More Than Yesterday, Less Than Tomorrow

by MidLifeCrisis

Logan meets someone who completely changes his life. Rated M for Language and adult sexuality. Complete. UNDER REVISION see INEXTRICABLE LINKS

1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: The X-Men belong to Marvel.

Special Thanks to B.Nickerson for editing my very rough original, to my family for their encouragement, to Rhiannon, UK for her kind comments and encouragement.

This is a second posting. I removed the first after technical difficulties posting subsequent chapters. For those that read it the first time around, it's longer, with new segments included. Ok, I'm going to take hits on making Logan too soft or too human. Tough! It's my story. I'd be pleased to debate my reasons over e-mail. No matter what, I very much appreciate all feedback. Enjoy.

PROLOGUE

"Good morning, Princess, Happy Birthday."

A perky, blond, curly haired ten year old girl bounded into the small kitchen, pecked a kiss on her father's cheek and exclaimed "I'm ten, I'm ten! That's double digits, isn't it Daddy?"

"Yes it is and since it's such an important birthday I've taken the morning off. We have six hours to do whatever you want."

"Really?" The girl thought for a few moments and said "Can we go riding?"

The man laughed. "Why did I know that's what you'd say, Sassy-Girl?"

"Yay! I get to riding with my Daddy!" The girl, imitating a horse, pranced around the kitchen table.

A woman emerged from a bedroom carrying a baby. "Susan, sit down and have your breakfast."

"Did you hear, Mommy? Daddy and me are going riding."

"Daddy and I…" the woman corrected. "That's fine," then, placing the baby into his father's lap, "hold Jason for me" she asked and began preparing toast.

The girl continued to prance around while her father tried in vain to balance his son, read the newspaper and sip coffee at the same time. The baby kept grabbing for the newspaper or the coffee cup. "Susan, make good use of all your energy. Take your brother and play with him over there." He pointed to an open space between a couch and a large bookcase.

The woman spoke. "Will, take this toast and some coffee to our long -suffering sentry"

The man grumbled "Aileen, how many times do I have to tell you, we don't have to feed and entertain security personnel."

"I know. But they work such long hours and put up with so much. It's just good manners."

"He's on duty." The man emphasized.

"And you don't stop for a lunch break?" The woman retorted. "Oh never mind! I'll take it to him myself."

Balancing toast and a cup of coffee on a plate, she walked crisply to the screen door and bumped it open with her hip. "Here you go Corporal…." She read his nametag "…Logan. How are you on this gorgeous day?"

"Thank you, ma'am," Logan replied with a polite smile.

"You're welcome. I do have a busy day planned. The major will be busy with our daughter, as I'm sure you've heard. I need you to drive me to the PX for some shopping."

"Yes ma'am."

The woman retreated back into the kitchen and sat down to her own breakfast and newspaper. The scene was quiet save for the squeals and giggles coming from the girl and baby playing peek-a-boo nearby.

The man scooted his chair back from the table and stood. Addressing his daughter, "Susan, I've got one little thing to do before we can go. You be ready in an hour, ok?"

"Ok, Daddy."

"Will…" the women spoke quietly to her husband "…don't get tied up and disappoint her."

He squeezed her shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry. It's not business. I've got to check on a little surprise for our birthday-girl." He briskly turned and left the house. The young corporal standing duty on the porch snapped to attention as the major went by.

Ten minutes later, Corporal Logan, still standing duty on the small front porch, sensed something very strange. Not exactly a sound, but more a rumble, a sensation that seemed to travel up from the ground and give him the weirdest buzz in his head. Suddenly everything began to shake and sway. Earthquake!

Inside the small house, glass crashed to the floor, the occupants screamed. Logan fought for balance, struggling to get into the house. "Everybody, under the table" he shouted to the terrified woman and children. Frozen with fear no one moved. Inside, Logan noticed the heavy bookcase teetering toward the two children. So did the woman, who screamed in panic.

Logan had only seconds to make a decision. Fighting against the swaying a bucking of the house, he used his own body to brace the massive falling bookcase. "Get 'em" he shouted to the woman who yanked the girl and baby out of the way.

CHAPTER ONE

Logan eyes snapped open. What was that all about, he thought? Damn implanted memories. This dream was definitely different than the usual routine of waking up panicked, all claws extended. He glanced at the clock by his bed. It was only four thirty. Might as well get up, alarm's goin' off soon. He sat up, stretched and popped his metal joints and yawned, not relishing the idea of another routine day of classes to teach.

What he didn't know was that after today, his definition of routine was going to irrevocably change.

"Go, go, go! Cross over-Shoot", Logan yelled to the squad of sweaty boys on the soccer field. The ball found its mark. "Way to go, guys. Practice over, hit the showers."

Hails of high fives and "all rights" spread among the winning team of mutant teenage boys. Logan trailed behind the pack. He noticed a white Jaguar drive by the practice field and into the circular drive in front of the mansion. It was an older Jag, sleek, classy and perfectly maintained. Out of the Jag stepped an attractive, petite, blond woman. She was as sleek and classy looking as the car she drove. Logan exhaled a nearly inaudible whistle. Only a few boys in the rear of group heard him, but they were too busy congratulating themselves over the winning goal to pay much attention.

Logan refocused on the boys. "All right, hurry up. You guys have another class in fifteen minutes. Anybody gets reported late does wind-sprints with me tomorrow" he yelled to them as he stepped into his small office nearby the gym.

The perfectly maintained blond stepped through the mansion door and into the cavernous foyer. "Is Professor Charles Xavier available" she asked a group of children milling about. Scott, in a nearby room, heard the inquiry and stepped out to help. He knew Xavier was expecting her. "Hi, I'm Scott Summers. Follow me this way. I know the Professor has been expecting you". He extended his hand and she shook it. "Oh, thanks. I'm Susan Harris".

Scott opened the double doors to Charles Xavier's office. He looked up and smiled warmly to her. "Susan, I'm so glad you came. Please sit down." He pointed to a chair in front of his desk. Scott exited quietly.

"Professor Xavier, it's wonderful to see you again." She shook his hand warmly. "I wish the circumstances were happier. I am so sorry to hear about Jean. It had to be a terrible loss for everyone."

"Thank you my dear. We are all coping with it as well as possible. She meant a lot to many here at the school. "Let me express my condolences to you..."

She cut him off. "I appreciate that. It's not necessary. I haven't seen or spoken to my father in twenty years. Our philosophies were..." She struggled for a diplomatic phrase "incompatible."

He nodded, folded his hands in his lap. "I understand." He cleared his throat and spoke again "As I spoke to you on the phone last week, I need a doctor here. Your reputation working with mutant children is quite well established..."

"Thank you. I thought very hard this past week about your proposal. After what happened here and to Jean, I felt I had no choice but to accept. I know I bear no responsibility to what happened, but I'll always regret it. I'd be pleased to your pediatrician."

"Splendid. I knew I could count on you."

"Professor, you do need to understand that I'll be here part time and part time at the hospital. I can't let the hospital go completely." she cautioned.

"Understood. Part-time is perfectly adequate, unless I could convince you to teach part time, too" he said jokingly.

She smiled, "Uh, no thanks."

"I know you will want to continue to study and publish research about mutant medical care... I have a state of the art laboratory, diagnostic center and computers on premise at your disposal. I may need you to conduct research for me or other faculty from time to time."

"What kind of research?" she inquired.

"Backgrounds, DNA registries. Some of the children and faculty have come from difficult circumstances. Two of your qualifications that caught my attention were your knowledge of DNA research and your connections. I know you will be able to help.'

"Anything in particular?"

"One of our Team, Logan, you'll meet him later, has recurring Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and amnesia. I've tried to help him using telepathy, but. I have only been marginally successful. I'm hoping that you will be able to use some of your DNA databases to discover something about him. Sometimes concrete evidence or facts can unlock memories." he added.

"I'll be happy to try"

"Splendid. Now how about a tour and meet some of the faculty and children."

"I was wondering when you were going to get to that, Professor." she answered enthusiastically.

Xavier showed Susan all over the mansion stopping from time to time to introduce groups of children to her.

"This is a lovely place…," she mused as the tour proceeded to a wing of the house that included a library and a music room "for a child to grow up in. It appears you've done all you can to make a warm home for the kids, Professor"

Xavier smiled "It can never take the place of a loving family, but it's the best that can be done. Now, I want to show you our medical facility." He pushed a button and a paneled wall portion slid aside revealing an elevator. They entered and descended. Deep below the school was a complete medical facility with state of the art radiological and nuclear scanning equipment, a small but complete ICU, surgical area and laboratory.

Susan could not hide her surprise. "This is some facility you have here. It's more than I was anticipating."

"Quite frankly, Susan, we don't often need this for the children. There is a suite of rooms above that was Jean's office and examining room. It's far less intimidating to the children."

Susan nodded and continued to follower Xavier.

Proceeding through a corridor, they entered a storage room with individual Plexiglas and metal cabinets. In each cabinet were the X-Team uniforms. In the center of the room was a conference table with computer monitors at each place. "I know you're aware that we're more than a school here. This secret underground facility is sort of "mission control" While I wouldn't expect you to join the X-Team, you need to know your way around and understand exactly what the team is about." Xavier's tone was serious as he proceeded to explain exactly the whys, what, where and who's of the X-team.

"There will come a time when the team will need your medical expertise" he continued. "And I can't promise I won't need you for missions, but it would be the rarity, I hope"

"Without any mutant abilities, I'm concerned that I 'd be a hindrance to the team" she replied.

They continued down another corridor. Stopping just in front of a steel door, he warned her to be still for a moment and positioned himself just so. In a matter of seconds, his retina was scanned and the door slid back, revealing a cavernous room. A catwalk projected into the room. At the end of the catwalk was a complicated looking console. "This is Cerebro" he explained. This is where I'm able to keep track of mutants all over the world. This is what your father was after." He had to struggle to keep his very strong negative feelings for William Stryker from being revealed in his tone of voice. Going after Cerebro was one thing, but kidnapping six children, well that was beyond all reason. Add to the mix what William had done to his own son and Charles Xavier felt he truly hated the man. Hate was emotion that he had spent most of his life trying to combat.

Susan exhaled deeply. "There is so much I didn't know about my father." There was a sad, faraway look on her face

Xavier listened to her words. He was a bit unsure of exactly what she knew of her father's anti-mutant activities. He sensed in her only what could have been known from knowledge gleaned from popular media. He also sensed a deep sadness that stemmed from something deeper than he cared to explore without her consent. "Let's go back up to the school. Classes are nearly done and I want you to meet the staff" he said

They proceeded back to Xavier's conference room adjoining his office. Scott, Storm, Kurt, Electra and Victor were waiting in his office, having been forewarned of being introduced to Susan. Only Logan was missing. "Where is Logan?" Xavier asked no one in particular.

"He's in the gym with some of the boys." Electra offered.

Xavier wanted to be irritated, but held the feeling in check. Logan definitely had his own timetable, but he was proving to be very devoted to the kids in the capacity of coach and counselor. His priorities were correct even if he didn't keep track of the time. "Everyone, this is Dr. Susan Harris. She's graciously agreed to come aboard as our new Pediatrician and Team Physician" Xavier said proudly. "Her qualifications are impeccable"

Xavier turned to Susan and began to introduce the staff. "This is Electra and Victor Marquez. Electra teaches humanities, literature and Spanish. She's also our physician's assistant. Victor's our pilot and mechanical engineer - that is to say he runs the school" Electra was medium build, Hispanic woman. She had short cropped hair and almost Mayan features and a warm, friendly demeanor. Susan instantly liked her. Victor was much taller than his wife, he looked more Anglo than Electra and he was a shy sort. Susan extended her hand.

Electra warmly clasped it and spoke a greeting in Spanish. "I'm so glad to meet you."

Susan replied back in Spanish and then added in English, "... I 'm embarrassed that my Spanish is rusty. I haven't been back to my home in Texas for a long time."

Electra laughed. "Don't be. It's muy bueno. Victor and I come from Corpus Christi and Harlingen. Where do you come from?" she asked in Spanish.

"I grew up on a ranch near Eagle Mountain Lake." Susan answered, allowing herself to revert to her Texan drawl.

Electra smiled broadly and said jokingly, "Finally an ally. I have been feeling out of place among all of these Yankees."

"Ororo Monroe" the professor continued "is our Geography, Social Studies and girls PE teacher. She also co- pilots the jet."

Susan smiled broadly. "So glad to meet you, Ororo."

"Call me Storm" Ororo said, extending her hand.

Xavier introduced Kurt Wagner to Susan. She was briefly startled by his appearance. Kurt sensed this and briefly gave her a run down of himself. She was touched by his gentleness and honesty. She shared with him that she was Catholic, though she did add that she leaned toward the liberal as opposed to his traditional leanings.

"Last, but not at all least," Xavier said "Scott Summers, whom you met earlier. Scott is the X-team leader and mathematics teacher."

Susan's demeanor softened and became serious as she turned to Scott. "I remember meeting you once when Jean and I attended a conference. You brought her there. "She moved to give Scott an embrace "I am so sorry about Jean."

Scott accepted her embrace. He nodded to acknowledge Susan's condolences and sympathies. The wound to his heart was still fresh after Jeans death. "Thank you" he replied his voice choking up.

There was moment of awkward stillness until Xavier broke it. "If you will excuse us now, I need to go over some details with our new doctor."

There were positive nods as Scott, Storm, Kurt and the Marquez's filed out of the room. Just as they were leaving, Logan finally made his appearance.

"Hey Logan, we don't set the clocks to daylight savings for a few weeks yet." Scott needled him for his late appearance.

Logan sneered, "Hey One-Eye, you can stuff it where the sun don't shine."

Xavier ignored the small exchange between the two. He knew Logan had been tied up with helping a few of the younger boys with their soccer skills. "Logan, please come in. Meet Dr. Susan Harris."

"Hi." he said to Susan, irritation still in his voice from his exchange with Scott.

Logan was hardwired to be leery of unknowns. His first approach to anything or anyone new was to keep a distance and above all, keep control. Sarcasm and a hard-edged attitude helped him maintain that distance.

Susan made a quick study of the man standing before her. Tall- six three, give or take, broad shoulders, nicely shaped biceps, flat, tight stomach and narrow hips nicely accented by sweat pants. She wished a view of his backside, which she was sure, would match the rest of the package. He was definitely her definition of perfect masculinity. Hello, baby she thought to herself. She looked directly into his eyes, willed herself not to blush and extended her hand to him.

He didn't usually like to shake hands with anyone, but he felt compelled to return her gesture. He looked her up and down and then locked with hers as he clasped her very soft, delicate, warm hand. There was something vaguely familiar about her. He caught her scent, feminine, clean, enticing, but not familiar. Once someone's scent was programmed in his brain, he never forgot it. He'd thought her attractive in the distance when he'd seen her arrive, but he wasn't prepared for the effect she was having on him.

Their eyes remained locked. The handshake lingered as Xavier continued to speak, "She has agreed to become our Team physician and pediatrician. She is one of the foremost if not the foremost expert on mutant medical care. Susan, this is Logan, he handles security and is our boys PE coach".

Susan blushed anyway, unsure whether it was Logan or the Xavier's compliment. Xavier sensed the electricity between Logan and Susan. "I'm pleased to meet you" she said to Logan.

Logan began to feel awkward. He couldn't think of anything to say and was grateful that Xavier continued speaking, "Susan has access to the most comprehensive DNA databases in the world. I've asked her to help research your background. I hope you don't find that objectionable?"

Logan shrugged "You won't mind if I don't hold my breath." He was skeptical and self-protective his past and every time he thought he might get some answers, he ended up with just more questions and nightmares. "How's what she's got going to do be any better than what we've tried before?" Logan asked Xavier.

Susan answered. "There's a DNA typing that is very complicated, expensive and generally inaccessible. What the typing does is isolate Mitochondrial DNA that is only passed on from maternal relatives..."

"In English" Logan snapped

"Oh, ok. Basically, I may be able to discover who your mother is from this test."

Logan rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. "Yeah, right."

"You asked me to simplify it" she shot back. "Realistically, isolating the DNA strand is the easier part. The time consuming part is coming up with the match."

"Yeah... and what if you don't come up with a match?" he questioned sarcastically.

"I'll come up with someone, Logan. What I can't guarantee is if that someone is living or not."

Xavier asserted himself. "Logan, what Susan can offer is concrete evidence of who you are. Depending on what you choose to do with the information, it may help you to restore your memories. I certainly haven't been able to help you."

Logan's mind reeled for a moment. He didn't want to invest too much hope and yet he desperately needed to know about his past. Maybe if he did finally know, the nightmares, flashbacks and rages would go away once and for all. On the other hand, what if knowing made it all worse? "Okay. What's involved in this DNA typing?"

"I just need a blood sample", Susan answered

He grimaced. "Oh yeah, it's always a blood sample"

Wanting to lighten the mood, Susan retorted "Oh, puleeezze! Don't tell me you freak out over having your blood drawn."

Not wanting to discuss it any longer and thinking this might be a good time to make his exit, Logan edged toward the door. "Just tell me when and where and I'll be there. Nice meetin' ya. See ya around" and he slipped out of the room.

When she was sure Logan was out of earshot, Susan spoke to Xavier. "There's a lot to his story, isn't there?"

Xavier nodded. "I'll brief you on everything I know. You, of course, will want to peruse all of the medical files we have on Logan. But, I think we need to attend to the last order of business."

"Oh, yes, the paperwork" Susan smiled.

Contracts signed and copies made, Xavier warmly shook Susan's hand. "One more thing" he said "If you will follow me, I thought you might care to see your office. I hope you find this satisfactory," he said when they arrived. "If there is anything you need, it can be arranged."

Situated at the end of the west wing of the mansion, her office and clinic was spacious and elegantly appointed. Double doors opened to an area that was occupied by an oversized beige couch. A pair of low end tables flanked each end of the couch and a matching coffee table stood a few feet in front. In front of the couch was a massive marble fireplace. Glass paned French doors banked each side of the fireplace. Off to the left, lining an entire wall were built-in bookcases, computer workstation and file cabinets. Centered in front of those was an impressive executive style desk. To the right were three partitioned exam rooms and a passageway that led to a bathroom and an elevator that led directly to the below- ground med-lab.

"Professor, this is great, perfect. I could get spoiled here compared to my office at the hospital" Susan beamed. "About the only thing missing is pictures of my kids and I think I can supply that"

"Splendid. You'll let me know when you want to move your personal effects in and I'll arrange for assistance." Xavier said.

