DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ranma Saotome's intellectual idea, every change exterior or interior has been morphed without intending to harm anyone. This is still only for fun and I'm not making money out of this. The aforementioned character is Rumiko Takahashi's creations.
NO BETA, if you see any grammar, typos, mistakes then please understand. This will not be revised for changes or/and corrections.
Warning: This has nothing to do with InuYasha or Ranma ½ Universe. Personal Fic, OC centrix and characters that had been taken were seriously morphed. OOC in other words and this is a personal fic. YAOI and major M alert. Rate M for language, sexual scenes. I don't post this under Ranma's fiction section because I don't want people to read it :D
AN/ This is lacking structure and some consistency between characters but I needed something to take me out of that hiatus I was in. I think last fic I wrote was a million years ago and honestly if I didn't write something I would probably have stopped altogether, yeah I'm that lazy. This isn't something I should be proud of but I think if I think it too much, it'll end up in my disregarded content carpet like another 8 already finished stories. So I'll give this one a chance.
O
Deprecation.
Ghosts in the photograph
Never lie'd to me
I'd be all of that
A false memory
Would be everything
A denial my eliminent
What was that for?
OOOO
OOOO
Fucking asshole. "Shut the fuck up, I'm fine."
Youki nodded and rolled up his eyes, he stepped to the left and let his shivering lover in, the weather was cold and Youki just internally thanked he came back, "Thought you would be gone for the day," he scoffed tiredly. The anger inside his eyes finally melted into something even more toxic.
"Guess not."
"At least I didn't expect ya' ass to show up till' early morning."
"Good, I defrauded you once more, how 'bout that?" Youki cringed, his eyes blazed in resentment once he heard Ranma's hollow and bitter laugh reverberating through his pulsing skull. He sighed in powerless frustration. Jackass.
"No big deal, by this point, I kind of expect it. You are more or less the worst shit in this entire world."
"What a nice bitch…You are the worst, like I fucking give a shit…" Ranma ridiculed him with a poisonous snare but between the bitter mockeries, Youki swore he heard the raven's voice crack a little, not allowing any eye contact, Ranma's bangs covered his mournful eyes and Youki couldn't help but heave at the last insult, "Like a slut like you was any worth it."
Laughing astringently, Youki managed to tap his lover's shoulder, "You are a fucking drug addict, is that any better?"
"Nope… Fucking trash."
Youki's lips stretched to laugh again, "I can't believe this, motherfucking moron… what a waste of time."
Leaving his coat hanging on the perch, Ranma stepped on the first stair, hovering over him by the height helping, Youki snared at his blue-lipped lover. Not impending to move Youki clicked his tongue and felt his eyes teeming with blazing water yet again.
Ranma huffed after letting silence linger between them and decided to stand down his lover's angry stare "If your time was anything close to being important maybe I would give two shits about this whole curse."
The curly-haired youth clapped twice and then stretched his arms behind his head, feigning irrelevancy, his throat constricted when he pushed, "Didn't you just leave me?"
"I did, you are nothing to care about."
Stings, "Then what the fuck are you even doing here, brainless mutt"
Ranma nodded and licked at his lips "What a fine lover dear fucking god." The curse was almost silent, the mockery in Ranma's tone yanked another string behind his spine.
"I'm not your lover anymore… so I basically don't give a single shit if you chant me one hundred prayers."
Ranma shook his head; he was tired "Oh? Feigning you matter at least just a bit, something worthless shouldn't have his pride hurt, shouldn't even have one to start." But not enough to let Youki win, his words left his tongue in an odd acidic slip, "Worthless slut."
"…"
"Yep." He sounded convincing.
"Fucking get out of my sight for fuck's mercy."
Their silence battle wasn't long when the raven haired heard some defeated crying upfront, his own eyes closed and his frown deepened, his head hung low, it felt awful, he moved his head in negative and after a minute of watching Youki's tears spill out of his eyes, the loud crash of Ranma's fist punching the wall made the crying youth jump.
