A/N: I wrote this shortly after rewatching Utopia and wanted to write a fanfiction about Martha finding out who Rose was. WARNING: Extreme Angst. You have been warned...
Have a Fantastic Life.
Martha rummaged through her draws, it had to be here somewhere...
After she saw Shakespeare, it had sparked an interest in his plays. The Doctor encouraged her to read some of them. Currently, she was half way through A Midsummer's Night Dream.
But she couldn't find the book anywhere! She had checked the library, the pool, the kitchen... But it was nowhere to be found.
Martha sighed in defeat and wandered to the console room. What met her eyes she would never forget.
Two Doctors were standing in the console room. Wait! Two Doctors? That couldn't be right... Last time she checked there was only one.
One was flickering in the bright light, a hologram, thought Martha. She was about to say something when the hologram started talking.
"This is Emergency Programme One..." the hologram Doctor said, "Rose, I'm probably about to die right now, and that's OK... Oh, wait. I forgot to say hello, didn't I? Erm, Hello! Where was I? Oh yeah...
"I'm facing some sort've enemy that's gonna kill me. It's gonna kill both of us if I don't get you out of here. They'll probably use the TARDIS for evil things too. I can't let that happen. The thing is, your safety is the most important thing to me. So, and I mean it, DO NOT LOOK INTO THE HEART OF THE TARDIS AGAIN! It'll kill you for sure. The situation I'm in is unstoppable. I'm not afraid to... Die. I've done it nine times now, anyway.
"You've already heard the instructions once, but I'll repeat them. Let the TARDIS die. I don't think I told you this the first time, but once I die, a bit of the TARDIS will die too. We're connected into in a way. She's got a conscious and without my mental presence, the presence of another Gallifreyan, it would be almost unbearable. It... It would almost be a kindness to allow her to shut off and be at peace. She won't take you back to me, Rose. Not this time."
The Doctor gathered his breath and prepared for what he was about to say next, "I... I just want to say Rose, you were brilliant. I enjoyed every second I spent with you. Don't ever think what happened to make me die was your fault, because it's not. There's nothing you can, or could've done. But... I... Erm..."
The hologram took a deep breath as if preparing himself for something before he said, "Rose, I... I love you. And I have since I whispered 'run'. I'm sorry I haven't told you. I just can't bear the thought of losing you after... Oh where am I going with this? Rose, I'm sorry. You must be so, so, soooo angry at me right now. And you're probably right to be. But get over me. I'm just a daft old man in a box... Go back to your family, your friends. It's been unfair to take you from your life. So do just that. Have a great life. For me? I love you Rose, but forget me."
The hologram began getting choked up so he said, "Have a fantastic life," and signed off. The Doctor who wasn't the hologram sniffed and swiped at a tear that was beginning to form.
Martha got that sinking feeling in her stomach and some sort of constriction in her throat. Sometimes she thought... But obviously she was wrong. The Doctor clearly loved this Rose and not her.
The Doctor typed a for a few seconds at the TARDIS keyboard until the computer said, "Holographic message deleted. Please enter new message."
"Hey, Martha," The Doctor said. Martha's heart skipped a beat thinking she got caught eavesdropping, but then she realized that The Doctor was recording a message for her.
"This is Emergency Protocol One. It'll take you home. I'm probably about to die, but there's nothing you can do. I've lived a long time. The one thing I can't allow is you getting hurt, or the TARDIS being used for evil. Once you get home, go about your normal life... Become a Doctor! You'd be brilliant.
"Let the TARDIS die. She'll shut off and be forgotten. No one will even notice. I'll be a thing of the past, then you can get on with your normal life.
The Doctor paused and for a moment Martha thought maybe he would say he loved her like he had in the last message designated for Rose. Or maybe that she was the greatest friend she ever had, but instead he said this, "Oh, and Martha, thank you."
The Doctor soniced the controls and the computer said, "Message ends."
"And you know what," The Doctor spoke, "I think that you're listening in on this conversation, am I right, Martha?"
"Erm, yes?" Martha said emerging from the shadows apprehensively.
The Doctor sighed and said, "How much did you hear?'"
"All of it," Martha admitted.
The Doctor sighed and rubbed at his temples wearily, "That program is in case of an extreme emergency. I can send you home, with or without me."
"Isn't every adventure we go on an extreme emergency?" Martha asked.
"The situation I would have to use that program in is so extreme that I'm facing imminent death," the Doctor said. "It's possible that the whole universe is facing a fate similar. That program is designed to send you home and leave me to protect the universe."
The Doctor turned away from Martha and started typing away at the TARDIS' console.
"Who was she?" Martha asked, "This Rose."
"Oh, you heard that too," The Doctor said. "She was just a friend, nothing more."
"But you wanted it to be more?" Martha asked.
"As nice as a that would've been, no," The Doctor responded. "Rose was human, she would wither and die and I would have to live on with the reality that I've lost her. Time Lords live longer than humans. We have to watch everything fade to dust. It's the curse of the Time Lords."
Martha searched the Doctor's face looking at the grim 'Oncoming Storm' look, "Where is she now?" Martha asked tentatively.
"Gone," The Doctor spat.
"Oh," Martha whispered, "I'm so sorry, Doctor."
"No no no!" The Doctor exclaimed, "Not dead, just stuck in a parallel dimension. She's got her family over there... And her boyfriend," He said the last word like it was a curse. "I can just never see her again. Not without destroying the whole universe."
"Oh," Martha said in realization.
"Listen, I really don't want to talk about it," the Doctor sighed. "It hurts too much."
Martha's heart broke for her friend. Whoever this Rose was, she was clearly very important to him. Martha turned away from the Doctor and searched the console room for what she came for. Martha's copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream was on the jumpseat. She picked it up and began to head back to her room
As a final thought, Martha turned back to the Doctor and asked, "Doctor?"
"Yeah?" The Doctor asked wearily.
"Did Rose ever get to see that message?" Martha asked softly. She knew she was prying, but Martha wanted to know, "Did you ever get to tell her you loved her?"
"No," the Doctor responded.
Martha turned away and walked back to her room. Even though she was still curious, the Doctor had clearly closed the conversation.
A/N: Review? They make my day!