Rucas Oneshot

Title: Unspoken Words

Point of View: Riley's

Background: Riley and Lucas are sophomores in college. They have been through a lot together, and have recently decided to get back together after breaking up a few months before. A few nights ago Lucas finally told Riley that he loved her, but Riley couldn't say it back. It's not that she didn't feel the same way, it's just that the fear of not knowing what would happen after the words were out there in the open terrified her.

—

Midnight

The city lights danced swirls and circles along the ceiling as they shone in from the crack in my dorm room window. It was late and I couldn't sleep so instead of reading a book or counting sheep I had taken to watching the lights dance in chaotic synchronization on my ceiling. I was mesmerized by a dark blue streak circling in and out of a figure eight, when a light knock on my door pulled me out of my trance. Confused, I swung my legs out of bed and got up to see who it was. I cracked the door and light from the hallway broke through the darkness of my room, causing me to squint. Lucas was standing in front of me, one hand in his jacket pocket and the other scratching the back of his head.

"Sorry it's so late. I just… I couldn't sleep," Lucas whispered, leaning one shoulder against the open door.

"You don't have to whisper you know. It's Saturday night and we're in college. No one's even here," I reminded him, a bemused tone to my voice.

"Right. I forget that sometimes," Lucas admitted, his voice returning to its normal volume. "I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, I was awake," I assured him, deciding to leave out the part about the dancing lights keeping me awake. "Come on in." I stepped aside to let him in and walked over to my bedside table to turn on the lamp and the twinkly lights that were placed along my bed frame.

"So why were you awake? You're normally in bed by ten." Lucas took off his jacket and set it on the plush chair in the corner of the room.

"Hey, I go to bed at eleven now thank you very much," I defended myself, smiling up at him. "And I don't know. It's just one of those nights I guess." I sat crisscross on the small couch that Maya and I decided we desperately needed in our tiny dorm room this year to serve as a makeshift bay window. Turns out it just took up a lot of space.

"Yeah guess so," Lucas agreed, walking over to the window and opening the blinds just enough to see the city lights in full view. "Wow, I forget that your room has the best view. Farkle, Zay, and I get a nice view of a brick wall."

"Well you guys chose to live in an apartment on a completely different block. So different block, different view I guess," I teased him. He turned from the window to give me a playfully annoyed look and came to sit next to me on the couch.

"You know, I never really understood people who hate the city because of all the bright lights. Don't get me wrong, I love the country and looking up at the stars as much as the next Texan who grew up on a farm, but I don't know there's something about the city lights that are so…"

"Mesmerizing?" I finished for him, thinking of the lights on my ceiling.

"Yeah! Yeah, that's a good word for it… I don't know. I guess I've just grown to love it here," he explained, looking up at me.

"Ah, Huckleberry turned City Boy I see. You know, I remember you not loving it so much when you first came here," I reminded him.

He smiled to himself, remembering when he first came to New York in 7th grade.

"It wasn't necessarily the city that I didn't love. It was being away from my friends and everything I've ever known. It was just so different… I honestly didn't know how long I would last and then…" he trailed off, looking off distantly somewhere in front of him.

"And then?" I pressed, nudging him in the arm to bring him back to our conversation.

"And then I met you and you changed my whole world." I looked up, startled by his words. Lucas had told me variations of this before, but this felt different. "God, you were full of so much life. I mean, you still are, but you weren't like anyone I had ever known in Texas and you just… You amazed me."

He looked at me and I blushed, unsure of how to respond to that. When it appeared that I wasn't going to say anything, Lucas laughed awkwardly and changed the subject.

"So… The Knicks this season."

"Oh, don't even get me started!"

Lucas smiled knowingly and turned his body to face mine, preparing himself for a very long and detailed rant on the team's performance this year. I sometimes had trouble expressing my feelings, but I could talk basketball like the pros. If only that translated into telling Lucas how I felt about him.

3 A.M

"You know how we were talking about the city lights earlier? When you were looking out the window?" I asked Lucas. He was lying on the floor now, eating a bowl of grapes. His legs were propped up on the couch as I sat on my knees, turned so that I was now the one staring out of the window.