And then Ranma hit the perch down, Youki only closed his eyes and between his wavering breathing, he was able to laugh. It didn't have sense the fact that Ranma just left him and then he was back, it didn't have sense until Ranma hit the perch and his scent hit Youki's nostrils. Ranma smelled of weed.
"Oh jeez," Youki's words stabbed sarcastically, his hand swam through his own chromatic wavy hair in sheer disbelief. The teary tone inside his voice said all the hurt that was burning inside his throat, "Did you miss me enough to get high or did you get high enough to miss me?"
"Both actually... But you don't even deserve it, you fucking piece of garbage." Ranma screeched in anger, his walls crumbling down as he noticed, his insults equaled Youki's teeth biting on his own lips again, equaled to more river salty tears down his cheeks. Ranma sighed and hung his head low again; Youki was just at his breaking point, and admittedly, so was him.
They just defeated the other, there was no winning, there was no winner, the tears brimming on his own cobalt eyes were not worth it, those insults felt unpleasant inside his mouth and though his brain was tatted with red, he could still feel his heart beating painfully slow at Youki's defeated crying, if there was something he never liked achieving was making Youki cry. In between fights, he often forgot he despised to do that.
Fighting back his own tears, Ranma knew the best way to avoid the mess both had caused would have been to go to their bedroom and forget Youki existed for the day but the urge to be comforted fought well inside his stomach, he surrendered, he wouldn't even dare call it a win for his lover, Youki seemed pretty moved by what had just happened as well and as always, Ranma realized they were the only one willing to assist the other, even in a crisis for the other.
Stepping closer to his crying lover, Ranma kept his feet unsounding as he reached to be in front of Youki, his hand went out to caress Youki's slightly discovered hip, a part of his lover he found so pretty even after all the anger he still felt towards him. Almost immediately he was pushed away, the ravenette only slumped in further wretchedness. His form didn't retract and decided to lean in his lover's space.
Youki breathed as Ranma rested his head on his chest, between the excruciating sorrow inside his head, he smiled weakly at the scent he loved dearly brought back to him and thought it was masked by the stench of illegal herbs, the curly-haired found his nose hollering at Ranma's much masculine fragrance, a scent that reminded him the man in question was still his.
Ranma's arms hugged the tattooed-youth's fine waist and his face buried on the crook of his neck, standing on the highest tread of the entrance doorstep, Youki noticed how the stair gave the illusion his body stood taller than that of his lover.
Ranma was very aggressive when he was sad, that made up their difference to determine each of their depressive states. Youki's tears flowed with increased force as he noticed he did something irreparable to the man he loved.
If Ranma dropped his anger and he no longer lashed out, it had to mean he was done; there was no such thing as feeling great. It seemed he convinced Ranma he was a piece of shit, it had to mean he finally broke him.
Youki's crystalline tears poured for a different reason now, he broke the one person he was supposed to save, to love, just as much as Ranma broke him, it felt like he betrayed him.
His thin arms soon gave up to his impulses and without thinking it twice he found his arms embracing his long-term boyfriend close to his body, crying, breathing heavily, his arms hugged Ranma with the strength he lacked to make front of what he did. What both did.
Ranma sighed half contented at been welcomed in his embrace, how did they get there, he couldn't even recall, all that he knew, is that there was no winner, both lost this time.
OOOO
Youki moaned lightly and gripped the sheets beneath him, burying his face in a nearby pillow to muffle his involuntary noises. He was lying over his stomach with his legs slightly bent to elevate his hips and ass to briskly meet the pleasurably source of his moans. The bolt of dominating pleasure led Ranma's smirk to broaden as his upper body laid over Youki's naked back. The view seemed irresistible for the raven and with a grunt of desire; he empowered his pace being supported only by his own two strong arms, their sweat and passion melding with each hot, driving movement of their hips.