"I'm not on call this weekend..." Susan answered as her cell phone chimed. "Excuse me, professor" she said checking the caller ID, it was her fifteen year old.

"Hey, kiddo, I'm still in a meeting. Can I call you back in a few? .Oh, ok. I'm glad you reminded me. What time do I have to be there?"...she looked at her watch, "Alright, I'll be there as soon as I can. Love you." She turned her attention back to Xavier. "As I was saying, I'm not on call this weekend and I'll be able to draft my kids, so how about Saturday afternoon?"

"That'll be fine. I'll ask Victor and Logan to make themselves available. Now, it appears to me that you have another obligation."

"Yes, my son Matthew is performing in a school concert. So, I'm off to do the mommy-thing and I've got to hurry."

Xavier nodded in understanding. "Then I'll not keep you any longer" he said leading the way back to the foyer of the mansion. They said their goodbyes and Susan hopped into the Jag and sped off.

On the drive, Susan churned the past few hours around in her mind. She called to mind the people she met. She sensed in Electra the makings of a good friend. She and Electra were nearly the same age and their mutual connections to Texas were a good starting point. She wondered why Scott was the team leader. On first impression, she would have guessed Victor or Logan. Scott seemed so young. Kurt, however, was a fascination. Medically speaking, he was going to be very interesting and probably a challenge if he ever required treatment.

What is the scoop on Logan, she thought as she drove through the rush-hour filled streets? He didn't fit the image of anybody you'd expect to see around a private school or most of the other places Susan frequented. He had strong aura of confidence, no brashness. Kind of rough and restless, she thought. He was the definition of tall, dark and handsome and had gorgeous, smoldering, expressive eyes. The eyes always got to her. She remembered his piercing gaze when they met just a short while ago, sort of like he was trying to read her soul. Yeah, right! That was definitely not what he was doing when he looked her up and down. She sighed. She should have been offended, even angry. Instead she found it titillating and she couldn't honestly say her imagination didn't work a little overtime when she first saw him.

CHAPTER TWO

It was about 10:30 p.m., and an unusually warm evening for March. Logan, fresh from a shower and clad in running shorts, lay stretched across his bed, arms crossed behind his head. The TV across the room played the Stanley Cup playoffs, gone into overtime now. He was half-concentrating on the game, his mind wandering to the beauty with the white Jaguar. Having spent a good part of the day helping her get her office settled, she'd left a distinct and positive impression on him. Actually, he couldn't get her off his mind. He still felt like he knew her from some other time or place, but he couldn't figure it out. He'd been attracted to her when they first met a few days ago, but he'd dismissed his feelings thinking himself out of her league. Saturday changed that impression.

She came across as class-act with all the trappings. Her house located in an exclusive section of Westchester bespoke classic elegance, comfort and old money. It wasn't a museum though, it was a lived in home with dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, discarded sneakers in doorways, a laundry basket on the stairs waiting for its owner to claim it, family photographs all over the place and two cats lounging on a sectional sofa looking thoroughly disgusted at having their Saturday morning nap disturbed by strangers. Two blond, wavy haired teenage boys lay draped over the couch trying to wake up. A foot on coffee tables was not a problem in this house, or at least not the family room. Clearly, it was an easy, happy place reflecting Susan's joyful and down-to-earth way. An observant person could tell who and what was important to her just by being in her home.

She also had an easy style of conversing and joking and had treated him and Victor like they had been friends for years. While they packed up the things she was moving over to the School, she shared many tidbits about her life. Later, over pizza and beer after the move, he had been intrigued by her sense of humor, her endearing way of making eye contact and touching his arm whenever she spoke. She had repeated these gestures with Victor and Electra, which bothered him at first until he realized this was her way of expressing interest and openness. He wanted very much to get to know more of her. Thinking about her, remembering her scent, her gestures and touches, stirred him. It was more than physical. Instinctively, he felt comfortable around her. He felt like he could trust her. What was it about her? How could she get to him so fast? He clicked off the TV exhaled deeply and drifted to sleep. For a rare change, he had no nightmares.

Late Sunday afternoon after having sent Matthew and Travis back to their Dad's, Susan headed over to the school, She wanted to take a few hours to begin familiarizing herself with medical histories of the children and the X-Team. She checked in with Xavier, who was playing chess with a young student and not to interrupt, just motioned she was going to her office. Electra met her there. Not only did Susan want to read as many charts as possible, she wanted Electra's personal assessment of everyone. And, she wanted to size up her new assistant.

They started with the X-Team members. As Susan pulled up each member's charts on her computer, Electra gave her plenty of interesting back stories. She shared with Susan that she and Victor had been X-Team members and then retired only to be called back by Xavier after Jean's death. Susan noted Electra and Victor's contrasting abilities. Electra, as her name illustrated was capable of generating huge amounts of electricity and doing any number of things with it. Victor had the ability to breathe under water and if observed closely, had webbing between his fingers and toes.

They read through Scott's records, Electra explaining how he had been abused as a child and left in an orphanage. Then it became law to begin testing for the X-factor, children in state custody were being singled out and shipped to "special facilities". Charles Xavier had rescued Scott, Jean and Storm at the same time. They'd been among his first students. That was when Electra and Victor had been hired by Xavier as caregivers and teachers for the children. Electra shared that she and Victor had been unable to have children and Xavier's offer was a dream come true for them.

Logan's file was up next. Reading the documentation of his mutant abilities Susan commented to Electra that "compared to some of the others, his abilities weren't all that spectacular", then exclaimed "Good God!" when she read about his adamantium skeleton. She knew that something like this was not something he'd been born with. Electra filled her in. Logan had only been around for about eighteen months, having been rescued along with Rogue from Eric Lensherr. He had no memory of his past and Xavier had been trying to help him recover his memories. Electra also told Susan that Logan and Scott didn't get along because they had been in competition over Jean. Despite most of the X-Teams reservations about him, he has become a valuable asset.

Electra said she and Victor liked Logan. She thought of him as another one of her troubled "adopted" sons. The two of them had formed a friendship with him and they often socialized together and that Logan and Victor often got into mischief together.

Susan questioned her on that. Electra replied, with a twinkle in her eye, that they were both alike, both had some rough times in their younger days and that much to Electra's irritation, liked to go out to drink and carouse and commiserate about their past.

Electra, and especially Victor, had been able to get Logan to open up to them once in a while and she knew he'd suffered significant trauma in his life. Electra had some training in psychiatric nursing and she was certain that some of his amnesia was due to the past traumas. Getting him to open up, however, took large amounts of alcohol and just the right setting, usually at their house on a Saturday night over barbeque and cards or billiards. His memory loss was more complicated that just situational amnesia. Some of his "memories" may have been artificially implanted in his mind. Then there were the vivid, violent nightmares and insomnia, oh, and finally, a tendency to react with deadly force when threatened or injured. He could be impulsive, brusque, egocentric and stubborn. But, he has a good heart and a strong sense of fairness and right and wrong. He's good with the kids. When he takes on a responsibility, he seems to take it very seriously. He could also be incredibly brave and selfless. She shared with Susan how he had nearly killed himself saving Rogue from Magneto at Liberty Island.

"Sounds like classic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and maybe a bit of Borderline Personality Disorder." Susan commented.

Electra nodded in agreement "Throw in a tendency for depression, too. His skeleton and claws cause him physical pain and..."

"Whoa! Back up. "Susan said "What claws?"

"Scroll forward to the CT scans of his forearms…"

"Oh my God" Susan exclaimed, looking at the scan.

"Every time those claws come out, it causes pain" Electra continued.

"How did this happen to him?" Susan asked

"The most he'll say is that he'd been experimented on. Most of the nightmares he has to this day revolve around whatever those experiments were. Charles had tried to help him telepathically and I know he found out something at Alkali Lake, but he's made it very clear that the subject's not open for discussion".

"It's a wonder he not a complete head-case." Susan said.

"From what I gather, he was at one time. I'll tell you, Dr. Harris, you'll be able to get a lot more from Charles... and Logan, if he'll talk to you."

"Since the Professor has assigned me the task of helping him trace his past through DNA data, I hope he will. By the way, it's Susan to you." she said with a smile. "Think it will be hard to getting Logan to talk with me?"

"Depends on how you approach it. Run the tests. Let the results speak for themselves. Logan desperately wants to find out about himself. If he feels like he can trust you, he will."

"I hope so." Susan glanced at the time. "Hey, I've ruined too much of your Sunday afternoon. Get out of here. Go home to your husband. I'm going to finish up and go home to my cats."

"Ok. You'll be here on Tuesday's and Thursday's then?"

"And every other Friday afternoon" Susan added

"It's going to be great having you here, Dr. H…Susan." Electra stated before she left.

Susan smiled warmly. "Thanks. I'm really looking forward to being here."

It was getting late and before she knew it, the mansion was quiet except for the hum of her computer. She stood up to stretch and move around her office. Nearing her open door, she heard a piano playing softly in the nearby music room and needing a break, she strolled quietly down the hall.

The music room was dark save for a dimmed chandelier over the piano. She stood silently in the doorway listening. It was Moonlight Serenade and it was Logan playing and playing well. This guy is full of surprises, she thought.

Logan sensing a presence, stopped, sniffed the air and glanced around to see who was there.

"That's lovely, don't stop" she said.

Embarrassed, he pushed away from the piano and stood. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you. I, um, just fool around once in a while when I can't sleep."

"No bother. It sounded nice. I needed a break; anyway" she said gently "I didn't know you played."

He shrugged.

"Will you finish it? I love Moonlight Serenade", and she strolled closer to the piano.

"I don't know if I remember it all" he said as he sat on the bench and began to play again.

Susan stood just a bit in front of him, leaning on the piano. She watched his face, tranquil and handsome; his fingers playing gracefully over the keys. After just being briefed by Electra on all of this guy's issues, she never would have expected this from him. He was complicated and she liked complicated men. She decided right at that moment, regardless of Xavier's assigning her with doing his background research she wanted to get to know him better.

The song ended. "You have talent" she said smiling. "Did you ever study music?"

He looked up, his eyes locking with hers. Does he always have to look at me like that, she thought.

"Maybe a long time ago in another life." His voice had a tone of melancholy. "I used to play around with a guitar, but that got blown to hell with my truck. Haven't bought another guitar and this is here," he gestured to the piano. "I just sat down one night and played it."

"Only this song?' she asked.

"I know some bits and pieces of others. I'm not even sure of the titles."

He began to play another, flawlessly.

"You better be careful Logan. If Charles hears you, he might assign you the duty of music teacher." she told him.

"There's a scary thought." he laughed. "Besides you're the one who said they studied piano and voice- what in high school?"

She was surprised he remembered her ramblings from Saturday afternoon.

"Come here" he patted the bench beside him "You play something."

Blushing, Susan replied. "No way!" I haven't practiced in way too long..."

"Come on. You're not afraid of a little thing like not practicing" he teased, alluding to her past comment about his being scared of having his blood drawn. The comment was not lost on her.

"Fine" she huffed in mock irritation and sat next to him. She grinned slyly and plunked out chopsticks and then a simple version of Three Blind Mice. She was messing around on purpose.

"Hey, I'm impressed" he said playing along. "I'll bet you even know this one" and played out harmony to Heart and Soul.

Susan laughed out loud and nudged his shoulder. Then as she played the melody portion, both were laughing and mangling the music. When they finished the piece he put his arm around her waist, nuzzled her hair, imprinting her scent on his psyche. She gave him a raised eyebrow and his brown eyes smiled into hers. She melted. She couldn't make herself move away from him, but couldn't yield to him either. "Ok, give me some space here and I will play something for you."

Logan took his arm from around her and moved over a bit on the bench.

"Nah-aah. I really do need some room here" she said, gave him a gentle push and motioned him to where she had been standing a few minutes ago. Then she played Canon in D.

The beauty of that song always transfixed Logan. Music had always been something soothing to but he kept his love for it and his talent secret. Music had been something that his torturers had not stripped from his mind and in the weeks and months after his escape from Alkali Lake music had played a part in his eventual recovery from insanity. He'd stolen a guitar, along with everything else he needed to survive from empty vacation villas in the mountains around Alkali Lake. He played that guitar to pass time, ease loneliness and calm himself after those damned nightmares.

When she finished playing, she stood abruptly, walked over to him, placed her hand on his arm and said, "Ok. I've proven I'm not scared of a little no practicing. I expect to see you in my office on Tuesday so I can draw those blood samples. Deal?"

"Yes ma'am" he said as he gave her a playful salute.

She headed out of the music room, "It's late, I've got a full schedule tomorrow so I'm going home. See ya later."

Logan trailed after her. He didn't want her to leave this soon. "I'll walk you to your car."

Hoping he would do just that, Susan motioned him along as he returned to her office. Neither said much as she shut down her computer, but both were acutely aware of each other. She felt his eyes on her as she tidied up her desk and couldn't decide whether she wanted him to make a move or not. She debated making a move on him but decided nothing.

Outside when they reached her car and she made to say Goodbye, Logan made his move. Slipping his arm around her waist, he drew her to him and brushed his lips against hers. He felt her body jerk against his whether in protest or invitation, he wasn't sure, but he was going to find out. Pulling her closer, he kissed her more urgently. Her lips parted. He tasted her. Her scent, feminine and natural, stirred him.

She melted against his chest, wrapped her arms around his neck and responded to his kiss with equal fervor. Heat rose in her as his hands smoothed along her back and she ran her hands through his dark, wavy hair, pressing her body closer.

Headlights coming up the driveway brought Susan back to reality. Holding his face between her hands she took a small step back. "I can't do this right now," she said, her voice trembling.

"Why not?" he asked, his voice husky and low, eyes bright with desire.

Susan shook her head. Her heart pounded and she was sure he felt it. "It's complicated. This is too fast, too soon. I don't even know you." What she wouldn't verbalize was that she was losing her nerve, scared of the sudden strong feelings she felt. Her hand lingered on his face a moment longer, then she got into the Jag and drove off.

Logan watched her drive off until the taillights disappeared from his sight, then shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and heaved a deep exhale. He hoped he hadn't scared her off. He cursed his own lack of restraint and he was grateful for hers. He vowed to himself to slow it down. All he really knew was when he wanted something, he went for it but she wasn't going to play it out that way. For the first time in a long time, he was willing to invest the time and effort to win a woman. He didn't even understand why. He'd reacted by instinct for so many years he wasn't even sure he knew how to court one.

A brief memory of his last encounter with Jean flashed across his mind and she'd told him, You flirt with the dangerous one's but you don't take them home... you don't marry them. He'd been willing change for Jean, but never got the chance. He vowed he wouldn't miss the chance with this one.

Susan was still trembling from his kiss as she drove down the dark road. She felt confusion, anger and delight all at once and was angry at herself for getting into that situation. Flustered, she talked out loud. "You didn't have to go there, dummy. You should have just gone to the car by yourself. No, you should have put the brakes on sitting at that piano with him then the whole car thing wouldn't have happened.

The nerve of that guy, she fumed to herself. Who does he think I am? I should have decked him. Then she shook her head to try to clear the memory of him from her mind, but it didn't work. She could still taste his kiss, feel his strong arms around her, his hands exploring her body. She remembered the feel of his lean, muscular body as she melted into him. Oh boy, I'm in deep already, she sighed. Thank God that car came along when it did. I would've had to deck him or go along with it. She giggled as the mental image of both scenarios played in her head. What am I gonna do now? Oh, for crying out loud, Sue, get hold of yourself. You're gonna control the situation. What does he really want? Hello, stupid. You know exactly what he wants. She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. This could be really great or this could be a really painful, complicated mess.

Do I want this – him, she wondered? She chewed on her lip and made a face. Her common sense said NO. The desire she felt said YES. She decided to settle for maybe- but on her terms and timetable. She pulled her car into her garage, went into her quiet house and settled in for the night with a glass of wine, a bubble bath and her two cats for conversation. No matter, the relaxing bubble bath did nothing to clear him from her thoughts. If anything the sensual bubbles stirred her imagination even more. Get control girl, stop being a sucker for a handsome face. All night she dreamt of his kiss and more.

The part she didn't know, couldn't know was Logan's restless night dreaming of her, but afraid that he lost before the game even got started.

CHAPTER THREE

It was a busy Monday at the clinic for Susan. All before lunch she had seen six cases of strep throat, admitted a two year old with gastroenteritis and dehydration and examined God only knew how many kids with stuffy noses and coughs. Thank God for no major traumas. When lunch rolled around, she was glad for a chance to sit down and catch her breath. Paula Wellburn, another pediatrician who shared an office with Susan breezed in.

"Is it a full moon or what?" Paula asked

"Oh yeah. Monday and a full moon." Susan agreed. "What are we doing for lunch?"

"Chinese? No, we did that Thursday. Mexican?"

"Too fattening. I feel like salad. Besides, we are supposed to be keeping each other on track when it comes to the fattening junk."

"You're no fun, Dr. Harris."

"I know it. Let's go. I gotta tell you about something." They stripped off their lab coats, grabbed their purses and headed to Susan's car.

Paula had known Susan for a long time and she immediately knew what she was saying.

"You gotta tell me about someONE." she corrected her friend.

"Oh, alright. You know me too well." Susan started up the car. "Anyway, you know that I'm part time at this school over in Westchester?" Paula nodded. "I went over there Wednesday to get oriented and all that."

"Yeah, I know. I covered for you."

"And I thank you. So, I'm introduced to the staff at the school and the PA, and..."

"Too much back story, Sue. Get to the point."

"I will. You know how I babble. The last person I'm introduced to is this guy named Logan. Oh, my God, Paula. The guy is drop-dead gorgeous. I mean, you know how the nurses give us the Ten-Alert? Well, let me tell ya, this guy is a Ten-plus."

"Ok. So you were introduced to a hunk? Give me some statistics here."

"About six-three, lean and built. Nice derriere." She drew out the word nice "Dark brown, wavy hair, kind of long, but not too long. Brown, expressive eyes that you could get lost in..."

"How old?'

"I don't know. I didn't ask..." Paula looked at Susan with a quit-holding-back grin.

"Younger" Susan added sheepishly.

"I thought so. As soon as you rated his derriere, I knew you weren't talking over forty.

How much younger?"

"Well, he doesn't look over forty."

"Quit stalling."

"What does it matter?" Susan grinned

"Don't tell me he's under thirty?"

"Oh no way. What do you think I am? Mrs. Robinson? He looks about mid-thirties."

"Oh yeah, mid-thirties. Just enough life experience to be interesting and still has lots of energy." Paula giggled. "Ok. So you have been introduced to mister young, tall, dark and handsome. This needs to go somewhere besides just an intro."

