Hey people!
Yes! I have finally posted something once again... It is quite amazing. This is dedicated to one step (go check out her fanfics) because thanks to her, you guys now have a story to read! Please R&R. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: In no way do I own Peacemaker... that should be quite obvious, I think.
Mission Impossible
Chapter 1: In Which all is Lost
"The teahouse. I need to go to the teahouse."
Okita Souji, the infamous captain of the Shinsengumi, stood alone and confused like a misplaced statue in the middle of Shimabara rush-hour traffic. The hideous pink kimono he wore did little to ease his obvious discomfort and instead, decided to expose parts of his skin that was considered thoroughly improper for a lady and even more so for a man like himself.
Already, several of the regular customers were looking at him with an utterly indecent gleam in their beady little eyes.
"The teahouse!" he shouted to no one in particular. "Where is the teahouse?! The teahouse!!"
Alarmed, the small crowd of men looked around them, eyeing the dozens of "teahouses" surrounding them. Backing away from the seemingly insane stranger, they left one by one in search of more rational women to spend their night with.
With a smile of success, Souji continued to stand in the middle of the street, shouting the occasional "teahouse" whenever any drunkard got too close for comfort.
And thus, an hour passed.
Not too far away, a drunk ronin stumbled down the crowded streets of Shimabara, his roaring bouts of laughter and an occasional off-key tune blaring throughout the entire district.
It was nothing unusual, though, considering a rumor once stated that a sumo wrestler had once laid on his bare stomach and rolled like a huge boulder of fat down the road and slammed right through the front door of a brothel, killing the manager that had the unfortunate luck of standing right in the sumo's path. As it had turned out, the dead manager was a notorious slave trader in hiding, causing the sumo to be hailed as a hero for a time (though his motive for rolling down Shimabara is currently unknown).
However, the sumo wrestler's fame was short-lived, for word had spread again throughout the district that he had died of diabetes a month ago.
Whether or not the tale of the rolling sumo was actually true remains to be a hot topic of debate for drunk customers, though there is a sizable hole in one of the brothels down one of the more obscure streets.
As fate would have it, the ronin (who was now singing and dancing) tripped over his left foot and landed dramatically on top a pile of bright pink.
Face to face to an embarrassed Souji, the man gave a lopsided smile and slurred, "Hello there, pretty lady."
Smack!!
With a glare, Souji stood and walked away, leaving the red-faced ronin half buried in the ground.
"Hey, Shinpachi!"
Sanosuke swung his big burly arm around the scrawny shoulders of his friend. "You are so lucky that the Demon Vice Commander was in a good mood today."
"Tch, that's for sure," Shinpachi replied, wrinkling his nose.
"Oi, oi, we're in Shimabara now!" cried Heisuke. "Liven up a little, eh?"
With a wild grin on their faces, the Comedian Trio raced to the nearest bar and started their usual drinking competition where the loser paid for all the sake.
After ten gallons of sake were emptied, Shinpachi groaned his defeat and banged his head on the table.
"S-Sanosuke you ch-cheater… ugh." Bending over a bowl, Shinpachi began to throw up the leftovers of his dinner and the gallon of sake he managed to swallow. Meanwhile, Heisuke was too delirious to know where his own bowl was, so he ended up puking on the table before him.
"Guys, that's just nasty," said Sanosuke cheerfully, taking another swig of sake. "How're you going to pay for all this if you faint on me?" Digging out Shinpachi's wallet, he slipped out two bills and slapped it onto the table. "There. Problem's fixed. Let's go hit the brothels!"
Smiling broadly, he swung Shinpachi's limp body over his shoulder and tucked Heisuke under his armpit and marched out of the bar.
Almost ten minutes later, the Comedian Trio managed to start walking down the street to their usual place further down the road despite their severe drunk-ness (though Heisuke almost tripped twice and Shinpachi successfully once).
"Yuuko, my sweet little sparrow," sang Sanosuke. "I have come for you once agaaaaiin!!! Laa laa loo, my sparrow, my sweet, sweet sparrow!"
"Oh shut up," moaned Heisuke. "Yuuko-san won't want to be with you after what happened last time."
"Hm?" Shinpachi chirped. "What happened last time?"
"Eh? He didn't tell you?"
"Nothing happened, Shinpachi. Nothing at all. Not one little itty bitty thing—"
"Ha! You call that nothing, Sano? You asked her to—"
"Don't listen to him, Shinpachi!"
"This big oaf here asked Yuuko-san to marry him!"
