This should be a three-parter. Thanks for reading.

On Faith

It was time to assess options. He was trapped in a classic bottleneck, and could get picked off any moment if he wasn't careful. While he'd certainly gained quite a bit of experience with frontal assaults in the last year, he was still more comfortable with a strategy weighted towards stealth. He wasn't interested in being reckless, particularly when he wasn't entirely sure why he was even here. It was one thing to die in defense of the galaxy in a blaze of glory, and quite another to throw it all away on some over-starched diplomat's hunch. There was a narrow archway ahead, and he moved towards it. If the schematics he had were correct, there should be a small control room up there; it should be as good a place to regroup as any. Of course, if any of the information he'd been provided had been correct so far, he wouldn't be in such desperate need of regrouping. There was a footfall behind him. Before he could react, his armor's shields flared as they absorbed the force of multiple impacts. He turned smoothly and thrust out his arm in an automatic gesture, a haze of blue light radiating from his forearm.

Kaidan Alenko staggered backwards down the hallway, snapping off three rapid shots at the hovering merc he'd only barely managed to capture in a lift. Satisfied when the limp form slumped bonelessly to the floor, he turned and stepped into cover by the side of the doorway in front of him. He peered carefully around the threshold at the room ahead, and jerked back immediately at the sound of fire. Between his visual and the tracking being fed to his helmet, it was clear he faced at least six more hostiles. The room was also not the size and configuration he'd been expecting; the space was large and open, but contained a few reasonable cover options – for both attacker and defender. It was the sort of setup he and his team would be able to sanitize in minutes. If he were still with his team. Alone as he was and with his position already revealed, it was potentially suicide.

He took a steadying breath and considered. It had been necessary to drop at least a half-dozen guards to make it this point, but he was sure that there were still more people behind him. The hallways he'd been navigating had been spotted with multiple closed doors; lacking support, he'd been unable to search them. If he tried to turn back now, he would likely end up surrounded. The room ahead, on the other hand, appeared to be a dead end. If he could clear it, he would cleverly limit advancing mercs to a single attack point... as well as hopelessly trap himself. Kaidan rolled his shoulders in frustration. Moving backward was not an option, and successfully taking the room ahead should at least buy him enough time to try and contact his ground team. Simple. Wishing he had someone to lay down a little suppressive fire, he darted around the doorway and sprinted for cover just as his comm crackled to life.

"Commander! We've encountered heavy resistance! Rinaldi and I are pinned down, and we've lost visual with the other team. Tomi's been hit and needs evac, and we're low on medigel. What are your orders?"

As his biotic shield repelled a burst of fire, Kaidan ducked behind a large metal crate and struggled to come up with a response for Pvt. Denson. This mission, going somewhat poorly from the start, was rapidly becoming a complete disaster. He had been separated from his team almost immediately, and it had apparently since fractured further. His brief's intel about the facility's size and design had proven completely inaccurate, and the estimations they had been given about the guard complement were laughably optimistic. Kaidan still wasn't sure what the purpose of this hive of buildings was, but it had obviously been built with defensibility in mind. It was a nightmare warren of blind corners and sniper's nests, staffed with enough armed guards to crush an assault with sheer numbers. And now, with his people in danger, the corners of his vision were beginning to darken. As the column of his neck stiffened and his temples grew hot, he fought a surge of panic. If he gave into this impending migraine now, none of them would make it out alive.

The sound of rushing air and the skitter of metal on metal alerted him, but too late; a flashbang exploded off to the left, and his vision flared white. He had been attempting to ignore the high-pitched whine already echoing behind his ears, and now suddenly it was as if he could feel every synapse in his brain misfiring and directing a surge of biotic energy straight down his spine. His knees buckled; he could only scrabble helplessly for the call button on his comm, desperate to silence at least one of the sources of aural agony surrounding him. Blue lights pulsed before his eyes and an acrid, burning smell taunted him with thoughts of amp-seared flesh. Kaidan had felt this sort of blind panic before while caught in tough situations, but a long time had passed since it had last been coupled with the fear that he wasn't only offering himself for the slaughter.