"Hush, it does get better. So, Saturday Logan and another guy from the school help me move some stuff to my office over at the school. And then Sunday I spent the afternoon and evening reviewing charts. So, I'm sitting in my office, it's probably 10-ish. I hear piano music coming from the room down from my office."

Paula looked confused. "What is this place, where you have a music room near your office?"

"This school, Xavier's School for the Gifted, it's a mansion. You've driven by it, I know you have. My place isn't too far from it."

"Oh, yeah. I think I know the place. Keep talking."

"So, I go down the hall to this really exquisite music room. It's got a fantastic antique Steinway and who do you think is...?"

"I can't possibly guess." Paula said sarcastically

"Do you want to hear this?"

"Of course I do. You are just funny sometimes the way you do details."

Susan stuck her tongue out. "Any way, it's Logan, playing really well. I wouldn't have pegged him for the musical type. So, we start conversing back and forth and he dares me to play something. We get a little duet going and he puts his arm around me."

"Susan, all this lead-up and he just puts his arm around you?"

"There's more. Just listen. Then he walks me to my car. When we get to my car, he grabs me around the waist and gives me this kiss. Well, the first kiss was..."

Paula pretended to be appalled, "Come again? The first kiss?"

"The first kiss was more like just a brush on the lips. I probably should have smacked him silly right then, but the second kiss was shall we say, awfully friendly. He's got them explorer hands, too," her Texas twang coming out.

Both women laughed then ceased the conversation for a few moments as they went into the restaurant and sat down. "Oooh, girl. You got it bad for this one. What are you going to do?" Paula inquired of her friend.

"No, I don't."

"I'm raising the B.S. flag, Sue. You wouldn't be telling me about this if you didn't"

"I know. I don't know what I'm going to do. Play devils' advocate for me Paula. Tell me all the reasons that I should tell this guy to take a hike."

Over their salads, Paula ran down all the negatives she could think of. They both debated certain points and Susan could agree with about ninety percent of the negatives. On the way back to the office, Susan told Paula that while the ninety percent negatives scared her, the ten percent positives were worth taking a chance. Susan looked at her best girlfriend with deep searching and said, "I know it's definitely lust at first sight, but I swear there is something more. Something tells me to play this one out."

Paula said to her with sisterly tenderness "Be careful, girlfriend. I remember the mess you were when your plastic surgeon from Miami dumped you."

"Oh Lord, Paula, that was such a mess, besides Christian was so different. The situation was different. "

"Susan, that's what they all say" Paula looked at her friend with all seriousness "Just guard your heart. You really don't know squat about this guy."

They were both quiet and reflective on the elevator back to their floor of the clinic.

As the elevator door opened Susan said to her best friend, "I'll be careful, I promise. Keep telling me why I should run away, you promise?"

"I promise. But..." Paula grinned, "I'll bet the cost of a girl's night out that you'll hook up with this guy, what's his name, Logan, in three weeks or less."

"Three weeks or less? I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole," Susan laughed. They walked back into the clinic and became all business again.

Xavier's School for the Gifted had just built a brand new gym and indoor pool. Early

mornings were reserved for staff and a few older students in training for competitive sport, so Susan decided to check it out on her first day. No point in paying dues to a club when a freebie was right there. Plus, it was incredibly convenient to go straight from working out to working with no traffic to fight.

The gym was set so that the weight rooms, nautilus equipment and yoga/dance studio overlooked the pool. She walked to the edge of the pool, stuck a toe in to check the water and then glancing around, she spotted Electra above on the treadmill. They waved to each other. She also spotted Scott and Logan working out on free weights. Logan was in black sweat pants and a tank top, a slight sheen of sweat accentuated his muscled body. She looked him up and down, remembering the feel of him from the other night and her dreams.

Logan saw her and acknowledged her with a nod before she dove into the pool. Seeing her definitely broke his concentration on his workout. He had obsessed over her for the last two days and thought again of her kiss, her sweet, natural scent, the feel of her. He knew what it was like to want a woman and want for her was sharp. She was inside his head. That irritated him and made him feel vulnerable. The fact that she had ignored his nod didn't help his confidence. He put the weight down with a groan letting in clunk on the floor.

Scott noticed. It was his car that had interrupted things between them the other night and he had been looking for an opportunity to harass Logan about it. "You know what your problem is?" Scott said.

Logan glanced harshly at Scott has he toweled sweat from his face. "No, what's my problem this time?" he answered gruffly not sure of which one of his problems Scott was going to hassle him about now. Scott was always pointing out what his problems were and it really pissed him off.

"You've got no idea how to treat a woman. You move in too fast..."

Now Logan knew what he was talking about and he raised his open palm at Scott glaring at him with a look that said one- more- word- and- I'll- put- you- through- a -wall. Then he turned and stalked out of the room.

Damn, Logan thought to himself, One-Eye's too smart for his own good. What the hell does he know? It's not like she punched me in the nose when I hit on her. Seemed like she kinda liked it. Scott could have a point, but he'd never admit it, not even to himself.

Logan left and began to run along the nearby soccer field. After a few minutes, he spotted Susan coming out of the gym, heading toward her office. He picked up has pace and ran toward her.

"Susan." he called. She continued to walk pretending to ignore him. She's pissed he thought. "Dr. Harris, wait a second." She stopped in her tracks and turned toward him and he caught up to her, breathing hard from his run.

"Good morning." she said politely.

Logan couldn't read her expression and her pheromones were neutral. His carefully rehearsed apology went completely out of his head.

"Is there something you need?" she asked in her most professional tone.

"Um, no. I mean, yes." He took a breath to steady his thoughts. He smelled anger-no just irritation on her. "I was out of line the other night and..."

She cut him off, her voice level and low, "Yes, you were." She was going to let him think she was angry and enjoy every minute tormenting him. She wasn't going to let him off easy.

He thought he saw just the slightest glint in her eye and shifted mental gears. "Are you pissed?" he asked.

"Maybe" was her answer and she began to walk briskly toward her office again.

Maybe. What kind of answer is that? he thought. This is not going how it's supposed to. "Can I have a chance to back things up a little?"

"Maybe" she replied again.

Her face was stern, but her eyes betrayed her game. Her pheromones were not neutral.

Now he knew she was messing with him. "Just what does maybe mean?" he asked, irritation rising in him.

"It means maybe" she said. "Just what do you mean by backing things up a bit?"

"I mean, can I take you out sometime?"

She definitely had a glint in her eye. Her mouth curved in a slight smile. "Maybe" she answered again.

"How about dinner Friday?"

"Maybe" she almost giggled. He was definitely sweating and it wasn't from his run. "Oh," she exclaimed, "actually, probably not."

His irritation at this little game began to show. "Why not?"

"I'm on duty this Friday."

"So?" He didn't understand the significance of her reason.

She didn't answer right away. Maybe being on duty was the best scenario. They would have to stay near the hospital and there would be people around and her pager would be going off all the time and it would create just the right distractions to keep things from getting too intense too fast. "Ya know what, Logan? If you can put up with my non-stop pager and we can stay close to the hospital, then it's a date." His eyes lit up and he grinned like a teenager at her answer. Oh, those eyes! He is one beautiful man, she thought.

"Cool." he said, then glancing at his watch, realized that time had flown by and he had a class in less than half an hour. "I'll talk to you later" he said as he held the door to her office open for her and then dashed back to his office at the gym.

Susan enjoyed watching him make a victory stab in the air as he ran, reminding her a little bit of her oldest son. Within in every man lurks the heart of an adolescent she thought and smiled.

After that, she made it a point to cross paths with Logan as much as possible the remainder of the week. Interestingly enough, he had the same idea. He'd stop by her office to see if she needed anything done and they both managed to show up at the same time for lunch.

Logan made sure he was on time at the gym on Thursday morning just to see her and she distracted him from his workout. Actually, he spent the entire week being distracted with thoughts of her. There was a moment or two when she had been alone and he had sensed her interest. It took every bit of his self control not to take her into his arms and continue where they had left off. At least he didn't have to exercise that control in his dreams. Dreams of her had replaced his nightmares, at least for the moment.

Thursday afternoon, in her new office at the school, Susan found herself way too involved watching Logan coaching soccer practice. From the glass paned doors, she could see the entire practice field where he was going over goalie tactics with a few boys.

He seemed an involved coach. Standing the sidelines barking commands didn't seem his style. He was right there demonstrating the jumping, blocking, kicks and dives that the kids needed. Watching him from her office, Susan couldn't help but be attracted: Athletic, handsome, rugged, she could lengthen the list of descriptive adjectives without too much effort. The guy radiated sex appeal.

Electra broke Susan's reverie. "Nice scenery, si?" Electra wasn't immune to Logan's magnetism.

Susan blushed and fidgeted for a moment. "You could say that." she agreed with a measured smile.

CHAPTER FOUR

Friday couldn't get there soon enough for Susan. Not because she was anticipating her date with Logan. She was anticipating it, but, it had been a stressful week. If it was not for stress at the clinic, it had been teenage issues with her boys. She looked forward to the seemingly laid back atmosphere at Xavier's School for the Gifted. She was counting on Friday afternoon to be peaceful and productive. She needed the respite before her ER shift began at six p.m. She had some research notes she wanted to format and wanted to get the blood samples from Logan to begin that research Charles had asked of her.

As a full-moon week would have it, it was neither peaceful nor productive. Strep throat was making the rounds at the school. Fifteen out of eighty students came to call. Some of the kids were pretty sick and she and Electra handled more fever- induced mutant out breaks of powers than either cared for. That was one of the things with mutant kids, fevers tended to make emerging powers go crazy. At end the day, after Electra had left, Logan had carried in one of the younger boys with a broken arm that needed care. It was a simple fracture, but, it would take two to put the child's broken bones back into place. She drafted Logan.

His immediate reaction was "Hey, that's not in my job description."

She cut him a 'get- over- it' look and proceeded to instruct him, "I want you to hold Tyler in your lap. Put your arms around him like bear-hug. Hold him close and still as I pull on his arm."

"Will it hurt?" the whimpering eleven year old inquired.

"No, sweetie. I'm going to give you something to help.'' she answered as she prepared a syringe. "Tyler, look over there," she pointed across the room gently pinched his arm and injected the sedative.

The boy whimpered, but stopped abruptly. "Hey, that didn't really hurt!"

"Told ya, dude. Let's give it a few minutes and we'll fix up that arm, ok."

Logan did as he was told. He impressed Susan by tenderly talking to the lightly sedated child through the procedure, even though he paled as the bones snapped and crunched back into place. Tyler howled once but recovered quickly, as most kids do. Susan casted him then had Logan get him settled upstairs in his room.

"Logan, come back when Tyler is settled" she told him. He nodded as he carried the boy up the elevator. She overheard him tell Tyler what a cool, brave kid he had been. She knew the difference between sincere and just talking a line and Logan was sincere. She smiled warmly when he returned. "You were a great help to me and you made all the difference for Tyler."

He dismissed her compliments with a gesture. "Hey, anybody would have done that."

Feeling his discomfort at being complimented, she let it drop. "By the way" she began a new tack. Do you want me to do that DNA testing?"

"Now?" he asked.

"Well, I'm here. The equipment I need is handy. Beside, you didn't show up Tuesday. Why not?"

He hated having his blood drawn and he was still trying to get the sound of Tyler's bones snapping back into place out of his mind. Why did medical things freak him out? But he knew the answer to that question. "Yeah, might as well get it done with" he answered with resignation.

She drew four vials and placed them in a protective envelope, then teased him. "Ok tough guy, pick your band-aid. Garfield? Care Bears? Here's my favorite, Eeyore!" He looked at her with an 'are- you- for- real' glare.

Drawing his blood let her observe his healing power up close. When she removed the gauze compress, one tiny drop of blood emerged from his arm. She wiped it away and immediately all traces of the needle mark faded away. Intensely curious she asked him, "If you have, say a deep laceration, does it heal as quickly?"

"It depends. A really deep cut takes a little longer."

"How much?" she asked

"I don't know. I never timed it." He was getting irritated at the questioning, but continued "I've been really messed up a few times and it's taken me a few days to get back to normal." Changing the subject, "So what are you gonna do with those."

"I'm going to drop them off at a private lab I use from time to time. It takes a few weeks to process and have all the genetic sequences mapped. Once that's done, the next step's to take the sequences and try to find matches. It's all done by computer, but it still takes a while"

"And doing this is going to tell me what?" he asked intently.

"It'll match you with blood relatives. That is of course, if that relative is listed in the world-wide DNA banks. Those data banks go back some fifty years. Whenever someone went for labs or was hospitalized or whatever, the information was recorded. You know as well as I do that this was done to o isolate persons with the X-factor, but that's a whole different issue" she said with look of disgust on her face.

Logan nodded in understanding and agreement. "How many privacy laws get violated by this?"

With tight smile on her lips, she answered, "Don't ask, don't tell?"

"Ok. And with that, I'm gone" he said and left. Then he turned, stuck his head back in the door. "What about tonight? Where do you want to go?"

"Oh, it's been such a day, I haven't even given it a thought", she lied. "I'm supposed to get a break at about eight. Since I have to stay within walking distance, why don't you meet me at the cafe just across the street from the ambulance entrance. That's where all us doc's go. It's not fancy, but it is good"

"It's not what I had in mind, but it'll do. I'll see you then."

She smiled at him wistfully. "Thanks for understanding."

This definitely was not what Logan had in mind, but her apology undermined his frustration. He wanted to sit down with her over a leisurely dinner at a nice place. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted her to focus on him. He wanted to see where a leisurely evening together would lead, but she wasn't making it easy. He got the distinct feeling that he might be being maneuvered. So, be it. She had her life, but he was going to find a way to fit into it.

Friday night shift in the ER was as wild as usual. The nights' weather brought a cold rain and a slew of rush hour accident victims to be patched up. In between, there were half dozen cases of flu, a drug overdose, a teenager in premature labor and the night was still young. The late night bar fight victims and drunk drivers hadn't even begun.

Susan was dealing with a baby with febrile seizures and her panicked parents when a nurse popped her head into the exam room. "Dr. Harris, there's someone asking for you out front."

Susan glanced up at the wall clock. Eight o'clock. "Thanks, Crystal. When you go by the front again, tell him I'll be there as soon as I can." The nurse nodded and headed on her way. It took her about fifteen more minutes to finish up with the feverish baby. When she got out to the waiting room, she spotted Logan thumbing through a magazine looking decidedly uncomfortable in the crowded area. She thought to herself he looked pretty good standing there dressed nicely pressed black jeans, a dark gray turtleneck and a black leather jacket. He looked a whole lot better put together than she did in her scrubs. She went over to him. "Hey", she smiled as she lightly touched his shoulder.

His face brightened, "Hey, yourself" Is it always like this?" he cocked his head at the packed waiting room.

"Worse, but it's still early. Come on" she tugged his arm. "I'm starving and I probably don't have as much time as I'd like." She motioned him to follow her. They stopped off in the doctors' lounge where she grabbed her coat then went out a side exit toward the cafe across the street. "Did you run into the accident on the freeway on your way here?" she asked pulling her coat around her against the cold rain and wind.

"No. I borrowed Charles's car so I took the long way around"

"Oh. What for?"

"'Cuz it sucks to ride my bike in weather like this." She shot him a questioning look. He caught it and elaborated. "I've got a Harley. That's it."

They entered the brightly lit, warm cafe. It wasn't too crowded. Susan nodded 'hello' to some of her colleagues. Then she and Logan took a booth toward the back. She slid in opposite him and leaned her head back against the seat. "It feels so good to get off my feet," she groaned.

Fran the waitress came by. She was matronly black woman with a perpetual smile, always nosy and full of advice about everything. "Dr. Sue, how are yaw tonight? And who is this young man with ya?"

"Hello, Fran. I'm starving, cold and tired." Susan replied. "This is Logan."

Fran gave Susan a 'give- me- some- more- information' look. Susan chose to ignore it for the moment and Fran did not press it. "I'll guess you'll have coffee," Fran looked to Susan. Susan nodded and added "Make it a cheeseburger and some O-rings, please."

"What will Logan here, have?" Fran inquired warmly. Logan ordered the same, except for the coffee. He wanted beer.

Susan was quiet and thoughtful as she decompressed from the goings on at the hospital, then in a gentle tone said, "Logan, you were really good with Tyler this afternoon. I put you kind of on the spot. I really want to thank you."

Uncomfortable with compliments he just shrugged.

"You don't strike me as the teacher type." she continued. "How did you end up at Xavier's School?"

Logan leaned back into the seat and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know. Charles made me an offer that seemed like the thing to do at the time. I didn't have any place to go or plans, so why not?"

"You've never taught before?"

"Nope". Fran set down the beer and coffee.

"Do you like it?" she continued.

"It beats a lot of things I've done." he answered, some evasiveness in his voice.

"Like?"

He was uncomfortable about talking about his past and himself and didn't think the time was right to go into detail about his cage fighting days. He fidgeted with the silverware and then took a deep chug of his beer.

His discomfort was not lost on Susan. She sipped her coffee and became silent.

When the food came they both hungrily attacked their meals. Between bites, Logan quizzed her. He wanted to know everything about her. He was charmed by her facial expressions, body language and just the way she pronounced her words. Even though, she had spent most of her adult life in New York, the Texan in her spilled out when she was relaxed. "So what's the deal with you? How come you came to work for Charles?"

"For a couple of reasons" she answered. "First, Charles asked me. It probably wouldn't have occurred to me, if he hadn't." She paused and polished off her burger. "Second, I was looking for something saner than the ER. I was getting burned out and I have some research that I need to devote more time to. And after..."

Fran interrupted. "Can I get you two anything else?"

"Yeah, another beer" Logan answered.

Susan shook her head. No. She was fine.

Before she could continue speaking, her pager phone buzzed. It made her jump. She pressed some numbers. "Dr. Harris here. What's up? Oh, God!" her face blanched.

Logan leaned toward her trying to ascertain what was happening. His sensitive hearing heard the voice on the other end of the cell phone.

"All right. I'm just across the street. What's the ETA? I'll be there." she snapped her phone closed. A moment ago she had looked relaxed. Now she was all adrenaline fueled alertness. "I've got to go. A bus full of kids crashed on some ice on the parkway. They'll be here in twenty minutes." she explained.

Logan winced at the thought of the carnage. He motioned Fran for the check, but threw a $30 on the table and followed on Susan's heels. When they got outside, the cold rain had changed to freezing rain. They ran across the street, taking care not to slip on forming ice patches. When they got to the entrance, Susan stopped him. "Thanks for the nice supper. I'm sorry for the...'

