This is the first time in a long time Nate has been nervous. Sure he was nervous when he had lacrosse games, or a trial. But the nervousness that he was having right now was making his heart pound, palms feel clammy, and it felt as though his entire body was shaking. He had never felt this way before. He can't figure out why he feels this way either. It was just Blair coming over. There was nothing to be nervous about. He had given her the pin, disposed of all her belongings in hope of finally ridding her of his heart. But after he did those things it just made him long for her even more.
He didn't even know why she was coming over. She had randomly texted him while he was lacrosse practice. All her text had said was 'We need to talk.' Last time she had sent a text like that, it had been to scream at him for going out with Jenny Humphrey, and now he had another girlfriend, so he was a bit hesitant to respond, but Blair texting you every few months for a chance to talk was fine with you. Even if Nate and Blair had a rough break up, there was always going to be feelings for each other deep down. You don't date your entire life, know each others darkest secrets, and have every experience possible with each other, and just forget your feelings in a day.
He hears the knock on the heavy wooden door to his house and he slowly walks to the door, taking a deep breath before he opens it. When the doors open you are left to reveal a petite brunette on your front doorstep. She doesn't ask if she could come in, all she does is brush past him accidentally brushing her hand against his in the process.
"I left a pair of shoes here, and I need to have them back for a party tonight." She states it bluntly, she needs to quickly get the things she needs before she starts to look around remember when they were good and happy...
"Oh, ok. I go try to find them." He starts to turn to go to his room but she stops him and starts forwards.
"I know where I left them." She marches towards his room. All he can do is follow her. That's all he's done his entire life.
When she enters his room she immediately is flooded with memories. She looks all around the room reminiscing before she remembers why she is even. She walks to the walk-in closet and turns the knob and greeted by clothes thrown on the floor, hangers swinging everywhere, and homework strewn all over the floor. You would think that the maids would do a better job.
"God, you are such a pig. Don't you ever clean." She spits the words out, while rifling through piles of dirty clothes.
"I told the maids not to go through my closet." While she is going through your clothes Nate can't help but stare at her ass. It looks so good in those tight jeans… Wait, why is he thinking that way, this is Blair, his ex-girlfriend, not his current one.
Nate got a bit dazed just standing there staring at Blair so he decided to go and sit on his soft bed. It felt like she was searching in his closet forever when all of a sudden he heard the soft rustling of clothing stop, and he had thought that she had found what she was looking for. But he glanced over at her and saw her sitting there staring at her. He strode over to her to see what she had found.
When he got over there, he himself paused. It was the necklace he was planning on giving to her before he had found out about her and Chuck.
"What the hell is this?" But when she said it, it wasn't laced with anger but filled with suspicion.
"It's nothing, just a necklace I had bought a long time ago." He had to come up with something fast before he started to falter and she would unravel all the strings.
"You buy random necklaces to give to the next girl you're going to seduce?"
"No. I just I bought it for someone specific, but it ended up not working, so I couldn't give it to her anymore."
Blair looked down at the black velvet box again. His story was so obvious that she couldn't help but snicker. The box was obviously for her, and no lie could cover that up.
"May I?" She pointed to the box curious to see what the necklace looked like.
"Um, I don't know…" But his response didn't matter; she lifted up the cover to reveal a beautiful ruby necklace that looked as though to match the ring he had given to her in the beginning of their relationship. Blair gasped the beauty of it had surpassed anything she would of thought a teenage boy would have thought to pick out.
"It's beautiful," she whispered. "I've never seen anything like it."
She was still mesmerized by the stunning piece of jewelry in front of her that when she looked up to meet his gaze she caught him staring right at her.
"Why didn't you give it to me?"
"I was planning on giving it to you the night that I took to see my dad in rehab. But we had already broken up by then, so I didn't really think it would be appropriate to give my ex-girlfriend, who had slept with my best friend a piece of jewelry."
She continued to stare at the floor while he strode over to her and slid down the wall next to her. They sat in silence for awhile. Just thinking of their past times, how happy that last week had been when they had both been themselves and weren't afraid to just be together.
