Afraid To Love
~ By TravelingThroughTime
Summary:
Alexander and Mara are slowly realizing their growing feelings for each other; but has Alex really found the strength to let go of the past? Takes place just before Alexander took Mara and Kalen to where his home once stood, and after he destroyed the caverns.
"Th - Tha - Thank you." the Eloi child stuttered in his lameness of English, or, as they called it, the stone language.
The small boy, no older than six, handed Alexander the small woven choker. It's shiny shells were by no doubt attractive to the professor's eyes. Everything around him in this new world was fascinating.
The colony sat all around him in a great circle; some of them on the stone seats that made up what they considered the stone gallery.
Drums were beat lightly by some of the men.
Alexander was seated in Indian fashion, and he extended his hands to allow the child to lay the chocker in his palms.
The sky was like a universal enigma, especially with the shattered moon, that now appeared like bright scattered stones of white.
The professor's blue eyes glanced up at the boy, and in the light of the pit fire, they gleamed like jewels, sending chills down Mara's spine as she gazed at them briefly while sitting across from the village hero. She could hardly wait for him to cast them upon her as he had done the day before as they stood, looking over the Morlock caverns.
It wasn't just his warm smile or his gentle eyes that had touched her so deeply, but the sudden grasp of his hand.
She could remember the way his skin felt, the way his fingers were tucked between her own. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced. No one, not even Toren, had ever done that to her.
She watched him, tying the chocker around his neck, and she liked the way it complimented his strong features.
"I'm very honored to wear this." he said, looking at the boy and then at the Eloi around him.
He then glanced towards Mara and Kalen, giving them an assuring smile, and everyone began to clap, including Vox who was also enjoying the ceremony, glad that they had brought him here in time to do so.
"I am glad for his stay." Kalen whispered to his sister.
"As am I." she whispered back.
Hand crafted jewelry like Alexander's chocker was a mark symbolizing that one was accepted as a member of the village because all of the Eloi of this colony wore them about their necks.
The ceremony of victory, hope and the welcoming of a new member soon ended and all of the villagers found themselves resting peacefully in their homes.
Peace; it had finally been restored, and all were grateful to the warrior who had come from the past to save them, and they honored him not only for his bravery, but for risking his own life, his whole life and everything he knew, to save man.
Peace might have been restored to this village, but it was the only peace that these people had ever known. Their entire lives, as well as the lives of countless generations before them, had been hunted and haunted by The Ghosts.
All eyes were shut, but Alexander's were not so easily closed that night.
His mind was still racing with so many thoughts, and his heart and gut were feeling the largest, most overwhelming array of emotions that he had ever experienced.
The darkness of the caves still plagued his mind, the cold and hellish glare of the Uber Morlock still haunted him. The thought of such a Devilish creature coming into existence in the world of man frightened him. How could such a thing exist amongst such peaceful people, using them for nothing more than a food source and breeding stock?
Even though the worst was over, he couldn't just put it all behind him so easily; but he was certainly willing to be strong for his new family.
Kalen's smiling face slowly entered his thoughts, and Alex knew that there were no regrets at all for sacrificing his machine. The children were the future of mankind after all.
When his eyes wandered towards Mara, who was sleeping in her own bed chamber opposite of his, he thought of the horror she must have felt in the Uber Morlock's clutches and the relief that must have been returned to her when she was freed from that hell. If only others could have been spared.
Then Emma returned to him a final time, and he could almost feel his heart squeezing, his face flushing with heat, and he struggled to hold back the tears that played within his eyes.
After all that had come to be, he had finally learned to stop blaming himself for her death. Though now, he was beginning to feel as if he was, in some way, betraying her.
He wondered how Emma might have felt about his growing feelings for Mara if by some chance; she knew.
Mara reminded him so much of her. Even though they were clearly two different women, there was something in Mara that had touched him the way Emma did. It began that first night with her on the balcony when she had suggested picking flowers.
Emma too, loved flowers, especially roses, and knowing that Mara shared an interest of hers gave Alexander, in some way, a peace of mind.
There were things now, many things that the professor wanted to tell this beautiful Eloi woman; but how and when?
Then there was that terrible memory in his mind that made him question whether or not he could ever love again.
If he were to let himself think that he was cursed, he would sound to his self like a foolish school boy. But if he were to let himself give in to his desire, would he regret it? Would history repeat itself again?
