops in the arm with her crossbow, and he fell to the ground. "Let's leave," she said. "She'll be back once she sees what has happened here." And with that, the Princess and her guards left. When they were a good distance away, Dirty and Ringo got out of the floor and went to Mr. Coops. "Are you okay!" yelled Dirty. "No, but thanks for asking!" he yelled. After that, a bunch of people, including Janet, started banging on the glass, trying to get in. Dirty went to open the door while Ringo tended to Mr. Coops. When Dirty opened the door, which had become jammed when the princess left, the crowd of people pushed it open and nearly squished Dirty. Without asking, the mob of people started setting up a camp inside while Dirty put the restaurant in lockdown mode. Mr. Coops cared dearly for his restaurant, and his suspense novels. In just a minute, the restaurants windows were covered and there was a sturdy metal door where the old door used to be. Everything was okay. Well at least for 10 seconds. The worst thing someone could possibly say in a time like this. "I'm hungry!" And within a second, 100 other people were hungry. And they weren't in the mood to pay. So now Janet, (who hadn't even been able to explain what was going on) Ringo, and Dirty, were serving food to a bunch of angry hungry people. But luckily a doctor was in the crowd and volunteered to take care of Mr. Coops. One less thing to worry about. While they were serving food to the hungry people, Janet explained what was going on outside. "The Princess has nearly taken control of the kingdom!" she exclaimed, frantically. "All she has to do now is take the castle! Some of her guards are already patrolling the city, attacking any civilians they saw. We were being chased when we came to the restaurant." Dirty was shocked by what she heard. She had already begun planning on how to take down the princess, hopefully for the last time. Janet continued to tell of the perils going on outside the restaurant. She went on for hour after hour, until finally she finished telling her story. Some of the things she said had nothing to do with the situation that was going on outside, but Dirty pretended to be interested. Dirty had been thinking of a plan while Janet was talking, and she had finally thought what to do. "Janet," said Dirty. "I have a plan." "Well come on," replied Janet. "Let's hear it." "Well," said Dirty. "I think we should just launch an all-out assault against the castle, like I did the first time. "Now Dirty," said Janet, who was listening closely. "I think that's a great idea, and I'm sure it went smoothly the first time you tried it, but we haven't seen the castle in a long time. For all we know, it could be a floating castle. The Princess can do whatever she want's, you know." "I'll just go outside and look," said Dirty, who really didn't care. The whole restaurant went silent. Apparently everyone had been eavesdropping on their conversation, and where shocked at what they heard. "Are you trying to kill yourself!" said one person. "Yeah!" said another. "Well what other choices do we have!" yelled Dirty. Everyone just stared at her. "You know what, I'm going out there whether you like it or not!" And with that, Dirty was out the door. The first thing she noticed was that there weren't any people around. The second thing she noticed was that the castle had a wall surrounding it. "They sure do build things fast," Dirty said to herself. She slowly started walking toward the castle. She was making good pace until she saw a large group of guards. She jumped into a bush that was conveniently right next to her. She saw that the guards were chasing a citizen, who looked like he was headed for the restaurant. After they were far enough away, Dirty continued toward the castle. When she was close to the castle, she saw that the door on the newly built wall was heavily guarded. "How am I going to get through there," she thought. Then she saw a lone guard walking close to her. Then an idea popped into her head. She crept up behind the guard and knocked him out. She then put on his clothes and walked toward the gate. She realized this plan wasn't as great as she thought, since she had to where men's clothing, but she had few options left. When she got to the gate, she was immediately questioned by one of the guards guarding it. "What's your business here?" asked the guard. "I have a delivery for the Princess," replied Dirty in a manly voice. "Okay," said