"Yeah," he said, picking up a grape and tossing it into his mouth.

"It got me thinking. Everyone has a different view of the world from their own bedroom window. We have the city lights and… well you have a brick wall. But everyone's view is unique. And no matter where you are it always looks so neat and simple, like a photograph or a painting. The sad part about it is though…" I trailed off, unsure of how to put my thoughts into words.

"The view is completely different when you step outside and life starts moving around it," Lucas chimed in, reading my mind.

"Yes exactly!" I abruptly turned to face him and his legs fell. "Nothing is ever as neat and put together as it is from the view of your bedroom window. I didn't think anyone one else understood that." I told him, completely in shock.

"No, I know what you mean," Lucas began, sitting up to face me. "But the thing about it is, the view that you see every day may look neat and tidy from the inside, but it's deceiving. There's so much more to see, so much more life to live that's always moving and changing. Isn't that worth more that one perfect view of the world?"

"Change you say?" I asked, crinkling my nose.

Lucas laughed and moved over to the edge of the couch to rest one arm on my knee.

"Yeah, I know how much you love change," Lucas teased, moving from the floor to sit next to me on the couch.

"Some change is good though," I admitted, scooting closer to him.

"Yeah? Like what?" he said in almost a whisper.

"Lucas, I-"

The beeping of the microwave pulled me back to reality and I got up quickly to get the popcorn. I don't know why it was so hard for me to just tell him. He was right I guess. I was terrified of change. It was just hard for me to trust that everything would still be okay even if things weren't as simple as they were before. I knew that I had to tell him at some point, I just needed a little more time.

6 A.M

"What time is it?" Lucas asked, sounding tired, but happy to be so.

"Nearly six," I told him, glancing down at my phone.

We had both moved to the floor, staring up at the ceiling together like I had done alone all those hours ago. My head was resting on his chest, and his arm was firmly wrapped around my shoulders.

"Lucas…"

"Riley, you don't have to say anything you're not ready to," Lucas assured me, rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

"No, it's not that I'm not ready. I've been ready since we were fifteen, but it's just…"

"What if everything changes?" he finished for me.

"Lucas, I like our relationship how it is now. What if I say it and things get weird or hard or just… different."

"Riley, we've been friends since middle school. We've been through practically everything together. Trust that if things change, they'll be for the better. Trust me, trust in our relationship, and trust that I love you," Lucas promised me.

I stood up and walked over to the window, pulling the blinds all the way up to show the sun barely starting to peak its way through the spaces in between the buildings.

"It really is like a painting. Everything fits together so neatly in the frame. So simple," I muttered to myself. But the image was changing. As the sun rose above the buildings and the birds fluttered by, the view had gotten even more beautiful.

I've been so afraid to step outside of my comfort zone in my relationship with Lucas, terrified that altering the view would change everything. But I had never thought that moving something around or adding something new would change it for the better.

"How about some breakfast? Pancakes with extra chocolate chips? We can go to that diner you love so much," Lucas offered, standing up and stretching, his arms reaching up high and his body twisting this way and that.

I turned around quickly, afraid that I would lose my nerve if I didn't say it right now.

"Lucas, I love you," I blurted out. The room suddenly felt too quiet, my declaration echoing off the walls.

Lucas looked at me, surprised and a little unsure of whether to believe me or not.

"Riley, you really don't have to say it, especially if you don't-"

"No, Lucas I love you. I mean, of course I love you. I always have. I was just afraid… Afraid of changing what we had. But I think that this kind of change is a good thing. It means we're leaving an opening for something even more beautiful to happen," I told him, hoping I was making some kind of sense.

Lucas met me at the window, his eyes swimming with so many emotions. He placed both hands on either side of my face as I placed one of my hands on his shoulder and the other on the latch to the window. As he leaned in to kiss me, I released the latch and the window fell open, sunlight pouring into the room as his lips met mine. Life was about to change, I knew that for a fact. But just because things were moving and changing outside of the neatly framed view of our relationship I had in my mind, didn't mean they weren't going to be any less beautiful. I was ready to step away from the window and into whatever life had to offer us. Together.