It was late at night, the moon already up and glowing with the stars in the vast midnight sky. Most people were already asleep at that hour, but you weren't. Instead, you were just laying on your bed, covered in blankets and staring up at your ceiling that consisted of nothing but creamy white paint wondering why you felt so weird, so alone..
..so empty.
These past few days had been hell, indeed. School was grinding out the remaining energy from you due to requirements that needed to be done in order to graduate, and the love of your life seemed distant. The former was exhausting, but the latter was depriving. What had happened? Actually, even before this realization surfaced, you had already been having problems with her.
Your girlfriend.
Why? You don't know.
All you knew was somehow, you both got into several petty arguments due to the lack of communication, insecurity, jealousy and got very distant. No one knew what to say to the other, all the times you had together was spent in complete silence. Whether it was a comfortable one or not, you don't know. All you thought about was, how?
How did this happen?
What happened to the spark you both felt the first time you met? What had happened to the love that was once sweet and exciting?
You kept thinking, and remembered all the times you felt so inferior and worthless the past few months. She was always with her friends, she barely even talked to you. When she did, it was sweet, you treasured every moment, but she always leaves you to be with her friends afterwards. It hurt, since it happened a lot.
Were you not worth her time? Did she really like being around her friends rather than you that much? If only you had some of her full attention, it would've been fine, but no. She was always with them, or doing something else. It was as if she was ignoring you. What did you do to receive that kind of treatment?
You tried to talk to her about it, you asked for a little bit more time with her, that you felt a bit.. set aside on how she was acting and told her how you wanted to have conversations with her like the old times. Where both of you used to be so.. happy.
Now it was all arguments, and honestly, the amount times where you both didn't fight was a bit.. depressing.
She said sorry, and you forgave her.
Yet as months passed, nothing much changed, sure she does seem to be trying, but was that really the best she can do?
Thoughts then started invading and inflicting unhappy thoughts in your head.
You're not special to her anymore.
She'd rather spend time with other people than you.
You're not needed.
You're not worth it.
She doesn't love you that much anymore.
It scared you so much that you started feeling uneasy, and ever since then you couldn't stop over thinking every little things.
Now you both fight more than before, and it was all due to her spending so much time with everybody except you. You felt so alone, so frustrated since she just wouldn't get why you were being like this, or was she avoiding to understand? Nonetheless you were confused and angry, why was she doing this?
She answered,
"I don't know what to say."
She doesn't know what to say.
She doesn't fucking know what to say.
"I'm trying, why don't you just cooperate with me?!"
You were doing everything you can to talk to her yet she brushes you off like some piece of trash and continues with her business with other people. All you wanted was a little more time with her, a bit of her attention, a bit more of her.
You missed being with her so much, you missed hanging out with just the two of you, everything used to be so happy.
Why..?
Why did this have to happen?
A week passed by, nothing was improving with your relationship with her and school was stressing you out more than ever, you even forgot to put your book report in your bag that was due today.
You were pissed off as hell.
Few of your classes had passed, and it was now lunch, your own circle of friends asked you to join them, but you declined for you didn't have the appetite to eat..
..and you'll just feel alone with them anyway.
They just shrugged and left.
As you were sorting out your stuff and stressed even more on how to explain to your teacher about the report you forgot, you heard giggles from the other side of the room, and one particular giggle caught your ear.
Of course, it had to be her and her circle.
She was with them again, you didn't even receive a good morning message earlier yet you see her right there, doing sooo well, oh and wait..
..you don't actually receive those kind of messages anymore in general! Ha!
Was there even a relationship anymore? You thought bitterly and contemplated deeply on what was bound to happen in the future.
Maybe there really was no more.
You just sighed and shook your head, you knew you loved her so much but it hurts a lot when you get reminded of what was really happening to both of you right now. Actually, you already tried breaking up with her approximately a month and a half ago, since nothing good was even happening anymore.
But then a week after that she pleaded for you to get back to her, and it strangely felt satisfying. As if you were a bit pleased for her to feel the same pain you felt, as much as how wicked that sounded, it was.. true. You accepted her back anyway, for you still really did love her.
The first few weeks had been heaven, she had been paying attention to you again, you felt so happy that everything seemed fine now. That was until things went to downhill once again..
..just like before you both even broke up, it was like that again, and you felt so horrible since it looked like she got tired of you after a while.
It hurt so much.
To the point that you became seriously depressed since then, whenever you both exchange brief good byes with each other and just leave, like that. You can't help but just cry on your way home, alone..
..and you've never felt so alone your life, even in a relationship.
Why were you so different from the others?
What do they have that you don't?
Yet you still held on, hoping that there was still hope for both of you.
You loved her that much.
Loved Luka Megurine that much, the only girl you trusted, the only one you loved even until now.
But in the end..
..it was still like this.
When will this pain ever end?
You thought with a forlon smile.