Disclaimer: The HoN series, events, characters are P.C. and Kristin Cast's property. Not mine. Sadly.
Rating: high T (Maybe even an M? –It has violence)
Word count: 5204 (side note: the longest one shot I've ever written)
Big thanks and hugs to my fabulous beta, Fanpire-Fancinelli (Kalona's Daughter)!
EDIT: Rereading Chosen I realized that the Sons of Erebus were already in the school when Zoey is messing around with Loren... So I corrected that part in Erik and Zoey's converstation
Fallen Priestess
'I could feel that you needed me' Loren said.
I turned to him. He looked at me with worried, questioning eyes. I couldn't help myself as I flung myself into his welcoming arms. Thought my gut was telling me that something was wrong, it felt wonderful, it felt like I belonged, so I shut it out.
I curled up to Loren, and cried, drenching his shirt. He didn't ask anything, just rubbed my back, and whispered sweet nothings into my ear.
I took a while to calm myself down enough to really understand my situation. Hell, I was totally alone in a deserted room with the hottest vampyre I've ever known, and I was acting like a five-year-old, crying because a teeny-weeny problem, like losing a toy – not that what I saw only minutes earlier was like that or anything, but please... How could I embarrass myself more?
But Loren didn't even seem to care about it. As my sobs turned into hiccups, his rubbing my back turned into more sensitive caresses, greater movements, and this on one side felt wonderful, but on the other it was wrong and weirdly off.
Wonderful, because, no denying here, I was drawn to him, and it was good to know that he felt the same way. Wrong, because I knew I wasn't supposed doing this, letting him doing this. And weirdly off, because my gut was telling me so.
'What is it, love?' He asked softly. I just shook my head, signaling that I didn't want to talk about it. But he seemed to understand it without any words. 'You thought that the Night boy was dying, didn't you?' I still didn't trust my voice so I simply nodded into his shoulder. 'You beautiful, silly girl, you. Hasn't anybody told you about the final phase of the Change?'
I've already started to open my mouth to answer him, but then he kissed my neck. Deeply, slightly opening his lips, his tongue touching my suddenly oversensitive skin.
My eyes popped wide open.
My heart wanted to jump out of my chest.
My stomach clenched painfully.
I glanced up over his shoulder, and caught a glimpse of myself in one of the full-length mirrors that covered the walls. I looked terrible.
And now I don't mean that my eyes were puffy and red, my hair looked like a haystack, my nose was pink, tear streaks crossed my cheeks and my lips were dry.
No. I mean, I really looked like that, but there was something worse in my reflection.
I looked like… like… a slut.
In a wrong place, in the wrong set of arms, the wrong set of lips were kissing my neck, the wrong set of hands were roaming more wildly over my body, and enjoying that wrong man's kisses.
I couldn't bear to look at the mirror anymore. Goodness, even if I cannot stand myself, what would the Goddess think of me now? And the people who have faith in me? My Grandma? Erik?
I felt like shattering inside from the thought. What kind of priestess am I? Letting my people down this way?
Close to tears again, I softly started to peel myself away Loren's arms, but it only made him hold me stronger. He pushed me until I was pressed to the wall and he towered above me.
'Loren…' my voice was highly above a whisper. 'Let me go…'
'No' His voice was stern, not a light trace of the softness that was in it just a moment earlier. 'You're mine.' And suddenly he sucked on my neck.
It scared me.
'No… it's not right…' I technically sobbed. I tried to yank his hands off of me, but he was far stronger than me. 'Let me go… please…'
'No! Don't you see? You belong to me.' He said, his voice full of pure, animalistic passion, still kissing and sucking and licking my neck, and meantime his hands found my breast. And even though my ears wanted to believe him, my spirit – or, rather, I think my Goddess – couldn't be fooled.
And suddenly I could see right through him. The compliments, the poems - everything - was only an act. A well directed play and I believed in it, I thought every moment was true, till the climax. Till this point.
I didn't know – thought I had a strong feeling – what was his goal was, but I know that I won't play along.