He cut her off. "It's ok. You've got a job to do. When do you get off?"

She sighed, slumping her shoulders. "Midnight, officially but with this bus crash and the weather getting worse, I can't predict."

He put his hands on her shoulders. "All right. I'll hang out. There's a pool hall a few blocks over. I'll come back around midnight."

She wanted to snuggle into him but was on duty and professionalism restrained her. "Logan, you ought to get back. This weather isn't getting any better."

"Yeah, I know. I thought you might like help getting home if it gets worse."

She was going to protest. She was going to tell him she was a big girl and had handled lots of New York weather. But the wailing ambulances signaled their need. There wasn't time for the debate. Logan leaned toward her, kissed her on the forehead and headed down the block. She was touched by his gentle gesture. Then she squared her shoulders and headed back to the ER.

The hours dragged for Logan. He played some serious pool, won a few bucks. He got to smoke the cigars that he loved but had practically given up. Xavier had made it pretty clear about cigars around the school, even in his private quarters. He even managed to stay out of fights and away from the local talent, which for him in a bar was an accomplishment.

Three hours went by in a blink for Susan. The accident with the bus turned out to be not as bad as it could have been. No child was seriously hurt. There were lots of stitches, contusions, radiology orders, few broken bones and one or two mild concussions. Still was still physically and emotionally. Her own sons were the ages of these kids and she always had a nagging fear that one night one of her own precious sons would be brought in. Sometimes with fatigue, the nagging fear grew. She had been known to sneak off to the doc's lounge for a cry every now and again.

Logan wandered back to the hospital a little after midnight. The sleet had changed back to rain. Things had quieted down in the ER so that when he strode in, the receptionist actually remembered him from earlier. "You're here for Dr. Harris, right?"

"Yeah" Logan answered somewhat impressed. "Let her know Logan's here." He strode to an empty section of the waiting area and leaned against a support column.

Some nurses loitering around took note of him. They commented back and forth to each other having no clue that Logan's sense of hearing was far above that of normal hearing.

"Mmm-mmm. There's someone I'd like to examine." "Think it's time to send out a Ten-alert?" "You said it, girl." "Who's he waiting for?" "I don't know, but if they don't show up he can take me home" One of the nurses left the pack for the nurse lounge to spread the Ten-alert.

Logan, enjoying eavesdropping on them, debated glancing over, just to see their reaction, but decided it was more interesting and informative to just pretend he didn't hear.

As the Ten-alert spread through the ER, lot's of female employees suddenly found it necessary to cruise by the reception area. The alert made its way back to the doctors' lounge, where Susan and some of her colleagues were relaxing and chatting, waiting for shift change. Being exhausted from a now twenty hour day, she didn't even pay attention until she glanced at the time-twelve-thirty. The phone rang in the lounge. Someone picked it up and then told Susan that 'a Logan' was waiting for her out front. Suddenly realizing who the Ten-alert was about, she laughed out loud then made her way to the waiting area. She decided to play along with the Ten- alert and joined the pack of women. She knew he could probably hear what was being said but didn't want him to know she was there just yet. She was just ornery and punchy enough from the long day to give the nurses something to gossip about. She gave the nurses a thumbs-up, indicating her approval of their taste in masculinity. She strode across the ER reception area in a direction away from Logan then changed direction and walked up behind him and put her arms around his waist. "Hey, you're late." She said softly

He'd been faking interest in a magazine, while concentrating on the nurses' conversation and the layers of scent from sick people confused his sense of smell, so he was actually startled by her. He stiffened defensively for a moment, but her voice short-circuited his reaction. He embraced her and planted a gentle kiss on her lips, glanced in the direction of the nurses and gave them a wink. "I am not late." he said, releasing his embrace.

"I know," she said. "Come on, I'll get my things and you can take me out for dessert. I'm starving."

He followed her past the pack of nurses, who had suddenly found things to busy themselves with. Walking past, he couldn't resist letting them know he had heard every comment and he asked Susan just loudly enough, "So, tell me about this Ten-Alert thing." Susan's laughter nearly drowned out the nurses giggling and admonishing each other.

They went back to the cafe for some pie and coffee and conversation, exploring each other's interests, impressions of mutual colleagues, politics, the school, the kids, Susan's research, Logan's amnesia, and Susan's expectations for being able to help him. Before they knew it, it was three a.m. "Oh my gosh," she said "I've gotta go home." They headed out of the cafe toward the parking garage. Freezing rain had begun and the city looked surreal under a coating of ice. They supported each other trying to keep from slipping down the ramp to the parking garage.

"It's really bad out here. I should to drive you." Logan said

"I'm fine. I've done this before." she answered

"I'm sure you have, but not when I've been around." his tone was strong, protective. "Where are you parked?"

Exhausted, she didn't feel like arguing and handed him her keys. "We'll take my car, Corvettes don't handle on ice at all." she answered, stifling a yawn.

"Neither do Jag's" he retorted.

"I drove the Volvo tonight. I did listen to the forecast."

The drive to her home normally took twenty minutes but with the roads icy, it took Logan about an hour. Susan had reclined the passenger seat and drifted to sleep. At a traffic light he studied her in slumber. Her eyes were shut, her lips soft and just parted. He remembered the taste of her, the warmth of her body. Asleep she looked so

beautiful and delicate. Overtaken with a deep feeling of tenderness, he put the car in neutral and leaned over her to lower her seat back.

Startled, she jerked upright, rapping her head sharply against his. As he swore, she reflexively shoved him away.

"Relax. I'm not going to touch you. I like my women awake when I make love to them. You're sleeping so I thought I'd make you comfortable." he assured gently.

Susan's mind jolted at this idea. "Whoa, cowboy. What makes you think...?"

He cut her off. "Relax, babe. No moves, I promise."

Awake now, she snapped. "There's a comfort. I wasn't sleeping and I'm not your babe."

"Ok, Dr. Babe." he answered smartly. Pressing his finger against her forehead, he gently pushed her back into the seat. "Ssshh, go back to sleep."

"No," she mumbled sleepily as she relaxed back into the seat again, mumbling something about 'in his dreams', but Logan ignored it.

He pulled into her driveway, hit the garage remote then eased the car into her garage, next to the Jag. Nudging her gently he said "Hey, were here."

Trying to shake off fatigue, she said drowsily, "Mmmm? Oh, ok."

By the time she was coherent enough to get out of the car, he already had the door open for her. "Thank you…Logan, you're welcome to stay in my guest room tonight" Susan offered as she punched in the disabling code for the house alarm. "It's not fit for anyone to be out and about."

Logan didn't hesitate a second in accepting her offer. He slept fitfully, however. Freezing rain and sleet continued to pelt against the huge pane of windows in her 'guest' room, which was a sofa bed in the study next to her bedroom. He nearly speared one of her cats when the creature jumped onto the back of the couch he was trying to sleep on. Cats were not a favorite and he thought they should somehow figure this out.

Her nearness in the next room was a torment. He remembered her tantalizing scent, the taste of her kiss and the feel of her body when she leaned into him. He'd promised her to take things slow but he wasn't a slow mover. Hard learned lessons in life had taught him to take what he wanted when he could because he didn't trust that tomorrow would come. It seemed like he had just drifted into some restful sleep when he was jolted awake by the telephone. Before he could even get oriented, he heard her voice from the bedroom.

"...yes, I was sleeping. It was a long shift last night, son. I haven't even looked out yet. Is it still bad out there? So, the game's cancelled? I'm sorry. I was looking forward to seeing you guys kicking some butt. Okay, next Saturday. Love you, Matt, bye now."

She wandered out of the bedroom wrapped in a thick terry robe mumbling to herself about the need for coffee but stopped cold in her tracks when she realized Logan was sitting upright on her sofa bed-shirtless.

I almost forgot you stayed", she stammered.

Logan grinned. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare ya." He stood up, stretched and popped his shoulders.

Susan took note of his state of undress, thinking Hello baby. She opened the curtains in the family room and observed the ice-covered wonderland in her back yard. "It was probably a good call. It's pretty, but treacherous out there. Want some coffee?" she asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"Definitely." he answered. "By the way, where's the..."

"Bathroom" she finished for him. "Right across from the study. In the linen closet are extra towels and all that stuff if you want a shower. Use what you need."

She used the time he was showering to so the same. Images of him drifted through her mind as she soaped herself. She was very attracted to him physically. Any woman would have to be either dead or not into men not to be. Therein lay the problem. She was too attracted to him physically and that in her mind was a recipe for heartache she did not want. In her mind she re-ran their conversation in the cafe. She had discovered that buried under his gruff, standoffish attitude was an intelligent, resilient, decent man, fascinating from any standpoint. Trying to keep the strong physical attraction in perspective, she could admit that she liked him for the man he seemed to be.

Dressed in jeans and an oversized sweat shirt with Texas A&M emblazoned on the front, she emerged from her bedroom. He was sipping a mug of coffee and studying some of the photographs that lined the bookshelves in the family room. Her pulse quickened as she observed stray beads of water on his shirtless chest and how his jeans rode low on his hips.

"You've got a lot of great memories in these pictures" he said. It was both a question and a statement.

"Yeah, they keep me from being lonely. This house gets awfully quiet without my boys."

She wasn't thinking of her boys right now. She was thinking about the state of Logan's dress, rather undress.

"You're family is really important, isn't it?" he asked as he came back to the coffee where she was standing.

"Number one priority," her answer was firm and prideful.

"I'd give a lot to have something like that." his words sounded lonely.

He reached past her to pour more coffee, his closeness m her jumpy.

Logan's heightened senses tuned into her nervousness detecting something more than mere nervousness. Those potent pheromones she was giving off sent his blood coursing and he struggled to control his natural instinct but wasn't sure his body wouldn't betray him. He leaned against the kitchen counter, posture relaxed.

She drew in a quiet inward breath. This is crazy! I've got a half-naked man in my house, who I hardly know and... she thought. She placed her coffee mug on the counter and turned to face him. Reaching out a trembling hand, she touched his face, her hands running down his shoulders and then his chest, just stopping at his waist.

He tensed ever so slightly, warmth spreading from his belly through the rest of his body.

"I want you, Logan" she said as she leaned in and kissed him softly.

He nearly dropped his coffee mug. "What ever happened to taking it slow?" His eyes were cool, questioning, not quite believing, his control crumbling.

"I changed my mind." she answered kissing him more urgently.

He enveloped her in his arms and kissed her back eagerly then pulled back to look into her eyes. "Are you sure?"

She took his hand and led him to her room.

After that, it was over for him and he knew he would never be able to stay away from her. In one sweep she managed to seduce him and get into his mind and heart. He'd spent the last fifteen years avoiding anything remotely associated with emotional involvement. Now he was stupidly, hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her.

It wasn't supposed to be this way, was it? Even so, he didn't have the guts to tell her how he felt. If she didn't feel the same, he couldn't handle it. He just held onto her tight, the two of them drifting into sleep.

Her absence awoke him. He struggled to orient himself. He smelled food and heard some music with a decidedly country flavor. "Susan?" he called.

"I'm in the kitchen. You hungry?" she called back.

"Starving." he answered emerging from the bedroom

She was frying up slices of leftover steak, eggs, potatoes, onions and peppers. His stomach growled loud enough she could hear it and she laughed. "I'd say so. It'll only be about ten minutes." Make some more coffee, would you? And would you get the tortillas from the fridge, please?" she asked.

He nodded affirmatively and set to work on the coffee. Then she directed him to where things were in the kitchen to set the table. When the meal was ready, she looked at him with mock sternness. "The rule around here is you come to the meal table fully dressed. Go put your shirt on."

"Yes, ma'am" he answered crisply, with a 'make-me' look.

They set about devouring the steak and egg burritos in silence. He winced at her liberal application of salsa. She laughed at him. "Hey, real men like hot salsa on their food."

He copped an ornery grin and shot back, "I may not have hot salsa on my food, but I sure got it in bed."

She blushed and giggled. "Yeah, I'll second that." Then the look on her face became serious. "Where do we go from here?" she asked hoping for a sign that what had just passed between them might continue to grow.

"I don't know." He paused, inhaled and slowly exhaled. "Maybe, we just take it one day at a time." He felt a twinge of panic, barely ready to admit that he was gone on her and he certainly wasn't ready to tell her. The feeling was too new, too overpowering. He reached for her hand, looked deep into her eyes and spoke to her with tenderness, "I promise I won't do anything to make you regret today." That was the closest he could come to admitting even a tiny bit of the wondrous emotions swirling inside him. He'd work up the courage to cross the rest of the bridge later.

It was enough for now. She nodded to him, her gaze never breaking with his. Finally, she rose from the table and began to clean up. He followed her along, helping. "Speaking of a day at a time" he inquired while drying the fry pan "what is the plan for today?"

"Switch cars around. I'll bet Charles is having a minor fit about his beloved Corvette"

"Geez, I didn't even think about that. I'll call him...No, I won't. If he was worried, he'd have tracked me down with Cerebro by now."

"Really? Does he really keep track of all y'all that way?"

"Not routinely." He got a funny look on his face "All y'all" he repeated with an exaggerated twang. "Is that a word?"

"Hush up. Are you making fun of me?"

"Absolutely not. I value my... um... my health."

"Good. Anyway, I have to check on some newborns at the hospital. Then I was hoping to move Rocky over the stables at school. Then I'm fixin..." she chose the word on purpose. He cringed. "...to check on Tyler's arm.

"Who's Rocky?"

"My horse. If the roads haven't cleared enough, I still need to spend some time with him. I try to ride at least once every weekend."

"Sounds like a full day. When do you rest?"

"Oh, rest time is penciled in sometime around two thousand and fifteen."

"Sounds like we better get started"

Outside, the temperature had warmed up and most of the ice had begun to melt. The trip back to the hospital garage took its normal twenty minutes. When they got there, the Corvette was perfectly safe exactly where Logan had left it. He was distrustful about parking garages so he waited for her during the half hour that she checked on her patient and he was glad he did. As she made her way from the stairwell toward the cars, a man came up slightly behind her. Not being panicky, she kept her stride toward the car subtly reaching into her purse for her mace. At the same time, Logan saw the man and began moving purposely toward her. Suddenly, he sensed someone else behind him, close.

"Behind you, Logan," Susan shouted, "with a knife!" Then, she spun and blasted the man behind her with the mace. He fell to ground cursing, gagging and choking.

Logan felt a point against his spine and froze. A knife in the back would really screw up the rest of his weekend.

"We just wanted the keys, sucker" the guy snarled. But your bitch here had to go and mess with my friend. Now youze guys are gonna pay"

A jolt of adrenaline shot through Logan. "You get one good try at me, asshole" he snarled back, ejecting all six claws, then spun around and pointed one clawed fist toward the man, stopping millimeters from his throat. The man turned white, dropped his weapon and fled. The man on the ground, just maced by Susan, suddenly found the strength to flee as well.

Susan stood frozen in place, stunned by Logan's display, her blue eyes wide as saucers. Her voice shook. "Remind me that I want you on my side always."

Logan retracted his claws and strode over to her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded weakly then reached out to touch his hand. A few drops of blood still lingered at the point where the claws had cut through his knuckles. Then, the cuts closed, turned pink and vanished. "I saw your X-rays and read your medical file the other day, but I couldn't have imagined." The gravity of the situation hit and she began to tremble. Logan took her in his arms and held her tenderly, gently stroking and kissing her hair until she stopped. "Do you want me to follow you out to the stables?" he asked.

"No. I'll be fine. Take the "'Vette" back to Charles. I'll be over in a few hours." Her voice still was shaky. She tried to fake a reassured smile, but Logan wasn't fooled.

He looked at her with fierce protectiveness. "No, I think I'll..."

She cut him off, irritation in her voice. "Logan, until this morning, I had been taking care of myself fairly well. I'm ok. I need a little space, please."

He sighed and let her go. "Just call me and let me know you got to the stables."

"I promise." Then she drove off.

He hopped in the Corvette and headed back to School. Then he returned the keys to Charles with reassurances that the car was perfect and the ice storm had posed no issues, but he didn't mention the foiled car-jacking.

"I trust your evening with Dr. Harris was enjoyable?" Charles said.

Logan cringed inside. He hadn't told anyone that he was taking her out. "How did you know?"

"An educated guess." Charles answered and then added "she's a lovely, talented woman."

Oh, yeah! Logan thought to himself. Why did he sometimes feel like he was about fifteen years old around the Professor? He knew that the Professor did not use Cerebro lightly, to pry into his employees lives. Was he that transparent? He shook his head and headed off to his suite to change clothes and get to work on some things that needed doing around the school.

Susan called about three hours later and asked him if he could meet her at the stables. She needed help getting Rocky boarded.

He watched her in deep fascination when she led the huge animal around the arena and then rode bareback to get the horse acclimated to its new surroundings.

"Walk with me." she said to Logan as she dismounted and began to lead Rocky for a cooling down.

"You've been riding a long time" he observed. It was both a statement and a question.

"Since I could walk. Daddy gave me a pony when I was four. I've had Rocky since my thirteenth birthday." She got a far-off look in her eyes. "It's funny, when I got Rocky, as a present from my Dad, I was actually very angry. What I really had wanted for that birthday was for my Dad to come home, not just send me some over the top gift. He was always doing that. Sending something wonderful, but not being there in person." There was a hint of bitterness in her voice.

Logan was filled with the feeling of deja-vu. "I know exactly how you feel." he said. And somehow he really did. He was sensing something- not actually a memory but a feeling he had experienced the same type of thing as a child.

They walked in silence for a while then took Rocky to his stall. Susan motioned for Logan to stay outside the stall while she brushed him down. "He doesn't know you and might kick in these close surroundings" she warned.

"Not a problem. I'll just take myself elsewhere." he answered, swiftly backing up a few feet.

"Would you mind rounding up Tyler for me?"she asked.

"Ok. Do you want us to meet you in the underground?"

"Don't think so, my office should do."

Logan nodded and jogged off toward the main building. "Anybody know where Tyler is?" he asked a group of kids loitering in a hallway. Somebody answered that he was in the TV room. "Thanks" he answered and proceeded to the TV room. "Tyler, my man, Dr. Sue wants to check out the arm."

"Ok, coach. Hey, guess what? When I try to use my powers, I can't make the broken part of my arm go invisible. It's too weird." Tyler's had the power to make himself invisible. He also had serious issues with Attention Deficit Disorder and Hyperactivity and sometimes used his gift to really irritate almost everybody. Logan, surprisingly, had an unusual tolerance for the boy. Tyler somehow reminded Logan of himself. Once the kid learned to channel his gift correctly, he probably would be extremely valuable and welcome on the X-Team.