They were in their small shared bedroom far away from the city they both left behind. The two had been feeling even more oppressed than before, now that bills were accumulating and their fights increased, their jobs seemed to have grown their hostility towards each other and they didn't have another option besides than sticking up their fed-up sentiments for later, coming out alone to get some escape before both had to regress to reality again.
"Ranma…" Youki groaned lightly, panting. The pleasure doubling as Ranma's thrusts aimed at just the right angle.
"Youki..." Whispered the sable haired youth, leaning down to kiss the back of his partner's neck, "I want to hear you scream" a soft bite followed and Youki's eyes rolled back, the flaming sensation burnt his back and he couldn't help but whimper again.
"Ranma…"
Youki gasped loudly and tried to steady his own breathing, his hips eagerly met the tight thrusts even after he felt his legs slightly tremble down Ranma's empowered movements. After a particularly hard thrust, the air escaped his lips in a delighted moan of sheer ecstasy. He smiled smugly when Ranma groaned as he sinuously tensed around him and with a warm gasp, he surrendered to the heated night once he heard Ranma's pleasured husky moans.
"G-god." After panting violently, the wild-haired realized, he couldn't think straight anymore.
"Ah, Ranma, do that again…"
Youki's gentle and heated mewling slowly melded into desperate pants as they got closer and closer to their breaking points, every inch of their bodies started tingling in pleasure and both felt they could have very much burnt into flames. With one last strike from Ranma, both lovers reacted to the deep, reverberating and heated convulsion, an intimate detonation of intensified pleasure that always left them in awe, their lips parted to express the extravagant amount of desire they carnally endured and where final to experience.
Feeling the sheets wet; Youki shivered in delight when he felt his lover emptying his warmth deeply inside of him. They didn't doubt their lukewarm seed proved the night's passionate endeavor. After the trembling was done, both let their bodies collapse together, gasping for breath and wishing they could be like that, forever.
Ranma, quick to recover, rolled off of his beloved and rested his head on the pillow beside him, a content, cat-like grin on his face. "You okay?"
"F-Fine." Youki gulped in some air, feeling the sudden chill of the glazing breeze coming from the open window, after sighing contentedly, he curled closer to his partner.
Ranma smirked and wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him close and wrapping the covers around their bare forms, he gently stroked his lover's cheek with his fingers and moved blithely, Ranma breathed slowly and leaned down to kiss his lover's sore lips "That was hot" The murmur was drawn between their still glued lips and after Youki made a little breathy noise, they finally separated.
"It was…"
Rolling back off, Ranma rested his head on the white pillow aside and closed his eyes. "…Yeah…"
But after the room fell silent, Youki wondered, what was really left?
The insults.
The tears.
The anger.
The burn.
The heartache.
The hurt.
The rain outside made Youki's body shiver, no laughs afterwards and no cuddling, no kisses and no more promises, the crumbles of their past tearing his thoughts, sinking him to a much more degrading state, Youki hid his face on the grey pillow and he breathed, just how much more would they take until they realized they just couldn't go on any further, would they even? Would the toxicity of their union worsen their mental state, would it drag them to a non-deceivable black pitch hole of sheer bitterness, for how much, Youki internally meandered, for how much would this keep going.
For how long has it been like this, just how astringent their relationship distorted into, his fist tightened, he felt brittle, yet too angry at Ranma to accept it, too resented, too brackish… He looked at the man lying next to him and he blinked back the tears. This was the man that once made him so happy, and now he felt he was stuck in being even happier and yet too miserable, how awfully crude, he thought, "Ranma…"
And how was that he made Ranma so wretched as well, shouldn't the fact that he loved him be enough to see the raven smile? Was it? By this point, he doubted it. Stilling silence made Youki close his eyes one more time and before his tired lover fell unconscious he decided to curl closer to him and with a wistful thought, he decided to shake him slightly, for some reason, he felt incapable of letting it go, not tonight, he prayed "Ranma?"
Wasn't it what they did when they were two years into their love? Talk?
"hm…"
When did they give up talking about it?