I tried to break free again. I grabbed his arm, and when he didn't let go I dug my nails into his flesh. Immediately, I smelled his blood – the vampyre's blood, what was much more seductive, rich and dark than Heath's ever could be, but I refused to it's call, shutting it out. Loren hissed in pain, but only started to grip more forcefully.
'What are you doing? You bitch! Wasn't I nice to you?' He shook me so bad that it hurt. 'I gave you so much, and now you refuse to give me anything?' With that he slapped me across the face.
So this was the real Loren Blake. Not the nice, chivalrous and understanding man I thought he was, but this… beast. And I didn't like the new view. Not at all.
I didn't want to cry again. Not in front of him. In front of the man in whom I had trust, whom ,hell, I've even started to love. Until I realized that man was no more than a mirage, and I was a fool.
But my tears were close. Not because of the pain, but the humiliation – no, it was more than that. I realized what I have become. I've fallen – fallen as a High Priestess in training, as a girlfriend (oh my Goddess, what will I tell Erik?), as a daughter, as a woman.
Then I gave it up. Everything.
My tears broke loose, I stopped fighting, and my body went completely limp. I didn't even think about calling the elements to help me - whatever was coming, I deserved it, for disappointing everybody who was dear to me.
He sensed my lack of resistance, and took it as a sign to do whatever he wanted. I didn't care anymore.
His kisses got more heated, but they never met my mouth – no, that would have been too personal. Instead of it he touched me everywhere else. He cupped my breasts; his hand ran along my tights, pulling my skirt with it. When he reached between my legs I screamed quietly – I didn't have enough energy to do this with full force. It seemed to encourage him though, because he pulled my panties away to have a better access, and the same time he yanked the shoulder of my dress so strongly that I heard the fabric tear.
'It isn't enough…' he mumbled more to himself than me. His tone was somewhat warning, but I didn't really realized it until his thumbnail draw a line above breast, trough the strip of my bra, cutting it. Where his nail scratched me scarlet red liquid appeared. I didn't even register the pain.
He leaned in and licked along the wound, but the supposed pleasure didn't come. At least not for me. Loren moaned loudly and rocked his hips to mine. I loud sob escaped my lips.
How long will it take to him to be satisfied?
I know I deserved the punishment, but I silently started to pray to Nyx to make my misery end, though I didn't really hope for her to hear it. I wouldn't hold up against her if she'd turn her back on me. I'd understand it.
I was more surprised when suddenly Loren was off of me. Without his hands to hold me up I collapsed to the floor, my legs limply around me, my face in my hands.
And though my eyes were closed I couldn't miss the sound of somebody being thrown into the mirror, which broke into thousands of little pieces, like small tears of diamond, hitting the floor with a loud chattering. And I also heard something dropping softly, evenly. His blood.
I didn't even look up as my savior walked towards me slowly.
'Zoey… are you alright?'
I would have recognized this voice everywhere, so rich, so beautiful.
Erik was there with me.
I just stared at him with wide eyes, not knowing what to do, what to say.
'Z, talk to me, sweetheart.' His beautiful voice was full of worry. He was worried about me, the one, who has cheated on him! Nyx, why did I ever thought I deserved him? 'Did he hurt you?'
Full of guilt I cringed away from him.
'Baby, don't be afraid.' He talked to with such a love that my heart almost broke. But, of course, he was an actor, he could act all of this.
He didn't wait for an answer just sit by me and softly pulled me into his lap. I was too shocked to fight him, so I just let him hold me, though I felt horrible about it. He should be yelling, calling me a bitch, or hell, even slap me as hard as Loren did. If not harder. Then break up with me, and walk away without glancing back.
But he didn't. Instead of it he held me against his hard chest and hushed and rocked me and acted like nothing has happened. And it just made me feel worse.
The last straw was when he caressed my face with his bloody hand and kissed the top of my head. I jumped up, trying violently breaking free, but his strong hands locked me down.
'Please, Erik…' I practically begged him, but he cut me off, placing his palm over my mouth.
