A Relationship of Equals
An AkuZeku story.
Summary: Clearly, Axel enjoyed breaking people...but he didn't enjoy what was left after he was finished with his breaking.
WARNINGS: VERY long, slash, weirdness, Sadist!Axel and Passive!Zexion (though actually, I think he's less passive in this story than the other one...), domestic abuse, vaguely noncon implied sex (?), master/slave relationship, vague bondage, complete and utter screwed-up ness
Notes: I decided to write a sequel to "I Wish That You Were Only Mine", expanding a bit more on Axel and Zexion's very messed up relationship...this actually stemmed from my desire to write Zexion's death scene with an AkuZeku bent, but the actual death scene in the story isn't really like how I imagined it to be (I imagined it to be an Axel/Zexy/Repliku threesome...) but I think it works better with this story. Somehow, though, the story ended up being...very, very long and not really centered around the death scene anymore. Also...the death scene and the scene where Zexion is requesting data about Destiny Islands are most definitely not how they are like in the canon...because I've never actually SEEN those scenes. Sorry, but I don't understand Japanese, and I can't find them subbed, and I've never played CoM. Besides, I had to make them depart from the canon to make them fit, uh, the weird relationship Axel and Zexion have in this story.
The main pairing is AkuZeku, but there is some AkuRoku, and Vexen/Zexion friendship...and faintly implied...Zemyx?!...even. But the Zemyx hintings are very subtle...
Anyway, enjoy...and I'm warning you, this is very messed up.
Many thanks to Avery Likelytale for beta-ing for me.
A knock sounded on the door, careful, tentative, barely a soft rapping that Axel probably would not have normally been able to hear, had the entire castle not been completely still and silent as it always was in the dead of the night. He sighed and closed the book he had been reading, not turning to look at the door.
"Come on in, Zexion," he said loudly. "I'm not stopping you."
The door to Axel's quarters within Castle Oblivion slowly opened, and Zexion stepped into the room. Axel stood up from his bed and surveyed Zexion carefully, smiling silently to himself at the way the slate-haired Nobody refused to meet Axel's gaze, instead choosing to direct his stare off to the side. He sported several large bandages on his face, an obvious reminder of Axel's latest treatment that same morning...
"So, Zexion, what brings you here?" said Axel casually. Zexion said nothing for a moment, but then looked back at Axel. His face was perfectly emotionless.
"I couldn't sleep," he said softly. "Master." He coupled the last word with a little bow, a brief lowering of his head in Axel's direction.
Axel sighed, annoyed. It irritated him, somehow, every time Zexion bowed to him. Logically he knew he should enjoy it as one of the many signs that Zexion had finally realized that he belonged to Axel, and Axel only. There was really no reason to be so...damn...annoyed.
"Yeah, well," said Axel, since he could think of nothing better to say. "You're welcome to stay here, if you want."
"Thank you," said Zexion quietly, emotionlessly, taking a tentative step in Axel's direction. That stupid Cloaked Schemer. He should know those words were meaningless by now: one didn't need to thank his master for anything.
Axel closed the distance between the two of them, wrapped his fingers tightly around Zexion's arm, and drew Zexion close to him. Zexion did not protest, but hung limply, uncomplaining, in Axel's arms. He buried his face into the front of Axel's coat, and Axel reflexively tightened his grip. He could feel the tremors that arrested the smaller Nobody's frame acutely now, could feel the bones of Zexion's thin back moving rhythmically up and down.
"You're such an idiot, Zex," said Axel quietly, and ran a hand through Zexion's hair.
It felt nice when Axel held him. Almost like...like there was something resembling actual affection between the two of them.
He knew that this wasn't true. It was idiocy to believe that Axel actually cared about him. But..
...it didn't stop him from wishing.
"Idiot," hissed Axel.
"Mmm..." said Zexion, and pulled himself closer, deeper, into Axel's warmth.
Zexion dully reached into the medicine cabinet in his quarters and mechanically pulled out a bottle of antispetic, a couple of bandages. He did not need to look in the mirror on the wall to know that he was not in the best of conditions.
The new bruises on his face ached, but the pain wasn't so bad that he couldn't handle it. Zexion cast a glance at the mirror, seeing himself--seeing the tangled mess his hair had become after his and Axel's earlier interactions that night, seeing the pale, drawn face beneath the hair, the dark and splotchy bruises standing out starkly against the pale skin...seeing his one visible eye, dull, dark, completely void of emotion. His face was not one that registered emotion easily, and lately, Zexion had little reason to even pretend emotion anymore. The beatings no longer bothered him. They had become practically routine... He entered Axel's chambers, and they got along fine for a while, until invariably, Zexion would say something too much, say something rude and insubordinate that would result in Axel slapping him around and throwing him out.
A long time ago, such treatment would have bothered Zexion. Now, it had become depressingly routine. After all, he never learned anything from the beatings, and Axel knew it too.
Because if he had ever learned anything, any single thing, he would know to never mention Roxas' name when Axel was around.
"The sunset's really beautiful, isn't it?" said Axel admiringly, leaning back, taking in the neverending Twilight Town sunset.
"Yeah, of course it is, Axel," said Roxas with a smile, taking a lick of his ice cream. "But it's sunset here every day."
"Hey, hey, that's not the point, is it?" grinned Axel. "Here, Roxas, you can have my ice cream..." He held out his untouched bar of light blue ice cream to Roxas, who regarded it tentatively.
"Yeah, but it's yours..." protested Roxas.
"Don't be like that," said Axel, still insistently holding out the ice cream. "Plus, you're almost done with yours."
"Yeah, I guess so. Thanks, Axel," said Roxas, said Sora's Nobody, taking Axel's ice cream and sticking it in his mouth.
In the distance, hidden by the shadows, the Cloaked Schemer watched, watched Axel and Roxas cheerfully chat about their mission earlier that day. Axel was smiling more freely and happily than he ever did around Zexion. He never truly smiled to Zexion--it was always that horrible, taunting, insidious smirk, or a sickly sweet patronizing smile. And it reflected how Zexion had always been treated by Axel--either with contempt, or as a cute little pet, only good for bed.