That thought steadied him like a slap across the face. His people needed him. He'd seen firsthand what happened to officers who lost whole squads, and he had quite enough guilt to live with already. Kaidan shut his eyes for a moment, and forced himself to breathe. He forced his shoulders down from the protective hunch he had automatically assumed, and gave his neck an experimental roll. The popping lights behind his eyelids dimmed slightly, and the lancing pain in his head subsided into a throbbing ache. Six guys. Fine. He could do that. He just had to hope that they hadn't moved up inescapably on him while the grenade had kept him pinned. It was past time to make his move.

When he'd been called into Councilman Anderson's office a week prior, Kaidan had been hoping to finally get some new information about the activities of the second Normandy. After having Shepard's rumored partnership with Cerberus – not to mention her survival – abruptly confirmed in front of his own incredulous eyes during the Collector attack on Horizon, he'd begun a crusade to discover everything that he could about her mission. Anderson had been mildly helpful; he shared Kaidan's interest in Shepard's actions, but Anderson had access to information far above Kaidan's pay grade with which he could not be entirely forthcoming. What bits and pieces that Kaidan had managed to learn had done little to alleviate his fears that Cerberus was using his old commander for its own motives, but it had at least made him feel that the woman herself meant well. And there was little doubt that, somehow, this was Shepard; he couldn't imagine anyone else that would keep making philanthropic detours from a mission that likely concerned the very survival of organic life throughout the galaxy.

She had called upon a number of old friends, people that Kaidan had developed very high opinions of during their time working together as crew members on the Normandy SR-1. Garrus Vakarian and Tali Zorah had both signed on for her new mission, which attested to its inherent importance. It seemed that she had extracted each of them from their own sticky spots, but he doubted that gratitude alone would have compelled them to take berth on a vessel funded by a human-supremacist group. And while Garrus had often been more concerned with the end than the means, Kaidan thought it unlikely that Tali could have changed so much in two years that she would take any part in the sort of unsavory mission that one might reasonably suppose Cerberus to be involved with.

More evidence for the pile: Liara T'Soni had not actually joined Shepard on the Normandy 2, but she had provided valuable information for free. To be fair, Liara had become an information broker of sorts, and had even proved willing, if reluctantly, to work with himself. While Liara had been very cold to him, she had eventually responded to his repeated requests for a few answers of his own. She refused to share with him many details, but vehemently insisted that she herself had actually located Shepard's dead body – "Something that your Alliance did not find it necessary to do, not even for burial, despite everything she did, despite everything she was!" – and given it over to Cerberus. She had faced ridiculous dangers, all because she believed that The Illusive Man actually had a chance at fulfilling his promise to bring Shepard back. It was hard to digest, but he couldn't think of a reason for Liara to lie to him. Which meant that Shepard had not deceived or abandoned him, had not abandoned them, but had actually been dead for two years and then awakened into a world that had moved on without her. Kaidan could hardly imagine something more horrifying.

To his great frustration, the most crucial information he sought had eluded him. Thirty-seven days earlier, the Normandy SR-2 had activated the Omega 4 relay and disappeared into the certain death sentence beyond. And then returned, battle-scarred but whole. While he had known even before meeting her that Shepard made a hobby of defying death, it was all getting a little too literal for him. Ever since, he had been desperately trying to find out what Shepard had been looking for in a supposed black hole, what she had found, and what she had done about it. Anderson knew, Kaidan was sure of that. And the weight that had bowed the Councilor's shoulders ever since entire human colonies had begun disappearing had finally been lifted. Which likely meant that Shepard had managed to save a few billion more lives, just in case her lifetime tally had been reset when she died.

Whatever the truth was, he'd been disappointed upon entering the Councilman's office. Anderson hadn't even been inside; Donnel Udina stood there instead, the usual smug expression painted across his face. Even years later, Kaidan still couldn't stand working with Udina. His callous treatment of Shepard still rankled, and the simple fact was that Udina had forced them into mutiny. The Ambassador's refusal to see the truth and to trust Shepard had nearly handed victory to the Reapers. Kaidan had rather hoped that Udina would suffer some consequences for nearly dooming all organic life, but that was only the first of many disappointments he would face in the post-Battle of the Citadel world. Anderson had been beset on all sides by complaints from the Alliance brass that he lacked the necessary political acumen to take his new place on the Council without some experienced help. He'd been forced to accept Udina as his "advisor", but it often appeared that Udina fancied himself in the first chair.

