Chapter 1

Things are going great, so why is it I still feel Eli's touch. Jake and Alli made a mistake but I understand the reasons my best friend had to kiss Jake. She was vulnerable because of Dave's actions and also because of me. I wasn't a good friend at all, putting myself first and not granting Alli a single care in the world. Somehow, past this dark blur things seem to be getting clear. Alli and I are on speaking terms, were both helping each other…well I'm trying to help her.

And Jake" Clare, I promise I'll never runaway again", from the tone of his voice I knew he was speaking the truth but I wasn't able to drift my thoughts from Eli at that moment. My mind kept rummaging to the sight of his olive eyes, and greasy black hair, and this isn't the way it's supposed to be. I don't know what it is, it's not a type of reconnection, it's almost as if I'm falling in love with him again.

But I feel so ignorant and selfish, I should be happy that Jake and I are back together but my heart seems to be tugging strings back to Eli. That night in the woods, his touch was electric and he smirked….god I hadn't realized how much I missed Eli's smirks. I desperately wanted to kiss him, I was waiting in with eagerness, and in the end I realized Eli contained his enthusiasm for the kiss better than I did. When I told Jake I wanted to kiss Eli to get back at him, I lied; I wanted to kiss Eli because my body was pleading for it, it is something I yet can't explain. And the thing is , it's not lust, it's something I can't define I just know that when I'm with Eli all my worries fade away and it's like were the only two people in the planet. Is it possible I'm falling for Eli? Or that I'm seeing him again, seeing him for who he really is?

Jake and I had our first argument today since our reconciliation. We were at the Dot where we encountered Eli, he was silent and quiet at the corner of the room, and he sat their thinking, subsided from every other human being in the room. I don't know what came over me that I suddenly let go of Jake's hand and walked toward Eli.

"Hey" I said shifting my hands in my sweater's pockets.

He looked up; his soft olive eyes began to gleam as he spoke silently

"Hey there"

"…Well may I sit?" pointing at the chair next to me.

"Yeah…of course, sit…sit" he pronounced as he got up and moved the chair toward me.

I waited for him to return to his seat.

"So any new, gruesome stories" I said grinning.

He smirked" Well I didn't know I had a fan, Edwards, but to answer your question, no…no more bloody stories at the moment" he responded, and paused, thinking if he should continue his sentence, " but I have written some stuff"

"Some stuff?" I questioned him with curiosity.

"Yeah I've begun to write softer, lighter, not so overwhelming stories"

I sat shocked "Wow, well that's a first" I said in between some giggles.

He smirked "Well I guess, some of you rubbed off on me", I stood motionless to those words, they struck me cold in my chest. I noticed Eli waiting for my reaction. My face grew light and a smile spread over my lips causing Eli to give me a grin in return. Suddenly I felt butterflies inside me; it was a feeling erupting in the pit of my stomach, absolutely different from Jake. I began to move my hand towards Eli.

"Hey, our parents just called, we should get back home" Jake said fumbling his long fingers through his hair. I turned toward Jake and knew instantly he wasn't happy, his eyes were demanding for us to leave.

I turned toward Eli, he was waiting for my response, "Well I gotta go", I swore I saw disappointment flash through his eyes. I began to walk after Jake, he quickened his pace after he felt me follow in behind. Somehow I turned around; it was if I wasn't in control of my own body. I saw Eli, sitting there looking out the window…god he was beautiful.

Before I was able to register my thoughts, I shouted across the room "Hey, I'd like to read some of your new stories" he smirked at me.

"I thought I'd need some editing" I couldn't help but smile I felt my cheeks grow red; I quickly turned and walked toward Jake's truck.

He sat at the ignition with the keys dangling, as soon as I clicked on my seatbelt, Jake drove us home. Our parents were out shopping for groceries.

He sat down, and rummaged his fingers through his gold locks with desperation. I was about to walk toward my room.

"What the hell was that!" he exclaimed with anger and confusion.

"What was what?" I replied instantly

"Uhh Clare, you know what I mean" he grumbled

"You just walking over to Eli…your exboyfriend and forgetting I exist"

"I didn't forget you exist" I replied quickly.

Jake turned and stared at me straight in the eyes. He came closer to me and suddenly bent down to hug me, it was almost desperate, like a plead.

"I'm sorry, I just…I don't know what came over me, it's just seeing you two together…I felt alone" he said silently as his arms tightened around my back.

I picked up his chin, "Hey I'm here", he layed a soft, gentle kiss on my lips. It felt soothing, light, and comfortable.

After the whole scene, Jake went to rent a movie to watch. I felt horrible, physically I felt with him but mentally I was elsewhere. As we watched the film, Jake wouldn't let go of my hand, it felt as if he felt the doubt that had begun to emerge in my heart.