Axel had never smiled or laughed so carelessly and so full of good-natured joy as he was doing now with Roxas. And it hurt. Logically, Zexion knew that as Nobodies they could not feel any real emotion. But that didn't make the pain Zexion felt as he stood, immobile, hooded, watching Axel and Roxas associate so happily, any less real.
Zexion disliked the pain, did not understand it, that aching like a nail being driven into a heart he didn't even possess, and tried his best to stop it, but stop it never did. He suspected it would probably lessen if he chose to just leave Axel and Roxas alone, damn it...no one was forcing him, after all, to spy on that happy couple. Axel had often derisively called Zexion a masochist, and here, Zexion assumed, was the proof--how he kept coming to Twilight Town to watch Axel and Roxas, despite how much it fucking hurt.
I hate you, Axel, I fucking hate you...he thought bitterly, as he watched Axel move in to drape his arm gently, tenderly, around Roxas. But even as he thought it he knew it wasn't true. Zexion did not hate Axel, even though logically, he knew he should. But years...all those years together, the early days when they had least pretended they had something normal...years did not go away, did not loosen their grip easily. Zexion's feelings for Axel, his memories, were too tangled for him to ever decipher what he truly felt about the redhead.
So he hated Roxas instead. Hated the boy, Sora's Nobody, whom Axel always spoke to so kindly and touched so tenderly, as he was touching him now, and kissed so gently and kindly. Axel and Roxas' were real kisses, full of love and passion, not the devouring, ravishing one-sided kisses Axel forced on Zexion, or the brief, barely-there butterfly kisses that gave Zexion no chance to respond, and always left him craving more.
Yes. As much as one Nobody could hate another, Zexion hated Roxas.
"Hey...let's get back, shall we?" Axel was saying to Roxas as Roxas finished his second ice cream. He still had his arm around Roxas as they prepared to portal away, Roxas to The World That Never Was, and Axel to Castle Oblivion. Their departure held something of a farewell in it, due to the two being stationed on different bases, unable to see each other except during missions. Zexion cynically supposed that this was why Axel continued to associate with him, even though it was obvious that Axel had lost what little love he had ever held for Zexion in the first place. All Zexion was to Axel was a sexual substitute for Roxas. It stung, deeply, but it was true.
"See you, Roxas," said Axel, a note of longing regret hanging in his voice. "Uh...next mission together, right?"
"Yeah..." said Roxas, equally as longingly. He and Axel embraced one more time--Zexion couldn't look away--and then, never removing his eyes from Axel's face, Roxas opened a portal of darkness and vanished through it. Axel stared for the longest time after where Roxas had left, and then, slowly, shaking his head ever-so-slightly, turned away. Zexion watched, silent, aware that he had begun trembling...
"Hey, Zexion, you can come out now, you know," said Axel suddenly, and he turned around sharply, green eyes piercing the gloom of the shadows and fixing directly on Zexion's hiding place. Zexion gasped and flung himself to the wall for a moment, but recognizing the futility of hiding, he, with no small amount of reluctance, pulled himself away, and stumbled slowly towards Axel, who was watching stonily.
"I...I'm here. Master," said Zexion in a tiny, mortified whisper.
"Good boy," said Axel, unsmiling, and he took three long strides so that he was standing directly in front of Zexion, and then reached out and slapped Zexion hard across the face.
Vexen crossed his arms and stared silently at Zexion, disapproval radiating from his entire being. Zexion turned resolutely away, refusing to meet Vexen's gaze.
"Zexion," said Vexen, his words sharp, but with the faintest pleading edge. "This has to come to an end. Now."
"You do not give me orders," said Zexion, listlessly, but with a faint sneer to his voice. He stared down at the floor, hands dangling limply by his sides.
"Yet you seem to have no problem with taking orders from that neophyte," replied Vexen, his words cold.
Zexion reacted before he could stop himself, without an inkling as to what he was doing. He whirled around immediately, coat flapping around him, lexicon in hand. "Silence!" he shouted, the furious word echoing throughout the empty room.
"Attacking me, VI?" said Vexen, skeptically raising his eyebrows. "That's...unusual...don't you think? He has done much worse than me, and yet you haven't so much as dared lift a hand against him."
"Shut up..." hissed Zexion, glaring at Vexen, his old friend, through narrowed eyes, fury blazing in his voice. Worse, he knew what Vexen was saying was true...all of it. He should stop associating with Axel, he should stop taking orders from his junior, but..
I can't! Don't you understand, old friend? There's too much...I can't, I can't...
"Look at you!" cried Vexen, and his cold demeanor snapped, replaced by an indignant rage. The next instant he had crossed the room and cornered Zexion, drove the smaller Nobody into the wall. Zexion cried out and backed off, panicked, shaking his head in refusal, desperate...
"You don't want to look? You don't want to? Too bad, Zexion--look! Take a good, hard, look at what you've become!"
And with those roughly snarled words, Vexen seized the zipper of Zexion's coat, and pulled it down in one quick motion. Zexion's hands automatically flew up, and his thin fingers wrapped tightly but uselessly around Vexen's arm.
"Look, Zexion, look...look what Axel's done to you...old friend...how could you have ever allowed this to happen?" For the first time, Vexen's voice was gentle, almost sad. Zexion found himself closing his eyes, turning away, in an effort to not look at Vexen's eyes, the green eyes looking down at him in concern, and no small amount of self-hatred for having allowed his friend to have become...this.
"Please, Vexen..." said Zexion quietly, not needing to look to see the bruises covering his thin torso, the dark, angry ones inflicted Axel's fierce blows and the splotchy finger-shaped marks where Axel had grabbed him and held on tight...many fading, still others fresh, inflicted only that morning.
"What in hell do you think you're doing?"
Zexion involuntarily jerked up and his breath caught in his throat--there was Axel, standing at the doorway, an indescribable fury burning in his features, eyes narrowed as he took in the scene--Zexion, coat open, Vexen, hand on Zexion's zipper...