"Don't sleep yet…"
Yes, they stopped talking about what hurt, 'I don't want to argue anymore' seemed an appealing excuse to prorogate their argument back then, words like 'another day, I'm tired, let it go' may have avoided them a headache, probably a broken heart once or twice, those excuses avoided one blazing word more than once, but Youki wondered, was it any worth it? Was letting things pile up on their back any worth the sleep, the momentary tranquility? Because in between many fights they chose not to talk about it but to sleep, was their sleep any worth it?
Was it worth it? We are crumbling down Ranma…. Can't you see that?
"Why not?"
"I need us… to talk about it…?"
"What…" Seemingly moved by the quiet voice, Ranma opened one eye.
"Talk… like we used to..." Voices were hushed, weak and the stabbing sorrow in their eyes was not hooded this time, it was all in all, flowering feelings and broken backbones to hold each other, "Like we used to do."
"We had enough didn't we? Now let me sleep."
Youki gasped, the heartache was just too much, the brittle pieces of composure he held for dear ignominy slightly shook at his partner's response "Not again, fight with me for once and for all, let's fucking fix it!"
"I can't" Ranma's heart wasn't pumping anymore, the lump inside his throat fossilized into solid obstruction and he could barely talk, he could barely move, he agreed, he couldn't keep on pretending any longer, today was just too much, it was too heavy to lift, he felt betrayed for the one he loved, he felt hurt, he felt bitter and he hated he didn't want to speak about it, much less with Youki, "Move on."
"It fucking hurts Ranma, at least show me you'll try, like you even care and I'll fucking try…"
"I can't, I don't want to fight any longer."
The response was quick, Youki hovered over his shoulder. For Ranma, the wavy hair from his partner distracted him from speaking immediately after he felt his weight over him, Ranma shook his head, if he recalled, he never felt as upset as today, "I won't fight, all I want to do is talk." Youki reached out to him with his fingertip over his cheek and though Ranma retracted slightly, he knew if he further avoided his boyfriend's caresses, he would only show just how much bitter he felt. "You know I have long gone since I just say, 'fuck it you are right, let's leave it like that' but this time I can't… I can't let it go that way."
"…I'm fucking angry at you Youki, I don't want to hurt you anymore and I'll end up saying god knows what if we speak."
Youki shook his head and cuddled his form even closer to his naked lover, "You won't, we'll go easy on it…"
Truth was, none of them knew how to start, and Ranma didn't negate this time, several minutes passed and silence reigned their atmosphere, they were supposed to speak, Youki bit his lip, for him, it was just everything that was in consuming flames and for Ranma it was just the 'entire thing' that didn't even let him formulate, was that it? Was that their outstanding intent of fixing it up?
"Are we just… strangers who fuck?" Breaking the silence with not the best option, Youki chose to keep his tone at bait; he let his boyfriend react with a hurtful gaze.
"…How so?"
"We are not fine."
"…"
"…"
"Probably but we are stable aren't we?"
The acerbic ardor of pain climbed the walls of Youki's throat and he found himself scoffing yet again, "Are we even a 'we'?"
Taking Youki's lightweight off his spooned form, Ranma sat and ruffled his sweaty hair off his front, the sweet scent of love mingled to calm their itches to fight, Ranma decided against any confrontation and smiled down at his lover, his heart shattered painfully slow, he knew the acid leer could have been more sincere, words came out as uneasy and shaky, Youki knew Ranma's heartache would speak "…I may be a jerk, but you sure are a pain in the ass."
Sitting beside his partner, Youki permitted his lips to stretch in a lighthearted smile, in those sorrowful moments they shared to drown was that he remembered how perfect they matched, "Yep, no lies detected."
Ranma's eyes softened when he turned to face Youki. "Well, I love you."
Those candid words caused a jovial flush on Youki's cheeks and the wavy-haired couldn't help but feel his heart warm up from the freezing congealing doom that was just embracing it not too long ago, the devastated pieces of his heart mending for the slightest of seconds. His mouth opened to a sincere reply "And I love you too Ranma…"
"So what's your concern?"