"Eh?!" Shinpachi shrieked. "You asked her to marry you? I thought you—"
"That's why I'm telling you to ignore him! I didn't ask her—"
"Oh yes you did! And you know what, Shinpachi? Sano asked Midori-san to marry him the week before that!"
"Sano! I thought you asked Saiko-san to marry you!"
"Yes, dear Shinpachi," said Heisuke, heaving a dramatic sigh. "That was three weeks ago."
Sanosuke pouted. "But they were all so beautiful… Like angels."
"Shinpachi, did you ever count exactly how many women Sano proposed to?"
"Eh… no?"
"Well, my friend, in the past year, my count says… twenty-seven."
"Twenty-seven?!" cried Shinpachi. "I didn't know there were twenty seven-angels on this dear earth!"
"But there are!" Sanosuke roared. "Twenty-seven beautiful angels!"
"You guys…"
"You must introduce me to them, Sano!"
"Yes, yes, I shall!"
"…Ahem…"
"Yes, my poor angel-deprived Heisuke! Speak, and we shall listen!"
"…How nice of you, Sano, but I must point out an error. As of now, there are twenty-eight beautiful angels on this dear earth!"
"Where is the twenty-eight?" asked Shinpachi.
"Over there!" he cried, pointing to an elegant figure clad in bright pink further down the street. "Come, my friends! We will on towards the twenty-eighth angel!"
With this said, the Comedian Trio stumbled on towards the unsuspecting Okita Souji.
Souji sighed. His day had really started out wonderfully. He had fed Saizou and his brothers and sisters in the morning and even sparred with Tetsu before lunch. But then things started to take a turn for the worst.
First, Hijikata had assigned him this mission (for Susumu was unavailable for some reason or another) to track a certain slave trader who was supposedly smuggling in slaves and selling them to the Choshu.
Sure, the mission seemed simple enough: find the man and dispose of him. But then he realized that to reach him, he had to go undercover as a whore.
Okita Souji was a man. An honorable man, at that. In fact, he may have been too honorable for his own good, because as an honorable man, it was expected of him to have the utmost loyalty to the Shinsengumi and to accept anything and everything dealt to him by his superiors. Even a blindingly bright pink kimono.
Souji had swallowed his pride and ego and everything else that came with it and wore the hideous thing. Actually, now that he thought about it, it really did show off his slim legs…
But that was beside the point. Men do not show off their legs (no matter how slim or beautiful) in Shimabara or anywhere else. At least, that was what he used to think. Now, however, what he thought didn't really matter anymore, for here he was, showing off his legs to the swarm of perverted old men in the middle of Shimabara.
"Hey there, my twenty-eighth angel!"
Oh, great. Now he has a swarm of insane, perverted men at his tail. Just keep on walking…
"Heisuke, is our twenty-eighth angel deaf? The poor thing!"
…That sounded like…
"Shinpachi? What are you guys doing here?!"
"She knows your name!" screamed Sanosuke. "Oh twenty-eighth angel!"
"Of course I know your name, Sanosuke!" exclaimed Souji, confused.
"Oh, yes, my beautiful angel! Of course!"
"Sanosuke, what are you talking about? Heisuke, what's going on? Shinpachi?" Then it hit him. He was dressed in a bright pink… "Oh dear…"
"Souji? Is that… you?" questioned Heisuke, stunned.
"Souji?!" cried Shinpachi. "What're you doing here?!"
"I, uh…"
"What… how… Souji! You… pink… Shimabara…" Sanosuke stuttered at a loss of words.
"Souji!" sobbed Shinpachi, grabbing on to his pink kimono. "Don't worry, we've come to take you home! Come with us and your sanity will soon be restored!"
"I'm not insane just yet, Shinpachi." Souji smiled. "In fact, I'm here on a mission!"
"A… mission?"
"Yup!"
"What kind of… mission?"
"To find a smelly old slave trader and kill him, of course!"
The Comedian Trio looked at each other and at Souji and back again.
"Shinpachi, Sano," shouted Heisuke suddenly. "We shall help our dear friend Souji with all our might so that he may complete his mission successfully and can come home with his sanity still fully intact!!"
"You are right, Heisuke!" said Shinpachi. "As the Comedian Trio, we must assist our fellow captain during his time of need!"
"Yosh!"
After the three friends shook hands in agreement, Souji started to get the feeling that things were just beginning to get worse.
Ta-daa! And there, my friends, is chapter 1 of my insanely insane fanfic!
For the sake of my happiness, please R&R! Thank you!
Kuroshiki
2/14/08