"Lemme see." Logan encouraged, knowing he probably shouldn't. Tyler faded from view with the exception of his broken arm. "Man, you're not kidding. Ask Dr. Sue about that. Get visible again before you get us both in trouble."

They waited in Susan's office. Tyler fidgeted and toyed around with some objects on the coffee table, then spotted a magic marker. "Hey Coach? Will you sign my cast? Everybody else has 'cept you and Dr. Sue."

Logan obliged. "Dr. Sue is a really nice lady." Tyler continued to chatter. "I like her a lot. I wish she was my Mom or something. Do you like her, Coach?"

Logan grinned and ruffed the boys' hair. "Yeah, she's a nice lady."

"I wasn't sure I was going to like her better than Dr. Gray." the boy continued as he fidgeted about the room.

The statement took Logan by surprise. The mention of Jeans name stirred up feelings he thought had passed. "How's that?" he questioned.

"'Cause Dr. Gray was a really tough science teacher. She flunked one of my projects once. Dr. Sue is only my doctor. She can't flunk me."

Logan had to laugh at the boy. It sounded like perfect eleven year old logic to him.

Susan arrived and gave Tyler a quick check. "Looking good, Ty. Are you hurting?"

"No ma'am." the boy replied seriously. "But, when I go invisible, my arm doesn't"

"Really?" Sue looked surprised. "Show me what you're talking about."

Tyler faded out. Again, his arm remained visible. "It's too weird" his disembodied voice said.

"I think it's going to be ok, Ty. Once your arm heals up, I think it will be invisible again."

"Are you sure?" the boy quizzed, reappearing.

"Pretty sure. We'll check it out again next week. Deal?" she put her hand out and Tyler slapped his good hand against hers.

"Deal." he answered and scurried out of the office. "Thank you." he shouted from down the hall.

She turned her attention to Logan, still sitting on her couch in front of the fireplace. "That's the last thing on my To Do List. Can I treat you to dinner?" she said as she strolled over behind him and began to rub his shoulders.

"Sure." he answered shifting around to face her

She coyly rested her elbows on the sofa back, "What are you in the mood for?" she asked

"You" he whispered and kissed her ever so gently.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her over the back of the sofa on top of him. She let out a muffled pretend shriek. "You're crazy" she murmured returning his kiss.

"Crazy about you" he said as his hands journeyed down her back.

She pulled back just slightly and propped her elbows against his chest. "Ya know what? This is probably not a good idea, not here anyway."

Exhaling deeply, Logan nodded in agreement. "Let's get out of here."

CHAPTER FIVE

So they went out to dinner then back to her place. In contrast to the lustful romp they'd had earlier, the lovemaking was tender, leisurely and deliberate. Holding her tenderly, relishing the afterglow Logan whispered, "I love you."

She wasn't expecting to hear that and placed a finger on his lips, "Sshh. Don't say something you might regret tomorrow."

He pulled slightly away. Her words cut his heart, wounded his ego. He didn't speak love casually. He couldn't even remember a time when he'd said I love you to anyone. Didn't she know that? A flash of anger went through him. He fought it back. How could she know that? They were just getting to know each other. He pulled her closer and chose his words carefully. "I meant what I said. I love you Susan Harris and I'm not going to regret anything tomorrow."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Logan, this is so fast. For Gods sake, a week ago I didn't even know you existed. I wasn't looking for anyone." She took in a deep breath trying to steady her voice and organize her thoughts. "I don't know how to say this without sounding... hurtful."

"It's ok."

"I don't want to get involved any deeper if I'm just the...oh how can I put this...

if I'm just the next conquest. If that's how it is, then it stops right now."

Her words stung. He took a long time to respond. Pushing up to sit on the edge of the bed, he spoke forcefully, his hurt reflected in his response. "If you were gonna be the next conquest, I wouldn't be here right now. It would have been all over with this morning." Softening, he continued, "For the past fifteen years I've been too screwed up in my own problems or too pissed off at the human race or just whatever to let myself love somebody. I have no idea what you did to me, Susan, but I love you and I'll do anything to make this work out and earn your love." His just heart and soul was open and it showed in his eyes and face.

Susan's reservations about his feelings for her thawed. "I like you. I care for you very much, but I'm not sure I'm ready to love you."

He turned, smiled and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I can wait 'til you're ready." His passion rose again as he smothered her in a deep kiss. It felt like the first time for him and in a way it was, the first time that he could remember making love to a woman he was in love with. Just before they drifted off to sleep it dawned on him that he'd better warn her about his nightmares. "Susan, you need to know something important." he said quietly.

"Hmmm?" she asked dreamily, drowsing out.

"Listen, Baby. If I have a nightmare, you can't get near me."

She became more alert, "Why?"

"Remember today in the garage? My claws?"

Her eyes widened.

"I can get violent when I have the nightmares." A look of pain came into his eyes. "I almost killed Marie once when she tried to wake me up from one."

Susan looked puzzled. What was she supposed to do if he had a nightmare when they were sleeping together and pray-tell, what was he doing with Marie?

He guessed what her questioning look was about. "No, I didn't sleep with Marie." he said matter-of-factly. Then his tone changed to one of uncertainty. "I'm not sure what you should do if I have a nightmare."

"For some reason, Logan, I don't think you will hurt me. I don't know why. But I just don't think you will."

He shook his head. "Just promise you'll give me some space when I do have them."

"I promise." she answered him and settled into him. "Now let me sleep. I've got to be up tomorrow at seven."

"Seven? It's Sunday. What for?"

"Church." she whispered drowsily

He raised an eyebrow and mouthed an incredulous Ok. They were definitely still getting to know each other. He willed himself to sleep lightly. There was no way he was going to risk a nightmare, not their first night together.

The alarm clock buzzed far too soon. Susan snapped it off, groaned and slipped out of bed. Logan, flat on his stomach, raised his head, yawned and then buried his head under the pillow. She gently slapped his rear as she went by toward the bathroom.

His body jerked in surprise then he raised up a corner of the pillow and peered at her. From where he lay he could see her beautiful body reflected in the large mirrors of her bath. There's some nice scenery to wake up to he thought. He watched her as she turned on the shower then did a little skip back as the water came on. While the water warmed up, she plugged in her curling iron and began to brush her teeth. He sat up and stretched, still keeping his eyes on her.

She saw him in the reflection of her mirror. She had just finished rinsing the toothbrush when he strolled up just behind her at the sink.

He gently feathered her shoulders with his fingers. "Good morning, beautiful." he said.

"Good morning, yourself" she answered cheerily. "Did you have a good sleep?"

He nuzzled her hair and traced her backbone with his fingers. Her body shivered. "Mmm, hmm." he answered her dreamily.

She sighed and then purposely moved away. "Save it for later, Bright eyes. I've got to get my act together." Her tone was gentle and playful. Stepping into the shower she asked,

"Want to come to Mass with me?"

"No thanks. I'll pass on that." he answered.

"Suit yourself." and she began to shampoo her hair.

Logan was momentarily disappointed and surprised she put off his overture. He was not accustomed to being resisted. Here again, she was calling the shots, making him fit her life. Oh, yeah, learning to live with her was going to be one sweet challenge. He let her finish her shower.

When finally came into the living room, Logan was sprawled on the couch, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. He smiled at the sight of her, dressed in a sleek gray wool skirt topped with a pink cashmere sweater that clung to her figure perfectly, accented with an obviously expensive gold cross on a chain that just set perfectly atop her sweater. God, so classy and sexy, he thought. He let out a whistle. "Very nice" he said rakishly.

She gave him a smile and a wink. "See you in an hour or so, Bright eyes."

Bright eyes? What's with that? Logan chuckled to himself then threw his head back and groaned. What am I doing with this classy lady? What the hell does she see in me? Man, I need to clean up my act. I look like a freakin' bum. He resolved to go shopping for some new clothes. His current wardrobe of jeans, t-shirts and flannel work shirts were not going to cut it. That gray turtleneck he wore the other night was the only "dressy" thing he owned. A haircut was probably in order, too. He tossed the newspaper aside, sat upright and laughed aloud at himself then gave the cat draped across the back of the couch a rub behind its ears. "What do ya think, cat?" he said to the purring animal, "I'm a hopeless case, absolutely gone on your mistress." Then he headed off to the bathroom to shave and shower. This time he brought his shaving kit and a clean change of clothes.

Next, he rummaged through the kitchen to prepare something for breakfast for them when she returned. Over the years he had picked up some culinary skills. He only had a few specialties, but what he did know how to cook, he did very well, if he did say so himself. Sausage, eggs, bread and some seasonings turned into an awesome breakfast casserole. Orange juice and oh, yeah, she had some champagne in her wine 'fridge.

"Classy brunch for a classy lady, he muttered aloud. He put the casserole in the oven and glanced at the time. She'd probably be back in about twenty more minutes or so. He paced around the kitchen, not quite sure what to do with himself, then he remembered her music room and wandered in there. He picked up the guitar that had been left on the floor, sat down on the ottoman and strummed. It was out of tune so he began plucking the strings and tightening and loosening the tuning knobs. That's better, he thought. Very nice guitar! Must belong to one of her boys. . It took a few minutes before he felt like he could play the thing. It had been what, eighteen months, more, since he had last played. He skipped around various songs he knew. Free Bird, Stairway to Heaven, House of the Rising Sun even some acoustic interpretations of Stevie Ray Vaughn tunes. It was almost no time before he heard the garage door rumble open and she was back. He leaned the guitar carefully against the ottoman and went to greet her. He could hear her voice, smooth, soulful contralto, singing what he guessed was something from church filtering in through the closed door from the house to the garage.

...I who made the stars of night, I will make their darkness bright

Who will bear my light to them? Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, It is I Lord. I have heard you calling in the night.

I will go Lord, if you lead me...

He opened the door just as she was about to, startling her and she squealed, making him laugh. She gave him a playful punch to the chest. "Oooh, it smells good. What did ya fix?" she swooned

"Follow me, my lady" he said gallantly and took her coat then pulled the kitchen chair out, tossed the coat over the back of the couch, sending the cat scrambling. Next, he pulled out the champagne and orange juice and poured her a Mimosa. Straight champagne for him, citrus was too tart for his sensitive taste buds.

She just watched him with an amused look on her face. This guy had so many facets. She found this particular incarnation positively charming and told him so.

Coming from anyone else would have elicited a less than positive response from him. It was not an adjective that many used to describe him. Coming from her, though, he could accept it and even believe it- just a little bit. Yeah, and he couldn't wait for an opportunity to convey just what she thought of him to Scott. Who said he didn't know how to treat a lady? He bowed to her, flashed an endearing grin and then clinked his champagne glass against hers. "Breakfast is about twenty minute's away." he told her between sips. "So where do you go to church?"

"St. Ignatius. The boys go to school there, too."

"Catholic girl, n'est pas?"

'Oui! You speak French?"

"Yeah, a little. And I don't have the slightest idea why or how."

"That's some kind of clue, Logan. That's got to have something to do with your past."

He rolled his eyes and muttered "Whatever."

She caught his I- don't- feel- like- going- there attitude and dropped it. "I'm going to change" she announced, taking her Mimosa with her, while he checked on the oven.

He glanced out of the kitchen into her backyard. Some jonquils had emerged and a few had bloomed. He went outside, expelled one blade and snipped off a few blooms found a tall glass and set it on the table.

She emerged from her room dressed in tan riding breeches and red turtleneck, her blond, wavy hair pulled back in a pony-tail, a few strands already escaping the rubber band. "It's fixin' to be a really nice day. I'm going to take Rocky all over the school grounds today. Want to come along?" she asked in a breezy tone.

He was just removing breakfast from the oven when she asked and knit his brows together in that scowl of his. In his opinion, horseback riding was something you did when you had no other choice of transportation. Riding for the fun of it was not what he liked to do. He set the dish down on the table. "Um, no thanks. I'm not too good at it." He pulled a chair out for her

"Thank you" she said as she sat. Not bothered by his decline she answered "Suit yourself."

"Besides" he continued, "I've got some things I need to get done today." He was definitely thinking about heading to the mall to buy some clothes and get that haircut. While she was out riding would be perfect.

Shop he did. For four hours he traipsed through the mall and was pretty proud of himself too. He never lost his focus or his temper. He wasn't really sure he got any bargains, but he had the money since expenses were pretty minimal to live on and he had saved most of his pay. He hit Joseph A Banks, Eddie Bauer and Banana Republic. About a thousand bucks later, he had bought himself chino's in brown, black, olive, navy and gray. He refused khaki, which was too much like Scott. He bought some button down shirts in plaids and stripes. Silk T- shirts blew him away. They looked good and felt really good, so he got a few of those plus more turtlenecks and a pullover sweater. He almost bought a pair of Docksider shoes, but decided they were too sissy. He decided go by the Harley Davidson dealer instead and check out new boots. His final splurge was a suede bomber jacket. It was too late to get the haircut by the time he finished up shopping.

He strapped his purchases to the back of his Harley and headed back to the school where he caught sight of Susan trotting Rocky not too far off the road. He slowed to watch her ride.

She really looked great. Posting perfectly to the rhythm of the animals trot, she was completely relaxed and contented looking. He smiled to himself and kept wondering what he'd gotten himself into. What did beauty like her see in an animal like him? He pulled into the garage and headed through the passageway to the mansion. Scott just happened to be around and he just happened to be irritated with him.

"You know we had a training session in the Danger Room today?"

Shit, he forgot. "Okay"

"So, where the hell were you anyway? Come to think of it, where have you been all weekend?"

"Enough of your shit, One-Eye" Logan snarled. "All right, I did forget today's training exercise. Sorry. As for the rest, none of your damned business." Then stomped off to his room to stow he'd bought and change into some of it. He almost always had supper with Victor and Electra on Sunday evenings and decided to ask Susan along.

Then he headed back downstairs to where Marie, Jubilee, Bobby and some of the older kids were hanging out. They immediately noticed something different. Logan dressed in navy chinos and a button down shirt in a fine gauged plaid of red, hunter, navy, yellow and white with sleeves rolled to mid-forearm, definitely brighter that what he usually wore.

"Whoa, Logan. You look great." Marie gushed.

Logan gave her a sly smile. "I know."

"Where ya goin?"

"No where, for now. What's going on with you guys?"

"Just chillin"

"Cool" he answered and then headed outside to the stables. Behind him, he could hear Marie and Jubilee speculating a mile a minute. "What's gotten into him? I think he's got a girlfriend. Like who? I don't know. I didn't know he could clean up so nice. He's sooo cute. Hey, let's follow and see where he's going."

They waited until they thought they'd allowed a safe enough distance for him to not sense they were following him but he knew it and ignored them.

Susan had just finished brushing Rocky down and putting the tack away when he came into the stables. "Hey, did ya have a good afternoon?" she asked him.

"Not bad. How was your ride? I saw ya out by the drive." He held the door open for her as they left the barn.

"It was great. I love to de-stress with a long ride." she answered, sliding her hand into his as they walked.

Marie and Jubilee, hiding behind shrubbery, saw them come out of the barn hand in hand.

"O my gawd, it's Dr. Sue. This is too cute." Jubilee giggled.

Marie huffed, "I'd never have put them together. Be quiet, they'll hear us."

"I usually have supper with Vic and Electra on Sunday's." Logan said. "I know they won't mind if you come along. How 'bout it?"

"I really should go home. I've got things to do to prepare for next week."

"Well..." he was looking for some leverage. "You've got to eat supper. I promise it won't be a late night."

Susan thought about it for a long moment. "Okay, let me run home and grab a shower. I smell like a horse. Does an hour sound right?"

"Perfect." Then he pulled her close and whispered. "We've got an audience over by the garden"

"Oh, yeah?" she answered with a light smooch.

"Marie and Jubilee, I think their radar is locked in on us."

"How cute. Let's give them something to gossip about." Susan giggled. "Kiss me, you fool."

Logan wrapped his arms around her and gave her a long, hard, wet kiss. They both nearly cracked up laughing when they heard the girls squeal and bolt back the mansion.

"I guess we're an item now." Logan laughed.

"Could be." she pulled away from him and headed for her car. He gave her a swat on the backside.

"That's for this morning" he said.

She stuck her tongue out at him and drove away.

CHAPTER SIX

So, they did become an item around both the school and the hospital falling into a routine of fitting time for each other in with all their combined responsibilities. He generally had more free time than her and it got on his nerves sometimes. The hardest issue was the weekends her kids stayed over and he was banished from over-nights. She told him firmly it was important to set good examples for teenage boys and even though brain could understand his libido didn't.

He realized her schedule was often over full and demanded her full attention, but she was disciplined, had an ability to compartmentalize her life and she was by nature peaceful, calm and introspective. She looked on the positive side of things, but not naively so. In short, she was his complete opposite. He also knew being with her was changing him. Maybe it was being in that love was changing him. Maybe her positive qualities were rubbing off on him. But whatever it was, he was slower to his rages. His sarcasm seemed tempered and he was even getting along with Scott, sort of. He felt more relaxed and even happy. He smiled more and people noticed. The nickname Susan called him, Bright Eyes, he'd found out came from the way he smiled, which according to her, he didn't do enough. His whole face, especially his eyes would light up. Her explanation embarrassed him and he made her promise not to slip and call him that around School. He did have a reputation to maintain.

In the days and weeks that followed, things they did together were adding up to a rich bank of memories: Picnics, romantic suppers in the City, co-chaperoning weekends at the School, planning a prom for the kids at School, all the normal stuff of life that Logan had no previous memory of. If he ever felt like he was in uncharted territory, and he often did, Susan would always led him through with grace, saintly tolerance, diplomacy and a killer sense of humor.

Sunday supper expanded into much more than Logan, Susan, Electra and Vic. Kurt and Storm had become close and even Charles had a lady friend named Genevieve, so the four couples chose to rotate suppers. The only odd man out was Scott. He still had deep issues over Jean's death and chose to keep to himself.

Each couple chose a theme and style, ranging from picnic casual to china and crystal formal. They had great times experimenting with cuisine from the varied ethnic backgrounds they'd come from. Charles was decidedly British. Kurt was firmly German. Susan and of course Vic and Electra were Tex-Mex. Storm was African, but also vegetarian. Logan and Genevieve, being of French extraction, sparred incessantly over the difference between French Canadian and Parisian. Logan also had extensive knowledge of Japanese cuisine, even though he had no clue why, so he hosted a Japanese themed supper that earned him rave reviews. He discovered he enjoyed entertaining as long as Susan accompanied him. They made a great team. She brought out a side of him that he didn't know was there.