In the fourth hour before dawn, his eyes allowed him no more thoughts for the night and he gave in to his exhaustion, the exhaustion he had managed to ignore almost all night.
Night might have been long, a fulfillment for much needed rest, but the rising of dawn came not a moment too soon, breaking all of the inhabitants from their slumbers.
"So what will we do today?" was the first question expressed by Kalen after the three of them were seated at the bamboo table, their knees folded beneath them as they sipped their soup. This custom reminded Alexander of how Asians were known to eat.
"Well, why don't we all visit the stone gallery later on today?" the professor suggested. "I heard that Vox would be telling us a rather interesting story."
"Yes!" Kalen beamed. "It is called Tom Sawyer, I think."
"Visiting the stone gallery again would be good." Mara added.
Anytime she could visit the stone gallery, she was content. That place was filled with so many memories with her and her beloved parents. How she and Kalen missed them.
When they finished their first meal of the day, a small group of Eloi children had come from across the bridge to gather Kalen for a game, and Mara agreed that he needed to play more…it was safer now.
She spent some time alone in the dwelling's walls, cleaning up and scrubbing the clay dishware.
When her work was finished, she realized that she longed to join Alexander on the balcony.
He hadn't yet taken notice of her presence; for she had reached the area like an Indian hunter; but when she stood beside him, he gave her a welcoming smile just before returning his gaze to the canyon.
"Alexander…" she began after the moment of silence.
"Yes?" his eyes were still viewing the canyon's wall of Eloi housing.
"I wanted to ask you…a question," she bashfully danced her fingers upon the railing, yearning for a certain reaction from him.
"And what sort of question do you wish to ask me, dear Mara?" he had turned himself, pushing his hip and resting his arm on the rail as he looked at her.
"Will you be happy here?" her stare reminded him of a hopeful puppy in a pet shop window, and it flattered him to know that this girl cared so much about his happiness, that she wasn't quite ready to drop the subject. She had already apologized for the loss of his machine.
He placed his finger beneath her chin, steadying her glare onto his.
"I have no regrets for losing my machine, and you have no reason to feel guilty. If I were given the choice, I'd do it all a million times over just to ensure your future."
"Alexander…" she released in a gasped tone. Her eyes were just before expressing soft tears of joy.
He wanted to say more and she wanted to tell him something herself, but it was scary for both of them. Alexander didn't know the proper way to court an Eloi, nor did she know the proper way to show a man from a strange time and culture how much she loved him.
Suddenly, a feeling struck her like a flash of lightening, and she ceased her chin from his finger.
He looked at her, her face flushed with what a New Yorker would consider as embarrassment, and it made him feel awkward himself, out of place perhaps; but he certainly didn't want Mara to be uncomfortable around him.
"Mara," he began, after the awkward silence between them had passed.
She glanced at him once more, wondering what would roll off from his tongue next.
"I remembered the other day you suggested that we should, pick some flowers."
She nodded slowly.
"And I was wondering if perhaps you would still care to do so. Would you?"
This time her nod came with a smile.
The row down the river was a quiet one, neither of them knowing what to say or how to say it if some ideal for a conversation was to cross either of them.
There were men folk fishing along the bank, pulling up large nets of fish in the canoes.
There were strange birds, walking about in the river grass. They were at least as tall as an Australian cassowary but more similar in appearance to that of a white stork.
They wandered past the monument grounds, finding themselves in a large open field where many lush flowers grew.
There was an assortment of many different plants, though the most appealing colors were of red, yellow and a peach-orange.
"Philby would have quite a field day out here, collecting all of these unusual plants." Alex said, holding one of the small yellow flowers as he recalled his good friend; a professor of Botany.
Mara had at last gathered many flowers and now she and Alexander were sitting in the grass, admiring not only the fine assortment between them, but also how clear and blue the sky was.
"I wonder how clear the sky must be in New York." he laughed a little. "I know how busy the streets are."
Mara glanced at him. It was clear that he was smiling, but she saw something beyond his outer expression that was anything but a smile.
It was no doubt that Mara was not a naive native girl, unaware of the world around her. Besides being a resourceful healer and teacher, she was indeed an Eloi of great wisdom and she had a powerful intuition to go with it; and it was this quality alone that intrigued Alexander more than anything else about her.
"You cannot help but miss her." Her sudden words had startled him.
"What?" he lifted a brow to her.
"The one you lost, the one you could not save."