Move on, what was that? Youki's eyes sharpened as he felt his heart break one more time. No forgiveness, no painless talk, no "I believe you's" no nothing between them and Youki knew it was because Ranma was edging at his verge of collapse and he would avoid opening as much as possible, but sacrifices would have to be done, Youki knew they would have to kill themselves to convey the peace of mind and bandages they needed to be fine.
"Are you seriously avoiding this again?"
"No, I love you and that's all you need to care about." And that meant 'I don't believe you love me back'
Youki moved his head in negative, taking Ranma where he wanted was always more challenging than the last time he intended, did that mean he was distancing himself off? "It's not enough though…"
"What is not enough?" He was defensive. Ranma's walls were completely up and it saddened Youki he could have stopped those from building, If, If, If…. God Damn it…
But he was angry as well.
"Loving you that much that I am pushing myself to live is suddenly not enough. I love you, and that is not enough."
"Perhaps, but leaving each other might not be an option after all, living without you isn't even living, you are like those parasites that become ridiculously vital in the functioning of some innocent yeast-fungus crap."
"How flattering, love. 'Innocent' well done."
"Indeed, I'm this and you are that and we may not work sometimes but we work, we always do, does that make any sense to you?"
"Only in our world right Ranma."
"Aye."
"What an idiot." Youki laughed again, his emotions were back on the floor. His hand moved to caress Ranma's naked shoulder.
"Besides… Who else would let me fuck you in all the ways I fuck you."
Slightly elbowing him Youki winked, "With that face who wouldn't better ask, but if that's your way of telling me you still want me then be it, I'll take that, I want you too Ranma… a lot."
It was so sad, so incredibly painful, the laugh of the other felt so relatable and all in all, it felt so annihilating, so real to the other's pain and pain today felt unbearable, Ranma's tears were brimming, why Youki, I fucking loved you… the feeling of having loved and then stabbed with words was as bad as not having trusted each other at all, but they did, and both could relate to that hunger for more affection and the anger it brought to know they would end up dead in each other's arms, was just too much to talk about.
Stubbornly pushing his lover off to further distance, the raven haired jeered, they were laughing, Ranma was blushing, Youki was snickering and it felt like if they were fine once again, they were absolutely okay but just with the bitter spice that they were not each other's lover, it hurts, "When have I had problems telling you we have a good fuck certainly."
"Perhaps two minutes ago? Or you meant you enjoy especially fucking me." Teasing, pouty lips being simply kissable, Ranma sneered and leaned to his side to peck the corner of Youki's lips. He slapped himself again, could he, himself move on, could he pretend his heart wasn't dead and if it was dead, why did it still hurt as much as it did?
"Both."
"You don't even fuck anybody else, do you?"
Ranma stopped, now that felt troublesome "I have you, why would I? Plus we've been together for 7 years, why would you distrust me?" Ranma was almost lashing, he wouldn't deny that suddenly angered him, how bitter their simplest of interaction distorted into, it was agonizing.
"I don't know…. I wouldn't be surprised, I ran out of your respect somehow, you don't even care about speaking about these issues that we are having anymore."
Not that he didn't mind, it just miffed…. It wounded him badly.
Ranma's eyes hooded, "Jeez Youki," he breathed, his mind debating to speak "I respect you all the much more in fact, you put up with my shit after all but," Smirking almost playfully and deciding to leave that other bruising distrust aside, Ranma continued, "I need you to accept I put up with yours as well isn't it… this 'love' shit isn't easy ya' know, you break my heart at every chance you get."
Mellowing his way on top of his lover to finally straddle his naked hips, Youki stared and pressed his lips against Ranma's cheek, "I don't do it on purpose, what kind of person you think you've been loving for the past 7 years huh?" Both were deceiving their pain, being astringently funny was just their last chance to be together.
"A ridiculously sexy and evil one."
