Rating: K
Summary: Kink meme prompt: Ariadne wants to eat a pickle, but the lid is on too tight, so she gets Arthur. The lid is on too tight for Arthur, so he gets Eames.
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Humor, Romance
Warning: None
Disclaimer: There would be so much gay sex in Inception if I made that movie.
AN: I saw this prompt in the kink meme on Lj and the following discussion. I just ran with it.

Pickle Jar of Evil

"Arthur, can you help me with the pickle jar? It won't open."

"Sure, give me a moment- hold on…this is really tight…"

"I tried for eighteen minutes before I gave that jar to you"

"That's very specific, Ari. Very important as an Architect. It's not budging, by the way."

"What."

"Eames, right on time for a change. Ariadne wants pickles and I can't get this jar open"

"Darling, I am impressed that you even admit that to me."

"I'm not above telling the truth, Mr. Eames. How is the jar coming along?"

"…nope, sorry dears."

"No way…Eames! I really want a pickle…"

"Aww, no need to pout, pet. Here comes Dad. COBB! EMERGENCY! GET YOUR BLOODY ARSE HERE RIGHT NOW!"

"Dad?"

"You must admit, he takes good care of us."

"True."

"What's going on, where is the fire, oh my God-"

"No need to panic that much, Ariadne wants pickles and Arthur couldn't open the jar so he called me and now I can't open the jar."

"…that's why you screamed goddamned murder and made me jump from the stairs, almost breaking my ankles, never mind my spine?"

"Yes?"

"All three of you are worse than my kids, I swear."

"But you still love us, right?"

"But I thought we were also your kids! Eames, you lied to me."

"Eames, what kind of bullshit did you feed Ari- Jesus, what is this jar made of?"

"Glass and-"

"I didn't mean that literally, Arthur. Yusuf! Can you please get out of your lab and come over here?"

"Hi guys, what's the occasion?"

"Ariadne wants pickles, Arthur couldn't open the jar, so then there was Eames who also couldn't open the jar and now I just tried and it didn't budge, so you try."

"…you do know you can text Saito and get him to buy out the pickle factory and such, right?"

"Yusuf, that's overkill, without the killing."

"Well, give me that and let me put it under the tap- there! Here are your pickles."

"Great!"

"Now everyone, get back to work- what's with the face, Ariadne?"

"Cobb…the pickles are-"

"Oh Jesus, that's nasty!"

"I couldn't agree more, darling."

"Like I said…get Saito to buy out a pickle factory."

"Yeah, that might be faster."