One of Susan's favorite activities was the Friday night cocktail hour she spent with a group of colleagues on a rotating basis. It wasn't anything like a Happy Hour at some of the dives he had hung out at and normally not something he would have ever dreamed getting involved with. Her friends were doctors, lawyers, stockbrokers-serious New York movers and shakers. They had class, social skills, careers and histories that they could remember. He still felt barely one-step up from 'scruffy drifter'.

She had tricked him into coming to the first one. It was her turn to host the thin and she had just let him think he was coming over to spend the weekend. He'd nearly climbed right back on his Harley when he realized that he'd been maneuvered. But, she encouraged him to give it a try telling him she had confidence in him and her friends were 'real people' many of whom had 'come up through the trenches'. She promised she would never embarrass him and that if after an hour, he wasn't comfortable, he could just slip away until later.

As it turned out, she was right and he got into the whole co-hosting thing with her. He was a fairly competent bartender and mixed up some potent martinis. Of course, sampling his batches probably helped to loosen him up just a little and he enjoyed hearing her friends bantering stories back and forth about their jobs and families.

Her friends were incredibly pro-mutant and pretty interested in his opinions about the politics surrounding the anti-mutant sentiments and the still not- official Mutant Registration Act. He surprised himself at how much of an opinion he was able to express and still keep his feelings in check. As the happy hour got really rolling, conversations got goofier and off-color jokes started flying around. Some of the things that came from Susan's gynecologist friend almost made Logan blush. With as much as he had been around, that was saying a lot. What surprised him most was Susan's skill in telling some of the funniest, raunchiest yarns he had heard in a long while. He could not remember ever laughing and enjoying himself so much and was sorry when the evening wound down and the guests left. Everyone lived in the same neighborhood, so it was kind of funny standing on her front lawn watching 'their' friends weave their way back to their houses along the street.

"How often do you guys do this?" he asked as he dried glass wear.

"Every Friday. We rotate who hosts. Of course, we all can't make it to every one."

"Well, I'm glad you tricked me into this" he conceded, finishing up the last glass.

"I knew you would, babe."

He flopped down on the sofa, "Pretty damn sure of things aren't ya?"

"Absolutely" she agreed and sat in his lap. "And ya know what else I'm sure of Bright Eyes?" she murmured, kissing and nuzzling him gently.

He put his lips to hers, "What?"

"I love you" she replied kissing him harder

He responded in kind, drinking in her words and kiss. Then he pulled back and looked her straight in the eyes. "Say that again."

She locked eyes directly with his, her face serene and loving. "I love you, Logan"

He wrapped his arms tightly around her and pulled her even closer to him. "I love you, too" his voice full of emotion. Then he gathered her in his arms, stood up and carried her purposely to the bedroom.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Susan logged onto her e-mail and scanned the list of messages expecting something about Logan's DNA/RNA testing done a few weeks earlier and there it was. She clicked on the icon. A message showed up indicating the information was encrypted. She typed in her code and waited fidgeting and drumming her fingers on the desk. Waiting for code clearances and encryption decoding always annoyed her. She was nervous about the results and really wanted to find someone related to Logan that was still living. The screen displayed a simple message: Matches found. Enter ID for Access. "Bingo" she said to herself.

Just as she was just about to type in the ID she stopped deciding Logan ought to see this first. She picked up the phone on her desk and pressed the number to the Athletics office. It rang about four times and she was just about to hang up when he answered. "Yeah."

"Hey, it's me" she said.

"What's up?"

"I've got your results back. Do you want to come by and check it out?" There was a long pause then she heard him draw a deep breath.

"Umm, yeah." Let me grab a shower first. How about twenty minutes?"

"Ok. I'll be here."

Curiosity got the better of him. "So what did it come up with?"

"The only thing I can tell you is there are five matches but I haven't read the full report. You need to see this first."

"Huh? ... Oh, yeah." Irritation rose in his voice "I'll be there soon." He put the phone back on the charger and went to his room. He felt tense and conflicted about digging into his past and was fearful the whole thing would just lead to more dead-ends. He was tired of dead-ends though he wanted to be hopeful of finding out something but his cynical nature held hope in check. Maybe he should have left the whole mess alone.

He took a shower but it didn't do anything to relieve his tension. He slammed off the water, grabbed a towel and dried off. He cursed as he rummaged through his dresser searching for some clean underwear. Finding the last pair, he made a mental note he needed to do laundry tonight and pulled on pair of jeans, a t-shirt and boots. He ran a comb through his hair and then headed to Susan's office.

Since it was after school hours he found the door open. She had music playing and late afternoon sun was streaming through the westward French doors. Susan was on the phone, pacing around in front of them. She motioned him over to her computer. "I'll be with ya in a sec. I'm having a teenager moment," then continued her conversation.

He wasn't exactly sure what she meant, but he could tell from the look on her face and the tone of her voice she was not pleased with someone. He sat down in front of the computer screen and fidgeted with the mouse, listening.

"Ok, Travis William Harris, you've just argued yourself into a grounding this weekend. I will see you later" she finished and hung up. "Grrrr. That kid is going to drive me crazy, I swear." she exclaimed as she stood behind him.

"What's the problem?" Logan asked.

"Trav wants to head out with a bunch of kids to the Jersey Shore."

"That's a problem?"

"Yes. Especially when there's a Lacrosse Tournament this weekend he argues with me about it."

Logan raised an eyebrow but he knew better than to get into a debate about her sons. It wasn't his business and he was happy to keep it that way. "So, show me what you found out" he asked instead.

Susan reached beside him to key in the password then backed up to allow him to read through the preliminary report. She was intensely curious but this was his business and she was going to give him privacy. She knew he'd share with her, probably sooner than later.

Logan, seeing the report, suddenly decided he wasn't sure he wanted this information. He closed his eyes for a moment but curiosity overcame fear and he read it.

His DNA mapping turned up five matches. Of those, two male relatives were dead and the third unknown. Two female matches were still alive.

He sucked in his breath, unconsciously made fists with his hands, his neck and shoulder muscles tensed. Susan saw this, moved behind him and began to gently massage his shoulders. He didn't relax much.

"Ok, what is this really saying, Sue?"

"That there are five direct relatives."

"How direct?"

"They could be parents, siblings, possibly even children."

The 'children' part hit him like a punch in the stomach. He spun around to face her. "I do not have kids."

"Hey, relax. We don't know exactly who's who yet."

"How do we find out?"

"Scroll down to the bottom... Now, click on continue. "

The screen displayed another security warning. Computers drove Logan crazy and he had no patience for them. Swiftly getting up from the chair he gruffly ordered "you do it."

She shot back, "No. You have to. I'll get you into the secure site but you're going to do it." She pointed at the chair. "Besides, this is where we really violate privacy laws."

He sat down hard with agitation. "Fine."

With her guidance, he finally accessed the necessary site. Susan backed off again, but he told her to stay beside him. He only became more agitated as he read the next bit of information. It was a meaningless list of names, dates and places of birth, dates of death and nothing else. Just another damned dead end, he thought. "Screw this." he said harshly and pushed away from the computer. He paced around venting his frustrations. "I thought I was going to get some answers. This shit is useless. How do I even know it's right...?"

She let him vent. Finally, he paused, put his fingers on his temples and heaved a sigh. "I've got a headache." he said closing his eyes.

She went to him and put her arms around him. "I never said this was going to be easy. You're going to have to be a detective. There are search engines that will tell us more. It's going to take time and perseverance and some luck but I promise I'll be here every step of the way."

He relaxed and returned her embrace. "All right. So, how do I do this?"

Standing on tip toes kissed him gently then pulled another chair beside his. "Come here. Let's put this in some kind of order." After a few keystrokes a chart appeared. "Ok. This shows both maternal and paternal matches. Let's organize it by dates of birth" she said and keyed the computer. Pointing at the screen, she continued, "Logically, this female match should be your mother, then this would be your father. Next we have a male relative that's only a maternal match. Here's a female with the same paternal and maternal DNA as yours and the last one is a male that matches the paternal but not the maternal DNA." She could tell he was having a hard time putting the information together. "Let's see if I can make this easier." She hit another keystroke and matched up names with dates of birth. Elizabeth Anne Deschennes Howlett is your mother. A Thomas Logan is your father. Here's you, James Andrew Howlett, born August 12th, 1950, Edmonton, Alberta." She smiled. "Nice sounding name," and continued with organizing the information caught up in the puzzle of it. "It appears this Julia Anne Howlett is fully related sister and finally you've got a John Paul Howlett and a Douglas Kai Logan as half-brothers."

Logan stared at the computer in a trance. He felt like he was on the verge of some memory but quite couldn't grasp it; just a feeling, a feeling that what he was seeing was true and not an implanted memory. His headache grew worse.

The name Howlett rang a bell, but she couldn't quite place. She couldn't wait for him to access the web and run the names for more information.

Logan had his mind on other things, however and was struggling with memories trying to come to light. Suddenly he blurted, "Jamie!" startling Susan. "That's what they used to call me."

"Logan, that's awesome." She cheered and hugged him. "What else?"

He shook his head. "That's all." The strain was beginning to take a toll and he felt strangely tired, his head pounding. He needed a break. He needed a stiff drink. No, he needed to get absolutely plastered, if only he could. He stood abruptly "I need a break...I need to...think about this."

"What do you want to do?" she asked, trying to understand.

"Hell if I know!" he snapped harshly then regretted it. He hated himself sometimes. Extreme stress always brought out the worst in him. "I'm sorry." he said, forcing himself to calm down. He hugged her to him, trying to absorb some of her peaceful nature. "I'll be back in a couple of hours. I've just got to go somewhere and think things through."

She searched his face trying to sense what was going on but only saw confusion and pain in his deep brown eyes. "Do you want me to come?" she asked, hesitantly, tenderly.

He kissed her forehead and shook his head no.

"You know where I'll be." She called as he left her office through the french doors which lead outside. She watched him hop on his bike. He gave her a nod with a half-smile and then roared off sending gravel and dust flying.

The commotion he made wasn't unnoticed. Charles Xavier heard the roar of the bike and scanned Logan's mind before he was out of range. He could feel the jumble of emotions and the strain Logan's mind was under as it tried to access more memories. He was concerned about the reaction Logan might have to any breakthroughs and resigned himself to a late night of tracking Logan with Cerebro.

Susan had the forethought to stop by Charles' office on her way home to brief him on what had transpired with Logan. She wanted to know if he knew where Logan might go. He didn't, but it wouldn't be a problem to find him. They both shared the same concern about Logan's reaction to returning memories.

Instead of going straight home, Susan stopped off at Victor and Electra's cottage. They invited her for dinner and she shared the situation. She may have been breaking privacy protocols, but they all had a share in Logan's welfare and had all been working to help him. Victor said he knew where Logan might've gone and offered to go and try to keep him out of trouble. Victor said it was a pretty rough place.

"Great, let's get going" she said.

"Don't think so, miha. It's a rough place, no place for you."

"Vic, I'm an ER doc. I've patched up all the fools who hang out in rough places."

"Si, si." and then he muttered in Spanish.

"Quit acting like the macho protector." Susan replied back to him in Spanish.

"Aye, yi, yi" he rolled his eyes. "I give up. Vamanos."

All three of them headed out to track down Logan, Victor in his truck, Electra with Susan in her Jag.

Callaghan's was a rough place: dark, dingy, ramshackled. It probably couldn't pass a safety inspection for any bribe. Logan was in a dark corner, leaning against the wall with a clear view of the bar and the entry. He'd already downed one bottle of whiskey and was working on a second. He saw them walk in but didn't move, just stared straight ahead.

The three of them approached, sat down at his table. "We've come to lend some moral support, amigo." Victor said.

"I don't remember sending out invitations." Logan retorted flatly.

"Misery likes company." Electra replied as she motioned a waitress to the table. "Tequila, straight up, lime and salt on the side, por favor." The waitress cracked her gum and made a comment about 'fancy sides'.

Susan stayed silent studying the surroundings. She studied Logan, trying hard to understand just what he was going through. She felt like people treated him with kid gloves far too often. Lots of people had bad deals in their lives. Lots of people had traumatic situations. However, adults worked through it, got help and let it go. Yeah, he had the right to try to find out about himself but, good grief, these binges of misery every time something was unearthed about his past, needed to go. He was going to have to grow up-find a way to deal with his issues without reverting to this self-destructive pattern.

Her eyes and face apparently reflected her thoughts. Logan looked at her, looked away, then looked and said "What?" He was could sense her feelings loud and clear and could smell her anger.

She didn't answer him, just continued to bore into him with her gaze.

The drinks arrived. No one said much. Susan got an idea. She really didn't want to verbalize what she was thinking in front of Victor and Electra so she went over to the jukebox. After a few minutes of searching she found what she was looking for. Dropping some coins in, she made her selection.

She sauntered back and then instead of ordering a drink herself, she reached for Logan's bottle and took a slug. It took massive effort to drink it down without coughing. This stuff was cheap junk. She motioned to the waitress. "Glenlivet, please."

"This ain't no Fifth Avenue bistro, lady." The waitress was rude.

"Wild Turkey then." Susan shot back just as rudely. The waitress nodded and went off to fill the order.

Logan was still feeling completely intruded upon. All he wanted to do was be alone, get shit-faced, then go back to his suite at the school and pass out.

The waitress brought Susan's order. She poured a shot and drank. Wild Turkey wasn't her favorite, but at least it wasn't the rot-gut that Logan had been sucking down.

It didn't take long for her to feel its effect. That was a good thing because she was about to tread on Logan's emotional turf, really mess with him in a way that she didn't think anyone ever had. She cared about him enough to risk it. She needed to know how he'd react to someone that he professed to love crossing his boundaries. If he told her to go to hell, he'd be completely within his rights but then she have to make some choices about their relationship.

The song she chose began to play. She got up, took him by the arm, she pulled him over the small dance floor.

"I'm not in the mood to dance" he protested.

She yanked him close. "I dare you to make a scene. Just shut up and listen." The song was an old Eagles song "Get Over It" and she knew being an Eagles fan he'd know it.

It was hard song to dance intimately to, but she kept him close and sang a certain phrases into his ear. I'd like to find your inner child and kick it's little the ass, hoping it hit home with him.

"You can really be cold when you want to." he said lowly in her ear.

"Yep."

"What do you want from me, Susan?" he growled.

Refusing to acknowledge his anger, she answered, "To quit withdrawing from the people who care about you and to quit hurting yourself."

He gripped her closer in anger. She gasped and he found control. "How?"

"Just make a choice. You choose whom to trust, you choose your behaviors."

He was genuinely stunned and couldn't remember anyone challenging him like and getting away with it. He couldn't recall anyone ever taking this approach or if they had, he hadn't been able to relate to it. She wasn't simpering or begging him to be "a good boy" and he'd been with women who had. She was just saying; find a different pattern. There are people here who care and won't hurt you or let you fall. The message was hard to accept, but he loved the messenger. He couldn't believe how fast and hard he'd fallen for her and he needed her on a level he couldn't define.

Feeling more relaxed, he returned to the table with her, pouring them both shots of Wild Turkey. Tomorrow was going to be ugly and painful for at least two of them! He could drink himself into a good buzz and briefly to oblivion but it never lasted long. His powers protected him. The few time he remembered any effects had been when he'd abused multiple substances overstressing his powers. He reached across the table for her hand, glancing at his closest friends and then locked eyes with Susan, his heart feeling what he lacked the capacity to express. He kissed her hand and casually said. "Let's get outta here."

The loaded his Harley into Victor's truck and drove back to the mansion. He drove the Jag and Susan rode in silence, allowing him the space she sensed he needed. As they entered the drive, Logan asked her "How can I research my family?"

"I'd start with the internet. I'll help you get logged on tonight, but I've got to get some sleep. It's late and I've got early rounds at the hospital."

The look on his face indicated that wasn't the answer he was looking for.

Then she had a thought. "Hey, if you can hold off until tomorrow afternoon, I'll be back over and we can plow through this stuff together."

He considered for a moment. Could he wait? Why not? It's only been he didn't know how many years of waiting. What's another twelve hours? "Yeah. I guess so." He reached to take her hand and bring it to his lips kissing her hand. "Stay with me tonight." He didn't want to be alone and was afraid of the nightmares that were going to start the minute he closed his eyes. He felt if she were with him somehow he'd be shielded him from them. At the very least, she would distract him. To his surprise, she nodded.

They'd been using her place to avoid broadcasting their relationship to impressionable, gossipy, hormonal teenagers at the mansion. However, tonight they strolled into the mansion arm in arm.

Charles had kept vigil for them and noted Logan's calm demeanor glad whatever crisis might have happened had clearly been avoided. One didn't need to be telepathic to know what was on their minds. He bid them a polite goodnight before they ascended the stairs.

Later, in the peaceful darkness of his room, they lay in each other's arms. "James Andrew, I like that name." she whispered.

"I do and I don't remember it, Sue. Does that make any sense?"

"I'm trying hard to picture you as Jamie." Her breath caught in her throat as he touched her.

"Me, too." he chuckled. "I know it's right. I just can't get a grip on why." he kissed her lightly, then more deeply.

"Don't try too, hard, love" she breathed as she returned his kiss. "It'll come back in its own time. You just need the right triggers."

"Maybe." he answered, letting love and passion take over.

He had dream. Not a dream that caused him to eject claws, but a strange dream. When he awoke, he had the strangest sensation in his stomach, like something he ate disagreed with him and he had a pounding headache. Whatever is was, was disturbing enough to make him ask Charles to read his mind the very next day.

Charles had him sit in a chair at eye-level and placed his hands on either side of Logan's temples. "Close your eyes, relax." Charles' voice was a soothing monotone. "Think about your dream last night."

Logan exhaled and tried to relax. It was hard for him to quiet his mind. These sessions were always physically and emotionally draining and returning memories always gave him blinding headaches that his healing ability couldn't easily overcome. If he was a betting man, and he was, he was in for a doozy with this session

Slowly an image formed in his mind, a little boy, jerking bolt upright in his bed with a cry. "Rosie?" he called out. The nanny didn't answer. Trembling, he slid out of bed, made a dash for the door and down the dark hallway to his mother's room. Her bedroom door was locked with strange, scary noises coming from the other side. The boy knocked timidly. "Mommy, I'm scared. Can I come in?"

"What's wrong Jamie?" a woman's voice, not particularly tender, called out.

"There's monsters in my room."

"Jamie, there are no such things as monster" she replied "Go back to bed"

"But mommy... please I'm so scared and my tummy hurts"

"I said go back to bed James Andrew" she commanded angrily "or I'm going to give you something to be really scared about."