the guard, and he opened the gate. Dirty was surprised at how stupid the guard was, but she really didn't mind. She quickly walked into the castle courtyard. She then walked into the large castle doors. She saw that the room she was in was covered with pictures of the Princess. Dirty quickly walked up the grand staircase, toward the Princess's room. She eventually made it to her room, which she found by enormous signs that said "Princess's room this way." When she walked up to the door, which was closed, she could hear the Princess talking. She pressed her ear against the door. "My lady," said the guard the Princess was talking to, "We still haven't been able to capture Maxwell Corn." "Well, then send more soldiers!" she screamed. "I will not have my rightful throne taken from me by some fool like that! If you don't have him captured in the next week, I will have you locked away in the dungeon forever!" "Yes, my lady," said the guard, who was obviously afraid of the Princess. "By the way," said the Princess. "Would you be a dear and tell the other guards it's time to feed the King and Queen?" "Yes, my lady," said the guard. He quickly left the room, and Dirty entered. "Hello, my lady," said Dirty. "Did you call for me?" "No," said the Princess, "But while you are here, will you go fetch me some tea." "It would be an honor, my lady," said Dirty, who then quickly left. When Dirty was far away from the Princess she quietly whispered to herself, "She can get her own tea." Dirty knew that she had to do two things. Number one, she had to get the King and Queen, who she was very happen was alive, out of their cells, and number two, she had to go help Maxwell Corn, who was probably heavily outnumbered. Dirty Quickly walked down the steps, and went straight toward the dungeon. When she entered it, she noticed that it was much more dark and creepy then it usually was, but Dirty wasn't really surprised. She asked went to one of the guards, who was being lazy. "Get up!" yelled Dirty. "And who are you!" yelled the guard. "I happen to be one of the Princess's closest advisers, and I will have you reported for being lazy! She'll throw you in the dungeon forever!" "My sincerest apologies, I had no idea," said the guard. "Shut up!" yelled Dirty. "Now leave before I throw you in there myself!" The guard quickly ran away. "Hey!" shouted Dirty. "Yes sir," said the guard, nervously. "Give me your keys to the cells," said Dirty. "I seemed to have misplaced mine" "Of course," said the guard. He carefully handed them to Dirty. "Now scram!' exclaimed Dirty. The guard quickly ran away. Dirty slowly walked through the long row of cells. Some of them were full of insane lunatics, and the others were full of people that the princess claimed were insane lunatics. Toward the end of the dungeon, in the darkest, smallest, dirtiest cell in the entire dungeon. "Is it already dinnertime, asked the King, who was very surprised. "No," said Dirty. She then took off her helmet. "Dirty Peaches!" exclaimed the King. "What on Earth are you doing here!" "I have come to rescue you from this horrible place," said Dirty. "Well stop dilly dallying and unlock the door!" exclaimed the King. Dirty Peaches did as she was told, and unlocked the gate. "Come on!" yelled Dirty. She put her helmet on, and they all started running to the exit. Right before they made it to the exit, they were stopped by a guard. "Hold up!" yelled the guard. "The King and Queen are supposed to stay in their cell!" Dirty looked at the King and Queen. Then she looked back at the guard. "I'm very sorry about this," said Dirty, and she picked up a pan and wacked the guard in the head. "Well then," said the King. "Come on!" exclaimed Dirty. The three ran up the steps to the first floor. They saw that it was crowded with the Princess's soldiers. "Shoot!" exclaimed Dirty. "Well let's try walking through." The three slowly walked to the group of guards. "Hey," yelled several of the guards. "They're supposed to be in their cells!" "The heck with this!" yelled Dirty. "Run!" The three quickly ran right through the group of soldiers, and out the door. The guards, who were dumbfounded by Dirty's stupid move, chased after them. When the three were outside, they quickly ran toward an abandoned house and hid inside. The idiotic guards did not notice, of course, and quickly ran right by the three. When the guards were far enough away, Dirty started telling the King and Queen about the next