"Oh? I'm evil," Pressing butterfly soft kisses all the way to his ear, Youki permitted himself to hum at the warmth spreading all over his still sensitive skin, "Maybe, but not as bad as you Ranma…"
"mhm…" Playful hostility, Ranma wondered how healthy it was.
Youki's hand downed between Ranma's legs; he smirked as his lover gasped in forced pleasure. "I admire the audacity in your malevolent schemes, just pay attention how you make me scream, that fleshy weapon though… tastes so good…"
Ranma laughed and then whimpered as he felt the rough treatment of Youki's smooth fingers squeezing him with lack of gentleness, "…Gay…"
"Uh-huh boy, just look how hard you get just with some pecks." The limp shaft becoming increasingly wet under his rough ministration, Youki leered as he made Ranma back arch when his fingertips touched base and all the way back to the tip.
"Don't forget about your fingers around my dick please."
"My bad…" Youki smirked, his fingers pumped as slow and hard as he could. He saw his lover's eyes pausing the anger to go back to carnally wanting him, it made him so happy yet so dejected, was this the only way he could make Ranma happy? What this his only worth?
"God fucking damn it you are implausible."
"My, you are enjoying it though…"
Ranma's lips opened to let the stacked up air escape in a hot puff of steam, "God yes…"
"Yeah? But… are we fine if we are not pleasuring ourselves, if we are not touching each other?" his hand stopped altogether, Youki shook his head; the purring voice became a painful one to listen to "You see what I see?" his hand continued as Ranma panted his scorching pleasure out, the bitterness was real, the pleasure made him hazy and he couldn't stop himself from bursting at a particularly hard pull, he breathed and he closed his eyes, he felt a pair of fleshy lips enclosing on his and after the bliss ended, he felt cold.
"…'aight, Goodnight."
Silence.
"Youki…"
"I said goodnight." Getting off of Ranma's legs and turning to his side, Youki grabbed the sheets and closed his eyes.
"I didn't ask you for that though…"
"You are just being an idiot now, I never said you did, but apparently that's how we get along and I finally came to accept it. I won't talk nor will I care about anything else."
"Fine, neither will I"
"Ranma… You already don't."
OOOO
3:05 am, eyes were open, backs to each other, and silence reigned, a lump was on Ranma's throat and tears on Youki's damp cheeks, it was an inferno, talking right now meant suicide but not doing it would be being killed without wanting.
...
"I care."
Eyes widening, Youki's ears perked at Ranma's sudden voice, his weak voice responded after a long pause, "…You do…?"
"I do."
Youki shook his head. More tears spilled quietly down as the other exhaled in what Youki recognized was uneasiness. "Ranma…" The quiet sobs broke Ranma's heart one more time, crawling back to his lover's side, Ranma's arms dragged the thinner of the two tightly close to his chest, tired of fighting but so tired of letting him go, Ranma breathed and made Youki face him, his cerulean eyes were filled with sorrow, grief and mourning, but they were also filled with that sturdy hope, that fine spark of absolute affection that made Youki smile through the tears that blurred his sight.
"Hell I'm difficult… and fuck it if you are not harder to deal with, but I fucking love you okay?" Ranma hugged him, his face hid on Youki's shoulder and his voice shook faintly "I do, and it's not lust for fuck's sake, it's this fucking sore I feel every time I make you cry, it's this fucking defeat I embrace when I step out of the house we share, I don't know… It's the fucking ardor to be fine again… to be one again, if you ever fucking leave me for good, I don't know what I'll do Youki."
"…" smiling dimly, Youki managed to place his hand on Ranma's damp cheek, bodies were firmly close, front to front and lying on the bed where their most intimate nights passed by, the wavy haired youth could finally breathe a more tranquil air.
"I'll fucking kill you because I can't," Ranma closed his eyes "I wouldn't want to progress and less would I want that from you, fucked up isn't it? You are my everything, my all, you are mine, you are so fucking mine and sometimes I hate you so bad. I have to make you feel the sore I'm feeling and when I see the depth of the damage I've caused, I want to erase it all and just say fuck it!"