Zexion squeezed his eyes shut again. Please, Axel, have mercy, be kind, this isn't what it looks like...
"Get away from him, you hear?" shouted Axel, taking one step closer. "Because I'm warning you right now, I have absolutely no qualms about killing you. None."
Vexen slowly turned away from Zexion to face Axel, but said nothing. There was an incalculable weariness, a deep resignation, to the older Nobody's movement. It pained Zexion to see Vexen, his eternal friend ever since they had been Ienzo and Even, like this--because of Zexion.
I'm sorry, Vexen. I don't deserve your pity.
"Go away. Now," said Axel, still as coldly. Vexen took a step in Axel's direction. With his back to Zexion, it was hard to tell what the scientist was thinking.
"You will pay for this one day, VIII," said Vexen steelily, no emotion, only a hard determination, to his voice.
"Sure, sure. Whatever you say, superior," sighed Axel, rolling his eyes at the ceiling. Vexne made no move, and the next moment the Chilly Academic was gone, having vanished through a portal he had summoned.
Interference now all gone, Axel strode all the way across the room to Zexion, who tried making himself small against the wall, fear coursing through his entire body, causing him to tremble violently. Dimly, he sensed that he would end up with even more bruises after this encounter...
Axel didn't hit him, or speak, however. Instead, stony-faced, he snatched Zexion's zipper in his hand and in one quick, sharp motion drew it all the way up again.
"Whore," he hissed, meeting Zexion's eyes.
"What was all that clap-trap about 'just being colleagues'? Ha ha, I knew that was a joke! A lie! I just knew it! You little bitch!"
"Please, Axel..." whispered Zexion, bent over the bed, immobile, as Axel had ordered him to, pants tangled around his ankles.
"'Just colleagues'? 'Just colleagues' up my ass!" Axel went on, ferociously tirading as he paced back and forth, back and forth. "What the hell, I made you fucking bow and you still lied to me! Little jerk!"
"Axel..." Zexion turned, trying to get a good view of Axel, but Axel reached out and roughly shoved Zexion's head back into position--face down, on the bed.
"Little lying jerks like you need to be taught a lesson. A good, hard, painful lesson. After this, you are never to lie to me again. Never. Is that understood?"
"Y...yes, yes, sir," stammered Zexion, answer muffled by the bed.
"Good. Then let's begin." Satisfaction rang in Axel's voice as he began to unzip his pants.
"Hey."
"Hmmm...mm..." The silvery-haired Nobody slowly opened his one visible eye, lashes fluttering. His arms were still tied to the bedpost by Axel's belt, and his clothes were nowhere to be seen.
"Good. You're finally awake, boy. Time for some questions," said Axel sharply. "First, who are you?"
"Nnh...Zexion," mumbled Zexion, still half-asleep. Axel frowned, wondering if he should just slap the bitch into awakening, but decided against it. He didn't need to resort to force...yet.
"Good. Now tell me, what is a Zexion?"
Zexion blinked, once, twice. And then, tentatively, "A Zexion is a good boy."
"Ha ha ha," Axel laughed humorlessly, and flopped down on the bed beside Zexion. Zexion made to pull away, but of course he was tied up and could do nothing of the sort. "Nice try, boy, but I don't think so. You know what I think? I think that Zexion is a bad boy. A very bad boy."
Zexion looked away. Axel slapped him to get his attention.
"Hey, look at me." Axel reached over, carressed Zexion's face, turned the other Nobody so that he was looking Axel in the eye. As always, Axel was amazed by how soft Zexion's pale skin was...he couldn't resist running a hand down Zexion's cheek, causing Zexion to shudder a bit.
"Since when," sighed Axel, "did you start to quake and tremble at my every touch? Jesus, I'm not going to hurt you..."
"Since...since you starting hitting me for...for everything," whispered Zexion, terror causing his voice to tremble and shake hysterically.
The slap came automatically, and neither Nobody reacted much to it. It was all rather depressing how used to this kind of thing both had become. There had been a time when a slap elicited a protest, or at least an acknowledging whine of pain. But now...Zexion hardly reacted to blows anymore. He just hung limply like a rag doll and let them come.
"Bitch," scowled Axel, running both hands through Zexion's hair. "I remember a time when you would have spat in my face for that."
"What's the use?" said Zexion dully, looking at Axel disinterestedly with his one visible eye. "You would have just hit me again, harder."
"True," said Axel in annoyance, and just because he felt like it, he reached out and slapped Zexion firmly across the face again. Again, he received nothing in the way of acknowledgment for the blow, besides the fact that Zexion's lip was bleeding.
"Have you ever been able to have a civil conversation with me?" said Zexion, distantly, with what seemed to be polite disinterest in the current proceedings. "I mean, one where I am not tied up--" he jerked on the belt restraining his arms "--and you are not slapping me every eight seconds or so."
Deciding to mix things up a bit, Axel chose to pull hard on Zexion's hair this time...though that still didn't bring forth much of a response. Axel sighed.
"You dummy. This isn't a relationship of equals, Zexion."
"It never was," said Zexion softly, looking at Axel with a strange, intent, almost wistful light in his eye. "I...I realize that now. I do."
"Good boy," replied Axel, though the compliment was equally as meanginless as the blows. "You seem to have finally figured it all out. I mean, you don't even try to fight me anymore...except by, I dunno, trying to make me jealous by getting it on with Vexen..."
"I was not 'getting it on with Vexen'," said Zexion coldly.
"Sure, sure, whatever," said Axel, skeptically tugging on Zexion's hair again. "But really, kid. What made you finally see the light?"
"When you didn't answer," said Zexion in a low whisper.
"Excuse me?" Axel stared confusedly at Zexion, unaware that Zexion had asked a question that needed answering. His hands automatically moved to cup Zexion's face, not tightly, but with force. "What are you talking about?"
"When you...that time. I...I told you 'I wish that you were only mine', remember? And you didn't answer. That's when I knew...when I knew it was hopeless." Zexion lowered his head, hair hiding his eyes. Axel squeezed Zexion's face, but the gesture, like so many others, meant nothing. He remembered...and knew why he hadn't answered. And just like it had been back then, he could not answer now. There was no proper response.