'Calm down, nothing's wrong, he won't hurt you anymore, don't be afraid, love…hush…' he murmured, locking me in his arms.
I grabbed his hand and yanked off my mouth.
'Why are you doing this? Don't you understand? Don't you see? I cheated on you! I was with another man, and you… you just… you shouldn't…' I didn't know what to say, so let my tears free.
'For me, it didn't look like that it was your choice.' His voice was cold and harsh. For the first time since he came into the room I looked into his eyes – the quick glance at his new tattoos - they still amazed me; they were blazing with anger, but this wasn't centered at me.
I glanced over my shoulder and gasped.
Loren was lying on the floor, unmoving, in the pool of shattered glass, blood tricking down his temple.
I chocked in horror.
'Is he…?' I didn't know which was the more frightening though: Loren being killed or Erik becoming a murderer.
'No. Not yet at least.' He answered my incomplete question, hate tainting his voice. 'But it isn't our business anymore. Neferet will make this right.'
As he said the High Priestess' name I cried 'No!' with so loud I didn't know I was able. Erik looked at me confused.
'Z, what's wrong? Don't worry, she'll put him together, and then call the Council, I think, and then they'll throw his ass out of this school forever, and the he won't able to hurt you anymore.' He totally misunderstood my resistance; he thought I was worrying about Loren. But he said the last part so softly, even with love. Goddess, how could he love me after everything? 'Now we should go before ha gains consciousness.' With that he stood up, genty pulling me with him. He looked at me, and I see a flick of desire in his eyes as they roamed over my partially covered chest. 'It would be better if you'd put this on…' He said, looking away from me. He unbuttoned his shirt, took that off, leaving him in only a white wife beater, and laid it on my shoulder. I accepted it dumbly, and pulled it close to myself. It was slight damp from his sweat. I only spoke when he gently started to lead me to the door, planting his arm on my shoulder, holding me up.
'Where are you taking me?' I asked without emotion; I felt dull, empty.
'To Neferet, of course. She has to take a look on you. You're bleeding.' I stopped in my tracks. There was no way I'd let Neferet know about this.
'No, please, don't take me to her!' I looked at him pleading eyes. It was clear he didn't understand what the hell was wrong with me. Of course, he didn't know the real Neferet.
'Z, what's with –' I cut him off.
'I'm fine; I just don't want go to her. It's… complicated.' I looked down at my feet. Could I tell him the whole story? Could he believe me? I don't think he wouldn't, but I owe him the truth after all he did for me. But I could not tell him right now. 'I'll… I will tell you, sometime, but I think I'll just go back to my dorm now.' I said quietly, gaze fixed at my shoes.
'Okay, but I'll go with. I don't want you to be alone in this state. And I also think that you have some explaining to do.' Finally he said something that hinted that he was angry with me. That he knew that I'd been messing around with Loren – and hell, with Heath. And in a twisted way it felt right. I just nodded weakly.
There were a few kids on the yard, but they didn't pay too much attention to us thankfully. They were chattering joyfully, about classes, buddies, music and whatnot, so we reached the girl's dorm without anybody stopping us. The living room was also nearly deserted, only a few girls in front of the flat screens. One of them, an abnormally childlike Third Former spotted me and jumped up to greet me, but as she saw my face she just looked terrified, and without saying or doing anything she slumped back to the couch where she had been sitting. Good, now it's even going to be gossip.
When we entered my dorm Erik let me go and sat on Stevie Rae's bed, looking at me, waiting. I took place on my own bed. Nala padded to me instantly and crawled into my lap, wanting me pet her. But I just sat there motionless, looking into Erik's incredibly blue eyes. He just stared back at me, without any hint of anger, hate… like he didn't see what happened with Loren, like he didn't know what I did.
He was the first to spoke after a time.
'Z, are you really alright? Do you want me get you a glass of water or anything?' he reached out and hesitantly covered my hand with his. That was the point when something snapped inside me.