phase of her plan. "I must go and help Maxwell, who is being attacked by the Princess's army," said Dirty. "You both have to go back to the restaurant." No!" exclaimed the King. "I must speak with Maxwell! We have to plan for the final attack!" "But it is too dangerous!" exclaimed Dirty. "I am your King, and you will do as I say!" shouted the King. "I didn't know you had a temper, my King," said Dirty, who was trying not to attack the King. "As you wish." "Thank you," said the King in a much nicer voice. "But the Queen will go to the restaurant." "What!" yelled the Queen. "Why do I have to miss the big battle!" "Because you're a lady," exclaimed the King. "I wouldn't want you getting harmed!" "Why does Dirty get to go!" shouted the Queen. "Because she won't run away when she sees a spider!" exclaimed the king. "Maybe I should stay at the restaurant," said the Queen, who was thinking about what the King had just said. "That's a good girl," said the King. He then turned to Dirty, who slapped him, because she was greatly disgusted by what the King had just said. "You treat your wife like that!" yelled Dirty. "Right on, girlfriend!" yelled the Queen. "That kind of hurt," said the King. "Oh boo hoo, would you like me to get you tissue," said Dirty. She slapped him again. "Get it yourself!" "Now what were you going to say?" "Oh yes," replied the King, "We should head to Maxwell's fortress right now." "That's all?" asked Dirty. "We were going to have to do that anyway, you imbecile!" The King had never been ridiculed this much in his entire life. Dirty changed her focus to the Queen. "My Lady, you will have to go back to the restaurant by yourself," said Dirty. "I think I can handle it myself," said the Queen. "I shall leave right now." And without saying goodbye to Dirty or her idiotic husband, the Queen left for the restaurant. "She's a goner," said Dirty. "Probably," said the King. The two then left for Maxwell's stronghold. Them stronghold was actually the meeting building, where the king made many of his decisions. It was almost completely surrounded by the Princess's men. There was no visible way to get in the building. But the king had to get in there fast, before the Princess takes over the building. But then the king had a helpful idea. "Dirty," he said. "Yes," said Dirty. "There is a hole around here that leads to the sewers," said the King. "The sewers lead to many different places, including the building we are trying to get into. We could go into the sewers and get that building." Dirty was shocked at the King's intelligent idea. "We must go now!" she exclaimed. The King led Dirty to the entrance to the sewers. He opened up the entrance to the sewers and looked inside. It was dark, and there were at least5 rats running around. The king looked freaked out. "Well, I guess we should go ahead and go down there," said Dirty. "Is there any other way?" asked the King, nervously. "This was your idea!" exclaimed Dirty. "You're going." She then pushed the king into the hole, and then jumped in herself. They hit the floor with a thump. "There was a ladder!" yelled the King. "Whoops!" exclaimed Dirty. "Didn't see that!" The two continued through the dark sewers, when the aw something in the distance. "Goblins!" yelled Dirty. "We must fight them!" The two charged toward the goblins, and attacked them. The King obviously had no idea how to fight and was taken away by the goblins. "Oh no!" yelled Dirty. "Dirty, help me!" yelled the King. Dirty kept fighting the goblins that she was attacking, and eventually took care of them. She started running toward where the goblins had taken the king. She could hear him yelling from all directions, and couldn't figure out where to go. She then saw some food that was laying on the ground. It looked like it came from the goblins. The trail of food went toward the northeast, so that was where she went. She then heard the king yelling some more, and she was sure it was in that direction. She quickly ran to where his sceams were coming from. As she got closer, she saw skeletons all over. "We must have not been the first ones down here," she said to herself. She continued running until she could finally see the King. He was strapped on to a stone t able, and it looked like the goblins were about to eat him. He was on a table, tied up, and had an apple in his mouth. He kept mumbling random things while the goblins were preparing for dinner. "What is everyone going to think about