"We...the two of us...we had more in the beginning, didn't we?' Zexion looked up again, and his expression was almost beseeching. Axel removed his hands from Zexion's face, slowly, and stared down at Zexion.
"Much more," he agreed quietly, and moved in to plant a gentle, too-brief, kiss on Zexion's mouth.
It was all true. All so...true. Axel wondered why he'd never been able to fit it all together before. After all, it was so stinking obvious.
Zexion no longer responded the same way anymore. No matter how hard Axel hit, no matter how cruel Axel was...the Flurry of Dancing Flames suspected that it had started after that incident, where he had forced Zexion to bow, where he had refused to answer when Zexion had spoken, so desperately, so miserably...
Axel had always been someone who enjoyed challenges. And he'd viewed Zexion as the ultimate challenge since day once, since he'd joined the Organization. Zexion, formerly Ienzo, youngest of Ansem the Wise's six apprentices, the Cloaked Schemer, who mastered illusions...he had been so appealing to Axel. It wasn't just a physical attraction, although he was, admittedly, quite the looker--it had been his pride, really. Axel had often watched Zexion interact with the other members, watched how stiffly and haughtily Zexion always held himself, how he spoke so disdainfully to all save the Superior, how he acted like he practically owned the place. What right, Axel thought, did someone who looked somuch like a very pretty whore have to act so damn...prideful?
And Axel, in his own sick, twisted way, just had to go out of his way to utterly shatter that ridiculous pride. He had always suspected Zexion's haughty veneer to be just that--a veneer. It could, with time and effort, be broken. So he drew Zexion in, enticing him with great sex, mostly, but with also the occasional kind word and gentle touch...and then, slowly, bit-by-bit, he began to unravel Zexion's thin facade of carefully-constructed dignity. It had taken a while--a long time--years--but finally, Axel had succeeded. That night when he had confronted Zexion, forced the Nobody to bow at his feet, he had finally succeeded in his task, had finally destroyed the last tatters of Zexion's pride, destroyed Zexion himself.
And now he was paying for it. Hell, Axel had become crueller, much crueller, to Zexion these past few weeks than he had ever been before. He slapped Zexion for the most random things, beat him more often for no reason at all, treated him with harsh disdain, humiliated him...but nothing worked. All he got in response was that same dull, blank, lifeless, dark-eyed stare. No matter the terror Zexion still exhibited around Axel...it was plain as day that Axel had broken Zexion completely.
He didn't like it. It was insane--Axel had worked so hard all these years to destroy Zexion, but now that he had finally done it, he found himself less than satisfied. Maybe, he realized, he had liked Zexion precisely because Zexion fought back, because there still was something to break. And now that he'd done his task, there was nothing left...nothing save for this broken shell, this unreacting ghost of Zexion, and Axel just didn't know what to do with it. He had vainly hoped that treating Zexion more harshly would shatter Zexion even more, because perhaps there was still something left to be broken...but Zexion's bleak stare alone attested that any last tatters of Zexion's spirit had been completely destroyed.
Clearly, Axel enjoyed breaking people...but he apparently didn't enjoy what was left after he was finished with his breaking.
In his vision, the pleasant dream he visited often, idly, during the day, he was sitting on the Twilight Town clock tower, that favorite perch of Axel and Roxas, watching the sunset, the bustling town far beneath him. He had an ice cream in hand but wasn't eating it.
And in that fantasy, a portal opened behind him. He didn't need to turn around to immediately recognize the cloaked and hooded figure who had stepped through, nor did he need to look to see that the person was smiling, gently, kindly, beneath the hood.
"I've been waiting for you," Zexion said quietly.
The fantasy figure smiled and took a seat by Zexion, sprawling out, loose and relaxed, hand on his knee, coat surrounding him in a graceful circle.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," said the figure, his voice light, and cheerful, like the sparkling of sunlight on a clear blue sea.
Zexion sighed but could not stay exasperated at his dream for long. He brusquely extended the ice cream to the figure, saying, shortly, "Here."
"Hmm? Really?" Zexion detected a smile in that gentle voice. "You sure you don't want it yourself?"
"No. I got it for you, since I know you like the flavor..." sighed Zexion. "You know I don't eat such things."
"Aww, thank you, Zexion," said the figure, extending a hand for the ice cream, and taking it gently from Zexion's thin fingers. "I really do love you, you know."
As always, in his fantasy, Zexion looked back at the hooded figure, his dream-lover, and replied, speaking the words he had never been able to say aloud, never had a chance to, in real life. "I love you too."
The figure smiled and pulled down his hood, and pulled Zexion into a kiss. A kiss Zexion could only describe as blue.
"I prefer reality over dreams," the Cloaked Schemer said coldly, glaring up at the dark forever-night sky, the light of Kingdom Hearts garishly illuminating his face.
"Same here," said the redhead in the shadows. "We're not so different, regardless of what you may think, superior."
"VIII," said Zexion simply, turning around to face his junior obscured in the darkness of the shadows. Axel stepped out of the dark, the light from Kingdom Hearts falling over his figure, casting him in the same harshly bright aura as Zexion.
"But the fact that I'll have you...is not a dream," said Axel, and he looked at Zexion with that taunting, mocking smirk that would come to be so familiar to Zexion in years to come...
Well, Axel had been right. He had, in the end, ended up possessing Zexion completely...and now, life under Axel was Zexion's daily reality. Zexion's fragile, easily broken dreams were completely blown away, and he was left with nothing but the cold truth.
How did this happen? Why am I still here? Why is he still here? He doesn't "love" me anymore...not like he ever did in the first place.
"Masochist," hissed Axel, hot breath tickling the back of Zexion's neck. "Masochist." He drew back, and the next instant slapped Zexion, hard. The sound of flesh striking flesh echoed throughout the room.
Zexion hung his head and did not speak.