'Please, don't act like everything is alright! Like you aren't mad at me! It makes everything worse!' I jumped to my feet – causing Nala fall to the floor; my dear cat looked at me with big, angry eyes then with a hiss, left the room. I knew I seriously hurt her feelings, too - and started pacing between the two beds.
'Zoey, why would I mad at you? I've already told you, I saw everything…' He also stood up, and spoke little louder.
'You didn't see anything!' I snapped. 'You didn't see when Loren kissed me, with my permission! You didn't see the poems he wrote for me! You didn't see when I showed him my Marks!'
It was obvious in his eyes that I've hurt him. Now I expected him to start shout but to my surprise he remained calm and composed.
'You love him, right?' He asked quietly, without any emotion.
'I thought I did.' I admitted, wiping my tears. 'But then, in that room, when I was crying and he came…'
'Wait a minute!' He held up his hands. 'You were already crying when Blake found you? Why?'
'Because I was frightened.' I said calming down a little, sitting back to my bed and fixing my gaze at the bare wall behind his back. 'When you collapsed after the ritual at first I thought you were dying. I couldn't bear loosing you.'
I saw him move at my peripheral vision, and for a moment I thought he was going to hug me.
'Nobody… nobody told you what happens when someone finishes the Change?' I just shook my head. Neither of us spoke for what seemed like a long time.
'And what happened then?' he asked finally and I told him everything. I told him about the scene in the library, and the one under the oak, when his fingers traced my tattoos, and the earrings and poems and kisses. And I told him about what happened earlier. That I first thought he was just there to comfort me, then he started to kissing me. That when I looked into the mirror I understood what a mistake I had made. When I reached the part when he started molesting me my voice broke. It was hard to talk about, and anyway, I think he saw that part himself. He seemed to thinking the same, because he said:
'You don't have to talk about it, if don't want to. I think I can figure it myself.' I heard him clench his jaws; I knew he was furious – but I wasn't sure if his anger was focused on me, Loren, or both of us. I nodded then crawled to the centre of my bed, pulled up my knees and pressed my back to the headboard.
So that's it. I knew I lost him, as I lost my faith in myself. It worse than I thought it would be. I started crying again, but this time there was only silent tears, sliding down my face, silently, without sobs. I briefly wondered how many tears have I left. I didn't even know if I have cried this much ever in my life.
He just stared at me from Stevie Rae's bed, not showing any emotion. I didn't know if he was only mad and disappointed in me, or really sad, or was just a step away from Othello, just a step away from getting a knife and stab it into my heart. Not that I'd mind that – my heart couldn't ache much more.
When he stood up at first I thought he was going to leave. But he only moved to sit at the end of my bed, and looked directly into my eyes.
'Zoey, I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer honestly. Can you do this for me?' He asked solemnly. I nodded and said.
'Yes, of course.' I'd anything for you, I added in myself.
When he spoke, he spoke slowly, softy.
'Why did you do this whole stuff?' I knew he meant that why did I sneaked around to see Loren.
'Honestly? I don't really know.' I sighed. 'I think it was because he is a man. And he made me feel like a woman.'
For a moment his emotionless mask fell down, and I see on his face what he thought. He thought he was also a man, and I could have just asked him. That he could have done this for me as well. But then, he looked more like a little child than he has since I've known him. An adorable child.
But this moment fled, and he asked his another question.
'Do you love me? Not the way you love Damien or Jack, or the Twins. Do you love me the way you love Blake?'
I thought about it for a moment. Did I love him? Really, it wasn't a question.