The boy was crying. "Mommy, please."

"For god's sake, Liz, take care of the boy" a male voice said. The boy thought he recognized the voice emanating from his mother's room. It sounded like Tom, the groundskeeper but that couldn't be right, not in mommy's room. Maybe it was dad, home again.

The woman opened it with such force and fury that the boy trembling and crying, fell to the floor. He cringed when she reached for his hand.

"Come along" she said grabbing him by the hand leading him back to his room. She switched on the light. "Now, back into bed with you. Just leave the light on. Monster's don't like the light, eh, Jamie"

"My tummy still hurts" he whimpered back.

The woman sighed and smoothed the boys' hair then went into his bathroom. She emerged with an empty trash can and placed it beside his bed. "You're a big boy, Jamie. Mommy has to get her sleep. If you feel sick, just lean over. Don't miss and make a mess. Rose won't be here until tomorrow."

The little boy, utterly defeated, nodded and whispered "Oui, maman. Merci." The woman kissed him on top of his curly-haired head and retreated back to her room.

This is where the dream-memory had ended the night before. Logan had jolted awake that night, sweating, a little nauseous and had a curious and uncomfortable pain in his stomach. (Just like the boy in the dream.

Logan came back to himself with a queasy pain in his stomach and the inevitable headache. "That was completely different from anything I ever remember dreaming" he whispered, overwhelmed.

"Indeed" Charles agreed. "Who is the boy? You?"

"I think so. Yeah."

"And the woman?"

"My mother, I guess."

"Can you remember her name?"

"Elizabeth. But I don't remember it. That's the name that came up on the internet search."

"I believe the things that you and Susan are uncovering may have triggered this dream."

"Yeah, that makes sense. But what I want to know is, is this a dream or a memory? I've got nothing to reference it to, well, except some names and birthdates of people that I can't remember."

"What do your instincts tell you?" Charles asked pointedly.

"Memory", he answered as he rubbed his temples trying to quell the throbbing.

"I agree with you. I think if it had been just a dream, you wouldn't have relived the physical symptoms. But, I'm grateful that this was much milder than our sessions dealing with your adamantium skeleton."

"Yeah, I guess so. Those were kind of rough."

"I think as more memories come back you should keep a journal about them."

"Eh?"

"The moment you wake up from one of your dreams or emerge from a flashback, write it down. Then you can reflect on it, which may be more useful than sessions that leave you nothing concrete to reflect on."

He cocked his head in thought, mulling it over. It seemed logical but also like a pain in the neck and another thing to prevent a good nights' sleep. He wasn't even sure of his ability to write concisely.

Reading his thoughts Charles added "You might think about verbally recording your dreams. A program could easily be set up on a computer for you... and yes, Logan..." Charles cut off his next thought "you do need to become more computer savvy."

He shook his head and smirked. "Okay, okay. I'll get together with Scott and learn how to set it up."

"Perhaps Susan would be a better choice. That way the programming could be more easily configured to work here at the school and her home." Charles smiled knowingly and it wasn't lost on Logan.

He crossed his arms on his chest. "Just where else did you go in my mind?"

"Trust me, I don't go any where I am not invited. Believe me, no one has to be a mind reader to see the positive changes since you and Susan have been together."

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway, thanks. I've got to get back to classes."

"You're welcome."

Logan left Charles then cruised by Susan's office but she hadn't returned yet. The rest of the morning went by in a surreal fog. He couldn't get his mind off his dream except to think about what his computer search might uncover today. At times, he felt like he was on the verge of a memory and his head would start to throb then something would distract him and the memory would slip away.

Susan arrived her office a little after two. She saw Logan out on the practice fields with the older boys. She had been mulling over the Howlett name, trying to connect it to something. Then it finally came to her as she was going by the TV room. Someone had left the TV on and she saw "This has been a test of the Canadian Broadcast system and HME- Howlett Media Enterprises." We now return to our regularly scheduled programming."

She froze in her tracks. Of course, she thought then bolted to her office and turned on the computer. She logged onto a search engine and typed in HME, LLC, trying to confirm any kind of connection to Logan. She surfed information about CEO's and Board of Directors. "This is way too easy" she said aloud. On her screen appeared CEO- Julia Anne Howlett and Chairman of the Board-Emeritus- Elizabeth Deschenes Howlett.

Susan couldn't contain her excitement and punched the phone number to Logan's office hoping he'd finished outside. He didn't answer so she left him a voice mail.

Fifteen minutes later, he rang back. "What's up?"

"Logan, I may have hit serious pay dirt here. How soon can you come over?"

"Right now." he answered then clicked off and sprinted to her office. He used the quicker west entrance overlooking the school grounds instead of going through the school. "What have ya got?" he asked breathlessly.

She got up from the chair and motioned him to take her place. "Check this out" she pointed at the screen.

Logan read through the information, tension rising in him. He saw the same names that Susan had read. Susan, standing behind him, felt it and started kneading his shoulders.

He heaved a deep exhale. "How'd you find this?"

"Pure luck, hon. I saw it as I was walking by the TV room" she explained to him.

"Freakin' unbelievable!" he said.

"And you James Andrew Howlett" she pronounced purposefully. "come from some seriously powerful people and I might add- loaded. Howlett Media Enterprises is TV, newspapers, magazines, everything for central and western Canada."

Logan got up, paced around running his hands through his hair, trying to absorb the whole thing. All he could do was shake his head.

"It may be fairly easy to get more information" she added. "I have a hunch where to start." She sat back down. "Logan is it okay if I search this out or do you want to do this on your own?"

He looked at her like she was crazy. "No way do I want to do this myself! I hate computers. Please, search away." He pulled up a chair beside her, watching her log into another search engine and type names and dates. She had a hunch she'd find archived 'society pages' and she wasn't wrong.

She searched the entire Howlett family history from the 1890's to recent times, using the Edmonton Star Society Pages, City and Country magazine and other sources: Engagements, weddings, births, graduations, glittering and scathing reviews, gossip of parties, charity events, obituaries, and coverage of a double murder.

Then she let him read through everything while she saw patients. He read his parent's engagement announcement which was a large spread, including a full newspaper page covering their wedding and a picture of the handsome couple. Logan was surprised by the apparent age difference between his parents. In what was obviously a carefully done wedding picture, his mother appeared to be barely in her twenties and his father clearly in his forties. He read the caption under the photo announcing the sumptuous wedding of John and Elizabeth Howlett. There were small pictures and captions of parties and events that his parents attended or hosted . He read the birth announcement of his older brother John the Fourth and then his own. The birth announcements included photos of the happy, growing family.

The whole thing was really beginning to freak him out. He was looking at concrete evidence of his past life and he could not remember any of it. Periodically, he would get up and pace and stretch and crack his joints. He would mutter and curse quietly. It was fascinating, bizarre, painful and wonderful all at once. It was also beginning to become too much. "Susan, can you store this stuff in the hard drive or a disk or something?" he asked finally.

"Yes. Either one."

"Good, do it. We both need a break. Let's go somewhere to eat."

She saved the data then they went to a pizza place. Eating in near silence she studied his expression trying to gauge what he was thinking. He looked distant and pained. "Yoo-hoo, where are you?" she asked.

He just shook his head and chugged his beer. Then, very quietly said, "I just keep running all this stuff through my head and ...well... for all I know I could be looking at anybody's life. I know the DNA tests are as infallible as possible but, damn it, Sue I'm having a hard time with it. I can't make the leap of..." he struggled for the right words. "I can't make the leap of faith. I need to see or meet one of these people. I gotta have somebody tell me they knew me...that I'm really this person."

"You could do that. Your mother's still alive."

"Oh, yeah. I going to stroll up to an eighty-something year old woman and say "I'm your long lost son. How's it going? Come on Sue, there is a reason I don't remember her or my childhood."

"Did you ever think that maybe she might be looking for you?"

"She probably thinks I'm dead."

"Don't be so morbid."

"Why not?"

She just shook her head. "Let's research some more. There's too many unanswered questions to make even preliminary assumptions."

"Right." he was getting irritated and sarcasm sounded in his voice. "What about this DNA that connects me to this Thomas Logan. I haven't found anything on this guy so far..."

"Where are you going with this?" Susan cut in.

"The DNA say's he's a perfect match, but John Howlett's not, right?" he continued

"Uh, huh."

"So if I'm a perfect match to Thomas Logan, then how does the Howlett name connect to me?"

She sighed and reached for his hand, "It's still too soon to draw conclusions. You've only just started going through the very first stuff we've found. I'm sure there's an explanation. Just try to relax and keep an open mind."

"I'm trying. Let's go back. I want to go through more of it. Susan, how can I get a hold of my birth certificate?"

"I'll try and find out for you. In the US it's pretty easy. I'm not sure about Canada."

Logan took the downloaded information and stole away to his room while Susan worked for a few hours in her office. She didn't have much luck trying to access an actual birth certificate so she sent out some discrete e-mails to some trusted colleagues for advice but it would be at least Monday before she'd get any answers. She wandered up to his suite. His stereo was going at full volume playing Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Oh boy, she thought, he's in a really black mood.

She'd discovered that he listened to music that reflected his moods. When he was feeling mellow or relaxed it was CSN&Y, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Santana, Doobie Brothers or something like that. Neutral or good moods then the Eagles, Bob Seeger, Steppenwolf, Zeppelin, Springsteen but in bad or depressed moods it Pink Floyd or some of the Doors darker stuff. She tapped on the door. When he didn't answer she let herself in.

He sensed her and glancing up from his computer, gave her a tired smile. "Glad your back."

"How's it going?" she asked as she turned down his stereo.

"I've read it through once and have been going back over some things..." he stood to stretch. "...I'm not ready to talk about it yet."

"Okay." She wasn't too surprised. "Listen, do you want me to go home tonight and give you some space?"

He exhaled deeply "I don't know" and looked away.

"I'm going to take that as a yes." she said giving him a hug "I'm not too sure you're going to sleep tonight but if you do, this might be one of those nightmare nights that you keep warning me about."

He embraced her in return and gave her a grateful kiss. "You're the best. I'll call ya in the morning."

CHAPTER EIGHT

He retrieved a bottle of Jack Daniels hidden in his closet, then went back to reading article about a pair of murders that happened the summer of 1966, just weeks prior to his sixteenth birthday, disturbing him profoundly that he couldn't remember. Sometime around three a.m. he gave into fatigue. Staring at the computer screen for hours on end gave him a headache and made his eyes feel like they were crossing and swallowing down large quantities of alcohol probably didn't help. He went to his bathroom, rid himself of the large quantity of alcohol and then flopped across his mattress, face first and passed out, asleep, in minutes. It wasn't long before the dreams began. He tossed and thrashed about crying out in anguish in his sleep. His claws ejected and tore up the bedding, and then awoke with a violent shudder, drenched in sweat, shaking and breathing heavily with a painful burning in his gut.

He got up, went over to his desk and began to try and record what he dreamt. It was hard. Details of the dream were already receding from his conscious mind but he managed to type out a respectable outline. As the sun came up, he read over what he typed. Then suddenly, like watching a TV movie, he had a flashback.

He was nearly sixteen years old, tall, painfully thin and gangly, with all the imperfections that plague boys at that age. He could see his mother, Elizabeth, a well-kept, auburn-haired beauty. Tall, shapely, aristocratic, she reminded him of Jean. His father, John, was tall, thinly built, with light brown hair and blue eyes, his speech touched with a British accent. There was another man present, though he struggled for a moment with the memory. It was Thomas Logan, the groundskeeper. A tall, muscular, strong and rough man, he had dark wavy hair, weathered complexion and deep brown eyes, and tonight obviously very intoxicated. They were all in the study, a lavish room with a huge mahogany desk, walls of books, leather chairs, an ornate fireplace and dark, rich paneling. Logan could suddenly remember spending hours in this room, pouring over books. He also remembered spending a few uncomfortable times in front of that massive desk, afraid of explaining to his father why he was being expelled from yet another school.

This night he was outside the study's slightly open door, listening to harsh and hateful words between his parents and Tom. His father was recounting his mother's indiscretions with Tom. Their voices got angrier as the conversation continued, his father saying he'd had enough of his wife's affair with Tom Logan and he was divorcing her. Proceedings would begin as soon as possible and she and her bastard children would be turned out as soon as it could be discretely arranged.

His mother shouted, "I'll fight you. You've not been perfect these twenty five years and you accepted James as your own! The courts will back me up.

His father scoffed. "Perhaps I haven't been perfect, but at least there was no evidence."

If you want to get technical, Elizabeth, James' birth certificate lists Thomas as his father.

Think how the courts would look upon that. Another thing, if you think I'll play the fool a second time, you're sadly mistaken."

Furious, she fired back. "You only care about your precious reputation. Think of the field day the tabloids would have if they only knew about the great John Howlett. I could make a fortune if I spilled to the press about your double life."

He returned the volley. "Shall we talk about your motherhood skills? Perhaps the tabloids would enjoy hearing how the devoted Elizabeth Howlett couldn't be bothered when her sons lay dying from polio. Unfortunately the wrong child died."

"You bastard!" she screamed. "I came as fast as I could. Who delayed cabling me?"

His dad declared he would speak no more of this and turned his attention to Thomas Logan. "Jamie's your son, isn't he?" Pointing his finger toward his mother's belly, "and so is this one."

Thomas was silent.

His father continued. "Just as I expected, too much a coward to admit it. So be it. You're fired. I want you off my property immediately. You're welcome to take your whore and bastard son along."

Fury building, Thomas replied. "No man calls me a coward and gets away with it. From what I hear, you're not even a man. Ya got money and power, but you're nothin' but a faggot."

"Get out now."

Through the cracked door, Logan saw his father reach into a desk drawer and then spied

Thomas pulling a gun from under his jacket. Logan felt himself push open the door and yell just as his Mom screamed and Tom pulled the trigger. The bullet pierced his father through the heart and he watched in horror as his father crumpled to the floor. Nooo! He screamed.

His mother screamed at Tom, "You stupid fool!" and backed away.

Logan felt himself pummeling Tom with his fists who reacted by slamming the boy with a one- two punch to the face and then gut, dropping him to the floor, nose broken and bleeding, gasping and retching from the gut punch. He felt the steel toe of Tom's boot kicking him.

His mother screamed and ran to his side "Stop it, you'll kill him, too."

"I'll kill you both." Tom hissed and pointed the gun at his mothers face.

Logan remembered the threat that Tom posed. He remembered a feeling of helplessness and then he remembered a terrifying feeling of overwhelming rage. He broke into a sweat and began to shake. The pain from the punches diminished and he clenched his muscles in his jaw, arms, his hands tightening into fists. In that moment, sensing danger to his mother, something happened that would change him forever. Suddenly everything became sharper, more vibrant. Sound was amplified. His sense of smell became so keen, it almost made him ill. Adrenalin gave him a sense of invincibility and bone claws sprang from his knuckles. Suddenly he bellowed and sprang at Tom, ripping out his throat.

Tom managed to fire the gun, the bullet tearing into Logan's abdomen, then fell back strangling in his own blood. Logan felt himself collapse and writhe in agony beside Tom, his real father.

Logan shaking so hard, could barely type. He could feel the phantom pain of the bullet. There was no way he could record what he was remembering, re-living and his emotional controls were slipping away. Trying to calm himself, he sprinted out of his room, his mind a confused jumble of images and emotions. He ran as hard as he could out of the mansion into the early morning chill and he continued to run through the trimmed gardens and lawns then into the woods. Finally, out of breath and tiring, he slowed his pace and came to a stop. Breathing hard, emotions still running amok, he ejected his claws and just began slashing brush and small trees. Then it hit him. He had these claws even before he had been experimented on fifteen years ago! He laughed at the absurdity of it as he retracted them. Then a terrifying thought crossed his mind. How many had he killed and didn't remember? Had he only killed to defend or protect? Or something else? His gut told him he was not a cold-blooded murder, yet he had a doubt.

Oh my God, he cried out. I killed my own father! How much more shit am I going to keep digging up? Why can't I have just one good memory? Does everything have to be a fucking nightmare? A sense of despair crept over him. He wasn't sure he had the guts to keep digging into his past if it was all going to be so negative. It seemed like whatever or whomever he became involved with eventually turned into disaster or death.

The urge to just run, to shut everything and everyone out was nearly overwhelming. Reaching out to anyone, when he felt so much pain and self-hatred, was still not second-nature to him and probably never would be. He started back to the mansion with the resolve to slip back in, pack up his stuff, jump on his bike and split. He had to go. It was the only way to protect everyone he had come to care about.

As fate would have it, Charles was wheeling around the mansion on his normal early morning 'rounds'. Slipping inside through the kitchen, Logan was broadcasting such strong emotions, that Charles immediately knew something was very wrong. Charles spoke directly to Logan's mind. Logan, come to my office, now.

Logan tried to ignore the voice in his head and strode toward the stairs without acknowledging Charles.

Logan, you are going on a path that you don't need to. Let me help.

"Nobody can help" Logan hissed. "Now get outta my head."

"Very well. Listen to me You're not thinking rationally. You've convinced yourself of something that is not so. Logan, you're a good man but you've had to survive some extraordinary things in your lifetime.

"Good men don't go off in wild rages and slash everything in sight." Logan shouted, his voice shaking with rage. "Good men don't kill their own father." Then Logan sank down on a stair step, his voice lower, sounding defeated "The more I find out about myself... none of its good...Who else have I killed?" He closed his eyes and hung his head.

Charles spoke calmly, reassuringly, "Everything I know about you convinces me that you do not and have not killed indiscriminately." With conviction, he continued, "If I had any doubts about you, believe me you wouldn't be part of this school or part of the X-Men.

Scott and some students were making their way downstairs. "Morning, Charles, Logan." Scott said cautiously, sensing the tension. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." Logan growled not bothering to look up.

"Logan and I are having a discussion that I think needs to be continued in my office." Charles said. Scott caught onto the fact that his presence was not helpful and beat a quick exit.

Logan reluctantly followed Charles into his office. "I guess you want to see what's going on in this fucked up mind of mine, eh?"

"Only if you want me to and only if I can help."

"I'm not sure anything can help." He paced nervously around Charles' office then stopped in his tracks and looked Charles directly in the eye. "You know what would really help? One good memory. Just one. Everything I dig up only triggers memories of death and pain. Was there ever anything good in my miserable life?"

"I've not seen you this negative in your outlook, Logan. Will you share your memories with me?"

"Only if we go down to the med lab and you restrain me. I tore up my bed pretty bad."

"Very well."

