AN: This fic is Alternate Universe. It is what would have happened if Artemis hadn't trusted himself enough to cheat the mindwipe.

Emptiness.

That was all Artemis felt. He stared at the disk in his hand, the one that was supposed to bring him back to his old life, the one that should bring him joy, and all he felt was anger.

Artemis was angry at this little disk. He hated it with a passion. It seemed like the tiny DVD had robbed him of something. His memories, maybe? No, it was something more than that. It had provided him his memories, told them to him in a matter-of-fact manner. It was what had come with the memories, it was the fact that he didn't truly remember, only knew from a second hand source (which, ironically, was himself).

The disk had given him his memories, but robbed him of his experience. Logically, of course, Artemis knew that it wasn't the disk that had done it, but the LEP. And he knew that it wasn't the disk's fault that the mindwipe hadn't been cheated, it was his own. But as he stared at the little silver circle, all rational flew out the window.

Only his superior self-control stopped him from throwing the DVD to the ground and crushing it with his foot. Artemis breathed in with a count of seven, the meditative rhythm calmed him down. He just needed time to think.

Artemis settled into the cross-legged position, but he couldn't concentrate. The ship was humming much too loudly. And the mirror in the bathroom kept reflecting into his eyes. Was it just him, or was the floor itchy? Perhaps if he moved a little. His leg was cramping. Maybe if he moved his hands they wouldn't brush against him in that annoying way.

It was no use. Artemis had been able to enter a deep meditative state since he was a year old. Experts marvelled at his control over his mind, they loved the way he could smooth it out and forget everything in less than a second. It had never mattered where he was, but he simply could not manage it today. Artemis sighed in resignation and exited the bathroom.

Holly looked up, "Well, you've been in there a while." Then she saw his expression."What's wrong?" Her voice was hushed, she had never seen Artemis look so... defeated.

Artemis couldn't speak, he just lifted up the disk he was holding. Holly took it from him and examined it. "Clever, you put your memories on disk," she noticed the gold tint to the surface, "and disguised it as a medallion, which you gave to Mulch." The previous Artemis would have been impressed with her intelligence, maybe Holly was learning something from him after all, but the current Artemis barely took note of it.

"It didn't work, I can't remember anything." Artemis' voice was hoarse with grief. Holly looked terrified, she knew Artemis, and she knew that he had never been so defeated in his life. She couldn't imagine what this meant to him, not only did he not understand something that was a huge part of himself, but he had been beaten, harshly and thoroughly. For a second she stopped thinking and quickly pulled him into a hug.

Artemis was shocked, to say the least. This tiny woman had her arms around his waist, she seemed to be trying to comfort him. He really didn't know how to respond, he just stood stiffly in her embrace. It wasn't unpleasant, in fact, it was possible that he was enjoying it, Artemis just didn't know how to react. The warmth he felt was familiar, it was what he experienced when he spent time with his mother and father, the feeling of pure happiness and belonging. It was the feeling of having someone care for you, and caring back. But no, this was just a distraction. Isn't that how he had trained himself? Even the pre-mindwipe version of himself knew that emotions like this just cause complications. Still, he couldn't bring himself to break off, and he really didn't feel that it was appropriate to return the affections, so he just stood there stiffly.

Holly sensed his discomfort, and pulled away. "Sorry, I forgot how you dislike displays of affection." She blushed.

That's when they both remembered that there were other people in the room. The others were staring at him with wonder. Artemis had fully failed. They couldn't even begin to comprehend it. There was a long silence, only Holly dared to move, she remained in contact with Artemis, she patted his arm comfortingly. The air hummed with stunned electricity, and it was only broken when Butler , the bravest of them, walked forward cautiously, "You really don't remember any of it?"

Artemis stared at his bodyguard's face, it looked older and more ragged than he remembered. He felt guilty about it, for some reason. What was it that he had learned? Butler had been shot, and it had been his fault.

He saw flashes and closed his eyes, willing the scene to come back to him. A bit of colour, a loud noise, and then it was done. The vision slipped from his grasp, and Artemis knew that it would be fruitless to scramble for it. It was gone. The guilt didn't leave, though. Butler had trusted him, and had paid for it.

"None of it, old friend, I cannot recall a single thing." Artemis hung his head, "I know what happened, the disk told me, but I don't truly remember."

"Why didn't it work?" Mulch seemed genuinely puzzled. "It worked for the big man over there, you barely said one sentance and it all came back to him."

Artemis sighed; "The information has to come from someone you trust."

Mulch still didn't quite get it. "So what you're saying is that..."

"I don't trust myself." Artemis shook his head woefully,

"Why?" Mulch asked.

Artemis didn't answer, but in his mind's eye he saw Butler's chest heave as he climbed the stairs and saw him fight, his moves were so much slower and had lost the immortality that they once boasted. Butler was no longer invincible.

And even though Artemis couldn't fully remember, he knew that it was his fault. The guilt was a worm inside of him, eating away at his insides mercilessly.

He couldn't meet Mulch's questioning gaze, he averted his eyes in shame.

Butler patted his back, and Artemis looked up. There was pity and apprehension in his eyes. Artemis too understood the implications of his failure. Without true knowledge his planning skills would be seriously injured. As it stood he didn't know, or understand, Opal to the same degree he would have if he had remembered meeting her. He knew her type, but one of the first rules of psychology was not to generalize, a rule that he followed avidly. Artemis had very little confindence that he could pull this off. It seemed that lately his confidence in himself had been running out.

He had to try. Holly's life depended on it, as well as his own. "Tell me everything you know about Opal Koboi."

AN: This story is for the Fangathering Elseworlds contest. You can win a copy of Airman or a pre-ordered copy of the Time Paradox. :D

I'm not used to writing chaptered fics, so constructive crit is even more appreciated than usual.