this!" he exclaimed. "They're probably going to say things like 'did you here about the king being eaten by the goblins. What a loser.' I'll be embarrassed forever!" Then one of the goblins grabbed a dagger. "Oh shoot, time to die already!" yelled the King. Dirty knew she had to act fast, so she started looking around the room. She found a crossbow that must have been from one of the goblins earlier victims. She immediately fired it at the dagger, and the dagger fell to the ground. The goblins were very angry with this, and they started to run toward her. She grabbed her sword and quickly defeated the goblins. But then I giant, 20 foot tall goblin came into the room. She quickly ran and untied the King, and the two ran away. They were being followed by at least 50 other goblins along with the giant goblin. Dirty then saw a barrel and the two quickly jumped into it. The dumb goblins quickly ran by. "These random hiding spots have saved are butts several times!" exclaimed Dirty. "By the way, did you ever even thank me for saving you from the Princess and the Goblins?" "I'm the King," said the King. "I don't have to thank anyone." Dirty immediately pulled out her sword and pointed it at him. "Thank me or I'll kill you," sad Dirty in a normal voice. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, for saving me from those horrid creatures and my horrid daughter," said the King, nervously. Dirty sheathed her sword. "Thank you for thanking me," said Dirty, happily. "You wouldn't want to know what would've happened had you not thanked me." "Yeah," said the King. The two continued down the sewers until they found an opening. "I think this is it," said the King. Dirty started climbing up the ladder, and then opened the hatch. But they weren't in the stronghold, they were right outside it, in the middle of the Princess's army. They guards stared at Dirty and the King. "Oh, hey there," said Dirty to the guards. "We'll just be going now." She quickly startedgoi9ng down the ladder. "After her!" yelled the guards. They all started to climb down the ladder at once. Dirty and the King were already running away from them. "You're such an idiot!" exclaimed Dirty. "I know," said the King. They then looked behind them and saw the soldiers chasing them. They were shooting arrows at them, and throwing explosive contraptions. Dirty and the King then stopped at one of the holes. "I think this is it!" he exclaimed. The two quickly started climbing up the ladder. They opened the hatch and found themselves in the middle of Maxwell's stronghold. Maxwell was standing right next to the hatch. "What are you doing here!" yelled Maxwell. "We were trying to find you!" yelled the King. They then looked down the hole in which they came out of. "You lead the enemy right to me!" shouted Maxwell. "Prepare yourself!" It went silent for a second, but then they started coming out of the hole. "Fight!" yelled Maxwell. Dirty and Maxwell started fighting the invaders while the king ran and hid under a table. "I need backup!" exclaimed Maxwell, who was severely outnumbered. Some of Maxwell's soldiers came to his aid, and dirty and Maxwell backed away, and let his soldiers take care of the problem. Maxwell looked at the king and said, "Come this way." Dirty and the King followed Maxwell to a heavily guarded room. When the three made it inside, the guards shut and barricaded the door. "Sit, i insist," said Maxwell. The two did as they were told. "Is this like your bomb shelter?" asked Dirty, who was very curious . "You can call it that," replied Maxwell. "I call it my office." "Wow," said Dirty. "Who is paying for all of this?" asked the King. "You of course!" exclaimed Maxwell. "Doh!" exclaimed the King, in a Homer Simpson like way. "We of more important things to worry about than your bill," said Maxwell. He changed his attention to Dirty. "Allow me to introduce myself," said Maxwell. "I am Maxwell Corn." "I am Dirty Peaches," said Dirty. "Now that we have introduced are self, we have to figure out how to escape this place, and where we will go," said Maxwell. "I know where we will go, but I'm not sure how we can escape," said Dirty. "Well that was very unhelpful," said Maxwell. "I have an idea!" exclaimed Dirty. "Do you have any horses?" "We have two horses in the indoor stables," replied Maxwell. "Why?" "We could ride those horses out to the restaurant!" exclaimed Dirty. "A restaurant!" exclaimed Maxwell. "I call it my office," said