Not This Year
rooster dawn
Pairing: Harm/Mac
Spoiler: four percent solution without the crash.
Disclaimer: The characters of JAG are the property of Donald Bellisario and Bellisarius Production, Inc. Used without permission. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: After hearing the news that she may not be able to have children, Mac has only one desire.
Feedback is always appreciated, but be nice. We're all friends here.
part 1
1600 hours
24 Dec 2004
Mac's apartment
It was Christmas time and Harm was preparing to go to the Robert's house for dinner with the Jag family before Christmas Eve service.
Harm and Mac had been together since Thanksgiving.
Mac had been seeing Commander McCool to deal with her ghosts and issues with Harm. She had worked through most of them to the point she was able to accept Harm's attention for what they were, his desire to be with her for the rest of his life.
But even with all the counseling sessions she was still dealing with the possibility that she would never be able to have a child of her own. Harm had been very supportive of her.
He had even discussed other possible ways to have a child of their own. Many of them were logical alternatives to her problem, but the desired to carry her own child was overwhelming right now.
She didn't want to be around people who were able to have their own children right now, especially Harriet. She loved Harriet as a sister, but it was too painful to see her pregnant with twins when she didn't know if she would ever have one of her own.
She had been stalling most of the day. She hoped that Harm would take the hint that she didn't want to go out and be with other people. She wanted to stay home alone ... with Harm.
Tomorrow would be better. They were going to the airport to pick up Chloe. She had managed to convince her Grandmother to allow her to be with Mac this Christmas. There was even the possibility that Mattie might show up.
"What's the matter Mac? Why aren't you ready yet? We need to get to Harriet's house for dinner before we go to the Christmas Eve service." asked a concerned Harm.
"I'm not going Harm. I'm not really in the mood to be festive this year." replied Mac.
"Why Mac? You know how important this time of year is to the cohesiveness of Jag, to us." argued Harm looking for the reason for Mac's reluctance.
"Harm, you know what I've been through this year. You know about the fertility test results after the treatments I received last spring." wailed Mac. Why was he being so difficult? Why couldn't he understand?
"I know Mac. That's why it's important for you to be around friends this Christmas." argued Harm. He didn't want Mac to isolate herself. He wanted her to keep the faith.
"Why Harm? Mic told me the same thing after you crashed. It was the last thing I wanted then, it's the last thing I want now. Being with other people doesn't make the pain go away." wailed Mac.
"If I go Harm, I'll see everything that I can't have Harm." whined Mac. She felt like crying. "I'm not ready for that."
"Come on Mac, they're our friends. They want to share their joy with us. It's been awhile since you've seen little AJ and Jimmy K." replied Harm hoping to convince her in the merits of going.
"That's just it Harm. They remind me of the fact that I will never have any children of my own." wailed Mac.
Why couldn't he understand that she didn't want to be around anyone this year, especially Harriet and the kids?
"That's not entirely true Mac. There's still a chance, abet a small one. I understand that, but AJ and Jimmy K don't understand. All they know is that they miss you, they just want to spend time with you." explained Harm.
"And I miss them too Harm, but it's too soon Harm. The pain is still too fresh to be around people who are happy and children. They'll want to know what's wrong and I don't want to tell them. I don't want anyone to know." wailed Mac. She was nearly in tears.
"What if we only go over for an hour or two? You could spent some time with the kids and then eat dinner." suggested Harm.
"I don't know Harm. I'm not really up to it. I really do want to be alone." replied Mac.
"How about I give Harriet a call. I'll find out what time dinner is. We'll get there about thirty minutes before dinner. It will give you a little quality time with the kids. You won't have to answer any questions.
We'll have dinner and leave fifteen to twenty minutes later. It shouldn't take more than ninety minutes tops." offered Harm.
"Okay Harm, but I'm holding you to it. I'm not in the mood to be entertained or be happy. I will walk out the door at the agreed time with or without you." replied Mac.
Harm went into the next room to call Harriet. He was glad he convinced Mac to go along with him. Harm and Harriet talked for awhile before agreeing that Mac needed to be with her friends.
"Hi Harriet, It's Harm. How are you and the babies? I'm calling to find out what time dinner is at your house tonight." greeted Harm.
"Hi Commander! The twins and I are doing just fine Sir. I'm not sure what time dinner will be ready. Bud and Mikey are working on it. I doubt that we'll eat anytime before 2000 hours Sir." replied Harriet happily.
"Is the Colonel coming with you Sir? The boys are looking forward to seeing her. They miss her so much." continued Harriet.
"That's yet to be determined. She's not really in the Christmas mood today Harriet. She doesn't want to be around people, but I think I can get her to make an appearance." replied Harm.
"We're not people Commander, we're her friends. She's like family to us. You get her over here Sir, we'll cheer her up." chirped Harriet. Her little busy body mind was whirling at top speed about how to cheer Mac up.
Harm hoped that Harriet was right. He hated seeing Mac so despondent. He figured that it wouldn't hurt to get Mac over there a little earlier than promised. It would give her more time to spend with the kids and more time for the rest of the gang to cheer her up.
He walked back into the room to Mac. It was 1700 hours now. He figured the trip would take thirty or forty minutes depending on the traffic. It would be prudent then to leave here around 1740 hours.
"What did Harriet have to say Harm?" asked Mac upon Harm's return.
"She's doing fine. The kids really miss you. Bud is driving her crazy. Mikey is cooking dinner." smiled Harm as he saw Mac react positively to his report.
"What time is dinner going to be served Harm?" asked Mac. It was after all the purpose of the phone call.
"Harriet wasn't exactly sure since Mikey is doing the cooking and Bud is helping. But she said probably around 1910 to 1930 hours." fibbed Harm. He wanted Mac to socialize with her friends. He hoped it would lift her spirits.
Sometimes when you're sad, the best medicine is to be with others even when you don't feel like it. It usually will get you out of a poor mood quicker, at least for the day.
1830 hours
Robert's house
Harm and Mac arrived over at the Roberts residence around 1830 hours. Harm and Mac put their gifts for the boys under the tree. Mac went upstairs with the boys to play until dinner.
Harm saw Sturgis and AJ standing by the fire drinking a beer and talking. He grabbed a beer and walked over to them.
"How is she Harm?" asked Turner.
"Okay I guess. Though she really didn't want to come over here tonight." replied Harm.
"Why not Commander? I thought she like spending time with the Roberts." inquired AJ.
He had recently returned from watching the Red Sox win their first World Series in eighty six years. He wasn't aware of any medical problems Mac was having.
"She's had some medical problems Sir. She might not be able to have any children. Seeing Harriet pregnant with twins has her feeling sorry for herself. I'm hoping that once she spends some time with her friends she'll feel better." sighed Harm.
Forty minutes later Mac came down the stairs to see if dinner was ready. It had been fun playing with the boys, but she was ready to leave. She knew she needed to put some time in with the others that were gathered here.
"Hi Harm, is dinner ready?" asked Mac.
"I don't know, I can ask Harriet. Why don't you sit here and enjoy yourself." smiled Harm warmly.
"I don't want to enjoy myself Harm. I want to eat dinner and leave. I'm tired." replied Mac.
Harm sighed. His plan wasn't quite working as he had hope. He had hope she would want to stay after spending time with AJ and Jimmy K. But he was wrong. Would he ever figure her out? Apparently not in this lifetime.