"Masochist!" repeated Axel, and slapped Zexion again. "You really must like this, don't you? Why don't you ever try to stop me, huh?"
He was taunting Zexion, but Zexion found he didn't much care. Why try to change what couldn't be changed...? He merely settled for staring at the floor, and barely noticed when Axel took hold of Zexion's coat zipper, and yanked it down in one swift motion.
"This cannot continue. This cannot. I'll go to the Superior. He will put a stop to this, he must!" ranted Vexen, fury distorting his voice, causing it be barely recognizable in his anger.
"You will not go to the Superior," replied Zexion flatly, with no inflection. Vexen whirled around and glared in wild disbelief at Zexion.
"Zexion! He is going to kill you..."
"He will not," said Zexion in response, just as tonelessly as before.
"He will! You are only a toy to him, Zexion. A plaything. Once he tires of you he will not hesitate to destroy you!" shouted Vexen, pacing up and down, back and forth, relentlessly. "Look at you! You're obviously no longer satisfactory to him. He has never beaten you so badly before..."
"What do you know," said Zexion, but there was no challenge, only a dull empty flatness, to his words. He lowered his head so he wouldn't have to look at Vexen. The new bruises on his face were stinging quite badly.
"More than you, apparently," snarled Vexen, rounding on Zexion, jabbing a finger hard into Zexion's chest--Zexion jumped back in surprise. "Zexion! I am warning you--before the worst happens--leave him! Leave him, before he harms you for real..."
"I am sorry, Vexen," replied Zexion stiffly, quietly. He turned away from Vexen, and walked over to the opposite wall, and stared for a long time at it. "But I cannot."
"Why? Why?" An edge of desperation had gripped Vexen's voice, causing it to rise, flooding his words with panic.
"Because," said Zexion, turning ever-so-slightly to cast Vexen a brief, lifeless look with his one visible eye, "Axel is my master."
He then, with no further statement, opened a portal and stepped through it, nost casting a backwards glance at the stunned-into-silence Vexen. Something disguieting within Zexion told him that this might be the last time he would ever seen Vexen...
It wasn't, but it was one of the last.
For something had changed, suddenly, one day in Castle Oblivion--Sora and Riku had arrived. Zexion had been the one who had noticed Riku's scent, so much like the Superior's, and he had immediately summoned Vexen and Lexaeus, his old friends, and together they devised their plan to use Riku, to oppose those usurping neophytes Marluxia and Larxene.
But their plan had gone completely awry. One by one, Organization members began to fall, at Sora and Riku's hands (and Axel's too, Axel who had killed Vexen under the order of the traitors--damn it, whose side was he on, anyway?). Zexion couldn't say that he missed Marluxia and Larxene, the uppity arrogant neophytes, but then Vexen had died...and finally Lexaeus...
And then Zexion and Axel were the only residents left in Castle Oblivion.
"Zexion." Axel's voice snapped Zexion out of his thoughts, and the Schemer slowly turned around, to see Axel emerging from a portal, striding straight towards Zexion.
"Lexaeus has fallen," said Zexion, dully, without any feeling, just as a Nobody was supposed to report the death of a comrade--with no regret at all. But that didn't change the fact that Zexion did feel something, some emptiness, now that his friend was gone, nor did it change the current inescapable reality that Zexion was alone now, alone save for his...his master, damn it...
"Yeah, I know," said Axel, surveying Zexion intently, hands on his hips. "What're you going to do about it...VI?"
"I must...I must confront Riku myself, obviously," said Zexion, with a twinge of disgust--he loathed fighting. "But I require information. Information on the Destiny Islands...that I'm sure you have."
"Ah." Axel snapped his fingers, seemingly delighted. "That I can give you. But..."
"Yes?" said Zexion, glancing at Axel with a half-closed eye, somewhat nervously. Clearly, Axel was going to have his way with Zexion first, the manipulative, self-serving bastard, thinking only about his libido even at a time like this...
"I'd love it if you could give me a blow job," said Axel, smirking, confirming Zexion's suspicions. "Right now, if you please. Then you can have all the information you want on those damned islands."
Zexion nodded, and wordlessly sank to his hands and knees before Axel. To his surprise, Axel snatched him by his hair and hauled him up before Zexion could begin to unzip Axel's pants.
"Not so fast," said Axel, perfect command ringing in his voice. "When you're done, do yourself a favor and get cleaned up, will you? It wouldn't look too good for the Organization if you confronted Riku all covered with bruises, would it?"
With that, he extended and a finger and pressed down, firmly, on the largest bruise on Zexion's face. Zexion hissed in pain, and involuntarily drew away. Axel merely laughed in response.
Bruises that you inflicted, thought Zexion furiously, but he didn't dare say this out loud.
"Now, on your knees," ordered Axel, shoving Zexion roughly back down again. Zexion resignedly reached for the zipper of Axel's pants.
Zexion looked into the mirror, surveying himself carefully. The bruises were now all gone, covered up by the makeup Zexion kept on hand for that express purpose. Once, long ago, he had used it more often, concealing the marks every time Axel inflicted them, but lately he had stopped bothering. Why hide the injuries when he was only going to get beaten again? Certainly, he got strange stares--unkind superior smirks from Marluxia and Larxene, who took the injuries as signs that Zexion was indeed utterly pathetic, and worse, pained, helpless looks from Vexen and Lexaeus...
Either way, the bruises were a sign of weakness. And even though Zexion knew he was weak, and considered it too pointless and difficult to change, to become stronger, he knew that Axel had been right. He could not afford to show weakness--any small weakness--while confronting Riku.
Zexion tilted his head to the side, examining the marks on his neck. Most of the bite marks and hickeys had easily been hidden with little trouble, but one particularly large bruise simply refused to disappear. He reached back for the makeup, prepared to cover the bruise up more completely, when a portal opened behind him, and Axel stepped out, hands in his pockets.
"Intruding in other people's bathrooms?" said Zexion flatly, not turning around--he could see Axel perfectly fine through the mirror. "How utterly tactless...even for you."