The ignoble beginning to this entire fiasco, for example: Udina assigning Kaidan a mission in Anderson's place, and refusing to elaborate on a skeletal outline. A few facility diagrams and some vague guesses about the expected resistance were provided; the required outcome seemed to be of little importance, to Udina at least. When asked point-blank about the mission's purpose, there was only officious hand-waving and muttering about the big picture. Kaidan had had plenty of time for self-reflection in the months immediately following Shepard's death, and he felt he'd learned a lot about himself. He could admit that he was sometimes a bit paranoid, but it really seemed to be the only appropriate attitude to take with Udina. And everything about this seemed off. But what choice did he have – even with all that had happened, with everything that it had cost him, Kaidan still clung to the chain of command. He assembled a team, suited up, and headed out.

And now was the moment of truth. He had six targets between him and a shot at salvaging this ridiculous mission for nothing, or at least getting some help to his team. He would lead with an overload, then take out the mercs while their armor was down-the entire room shuddered as an explosion sent dust and debris into the air, and his omni-tool buzzed as the number of unconfirmed signatures in the room suddenly increased by three. He felt a prickle in his own biotic shield, and chanced a peak around the side of the crate he was sheltering behind. Three of the mercs were hovering in the air, wrapped in a glowing blue field, and they were quickly picked off by sniper shots. Kaidan traced the trajectory, and saw a turian exiting cover; a bald, heavily-tattooed human woman flanked him. And charging out ahead of them, throwing a shockwave with her left hand while firing her heavy pistol with her right, was Commander Shepard. Kaidan's head swiveled back; he realized that underneath the new facial scarring, the turian was Garrus. The woman he didn't recognize, but he knew Shepard had picked up a human convict who was supposed to be a supremely powerful biotic; this person appeared to fit the bill on all counts.

"Where is the rest of your team?"

Kaidan blinked; while he'd been assessing her ground crew, Shepard had dispatched the other three mercs in the room and moved on to interrogating him. His mind caught up with his ears, and he commed Pvt. Denson. There was no response, but his team's armor beacons were still operational. Kaidan gestured vaguely to the east in response to Shepard's question. She nodded, and took off in that direction without another word.

"Wait – what are you doing here? How did you find us? How did you even get in here – there wasn't another entrance into this room..." Garrus had silently followed Shepard without so much as a glance in his direction, while the human woman had given him an appraising look before ambling after them. It was she who answered his half-shouted questions as Kaidan remembered how his legs worked and followed.

"What we're doing is saving your dumb ass. We found you because we were supposed to. And we don't need entrances. We make them," she drawled. "Now, if you give a crap about your people, shut up and let Shepard do her thing."

As much as the stark admonishment rankled, Kaidan knew the woman had a point. He could ask questions later, after his team had been secured. He fell in behind the trio, and attempted to help while they stormed their way towards his stranded men. The three acted as a well-oiled unit, and despite his own expertise he felt as though he were really only getting in their way. He couldn't help a brief, nostalgic thought: not so long ago, Shepard had inevitably picked Garrus and himself to support her on all her diciest missions. They had fought their way across Ilos and up the Citadel tower together; now, he appeared to have been replaced.

It didn't take long to find his soldiers and finish off the surrounding mercs. Denson and Rinaldi were quickly patched up, and Thomas would be fine once she could see the inside of a medbay. Tomi, however, was dead. Dead because Kaidan hadn't reached him fast enough, dead because the team had fractured under his leadership, dead because he hadn't properly prepared his people for what they would be facing. Indisputably dead, not the Shepard-kind of death that blew over like a bad cold. Tomi was dead because of him. But also, Tomi was dead because of Udina and this bullshit mission. The team had fractured and been unprepared because Udina had shoved them out the door without any decent information. And he had ended up stranded alone, until – until a goddamn ghost had blown a wall in and started mowing down guards.

Kaidan spun on his heel, his mind a whirl. Garrus was providing a packet of medigel to Thomas, and the convict was standing a bit away from the group, arms crossed and looking bored. Shepard appeared to be radioing the Normandy. "You," he snapped, pointing at Shepard. "What are you doing here? What is going on? If you were actually here for us, like..." he gestured impatiently at the tattooed woman, "said, then why couldn't you have gotten here sooner? Too busy with Cerberus? Why are you always around when the people I'm working with start to die?"

