Summary: (Takes place after Trophy) Olivia has been bottling away the hurt for too long. With the loss of a child she very nearly could've called her son, it's time for her to throw aside the mask, and succumb to the hysterics she'd been avoiding for years. Elliot will make sure he can put all the pieces together once she's done.
Disclaimer: Clearly, SVU and its characters do not belong to me. Nor does the song. Obviously.
Song: Fix You - ColdPlay (Though my favorite version is Tyler Ward & Boyce Avenue)
Olivia may believe that she lacked a breaking point, but Elliot knows he's finally found it. He had seen her stumble a dozen times over, but never had Olivia Benson ever truly allowed herself to be broken. She was a rock. But with time, even the heaviest of boulders can eventually come crashing down the mountain. And unfortunately, Olivia wouldn't be landing gracefully this time. She was going to face-plant into the unrelenting ground of reality.
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
He watched it happen. He got to stand there as she faced her demise head-on. The moment the boy was wrenched from Olivia's arms by her mother, he could hear the strings of her heart snapping one by one. Still, it wasn't until Calvin had screamed out her name that he saw it happen; saw that look in her eye and heard the choked breath, and knew that it finally arrived. It was a moment of brokenness they all had to face, but God how he wished he could have spared her that.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse..
His knuckles gently wrapped on the door, despite his presence already being alerted when his cracking open the door allowed a tiny beam of light to flicker into the room and fall across the bed where she sat. It fell inches from where she sat, her feet planted on the mattress and her arms wound around her knees. Not a single cry escaped her, but he heard them all the same.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you loose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
"Not right now, Elliot," Her quiet whisper was ignored, as Elliot still slipped into the room and allowed the door to close quietly behind him. She was hidden from his eyes that had yet to adjust to the light, but her partner still slunk into the bed to sit beside her. Olivia gave no further objections to his presence, and the two sat silently within the darkness. He knew not how long it would take - to hear the admission that she wasn't fine, to hear the cries she was so good at holding back, to heal the wounds she'd left abandoned - but he would stay with her for however long it took.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
Days could have rolled by for all he knew, when the weight of Olivia finally leaned into him. Her leather jacket had apparently been discarded when she came in, because he could feel the cool skin of her arm graze his as she let her head hit his shoulder. He kept himself still, trying to serve as the unmoving anchor he figured she needed.
And I will try to fix you
Her first sniffle was his clue that it was safe to move. It took a moment to maneuver his arm around the body leaning against him, but Elliot eventually managed. It was only when she'd moved to nestle closer that he could feel the dampness on his shirt. The silence continued.
And high up above or down below,
When you're too in love to let it go
A second sniffle, falling only a minute after the first, relieved his heart like a cool breeze. This was one step closer to the breakdown he needed. The breakdown that would allow her to finish crumbling, so Elliot could try and help her pick up all the pieces. It was a release Olivia had never allowed herself, and a release she probably needed four times over. For whatever happened at the Sealview Correctional Facility with Harris. For Porter's betrayal. For her mother. For Calvin…
Elliot knew her better than anyone. He'd place his life on that bet. Elliot knew her unwillingness unwilling to allow herself the release of a breakdown. He knew her unwilling to allow herself that vulnerability, or loss of control. He knew, that for each each loss, that Olivia was blaming herself.
But if never try..
you'll never know just what you're worth.
Her hand grazed his leg, and he instantly offered her the hand she was searching for. He knew not who tightened their grip first, but their fingers were locked and unrelenting. The painful squeeze she gave his hand when she choked on her first cry matched the feeling in his chest to hear it. All the same, his eyes drifted shut to bask in the sound. Break.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
A whisper passed her lips, but the words were lost within the quiet cries. Elliot simply tightened his arm around her in an unspoken reply, bringing her as close as he could manage, reassuring them both that when her world shattered, he would remain. Even if the pieces were small enough to pass through the eye of a needle…
And I will try…
Olivia trembled as a sob passed her lips, and Elliot soothed away the tears with hushed murmurs, muffled by her hair and probably just as indistinguishable as her whisper. Just this once, he would treasure the sobbing. He would take every tear she had to offer, so when they had to open the door and face the world all over again, Olivia would have no reason to share them...at least until she had to do it all over again. And that was okay. He'd still be there to put her back together.
To fix you.
A/N: That's that. Reviews are always welcome :D