Dirty. Maxwell stood up from his chair. "We will ride immediately!" he exclaimed. The three quickly made their way to the stables, and started to put their armor on. "Wait, there are only to horses," said the King. "So what," said Dirty. "Well, which one do I ride on?" "Mine, silly!" exclaimed Dirty. "Oh, no," said the King. Dirty and the King hopped onto one horse while Maxwell hopped onto another. A soldier ran then ran p to Maxwell. "Sir, where are you going?" asked the soldier. "We are riding for Dirty Peaches's office," said Maxwell. He then turned his head to a soldier who was examining the battle. "Sergeant Peterson!" he exclaimed. Sergeant Peterson quickly ran to Maxwell. "Yes sir!" he exclaimed. "I want you to make sure this building does not fall to the Princess's army," said Maxwell. "I want you to lead my army." Peterson was shocked. "It would be an honor, sir," said Peterson. I will start my duties immediately. "Now that we have taken care of that, we ride," said Maxwell. "We ride straight for the restaurant," said Dirty. She ready her horse. "Charge!" The two horses rode out of the building, into the courtyard where the majority of the Princess's me were. Dirty pulled out her sword, and started swinging at anything that moved. When she realized she wouldn't be able to defeat them, she continued riding forward. They made it out of the courtyard, and quickly rode to the restaurant. When they finally made it to the restaurant, they quickly ran inside. They were immediately greeted by the patrons of the restaurant, including Janet. "Dirty!" exclaimed Janet. She gave her a big hug. "We thought you were dead!" "As you can see, I'm clearly alive," said Dirty. "I see you have brought some friends with you!" exclaimed Janet. She walked over to the King, and bowed before him. "Greetings, my lord," she said. "And hello to you, too, madam," said the King. Janet stood up, and walked over to Maxwell. "And who might you be?" she asked. "I am Maxwell Corn, advisor to the King," replied Maxwell. "Good for you," said Janet, sarcastically. Dirty suddenly remembered that Mr. Coops had been shot in the arm, and blurted out, "Is Mr. Coops okay!" Janet walked over to Dirty with a sad look on her face. "We had to cut his arm off." "What!" shouted Dirty. "Just kidding!" exclaimed Janet. "I found a potion that can heal almost anything!" "You make me sick," said Dirty, who was not amused by the joke. The king then remembered that his wife had tried coming to the restaurant alone, and blurted out, "Where's my wife!" "Oh, she's right over there," said Janet. The Queen looked like something had trampled her. "What happened to her?" asked the King. "We are not sure," replied Janet, "but when she first came here, we saw that she was being chased by a tiny spider. We believe the spider is the culprit." The King was obviously embarrassed that he was married to that woman, but he tried to act normal. Maxwell then turned to Dirty, and said, "Dirty, I need you to go gather up your friends so we can talk about our attack against the princess." "Yes sir," said Dirty, who started walking toward the back of the restaurant. She found Mr. Coops cooking some food. "Oh, hello Dirty," said Mr. Coops. "I don't have time to talk right now, but Ringo is in my office tiding up, if you would like to talk to him." And Dirty, who didn't even get to ask Mr. Coops how 'How's it going' or tell him about the attack, left for the office. She found Ringo inside the office organizing the suspense novels. "Dirty!" he exclaimed. "Didn't think I'd be seeing you again!" "Nice to see you to," said Dirty. "I would love to have a chat right now, but you need to get ready for a meeting. "We are going to discuss how to stop the princess, with Maxwell Corn." "How did you get him here?" asked Ringo. "I will tell you later," replied Dirty. "Now go get your father and come to the meeting." Dirty then turned and left the room. She went upstairs, into a large room Mr. Coops just randomly put in the restaurant. It had a large, round table in it, which Dirty found odd, since it was just randomly there. She took a seat and waited for the other people to get in their seats. After about 10 minutes, everyone was seated and ready to begin discussing the attack. Maxwell began by saying, "I have summoned you here today to discuss the ruthless woman we call, 'The Princess'. We must decide how we will defeat her and her army. Our first speaker today will be Ms. Dirty