Shepard had stiffened the moment he began to talk; by the end of his rant, she might as well have been the statue they had erected at her monument on Mindoir. The biotic woman was looking at him with guarded interest, and his own soldiers appeared shocked at the way he was speaking to someone who was both a celebrity and their savior. Thomas had opened her mouth, probably to suggest that he lay off, but closed it when Garrus began to move. The turian had so far paid no special attention to him, but Kaidan now found himself fixed with the dead-eyed glare of an expert sniper. Garrus gestured Denson over to help Thomas with the medigel packet, and then straightened up to his full height. He took a few steps forward, stopping about two feet away. Kaidan idly noticed that Garrus was now blocking his line of sight to Shepard, and wondered if it was deliberate.

"Alenko. If you're so curious as to why we are here, perhaps you should have a talk with the man who sent you here. The Commander hasn't said, but this is obviously no coincidence. And if you think that she is to blame, then you have forgotten more in the last two years than I would have thought possible." The turian's tone was glacial, and Kaidan actually flinched in the face of his obvious anger. Kaidan had been proud to consider Garrus a friend, once. To have obviously fallen so far in his estimation was rather painful. The initial sting of censure slowed Kaidan's reactions, but the implication of the turian's words suddenly sunk in.

"Wait. Are you telling me that you're here because of Udina? How would that even work?" Kaidan tried to lean around Garrus to address Shepard directly, but Garrus moved with him. "You – Shepard – wouldn't even listen to Udina back when you – she – whatever – were supposed to!"

Shepard cleared her throat, and Garrus immediately moved out of the way. She looked at Kaidan for a moment, expression completely blank. Kaidan wasn't sure if the flash of hurt that he saw in her eyes was something that he imagined, or that only someone who knew her well would possibly catch. When she finally began to speak, her tone was flat. She might have been speaking to someone that she had only just met, and didn't particularly like at first glance.

"We're here because we needed to be. I am certainly sorry that we didn't arrive early enough to save the life of your teammate, and you might actually be right that his death is our fault. I don't think that you understand why, though. I'm not sure that you understand much of anything, anymore. Now. My crew and I have to go have a few words with Udina. If you're really interested in keeping your people alive in the future, you might want to have a chat with him yourself." She paused, and her eyes almost closed for the briefest moment. She drew a ragged breath, and shame suddenly flared in Kaidan's chest. "I'm glad... that you're okay," she whispered.

Shepard turned, and headed toward the nearest visible exit. Her team fell in behind her, and the trio vanished without further comment. Kaidan felt three sets of eyes on him, and turned to face his soldiers. Denson and Rinaldi studiously avoided his gaze, but Thomas was glaring at him. Kaidan resisted the urge to roll his eyes and reminded himself that, despite all evidence to the contrary, he was actually the one in charge and no one here had nearly enough information about his personal life to judge him.

"Thomas, stow it. Denson, help her up. Rinaldi, radio the ship for pick up. We have to report in to the Citadel. Keep the details quiet once we're back on board. Particularly about Commander Shepard showing up. Thomas, really, just save it. Udina will get all the relevant information, I'm just not interested in dealing with the gossip."

Kaidan walked a short distance away from his men, trying to clear his head. The life-or-death part of the day having passed, his migraine was returning full force. The pain was steadily increasing, and it was getting even harder to think straight. His stress level wasn't exactly helping; he'd almost been more comfortable while he was still being shot at. He'd finally gotten to see Shepard again, and it had gone even more poorly than the first time. Who would have thought that was even possible. And what had she meant as to his lack of understanding, that he should talk to Udina? How could he be the one of them out of the loop with the Alliance, he was the only one who actually still worked for them! And for that matter, what was going on with Garrus? He'd seemed really... protective of Shepard, where had that come from?

Kaidan scrubbed his hands over his face in frustration. Okay. He'd get back to the ship, he'd get some time in a nice dark room until his head stopped pounding, and then he'd figure out how he was going to deal with Udina. His shoddy treatment during the briefing, this disaster of a mission, Shepard and Garrus implying he was being led around by the nose... it was all just the perfect topper to months of being kept in the dark by Anderson. When he got to the Citadel, he was going to get some answers. If that meant making Udina's day a bit uncomfortable, then that was just a bonus. Now that his shock had worn off a bit, it was obvious that he should be blaming Udina for Tomi's death, not Shepard. And despite his misgivings about trusting the new Cerberus-affiliated Shepard, he had no trouble at all believing that Udina was being less than forthcoming with him. This might not go well. He sighed. Might want to spend the entire trip in that dark room.