'No.' I said finally. I saw the hurt in his eyes as he turned them away from me to the door. I saw that he was going to leave. 'Wait a minute!' He turned back, but I saw that he didn't really want to hear the rest of it. One word was more than enough. But he didn't know what I had yet to say. 'I cannot love you as I loved Loren – because I have never really loved him, I realize it now. Now I see that what I though I loved was only an act – you see, he is as good as an actor as you.' I couldn't believe my own words. I was on the edge of breaking up with him – not just breaking up, but starting a whole life "I hate you, I don't wanna see you again" kind of situation and I tried to joke with him. 'Or just I was too stupid to believe him. But this isn't the point. The point is that Loren was no more to me than a delusion I was chasing. But you're here, you're real, and I know deep in my heart that you would never fool me, or lie to me, or let me down, as I did with you. And though I know that it doesn't make things undone, but I'm sorry, and I wish I've never done that.' I was pouring my heart out to him, and finally, I was feeling like myself again. A small portion of the guilt that had been pressing on me has been lifted at last.
And I can also see a hint of hope in his eyes. Was he still able to love me?
'So… you love me?' he asked, inching closer to me.
'Yes, no, I don't know!' I exclaimed, then laughed a teary laugh. 'Don't you think is it more than a little ironic? I wanted to be with Loren because he made me feel like a woman, but in reality I'm not a woman enough to get grip on my own emotions!' I saw the corner of his lips tremble as I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. Then, just then, he reached into his pocked and handed me a Kleenex. I accepted it, and looked at it smiling.
It was a simple paper tissue, a little wrinkled from being carried around and his trousers, but it smelled like menthol and like Erik.
And blew my nose out and looked up at him gratefully. He returned my gaze and he almost smiled.
'Scoot over.' He ordered me and when I did it he sat beside me. I got together all my courage and spoke to him.
'Now, can I ask you a question?' I gazed into his incredible blue orbs.
'Just go on.' He said. I took a deep breath.
'Are you really angry with me? Can you ever forgive me? Can you ever trust me again? I'm not asking if you can love me. I'm just asking if you can live without hating me.' Because I don't think I could live knowing that you hate me.
He seemed to consider his reply.
'First, this was more than one question.' I could hear the smile in his voice. It was a good omen. 'Well, let's see… I wouldn't say that I'm angry. Okay, I am angry, but I'm more like sad. But the same time I'm proud of you, because you told me everything, even though you knew I'd be furious. Can I forgive you? Zoey, can you forgive yourself?' I looked at him with wide eyes. I didn't know what he was trying to tell me, but I answered nonetheless.
'I don't…I don't know if I'll ever will able to' I stammered 'I've disappointed everyone. What kind of priestess will I be?' My gaze wandered to the ceiling. 'I think I'll step back from the leadership of the Dark Daughters. Hell, I've failed to hold up my own ideals!' I expected Erik to agree with me but when I looked at him he just smiled.
'You see? That's what will make you a great priestess: you admit your mistakes and willing to make them right or take whatever punishment for them. Not everybody can do that. Believe me, the time and Nyx will make everything right. In time – I don't know if it'll be days or years, but I'll be able to trust you again. And I think in my heart I've already forgiven you. And to answer the question you didn't really ask: yes, I can love you. I do. It's nothing I can control, and though you've hurt me deeply, I don't think I could ever stop loving you. And believe me now, I could never hate you.'
I couldn't believe my own ears. Was I just dreaming – or more like hallucinating – or was this was really happening? I think so, because the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine. It was a soft kiss, not a demanding one, heated with passion and desire, but love.
And I understood.
I've made a mistake, yes. But I loved him and he loved me, and just like he said it wasn't anything we could control. And as long as we have each other we can make this work. We just need time. Nyx, what a twisted humor you have to make me walk along this way to make me realize this.
When the kiss ended I was a little breathless, but so happy that I could've flown. Goodness, is it possible to feel so many different emotions in such a short period of time?
I took Erik's face in my hands and trace the pattern of his Marks with my thumbs.
'Are you serious? Are you just playing with me? Won't you forget me when you walk out of the House of Night tomorrow?' I cringed at the thought that he was leaving the school. And hell, I was feeling like the heroine of one of those cheesy love-novels that my Mom used to read before she married John.
Erik just smiled, but so brightly that it was unbelievable.
