Hi ! So, here is my third Kabby fan fiction. A lot of this story is taking place in the 3x09, and there are spoilers for the 3x10 as I'm writting with what I've seen in the promo. It's my first fan fiction in English, I usually write in French. So please, don't be too harsh ! I still hope you'll enjoy it. Of course, The 100 doesn't belong to me, I got no money from it...

Enjoy ! :)

Love isn't an easy thing. Abby learnt it the hard way, and she's still trying to deal with it.

At first, love was the most beautiful thing she experienced. When she fell in love with Jake on the Ark, she had the same sensation that she had when she did drugs. She felt high, but it wasn't a bad thing: she really was on top of the world. When the man kissed her for the first time, she thought she was going to die of happiness. The years she spent with Jake and her daughter had been the best years of her life: she was also one of the rare doctors of the Ark and was very good at her job. She was respected and, as a member of the council, her opinion highly mattered.
But Jake started to be more distant because of the project he was working on. He found a failure in the system and was ready to do anything to tell it to the inhabitants of the Ark, hoping for solutions. Abby knew that if Jaha learnt about this, he wouldn't be gentle. So she tried to confront her husband. She tried to make him understand, for his sake, for hers, for Clarke's. But Jake wouldn't listen. It was the first time Abby Griffin experienced a negative effect of love: when the person you love does not listen to you, risking his own life. So she went to Jaha. She tried to explain the situation, she tried to convince him to talk to Jake only. But she made the biggest mistake of her life, and Abby would never forgive herself for this. Few days later, Jake was being floated and Clarke put in jail.
It was the most painful year of Abby's life, and all of this was caused by love. She loved Jake, with every fiber of her body. She loved Clarke more than she loved her own life. And both of them were simply… gone. She had few moments to visit her daughter, and she only had her rings to remember Jake. And everything was her fault. She promised herself to never love someone again.

But here she was, a year later, facing Kane's execution. How could she have been so stupid and so reckless? What happened to her promise? Slowly but surely, she fell in love with the man. Quite ironical when you think that he tried to kill her several times and that he voted "yes" for the execution of her husband. But Abby Griffin learnt that love isn't something you can make promise on, because love doesn't depend on your brain. Love is all about your heart, and you can't control it. It just happens, one day, one night, you can't know why, you will never know why, but it will just appear in front of you, not letting you chose if you want it or no. She tried, oh she tried so hard to push it away. She had enough to deal with, with Clarke being gone again. Her little heart was already busy crying every night. Why did it have to fall in love again? Every time she saw Marcus Kane, she recognized all the symptoms of love: butterflies in her stomach, blush on her cheeks, incapacity to speak or to think properly. But she knew she could not allow herself to love: first because Kane was out of touch. He changed over the last couple of months, he helped her more than anyone after the events of Mount Weather, but still. He wasn't the kind of man to fall in love with a person who always challenged him. And Abby Griffin didn't want to love. She was, in her mind, condemned to lose people she loves. She still lived with the guilt of Jake's death, she was dealing with the guilt of Clarke hating her for killing her father. Oh no, love was not something Abby wanted to experience again.

She was waiting in the room, her hands shaking. When Kane approached, it wasn't only her hands that were shaking. Not again, not again… those were the words that were constantly playing in her mind, because she knew that she would not handle his death.

"I can't do this again."

At those words, she started to cry. Voicing it out loud was harder than she thought. It was a way to tell Kane how she felt, but it was also an affirmation. No, Abby would not be able to live through this. Not with Clarke still away. Not with Pike as a chancellor. Everything was too much. She tried to kiss Kane, but he pushed her away, and in a way, she knew he was right. There was no use to kiss him before he died, it was cruel. When the guards entered the room to take him away, she just stood there, crying.

But for the first time of her life, Abby understood that love isn't only a weakness. Without love, she wouldn't have had happy years on the Ark, she wouldn't have her daughter by her side. Abby only kept going because she had to live for her daughter, and it was the best kind of love to her, even with all the pain, she would never change a thing about it. It was what life was about. And now, as she was thinking about Marcus, she knew that she didn't have to see love as a burden. Because Kane wasn't dead yet, and she would do anything to prevent him from dying.
So she joined Octavia and the others, and, together, they freed the three men who where sentenced to death.
When Marcus kissed her, she almost felt dizzy. The sensation of being on drugs was coming back in her body, she couldn't hide her smile and happiness. She had to stay at Arkadia, but she knew she would see him again. And how well would she welcome him back…

She was thinking about all of this when Jaha chained her up on a chair, trying to make her swallow the pill. He kept saying it was all good, it would help her erase her pain. But… what pain? All the pain she had was caused by love. But she kept telling herself that love wasn't a weakness, and, deep down, she believed it. She was free from any physical pain, even if her leg took weeks to recover, it was all good now. So she yield. She couldn't stand to see Raven suffer, she was crying because Jaha was trying to break into her mind. So she took the pill. She took it and fainted because everything was just too much.

She didn't wake up at the City of Light. In fact, she had a moment when all she could see was herself at different moments of her life: with Jake, with Clarke, with Kane. Everything was beautiful. When everything began to turn black and red, when she saw Jake's execution and Clarke leaving, she knew that she had to fight. So she fought. Again, and again, trying to focus on the good images. Abby Griffin was strong. She could handle a lot and everyone knew that. A.L.I.E didn't. A.L.I.E didn't know a thing about love.

When she really woke up, the doctor was laid down on a couch. Kane's couch. She had a hard time remembering what has happened, but when she did, she started to panic. A hand restrained her, calming down her nerves a little. Raven's face appeared in front of her.

"It's okay Abby, you're safe."

The young woman looked tired, but she was smiling.

"W-what happened?" asked the older woman with still panicked eyes.
"You don't remember? Well, Jaha took us, Jasper, you, and I and..."
"I do remember, but after? I fainted right?"
"Yeah. But I don't really know what happened. You were lying on the floor, and A.L.I.E said that something went wrong… and she just disappeared. Jaha left the camp right after, saying that he needed to help A.L.I.E because you kinda fought her, but not completely… well, she's gone for now."

Abby smiled and looked deeply in Raven's eyes with a motherly expression.

"Then you don't see her any more? And… what about the pain? The memories?"
"The pain is there… the memories, too. I think I might go and cry for a while, but at least I don't have this… thing in my head." she answered smiling too.
"Then I'm glad. Maybe we'll do a little surgery later, don't you think?"
"Hm yes, maybe… we'll see. I'll let you rest. Thanks, Abby."

"Wow, I'm proud of you."

Days after, when she finally met Kane again, that was the first words he spoke to her (after they kissed deeply and passionately). He didn't know a thing about what has happened to her (and he really wanted to kill Jaha right now), so, when she told him, he was quite astonished. She never told anyone but him what happened in her own mind. He just held her as she spoke, her voice trembling. He really was proud. But he was proud of himself too. He was proud to love a woman as strong and as wonderful as Abby. He was proud of their love. Because, yeah, they almost destroyed the City of Light.

So Abby Griffin learnt that love isn't easy. She learnt the hard way, but she knows now that it was worth the fight. Love is not a weakness. Love is hope, life, and everything. And Abby and Kane make quite a good example of it.

The end, ahah ! Tell me what you thought of it, and don't be afraid to tell me about the mistakes I've made, I'm sure there are plenty of them ! I still hope you liked it. See you. :)