Zexion had barely any time to register what had happened, before Axel had moved, in a flash, before him, and struck him so hard that Zexion tumbled to the floor from the force of the blow, wincing, clutching his stinging cheek, mind in a daze.
"W-wait, Axel..." he stammered.
"What? Oops, did I mess up your makeup, pretty boy?" sneered Axel. "Well, that's not a problem. You can just put it on again...but hey, nice to see you've still got at least some fight left in you."
Zexion pulled himself up to his feet, not looking at Axel. "What is it? What do you want...Master?"
"You...you're really just a right bundle of contradictions, aren't you?" said Axel, rather pensively. Since he was standing right behind Zexion, he brought his hand up to tease the hairs at the back of Zexion's neck. Zexion, despite himself, flinched and tried to pull away, but the next instant Axel had extended his arms, and wrapped them firmly around Zexion, dragging the smaller Nobody into a wholly one-sided embrace. With a resigned sigh, Zexion slumped into Axel's relentless grip.
"Wh...what do you mean? Sir," he added, conscious that Axel's hand had now moved to the top of his head, and was pulling, gently, at the delicate strands of hair.
"I mean what I said, Zex," said Axel, whispering into Zexion's ear. Zexion tensed--it had been a while since Axel had used that nickname. "You are pretty much the walking definiton of 'contradiction'. I mean, sometimes you're completely rude and disobedient like you were back there, and other times you're bowing and scraping and calling me 'Master'. Make up your mind, will you? Do you hate me, or do you fear me?"
Zexion stiffened, becoming aware of the note of grave seriousness that had crept into the last few words of Axel's speech, replacing his usual amused, sarcastic taunting. He tried to pull away from Axel--no, tried to move closer--didn't know what he had tried to do. But even if he wanted to move now he couldn't, for Axel's grip had tightened considerably.
"Maybe..." said Zexion softly, deliberately, sensing the importance of his answer. "Maybe it's...it's a little bit of both."
"You think?" said Axel, somewhat distractedly, giving a lock of Zexion's hair a firm tug. Zexion's pained protest was silenced by the hand that had divorced itself from his hair and moved to cover his mouth, gagging him. "You sure...I mean, you sure there isn't at least...a little...love...in there?"
If Axel hadn't been holding on him so tightly, Zexion would have pulled violently away from the shock of the question. As he was now, he could only stiffen under Axel's grip, head singing in sharp surprise. Axel still had his hand over Zexion's mouth, but it didn't matter that he was currently gagging Zexion, because the Schemer simply had nothing to say in response.
"Ahh...well, I was just wondering," said Axel with a shrug that Zexion felt quite acutely, pressed up right against Axel as he was. "I mean, there must be a reason why you haven't just ditched me for Vexen or Demyx or somebody..."
Zexion took in a sharp intake of breath, mind flashing to his idiotic fantasy...and then to himself coldly saying that he preferred reality over dreams.
"Ha ha, yeah...should've figured that 'love' had nothing to do with," sighed Axel, sounding incongruously cheerful. "The real answer is just that you're the biggest fucking masochist I've ever met. Right, Zex?"
He had withdrawn from Zexion by now, removing his hands and stepping back from the slate-haired Nobody, his expression unreadable. Zexion stared back, silent for a moment, mind racing, not knowing what to say. Yes, I am a masochist. No, that wasn't true...Yes, I do love you. But no, that wasn't true either. I don't know what I feel about you...but that was just stating the obvious.
Axel. I don't know what it is we have, this fucked-up...something. But that doesn't matter, does it...? It's all I have left. You are all I have left. And I do know this--I care about you enough to feel jealous when you're with Roxas.
He opened his mouth to state this revelation--no, not revelation, just a steady, final, consolidation of all of his nebulous thoughts and feelings concerning Axel--out loud, but didn't have a chance to ever start. Because the next thing Zexion knew, Axel had taken Zexion's face in his hands, almost tenderly, and for a brief moment, stared into Zexion's eyes, green into blue...
...before kissing Zexion.
Zexion jerked, startled, almost pulled out of the kiss, because it was unlike any kiss Axel had ever shared with him before...notone of his ferociously devouring, bruised, forced kisses, nor one of his tantalizingly brief butterfly kisses--Axel's tongue probed Zexion's mouth, and his hands held Zexion's face, with a true passion, but there was none of the force that Zexion had come to associate with Axel's kisses. There was a firm steadiness, yes, but something else--as Axel deepened the kiss, the hungry searching of his tongue becoming more desperate--something almost akin to...a cautious gentleness. Kindness.
And suddenly Zexion realized this--passionately, but tenderly--was the way Axel had always kissed Roxas before the two parted after missions. The revelation flooded through Zexion, momentarily stunning him for a moment, and with it came a wave of something entirely foreign and bizarre to the Cloaked Schemer--real pleasure. And so he found it less than difficult to eagerly lean forward, grip tightly on Axel's sleeves, and do something he had never had the chance to do with Axel before--return the kiss.
Axel pulled away for air, eliciting a whimper of protest from Zexion, but then Axel placed a finger over Zexion's lips, and winked--playfully--before diving in and pulling Zexion into yet another kiss. And another...and another...and another...
How long they continued to hold each other, making out in the bathroom, Zexion didn't know. All he realized was that when Axel finally pulled away, after one last tender kiss, tears were running down his face, smearing the makeup, exposing the bruises. He stood still for a moment, caught up in utter shock.
"Hey, don't cry," said Axel almost gently, reaching over and casually brushing a tear away, as if he did this every day. "You'll mess up your makeup, Zex."
Zexion pulled away, involuntarily, turning so that he wasn't look at Axel. He had no idea where the tears had come from, the tears that continued to arrest him at the moment, causing him to remble...he had not cried for the longest time. Why the hell should he, when logically, he felt no emotion? Yet he could do nothing to stop the tears still flowing down his face, as if out of some primal instinct, out of a heart he did not possess.
Axel took Zexion by the elbows, guiding Zexion into another kiss, a gentle, brief one. As they pulled apart, he wiped the tears from Zexion's face, humming quietly to himself. Zexion stood, stiff and perfectly still, wanting to say something, but not knowing what to say...