Once in the med lab, arms restrained, Charles found Logan's mind a chaotic mess and it was evident he was still trying to process what he recently remembered. What ever it was clearly stripped away deeply held assumptions Logan had built his fragile psyche around. He was going to have to 'tread' very carefully, less he tip Logan into self-protective rage. Several times he thought to stop, fearful of Logan's agitated state but each time Logan pleaded him not to and he kept on. 'Seeing' what Logan had gone through in 1966 made Charles regret setting Logan on this path. Perhaps he'd done more harm than good. As a psychiatrist, the thought of harming anyone who had asked for help was reprehensible. He exited Logan's mind, clearly exhausted both physically and mentally.

Logan, on the table still in restraints, was also tapped out in mind and body. "Now you see why I have to go, don't you Charles?"

"I understand why you think you have to leave. I don't think that's the solution." Charles wheeled around to undo the restraints then Logan swung his legs over the side of the table and sat up. "Ugghh, headache." he groaned and rubbed his temples. "How can you say that, Charles? It's only a matter of time before something sets me off."

"Listen to me. You have convinced yourself that you are a homicidal maniac but you're not. You seem not to want to see that you tried to protect your mother. Had your mutant gifts not manifested themselves at that moment in your life, we wouldn't even be having this conversation..."

Logan just stood there, his arms crossed over his chest, looking at Charles like he was soft in the head. "Charles, I killed my own father..."

"In defense of your mother and that father shot you. Dammit, Logan, you seem to want to ignore that." It was rare for Charles to display this level of frustration.

"So, you want me to just stay around? You're still willing to trust me?"

"I never lost trust in you. You have convicted yourself of a crime you never committed. As for staying here, that's your choice. It always has been. You're a competent and valuable member of the Team and you're becoming a skilled coach. The children benefit from your skills and care."

Logan tried hard not to be influenced by what he was saying. Stay or go? Both had good and bad points. Staying was going to be hard, running would be easy. Staying would keep people he had grown to care for and love near. Running would make him free, independent and lonely. Staying would make him continue to face his demons but then so would running. At least if he stayed, he'd have someone to help him through the rough patches. A vision of Susan crossed his minds-eye and DID NOT want to leave her. Finally he exhaled deeply and spoke with conviction. "Alright, I'll stay until the end of the school year."

"I appreciate that Logan." Charles answered and did not push for more.

"I'm going out for a ride." Logan announced, leaving the med lab. He climbed on his bike and headed west, toward the Catskills.

CHAPTER NINE

When Susan didn't get a call from him by afternoon, she tried not to worry, but did anyway. Though they had only been involved for barely over a month, Logan had proved reliable about contacting her when he said he would. Last night he said he'd call her in the morning and morning on a Saturday, meant eleven-ish going by his definition. Maybe he'd had a rough night and was sleeping in she told herself. I'll catch up with him at School before my ride. Her plan was to give a riding lesson then go for a long work out on her horse

On the drive over to School, she reflected on his moods, which had been all over the place, the last couple of days. She'd hoped the incident in the bar would have diffused things, but still sensed a lot of stress just beneath the surface, kind of like a gathering thunderstorm. How bad could it be, she thought?

When she arrived at the School, she entered through the kitchen. Marie, Bobby, Jubilee and Kitty were munching on nachos.

"Hi, guys." Susan greeted. "What's going on?"

"Not much." Marie answered. "We're just tryin' to stay out of sight. Every time an adult sees us, they want us to do chores."

"Awww, poor kids. Life is so demanding." Susan chided. "Any of y'all seen Logan?"

"I saw him this morning talking to the professor." Bobby answered. "Maybe he's still in the professors' office or something."

"No, the professor was just down by the stable less than half hour ago." Kitty added.

"That's ok, I'll find him" Susan said and took the back staircase to Logan's suite.

She was surprised to find the door to his room ajar. "Logan." she called quietly. "Hey Bright eyes, it's me." No answer. She rapped and called a bit louder. She didn't hear the shower or anything so she stepped into the room and immediately noticed the torn up bedding. Oh no. He'd definitely had a bad night. She noticed the computer still on- his screen saver wavering with the colored cubes. Curiosity got the better of her and she wiggled the mouse bringing up on the screen what Logan had documented of his nightmare/memory.

Her heart broke when she read it and she became very worried. Where is he? What's he doing? Charles would know something so she tracked him down finding him on the patio that spanned the area between her office and his. He seemed lost in reflection as she approached.

"He's gone for a ride on his motorbike." he answered before she could ask. Then before she could ask her next question, he said, "...It depends on your definition of alright."

"Please don't do that" she pleaded.

He smiled apologetically "Very well. I'm sorry."

""What happened?" she asked

"Are you inquiring as his doctor or..." Charles paused and debated his next words, but there was no delicate way. "...his lover?"

"Touché, Charles. I'd be less than honest if I didn't say both."

"I appreciate your honesty, Susan." he replied and then proceeded to describe what had transpired between him and Logan that morning.

"So, the bottom line is all we can do is wait until he decides to come back." she summarized.

"I could track him with Cerebro, but I'm not willing to invade his space unless there is imminent danger."

"Professionally, I agree with you, but personally, I want you to go ahead and track him."

"I propose a compromise. If he doesn't return by Sunday afternoon than I shall."

"Works for me. Thanks. In the meantime, Charles, I'm going to be all over the place today. Contact me on my cell for anything, ok?"

The rest of her day and the evening dragged by. She worried about him, got mad at him for pulling a disappearing act, and then finally gave in to a restless sleep sometime after midnight.

Logan finally did return, pulling into her driveway around two Sunday morning. Sleeping lightly, she heard his motorcycle rumble into the drive and got up to let him in the house. It took her about ten seconds to assess his condition as he stumbled into the foyer and sat on the stairway, holding onto the railing to steady himself. He was drunk out of his mind.

"Didja miss me?" he slurred and belched loudly

Susan stared at him incredulously, debating whether to be furious or sympathetic. She decided that he would have no clue tomorrow morning, either way, so her goal became to safely settle him in and wait until he sobered up. Aware of his mutation, she couldn't imagine how much he'd consumed to get himself in this condition. Any one else would've died of alcohol poisoning by now, she thought. "Oh, you idiot. What have you done?"

"Well, I sure missed ya." he said as he tried to get to his feet and stumbled forward. She could barely steady him. Her five-feet-three, against his six-feet-three, just wasn't up to the task.

"Come on babe, I want some lovin" he slurred

"Just shut up. You're wasted and there's just no way that's happening tonight."

"You're damned right I'm wasted. It feels good too."

"Tell me that tomorrow, Bright Eyes, especially the 'feels good' part." She wrapped her arm around his waist and started to lead him toward the back of the house. "I'm going to tuck you in on the sun porch and you're going to sleep this off."

"Why ya puttin' me out here? Yer pissed, aint ya?" He belched again, the smell of alcohol on his breath disgusting.

"You're sleeping out here tonight because in about an hour or so your body is going to start getting rid of whatever it is you've ingested and it's not going to be pleasant."

"Hell, Susie. I'm ….fine. Never had….. a problem. ….Well,….. maybe a long time ago." He sounded like he had a mouth full of marbles and couldn't put a string of thoughts together.

She pushed him down onto the chaise lounge on the porch. "Stay." she ordered and then went back into the house to get a blanket and an empty garbage can. Semi-conscious and just mumbling nonsense when she returned, she covered him and placed a garbage can beside him. Then shaking him by the shoulder, she said sarcastically, "Logan, do us both a favor, when you start to puke, don't miss the can. I'm not cleaning up after you and you don't want to replace the cushions."

"Huh? " his eyes snapped open and he struggled to focus "What?" He struggled to understand what she was saying. " I'm not…… gonna…."

"Yeah, whatever." Maybe he wouldn't. His healing might be that effective. "Good night, Logan." She went back into the house, pausing at the door to check him once more "I love you, you fool." she said too quietly for him to hear. Just then she heard a change in his breathing and he moaned, coughed and gagged. Oh crud, she thought and went to his side. "Sit up! Right now!" she ordered, punching his shoulder and shaking him. "Right here!" She guided him to the can just in time saving the chaise cushions and preventing him from having to heal from aspiration, but she didn't go to him for round two. By then, he'd purged his system enough he was conscious enough to handle things by himself though his aim was off leaving him a special clean-up job in the morning.

At about eight as she was getting ready for church, he came stumbling in from the porch,

looking gray-ish green, his eyes red-rimmed , barely able tolerate the daylight. He plunged directly for the john.

"And how are we on this lovely Sunday morning?" she asked with all the false cheeriness she could muster as he re-emerged.

"Perfect" he answered with the same false cheeriness and went over to the sink splashing cold water on his face and drinking from cupped hands. "I've got the perfect headache, the perfect stomach ache, the house won't quit spinning and my mouth tastes like a shit-wagon."

"Poor baby. I thought your mutation didn't allow for such misfortunes."

"It doesn't usually but, I really screwed up yesterday." He gripped the edge of the sink trying to steady himself. "Shit" he moaned then gagged and threw up the water he just drank into the sink.

Susan could only giggle. "You'll forgive me if I'm not very sympathetic?"

"Just give a guy some space to puke in peace" he panted trying to keep from heaving.

"You've got it, babe. You go worship the porcelain alter, while I go off and worship the God of Mercy. I'll pray that you receive some mercy." Before she left, she brought him a liter bottle of club soda, phenergan and four ibuprofen. "Take these and be still for a while and I think you might just live."

"Please tell me these are cyanide pills. Living isn't something I feel like doing right now." He was still hanging over the sink fighting with his stomach and not really winning.

"Trust me, sweetie. If you take the club soda slowly, it and the phenergan will settle your stomach. Part of your problem is your stomach is really irritated and I think you overtaxed your healing ability. Just what did you abuse yourself with?"

"A lot of booze" he sputtered "and some... other things."

"What other things?... Never mind, I really don't want to know. I'll see you in an hour or so and we can really talk." Susan wrinkled her nose, turned and left him to his misery.

Church was pretty much ruined as she contemplated Logan and the previous night. She was furious with his stupidity and she was going to let him know it. When she returned home, she stormed into the house purposely slamming the door. She found him sprawled on the couch, showered and looking a tad better, his healing abilities finally counteracting last nights binge.

"Shit" he moaned reacting to the slamming door. "What was that for?"

"All right, James Andrew Howlett or Logan or who ever you are. I'm going to say what's on my mind."

"Huh? Can't we have this conversation later?"

"No."

"Can you turn the volume down?"

"No."

"Fine. Have it your way then." he said resignedly "Be gentle, please. I know I royally screwed up and believe me I am paying the price."

"First off, I want to know what you ingested. Everything I know about you says alcohol doesn't mess you up this much."

"Crystals" he answered matter-of-factly.

She paused, utterly stunned. She had to think for a moment to remember what the slang term stood for. "As in methamphetamines?" she gasped. "Now I understand. Your body can't compensate for the drugs and alcohol together. Didn't you know that?"

He nodded but wouldn't look her in the eyes.

"Damn it, Logan! How could you be so stupid? I'm not talking about getting wasted and high. You can abuse yourself to kingdom come if you want to. But, it's how you did it. You put people at risk. You drove under the influence. That's unforgivable. Do you know how lucky you are that you didn't kill someone? And all because you were freaking out about killing someone in self-defense, you pull a stupid, thoughtless, criminal stunt like this!" She was red-faced and shaking with fury. Letting him have it with both barrels was completely justified in her mind. "If you had hurt someone, well, then I guess you would have a real reason to freak out." The hurt, shamed look on Logan's face stopped her short. "I didn't mean ….I mean, I saw your notes in your room… I…. understand your pain." her voice softened "I just can't understand how you let yourself get so out of control that you might hurt or kill an innocent. I didn't think that was who you are."

Logan leaned his head against the back of the sofa, clenching his jaw and fists the selfishness of his actions hammering his conscience. He wasn't like that. He'd never deliberately hurt an innocent at least as far as he could remember and had nearly died a couple of times trying to save them.

There was a long silence and a frightening realization hit Susan. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" she asked trying to keep her voice even.

Logan shook his head then answered, his voice barely a whisper. "Not myself, just the pain."

"But drugs! My god, Logan. Why"

"It works, lets me forget for a while." Substance, like heroin rarely caused him anything but a moment or two of impairment, but man-made substances, like Crystal Meth, if mixed with massive quantities of alcohol were more effective. "Everything I turn up about my past sucks." he said his tone desperate. "Everything is a nightmare or an ugly flashback. Just pain and disaster and death." his voice cracked "Why can't I have just one good memory? Why?"

She saw the anguish on his face, in his eyes. She sat beside him taking his hands into hers, didn't say anything as she pulled him gently to her. Resting his head on her shoulder, he shuddered fighting against emotions he did not want to feel. "I'm sorry, Logan. I wish to God I had something to say to ease this" and she smoothed his hair like a mother for a hurting child.

He was silent for a while and then said "I was going to run out again, yesterday."

Susan nodded that she knew.

"I told Charles I'd stay to the end of the term. Then... I just don't know."

Susan's breath caught but she tried hard to mask it. "Where would you go?"

"I don't know. Where ever the road leads. Probably up north again. I might try to locate Elizabeth Howlett. I've got some questions I want to ask."

"Then what?" Susan asked her voice quivering slightly.

"That's too far ahead. I don't know."

"Would you come back?"

"Would you wait for me?"

"I'd try."

"I guess that's fair." he answered. He pulled away from her embrace and leaned his head on the back of the couch fighting emotion threatening to overwhelm him.

They were both silent for a long time before Susan finally spoke again, her gaze fully on his face and her voice was shaky. "I don't want what I'm about to say keep you from doing what you need to about figuring out your past. ...but when you say you're going to go, it sounds to me like your talking about for good." Tears threatened to overflow. "I fell in love with you. I didn't want to, I didn't need to, but, God help me, I did and I don't want you to go anywhere, at least not permanently." "Go confront Elizabeth Howlett, get the real story from the source, resolve it then come back to me."

He reached out and drew her to him. "I'm afraid of hurting you. I'm afraid you're going to get enough of my B.S. and kick my sorry ass out. Leaving would hurt me less than losing you."

"Maybe I should but I don't want to." Tears ran down her cheeks. "You and I are total opposites. We shouldn't be a we by any rational thinking, but we are and I want it to stay that way... And another thing, I don't care what your past turns up, even if you were the worst possible weirdo, sicko, I don't care. It's a past I've never shared. I only know what you are now and I believe in you."

"Could you put any more pressure on a guy?" he asked, gently raising her face to look at him and pressing a kiss to her lips.

"I won't throw anything at you that I don't think you can handle." she replied.

"I believe that but I'm not sure the rest of the world goes along with that." Then he kissed her again, a kiss of hope, tender with love and desire.

"Am I to understand that your healing abilities have kicked back in?" she murmured.

"Oh, yeah. All of a sudden, I feel really good and I'm gonna prove it to ya, lady."

"I don't know how you can shift gears so fast but you go for it, boy." She said and kissed him hard.

Later as they lay entwined together on the couch, Logan asked "Sue," Logan asked "When did you first love me?"

"What? Oh! I'm not sure it was any one moment." She propped her elbows onto his chest to look him in the eyes. "I guess the first time I felt something was that night I heard you playing piano."

Logan chuckled. "No way. That's the night I though I messed things up permanently."

"Oh no, honey. Something about you... you're just a different person when you play piano or guitar. There's a sense of calm and peace and gentleness that comes over you. You're going to hate me for saying this, but, you have the face of an angel when you are playing. You're just... beautiful."

"Geez. Don't tell anybody. You'll ruin my reputation."

"I swear, your secret is safe with me." She giggled. "There was another time that sealed fate, though."

"Yeah? What?"

"When you helped me set Tyler's arm."

"Really?"

"Really. It was obvious to me you were pretty uncomfortable but you came through with such grace. You really held that little boy together. I think I started to love you then."

He looked surprised.

"When did you first know you loved me?" she queried.

He pulled his arms tight around her and sighed. "Don't laugh, but it was love at first sight, baby."

"Logan, we're talking love here, not lust."

"Yeah, I know. I'm serious."

She was truly touched. "Awww. That's so, cute, so romantic."

"By the way, Dr. Harris, if we're talking lust, how about that Saturday morning back in March? I seem to remember it was you who got pretty darn frisky. Am I right?"

Susan blushed. "I have no idea what came over me. Call it mid-life crisis."

"Hey, whatever ya call it, it worked for me."

"You horney dog, you." She punched his shoulder and laughed.

"Right. Who jumped who?"

Suddenly Susan's business phone rang. She moved to answer it but he held her back. "Forget it. You're not on call are you?"

"No. But, if it's this phone, it's important." She broke from his embrace and picked it up. "Dr. Harris, here." It was Charles Xavier. "Oh. What time is it? Everything's fine. Absolutely no need to activate 'search and rescue'. He's right here. He came home about two, this morning." She saw no need to elaborate on his condition when he had returned.

Logan watching her, guessed who she was talking to.

"I should have called sooner, Charles. I'm sorry. We were just hashing things out. He's ok. Here, talk to him yourself" and handed the phone to Logan. "Tell the man you're alive and well." she said and retreated to dress.

She was in the closet debating what to wear when Logan came quietly up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and gently nuzzled her hair. "Hey, whatcha doin'?" she asked letting herself melt into him and realized that he was in the mood again.

"Checkin' out the possibilities for round two" he purred.

"So, you want to spend the whole day in bed?"

For reply he just lifted her up, hoisted her over his shoulder and carried her to the bed, laughing, kicking and pounding on his back in mock protest. As he lowered her to the soft bedding she got an ornery gleam in her eyes and just as he was about to get serious, tickled his chest then gave him a quick pinch in the ribs.

"Oh, yeah. Let's see who's more ticklish" he said and began tickling her.

It took her a few tries to find his ticklish spot but once she did, she had him 'begging for mercy'. In the end, laughing and gasping for breath, they declared a draw.

"I'm grateful you didn't turn me away last night" he said, as he lay on his back recovering.

"If I'd known what you were really using last night, I would have." her tone was strong. "Don't ever come back here like that again."

"Fair enough. I've used maybe three times in the last fifteen years but I can guarantee you that I'm not going to again. I'm going to do everything in my power to keep it together while I'm going through all this stuff about my past."

"What can I do to help?" she asked.

"Just be there."

"I can do that, darling." she smiled.

He smiled back at her and kissed her. "I need you Susan." The urge to make love to her again came on strong.

"Logan, honey, do you never wear out?"

"Umm. I don't know. We could keep at it and see if I do."

(to be continued, if I can download it properly next time around)