He glanced down. He knew that she was right.
"I'll always miss her I suppose…and I guess that I shall always have a heavy heart whenever she crosses my mind."
"I know how you feel." she said, referring to her parents.
The mention of Emma had brought another small bout of silence in the field, though it wasn't too long before Mara broke it.
"Alexander, you have not yet told me about…Emma."
"How did you know her name?" he certainly didn't recall telling her.
"You spoke it in your dreams, when Kalen and I brought you to the dwelling."
"I did?" he rekindled his thoughts of those restless nights. "I did."
"I want to know who she was. I know she meant something to you, though, if it hurts, I understand."
"No," he sighed. "I think that telling you about her would actually help me deal with it better."
He steadied his eyes on her.
"What would you like to know about her first?"
"What she was like?"
"Well, she was, in some way, very much like you."
This sparked Mara's interest.
"How?" she asked.
"Kind, gentle, intelligent, caring…and lovely.'
"Lovely? I do not know that word."
"It means pretty, sort of like these flowers."
"Oh." she could feel herself blushing again and a smile was tugging at her lips.
"How did you come to know her?"
"My friend Philby introduced us. I'll tell you more about him later."
"How did Emma act?"
Alexander hadn't yet noticed, but Mara's questions were now becoming more like that of someone who was looking for an ideal, some answer or clue on how to go about something. Perhaps she was searching for some inspiration in this Emma.
"Well, she…acted like a very good girl would act."
"Like me?"
A laugh broke out of him, a small one; but he wasn't making fun of her, he only found this question quite charming.
"Why do you laugh?" she asked with concern.
"It's just a good question." he replied, almost dumbly. "Why did I laugh?" he wondered. "You are a good girl, Mara." he finished, clearing his throat.
"Her hair; what color was it?"
"Uh…" he didn't know if the Eloi had yet accomplished the knowledge of colors. "Almost like this little flower here." he said, handing her one of the yellow ones.
Mara smiled, finding it fascinating for someone to have hair of this color. She had never seen such hair on anyone. Alexander's blue eyes were rare enough, let alone her fondness for his general appearance.
"How did she dress?" she asked, glancing at Alexander's pants and his white button up shirt.
She knew that if men of his time dressed in such a fashion, then women must have had their own clothes just as well, judging by the difference in her clothing compared to that of an Eloi man.
"She wore, long, colorful gowns and dresses."
It was not an easy question for Alexander to answer. Of course he took notice of how lovely Emma was in her fashions, but he knew of know decent way to describe it.
"Gowns and dresses?"
"I'm sure Vox could pull up a more detailed way for you to understand what a dress is."
The Eloi used different terms for their own clothing.
"How did she wear her hair?" Mara asked.
"…Up." he replied, circling his finger atop his head, gesturing the form of a bun. "In a bun."
She thought for a moment, tightening her lips; and then she had visualized the image.
"Like this?" She pulled her long, ebony hair up, rolling it into a messy bun with her hands.
The sight brought a smile to Alexander's face, and now he knew what she was trying to achieve.
"Pretty much." he said, taking one of her hands into his and causing her to release her hair. "But I like the way your hair looks also."
She smiled at him, knowing that he liked her for who she was alone, and not just because she reminded him of Emma.
Their eyes had settled into each other's souls, and somehow Alexander knew that he had not only made the right choice for humanity, but for having feelings for this beautiful girl as well.
And their hands would have remained clutched, and their lips might have even touched if not for Kalen finding them in the field.
"Mara, Alexander!"
"Oh, Kalen!" Alex blushed, both he and Mara pulling away from each other's grasp.
"There you are! I've been searching all over." he said breathlessly, clutching his knees as he bent over to regain his breath.
"Kalen, what are you doing here?" Mara asked, almost angrily.
"Toren said he saw you rowing this way. I thought that, until we go to the monument grounds, you could show us where your house was, Alexander."
The boy's eyes were anxious.
"I would like to see it also." Mara said.
"Alright." He replied, after pausing. "Let's go."
He walked with them, both of their hands in his, and they journeyed to where his home once stood; his life…
"Do not worry," Mara whispered to him on the way, "She will always watch over you."
THE END.
Author's Notes: So now that I've revised this story, I believe it's more perfected, more in-depth. I would also like to say that this is the prelude to The Time Machine Chronicles that will also be re-posted once I sort out a few grammar errors and modify the story line jut a little to add more suspense.