"Hey, uh...sorry about that," said Axel awkwardly, running a hand through Zexion's hair in a gesture that could almost be described as...affectionate. Zexion, to his relief, had stopped crying--hell, he didn't even know why he had been crying in the first place. "You'll be okay, won't you?'
"Y...yes, Master," siad Zexion quietly, lowering his head in a deferential bow to Axel. Axel laughed and clapped Zexion's back, none too gently.
"Atta boy. Go on, best get prepared for facing Riku, hmm?' And the next instant Axel's hand had found Zexion's chin, and Zexion found himself lifted up into yet another tender, affectionate kiss...
They broke away all too soon. Axel was still smiling, a strange cheerful but...insidious...little smile as he left, shutting Zexion's bathroom door behind him. Zexion stared after Axel for a long time, unaware that he had placed a hand over his mouth, which was still tingling slightly from Axel's last kiss...
He shook his head to clear it, and turned back to the mirror to redo the makeup that had smeared when he had cried. Somehow, he just couldn't keep his hands from shaking.
Zexion's body knew that he was doomed before his mind ever did. Somehow, subconsciously, he had sensed that there had to be a reason for Axel's sudden uncharacteristic kidnness, that it was more than just another one of Axel's sadistic games.
His mind was still in denial, however. So he was left simply confused by why he couldn't stop shaking, why he couldn't dispel the sense of dread that had fallen over him after Axel's departure.
"C...curses!"
A portal opened somewhere deep within the basements of Castle Oblivion, and out of it stumbled a silvery-haired Nobody, clutching his chest in seeming pain, moving awkwardly, hissing in a barely concealed dark anger.
"Damn him...that Riku...how did he...how the hell did he...?" Zexion staggered to the closest wall, which he promptly slumped against. His knees gave way, and he tumbled to the floor, coat spilling in a very undignified manner around his body.
"Shit..." he hissed.
The next instant, a portal opened before him--and he saw silver-hair, cold eyes--Riku had appeared.
Zexion's reaction was instantaneous--he let out a short gasp and flung himself up, flattening his back against the wall, panic coursing through his entire body. Riku--Riku...how the hell had Riku followed him?
"Riku!" he shouted in shock, but then looked up to see who was standing only a little behind "Riku", arms folded, a strange, deviously intent look on his face. "Ah...Axel?"
"You might want to be a little more polite, Zexy boy," said Axel lightly, but with a faint edge to his voice. He made no move to approach Zexion, and Zexion remained where he was, pressed against the wall, feeling his breathing slow down, fall to a more normal pace, the last of his panic ebbing away. He looked over at "Riku" again, who had not moved or reacted a single bit.
"Ahh...of course, Master," said Zexion, though he wasn't really paying attention to Axel. "I see...that's the clone that Vexen made...that's all it is..."
"Yeah, basically," said Axel, taking a step closer to Zexion. Zexion gasped and backed into the wall, although he didn't know why he had become so...afraid...of Axel all of the sudden. But there was something--something--about the almost malicious look in Axel's eyes that Zexion did not quite like...
Axel continued his approach, and Zexion could now do nothing about it, could do nothing to escape because he was now backed into the wall. He looked around wildly, not wanting to make eye contact with Axel, but too late, because Axel had grabbed a fistful of Zexion's hair and forced the Schemer's head up, so that he and Axel were eye to eye. A violent tremor coursed through Zexion's body as he saw the look of utter, quiet disapproval shining in Axel's eyes.
"So, Zexion, you didn't succeed against Riku, did you?" said Axel quietly, extending his other hand to cup Zexion's chin, and maneuvering his leg so that his knee was pushing on Zexion's stomach. Zexion, with a vague sense of horror, realized now that he was pinned, trapped like a helpless insect, against the wall, forced to look into Axel's face, ominously unreadable save for that small deadly glint of malice in those green eyes...
"N...no, no, I th-thought t-to overwhelm h-him in--in l-light, b-but he s-saw through and--aaah!" as Axel drove his knee in deeper, painfully, into Zexion's stomach. Zexion stared up at Axel, winded.
"Never mind," sighed Axel, and the hand on Zexion's hair twisted, violently, eliciting a sharp gasp of pain from the Nobody. "I knew you weren't going to beat Riku, anyway. You've never been one for fighting, after all. And your little tricks would have never worked against him, that's for certain."
"I...I d-did m-my best, Axel, Master, I--" stammered Zexion, wildly, vaguely, dimly sening that something--something awful--was going to happen to him, because he had failed...
And then, miraculously, the hand holding his chin in a pincer grip retracted...only to come back down again, in a hard, forceful slap. Zexion couldn't help his cry of pain as he tumbled to the floor, Axel having let go of him by now, and stepped back, watching Zexion with a look of utter disgust on his face, like Zexion was a slimy insect.
"Nnh...Axel..." he whispered, wiping the blood from his mouth, looking up in fear at the red-haired Nobody looming above him, arms folded again, expression pensive, unreadable.
"You certain about this?' Zexion jerked--for the first time, Riku's replica had spoken. "He looks pathetic."
"Looks aren't everything. Besides, Zexion is stronger than he might seem...strong enough for you, anyway," replied Axel tonelessly. "You do want to be more than just a puppet, a freak creation of Vexen's, don't you? Then Zexion is a good place for you to start."
Zexion jerked, a sudden, cold revelation striking him. But...it couldn't be..."W-wait! Axel! What are you--"
Axel suddenly spun around, coat flying, and before Zexion could even begin to comprehend what was happening, he had snatched Zexion roughly by the front of the coat, and hauled Zexion into the air. Zexion gasped and struggled uselessly, clutching at Axel's arm, but he might as well have been trying to fight a tank.
"Axel..."
"Go on ahead. He's all yours," Axel was saying, ignoring Zexion's futile struggles. "Well? What's with the hesitation?"
"Are you sure?" said the Riku Replica challengingly. "If I do this, will it really give me strength? Enough strength to be my...my own person?"