Peaches. Dirty, you may speak." "Thank you, Maxwell," said Dirty. "I have proposed the idea of using the current customers of the restaurant to our advantage. The Princess is having a speech tomorrow, and they can act like normal peasants, but then attack. She is going to be speaking from a small podium, unlike the King, who always speaks from the safety of his castle. If attacked, she will flee to her guard tower, which she had only had recently constructed. I will ascend the stairs to the top floor where the Princess will be, and defeat. To insure her defeat, you all will make sure this tower falls, whether I'm in it or not." Maxwell then stood up and exclaimed, "But you will die!" "I am Dirty Peaches," said Dirty. "I will find a way out! Now you, Maxwell with start gathering up the customers for the attack! There is an armory in the basement! Arm everyone! And please do be wary of the rats!" Dirty then turned and left the room. Everyone else sat in silence for a minute, and then started helping Maxwell prepare the customers. They first went to the basement and quickly got chased out by rats. They immediately tried again, and this time chased the rats away. Once they saw where they armory was, they told all the customers to get a sword, without even explaining what was going on. Maxwell then remembered that his own men would probably assist him, so he told one of the customers to ride for his office and tell his men to come help them in exactly one hour. In 30 minutes, Maxwell had taken care of arming everyone with swords, making everyone look like peasants, including himself and the King, and explaining what was going on. Dirty had been thinking of ways to defeat the Princess while she was getting ready. Right on schedule, one of the Princess's guards came into the restaurant and told everyone to get outside. The 'peasants' walked outside and formed a crowd in front of the Princess's podium. They were mixed with a few other real peasants who had no idea what their intentions were. Once they were all in position, they looked up at the Princess, who began her speech. "Greetings my loyal, and not loyal peasants," she started. As you can see, I am your Princess, and I have some big news. I will be crowned tomorrow!" "Boo!" yelled the Crowd. "Such enthusiasm!" exclaimed the Princess. "But I also have bad news. I need my parents crown before I can officially become the Queen. So I need you, my loyal peasants, to find them for me. It would make so happy if you could return what is rightfully mine back to me." The Princess continued talking about other boring topics, when Dirty finally realized she had had enough. "I can't take any more of this," she whispered. "Me either," said Maxwell. "On three, we charge," said Dirty. "Yes, we must charge now," said Maxwell. "Dirty started counting down. "One, Two, Three. Charge!" The 'peasants' pulled out there swords and started running toward the Princess. "Run, my lady!" shouted one of the Princess's guards. The Princess ran toward her tower, just as Dirty expected. Dirty's peasants ran after the Princess, but they were stopped by the Princess's guards. The guards surrounded the castle, and the peasants couldn't get in. "Where are your soldiers, Maxwell!" yelled Dirty. "They will be here soon!" replied Maxwell. The peasants were suffering heavy losses, and they couldn't withstand it much longer. But then, in the distance, Dirty saw Maxwell's army quickly approaching the battle. "There they are!" she exclaimed. "Never doubt Maxwell," said Maxwell. Without even asking what they were supposed to do, Maxwell's soldiers joined the battle. "Make your way inside!" yelled Dirty. Dirty's army, since she had control of the peasants and Maxwell's army, pushed the Princess's guards back into the tower and stormed the building. Once they were inside, Dirty told Maxwell, "I'll be upstairs looking for the Princess! Remember, start destroying the tower!" She quickly started running up the stairs to the top floor. At the top, she found the Princess in her private room, pacing around. When the Princess saw Dirty, she pulled out her crossbow and shot and arrow at her. "Is that anyway to treat a guest," said Dirty. "Why are you!" shouted the Princess. "Come to push me out another window! Not this time! You will die!" "Put down the weapon, um, what was your name again?" asked Dirty. "I never did tell you, did I, Dirty," said the Princess. "You won't live to tell anyone anyway. It's Rosemary, but