'Didn't you just say that I'd never let you down? And I'm not leaving.' He waited a moment, thinking about something, then continued. 'I don't know if you remember, but Samhain night Neferet told me that I proved myself as a warrior. And since after poor Professor Nolan's murder Neferet called in a bunch of Son of Erebus I think I'll hold her up to her word – I'll stay here to protect the fledglings. Of course I know that they will be here only temporary, but we'll figure out the rest when we must.'
I stared at him with wide eyes. Would he be willing to stay here with me – me, who's betrayed him – and postpone his academic studies?
'And what about-?' I started but he put his hand on my mouth to silence me
'The Academy can wait. I have time. Hell, I have decades to go to university. And anyway, here's where I'm needed right now. I want us to be alright. And I'm worried about you. I don't know why, I just am.'
I didn't tell him that he really have a reason to, since I'm a middle of a mix made up by our High Priestess – who seems to have turned to the Dark Side -, a bunch of undead kids, my best friend with them, an Imprint with a human, and not to mention that someone killed one of my professors. If there was a reason to be worried, then here it was.
But I didn't want to ruin out moment.
So I just cuddled closer to him, enjoying the peace between us, thanking Nyx, and promising her and myself to hold up my Ideals – especially the Faithful for Fire part.
Finally I felt complete – almost happy. I don't mean that I was guilt free, but right then I was too comfortable and too thankful to him to really feel it. Warm spread all over me as his palms came contact with my face, gently tracing it. His touch was so alike to Loren's – his was coming from real emotion, not just lust. And it felt right. My gut was mute too, so I thought I was finally doing the right. And believe me, I was more than glad to do the right.
Then he suddenly stopped caressing my face. I looked up him, waiting.
'I just see now that I haven't answered one of your questions yet.' He said, taking my hands, gazing away, like he was thinking about really answer that question. I wanted to ask him what he's talking about, but when I was just about to say something, he made his decision.
He untangled one of his hands from mine, and before I could tell him stop, he lifted his wrist to his mouth and softly grazed the thin skin there. Where his teeth touched his wrist scarlet blood appeared, soundlessly dropping to my sheet.
I could instantly feel the smell – dark, rich, delicious, seductive. Like Loren's was in the studio, just much more intense.
I held myself back from grabbing his hand and suck on it. I even pulled his shirt in front of my mouth to make the smell less calling.
But he held his bleeding wrist in front of my face just like he was just offering me a glass of brown pop.
'Drink.' It almost sounded like a command. I wanted to tell him no, that he's lost his mind, but before I could've said a word, he continued. 'I know it's maybe not the smartest move I can make, but the most sincere. And I know that it can end in a very nasty way, but I don't care. I know that it will maybe very painful in the end, but all I care about is now to feel you. I want to feel your pain, your joy, your discomfort, your pleasure. I want to feel like you were a part of me.' His voice was as capturing as when it is onstage. And as I was staring at his beautiful face I understood it.
And more shockingly, I wanted it too.
Without a word, without breaking our eye contact, I get a hold on his other hand, brought to my breast, bringing his shirt away, and grazing his nail along my partially closed wound – it opened promptly, my blood flowing from it.
'Do it.' I said, and my voice didn't fail to amaze me. I didn't know I knew speak this way – seductively, full of passion and desire and lust and love.
Erik lowered his head until his lips were touching my breast, and licked up the flowing blood.
I instantly felt the intense pleasure, which pushed me over the edge. I grabbed his hand forcefully, and suppressing a moan I sucked on his wound.
As the first drop of blood entered my mouth it was like Heaven, like I might explode. It was much more delicious, richer than any blood I have ever tasted.
It made me forget everything: Loren, Neferet, Heath…
It was just Erik, me and our blood.
And I drank.
The end!
Sorry guys, I won't write lemons. Believe me, it's for your own good Though I might continue it – it has many opportunities. Zoey's little decision could change the whole plot afterward. And before you ask: yes, her Imprint with Heath is broken, they just don't know it yet, since Erik doesn't know those little laws like you can't be Imprinted with two people at the same time…
Thank you for reading!
Chocolate chip cookies and brown pops for the ones who review!