"I'm sorry" Blair stated with a shaky voice. He could tell that it wasn't one of the fake apologies she would give to random people but one of the rare Waldorf apologies only few got.
"I never gave that pin to anyone, you know." Well she did, but after speaking to Chuck in the lawn she figured that she could never feel the same way she felt when she had given the pin to Nate, with anyone else but Nate. He had been her first love, and no matter she tried to tell herself to forget and like Marcus she just couldn't forget what Chuck had said about the pin, so she took it back.
"I intended that to be for you, and I don't want that to change." Another silence was put into place. But this time Nate was the first to break it.
"What do miss the most?"
"About what?"
"Us. When we were together." He turned his and looked at her to only find her eyes glossed over with tears.
"Everything."
"You couldn't possibly miss everything."
"Even the arguing was better than this. I mean not talking, not seeing you, not being able to see your smile, I miss it all." Blair turned her head to look at the face that has become so unfamiliar to her.
"We made a pretty big mess, huh?" Nate rested his head the blue wall. This wasn't exactly what he had in mind when she said that she was coming over. He didn't think it would get this serious, it was like they were opening their eyes and their hands open, letting all the things they never said run through their open fingers.
"No, our parents started it, but then we just added to it. I didn't think it would turn out like this. I thought that we would get married have our kids and live in our dream home, have no problems and live happily ever after. But I guess it takes one person to tell you that fairytales don't exist." She laughed through the tears that were about to overflow form her eyes.
They both stared at each other for awhile, getting absorbed in each others eyes. The feelings were there, no one could change that. The wounds would never be healed, the tears never dried, and mostly the heart would never be full again.
"Sometimes, I wish that I could go back to that night at the Debutante Ball when we finally had each other. That night was so perfect. You had looked so beautiful. That was the night that I realized how in love with you I was." He must have been trying to get her to cry because now the tears were flowing and for now they wouldn't stop.
"I had tried so hard to impress you," They both shared a look and then giggled. "It was a really big hassle to get everything perfect, but in the end, it was all worth it." Both of them sat there again, longer replaying that night's events in their minds.
"He's not the same, you know? He's exciting and a bad boy, but there's always something missing. The way he smiles isn't puppy dog; his voice doesn't make me weak. And his touch doesn't make my heart flutter. It's just not what I thought it would be."
Nate was thinking of everything Blair was saying now, but instead of the urge to kiss her like he wanted to right now, he said the one thing that he knew was going to hurt him. He didn't want to say it, but you know what they say, you know you truly love someone if you want them to be happy, even if that happiness doesn't involve you.
"Give him a chance where you're not comparing him to other guys. He loves you, just know that." Her face read hurt like she wanted him to tell her that he was the one, that no one compares because there is no one else but him, but like usual anytime Blair wants Nate to want her he always thinking the opposite.
"Okay." She gave him a sad smile. This was really the end, wasn't it? Their time had really passed no other chances, no other kisses, and no other full nights. It's over. Done.
They both stood up the ruby necklace still in Blair's small hands.
"I want you to keep it." Nate said with a genuine smile. It could be the final piece of him for her.
"Really?" Nate nodded, he needed her to take it because if not it would be a constant reminder of their failed relationship.
"Really."
Nate pulled Blair into an embrace breathing in her scent of vanilla and Keihl's cucumber body wash. He was going to miss her scent.
The embrace lasted a bit too long, but this was going to be the last time that they could be like this so they took the chance. Blair stepped out of his embrace and slowly walked back to the foyer with Nate in close follow. She opened the heavy door putting her Dior sunglasses shielding her eyes from the sun and so that the citizens of New York wouldn't she her cry as she left the Archibald residence for the last time.
"Goodbye Nate."
"Bye" And with that she walked out the door and in to the sun ready to burn her porcelain skin. She stopped at the bottom step and looked back at the home that held the man that had her heart in his hands. It was almost as if fate kicked in because at the same time they both shared the three words that would forever hold them apart.
"I love you." They both whispered, knowing that neither could hear but in hope that it would travel in the air and make it to their hearts someday. But it was already there.
"There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me." - Gretchen Kemp