most people call me Rose." "Such a sweet name, for someone as evil as you!" shouted Dirty. "Now put down your weapon! You've already lost! You're outnumbered!" "I will never fall to someone like you!" screamed the Rose. She was about to pull the trigger, when all of the sudden there was a loud boom and the room shook. Rose fell over and dropped the crossbow out the window. "No!" she screamed. "You will pay!" She took out her sword and started charging toward Dirty. Dirty quickly pulled out her sword, and blocked Rose's attack. She kept swinging her sword again and again, but couldn't seem to actually hit Dirty. A large boulder suddenly crashed through the room, and knocked both of them down. Rose quickly got up and ran toward Dirty. She continued swinging her sword. "Why won't you die!" screamed Rose. Dirty then grabbed rose and threw her toward the wall, near a window. Dirty continued blocking all of the Princess's attacks. Them the tower suddenly started moving back and forth. It moved to the left a little, and then stopped. There was a fire coming up the steps, close to the room. The tilting tower was making Dirty dizzy, but she continued fighting. Dirty went and grabbed the Princess. The wall that the window was at suddenly fell of the tower, so now there was a big hole in the wall. Dirty took her chance, and tried pushing the Princess of the building. But the Princess wouldn't let her. She pushed Dirty down, and grabbed her sword. Dirty finally realized it was time to swing her sword. Rose blocked it, but Dirty had hit her sword so hard that Rose had dropped it. Dirty then took the chance again, and pushed rose out the hole. But Rose still wasn't finished. She grabbed onto the ledge, but couldn't get back up. "Give up know, and I'll help you up!" yelled Dirty. "Never!" screamed Rose. "I'll give you one more chance!" shouted Dirty. "Never!" screamed Rose, again. Dirty realized that that was Rose's final decision. "Au revoir, Princess Rose!" exclaimed Dirty. Dirty stepped on rose's hands, and Rose fell, ironically, into a pile of mud. The fall knocked her out, and Dirty's soldier's quickly carried her away. But Dirty was still stuck in the tower. She frantically looked around for a way to escape, but couldn't find anything. Just when she was about to give up hope, Janet came up to the hole in the wall. On a flying broom. "Hop on!" she exclaimed. Dirty quickly jumped onto the broom. It immediately flew away, just as the tower was beginning to fall. "I thought you weren't a witch!" exclaimed Dirty. "I took this from Belona," said Janet. "Figured it might help me out one day. And it did." Dirty And Janet flew to the ground, and reunited with their friends. Maxwell immediately went over to Dirty. "Well done, Ms. Peaches," he said. "I didn't think you could do it." "Well as you can see, I did do it," said Dirty. "Meet me at the castle tomorrow, after we've cleaned up this mess. I have an offer for you." "Absolutely!" exclaimed Dirty. She then walked over to Ringo, who looked happy. "You actually did it!" eh exclaimed. "Did you doubt me?" asked Dirty. "No," replied Ringo, who looked kind of embarrassed. "Come on," said Dirty. "Let's go back to the restaurant." And with that, Dirty, Ringo, Janet, and Mr. Coops went back to the restaurant. When they entered, they noticed the Queen was still here. "You're majesty!" exclaimed Dirty. "Yes," said the Queen. "You can go back to the castle now," said Dirty. "It's safe." "Oh, goody!" exclaimed the Queen. "Goodbye, Dirty." And then the queen left. The next day, Dirty walked to the castle with Ringo, and told him all about the Princess having a name. "Her name is Rose," she said. "Wow!" exclaimed Ringo. When they entered the castle, they were immediately greeted by Maxwell. "Hello, Ms. Peaches." he said, with a smile. He walked the two over to the king's thrown. "The King and I have decided to make you an offer," he started. "I'm listening," said Dirty, who was obviously interested. "We are willing to offer you contracts to catch people we want to 'get rid of'," continued Maxwell. "You will be paid handsomely for these missions. Do you accept?" Dirty had always wanted to go on dangerous missions like this, so she didn't hesitate. "I accept," she replied. "Very good choice indeed!" exclaimed Maxwell. "We will call for you soon so you can go on your first mission." "I believe this will be a nice and productive friendship," said Dirty. "A friendship with benefits."