Tired
Leo Valdez is tired, not just physically tired, I mean the kind of tiredness that meant you couldn't smile, couldn't laugh, couldn't talk or move but he did. He smiled, laughed, talked and moved every single day. He cheered everyone up, messed about, never seemed to take anything seriously but he took this quest more seriously than anyone else. This wasn't just about everyone that was alive, this was about the dead too. Gaea had killed his mother and he would never let her get away with it.
Piper and Jason knew about his mom's death and after the usual "I'm sorry for your loss" crap it was never mentioned again. No one else knows about her* and he can't tell them because it was all his fault and if he blames him of course they would and they wouldn't trust him too look after the ship so he would be more useless than ever. The only reason he made the ships controls so complicated was to make sure he was needed but even then Annabeth could use the basic controls and Festus could easily do the rest… no one would miss him if he died or went missing.
All these thoughts were riding round his head on Nemesis's motorcycle at a thousand miles an hour along with the words "You will always be the outsider, the seventh wheel". It was true no one seemed to talk to him other than to talk about themselves or the ship. Nobody came to talk about him… gods he sounded like a whiny three year old. Just another thing to add to his reasons why Leo's an idiot list. There were so many things on that list, hundreds maybe even thousands self pitying thoughts, and a scar to go with each.
It was easy to hide the newer scars from the others: he just cut them where no one could see them, like his stomach or his thighs. The only problem with that plan was swimming but he could just say that his fire didn't react well with water or something. However his older scars from before he discovered he was a demigod were harder to hide. This was because they were all up his arms so he couldn't hide them as well as the others but he managed. A part of him wanted them to notice, for them to prove him wrong and show they cared but most of all he wanted them to hurt. To hurt not as much as he did but just enough, he knew it was selfish but he wanted it almost as much as what he was about to do.
Leo Valdez is tired. not just physically tired, I mean the kind of tiredness that meant you couldn't smile, couldn't laugh, couldn't talk or move but he did. He smiled, laughed, talked and moved every single day just like he did today. He did nothing different on the outside but on the inside he had given up and he knew today was the day. Leo glanced at the rope dangling from the ceiling and the chair just underneath. He had been planning this for ages and had figured out the exact measurements to make sure it snapped his neck instantly. The chair wobbled slightly as he stood on it and wrapped the necklace of rope around his neck.
Leo Valdez was tired, not just physically tired, I mean the kind of tiredness that meant you couldn't smile, couldn't laugh, couldn't talk or move… Leo Valdez was tired of life and so he ended it.