"Of course it will," said Axel, and he was smiling, that horrendously insidious smirk of his...
That was it. All of Zexion's worst fears had been confirmed that instant--Axel was planning on using the Riku Replica to kill him. But...but why? After everything, all those years together, in that insane, unhappy circus that had been their relationship...and Axel wanted to it end it...now?
Why?
And then, against his will, he recalled a voice, Vexen's voice, torn by concern, saying, "You are only a toy to him...when he tires of you he will not hestitate to destroy you." And then that same voice, Vexen, saying, predicting so truly, "He is going to kill you."
Back then, Zexion had replied, "He will not."
Unbidden, a harsh, humorless laugh tore out of Zexion, as he remembered that response, how fucking stupid it had been...Vexen had been right all along--he, Zexion, was just a plaything, a bedwarmer for Axel, an unsatisfactory substitute for Axel's real lover Roxas, easily disposable...
"Hey!" shouted Axel, suddenly angry, giving Zexion a firm shake. "What's so funny?"
"N...nothing, nothing," gasped Zexion, the last tremors of laughter subsiding. "It's just...why? Why, Axel, why are you doing this? All those years--everything--"
To his shock he found that he was crying again, tears streaking down his face, for the second time in...what? Less than an hour? He shook and whimpered, trying to prise Axel's arm off of him, refusing to look at Axel, trying to wish the tears, the weakness, away.
"Why, Zexion...?" said Axel, and he sounded deeply amused as he spoke. He reached out a hand to wipe at Zexion's tears, removing a good deal of the concealing makeup in the process, revealing Zexion's bruises.
"Yes, why?" repeated Zexion, in barely a whisper. He tensed as Axel leaned in to plant a kiss, a painfully brief little peck, on Zexion's mouth, as he ran his hand over the bruises, causing Zexion to shudder and flinch.
"Oh, I don't know," said Axel rather casually, "maybe because I think it's more interesting to find out what happens to Sora and Riku rather than rescue you."
Zexion tried pulling away at these words, a sudden rage blazing within him as his mind involuntarily and nonsensically flashed to Axel and Roxas, together in Twilight Town.
"Oh?" he snarled, his rage flashing in his voice. "So you--you care more about those brats than you care about me?"
He had no idea what had possessed him to say that, and he flinched immediately, expecting a punishment, as he usually would have received, but Axel made no move to strike him. Instead, he relinquished his grip on Zexion's coat, and Zexion, startled, fell ungracefully to the floor again.
"Zexion," said Axel coldly, towering above the silvery-haired Nobody crumpled in a pathetic dark-coated heap on the floor. "When did you ever think that I actually cared about you? Silly boy."
Zexion lowered his head, hair cascading around his face. He knew it was true. Axel had never cared about him, never. Yet...
"B-but, after everything, all those years, Axel...there must be...something...I mean...to j-just..." he stammered, desperately, trying to make Axel understand, but he wasn't even sure of what he even wanted to say.
"To just 'kill you'?" cut in Axel, still coldly. "Sorry, Zex...but I'm past being interested in you. You were a great fuck, I'll give you that. I'll miss having a fantastic bedwarmer like you, but otherwise...I won't regret your passing a single bit."
He bent down that moment, sank down on one knee in a gross parody of a chivalrous knight or prince, and reached out to stroke Zexion's face, running his hand over the bruises, in a gesture that was almost gentle. Zexion stared into Axel's eyes, the green depths no longer twinkling and shining with that taunting light they usually contained, but now filled with a deep, dark solemnity...but he wasn't really seeing Axel, despite the fact that Axel was right in front of him.
Instead, Zexion saw himself, on his hands and knees, Axel crushing his head under his foot...saw himself standing under the light of Kingdom Hearts, truly speaking to Axel for the first time...saw Roxas and Axel embracing...saw himself examining his bruises in the mirror...saw Axel slapping him hard, cruelty in his eyes...saw himself and his fantasy lover, his dream that would never come true, together on the Twilight Town clock tower...
The memrories, all of them, all the years he had spent with Axel, passed through Zexion's mind, played inside his head like a series of movie reels, and slowly faded and darkened, becoming duller, losing substance, until he could no longer see anything...anything but a complete blackness obscuring his vision, blanking out the world...
He felt Axel stroke his face one last time, lean in to kiss him, gently and briefly, for the final time, and pulled away, though not after running his hand almost wistfully through Zexion's hair.
Zexion huddled on the floor, unseeing, only hearing Axel step away, his coat swishing, and saying, perfectly emotionless, his voice flat and blank as a Nobody's should rightfully be, all the time:
"Goodbye, Zexion."
And then a hand, a hand that was not Axel's, for it was much smaller, but with just as forceful a grip, snatched Zexion by the throat and hauled him up. Zexion unleashed a pained grunt as he was slammed against the wall, with so much force it sent pain shooting up his spine.
Involuntarily, Zexion's hands flew up to close around the Riku Replica's arm, but the weak grip of his thin fingers could not budge the Replica's arm an inch. He gasped, as he felt his energy drain out of him, into that cruel, choking arm, felt his body weaken, his mind begin to dull...and everything, all of his thoughts, feelings, and memories slipped back into the nothingness where he, a creature born of that void, rightfully belonged...
For a brief moment, he saw green eyes staring intently, almost with a sad regret, into his own, but he knew for a fact that this was a mere hallucination. And then, all became darkness. All became silent.
We were never equals, in the end, you and I...but I wish, more than anything, that we could have been.
The End
Finally, this enormous, nonsensical clunker is finished. It took me three days to write this, so hopefully there's...something...enjoyable in here even if it is frighteningly long. Anyway, after this, I think I shall write some Zemyx fluff, to uh...purify...myself. I had no idea I could ever write something as dark and depressing as this...but then again, I do not see AkuZeku as a very cute/fluffy pairing in the first place. I mean, Axel freaking kills Zexion. Not the sign of a very healthy relationship, is it?
If you've managed to reach the end, do send me a review. Or two...or three...
Loads of love from Jander Panell