Ranma felt Youki's kind hand stroking gently the side of his face, Ranma blew some air at the ever so tender contact, he continued "I hate that you sometimes forget I'm as fucked up as you mentally are and it's just drives us both on edge, this love of ours is nothing more than a very on-earth, real and naked love because we know loving isn't the pretty pink stuff or dates, love isn't what movies tell you it's like, loving is that fucking sore shit you get tight on your chest when the other is said to be gone and that's that."
"Oh god Ranma…"
"Love are those nursing rolls you play for me when I get those colds, those teas I struggle to fix for you if you are feeling anxious, those arms that hug me when I get on those fevers that bedridden me, those hugs you never fail to offer me when I'm frustrated even when you know I will reject you, Love are those quick fucks you give me when my weed gets me down, I fucking walk you to any destination, I want your fucking safety, I want to be with you whenever you are down, I do that, when you are depressed I know I usually just lie next to you or I caress your back and its awkward I'm sorry, I don't know how to make you feel better! But I try!"
"…Oh Ranma…"
"Love? Love are those tears from your eyes whenever I'm so pissed off I tell you to fuck off for dear life, that fucking headache you give me when you yell and yell and fucking yell at me because you are simply being a pest, because you are being a total douche and you tell me how a jerk I am without looking at yourself first!"
"… Ranma… I am so sorry, you are right."
"My love for you is that urge you give me to kiss you even when we are arguing, I really hate to say I love you because I fear what you might do, you are not good and at the same time you just too good for me, you forget about me sometimes, you do stuff that make you seem you are fucking selfish but I'm worst… and you are not and I can't deceive a fucking minute without having us fucking and kissing, and fighting and giving up, and starting all over again, you are my worst distraction, you are my worst nightmare, I can't even think straight if you stand beside me. You are my only hope, my only happily ever after, without you I'm doomed."
Youki's head cuddled on Ranma's chest. "I…"
"And you love me fucking imbecile, you do… don't you? Because you forgive me quicker than I can forgive you, you love me so bad I can't even tell, I think I'm destroying you… I can tell you are trying but get a fucking hold of yourself Youki, I'm trying as well, I'm fucked up, I'm so fucked up and I don't know how would I be without you and don't…"
"Ranma… you would be b-" Youki interrupted him quietly.
"Don't you dare say I wouldn't be as bad as I am, I would be long lost and I'm fucked up now because at least I am trying… for you I am trying... I'm doing my fucking best, I swear it's hard, its horribly hard but loving you it's so fucking easy I can't let it go, I can't be your friend, I want your heart to be exclusively for me, I want your body to be only for my eyes to see, only for my mouth to taste, only for my body to take. This is so fucking real and so fucking cheesy I want to vomit no lies."
Youki closed his eyes as he felt his lover's arms hug him even closer, Ranma's bangs covered his eyes once again and Youki smiled through the revealing tears, "Ranma…" separating just slightly, his fingers took with softness the raven's chin and made him look at him straight in the eye, with his free hand he retired the bangs off the eyes he hallucinated for, Ranma's mouth opened to speak again.
"I am no lion in cage, you know I'm not and I know you are not as well, you know that if you leave me the first shit I won't do is fuck a bird, you fucking now I won't, if you even distrusted me for that then its scares me, why when you know it's hard for me to get close to someone, to even want someone, I can't even like people, I can't even think about it, it disgusts me like if I had my first time with you, because it feels like you took me like I won't allow anyone else do, like if nobody else has ever touched me before, like I have been virgin before you and had only been yours even when we were not together,"
Ranma sighed in embarrassment, but he continued, "I don't mean to sound the way I am probably sounding, this is so out of character of me, but what you've taken from me is only yours and will always be, I'm so fucking awkward Youki… I think I'll only make it work with you, I think I may only pleasure you, I would only pleasure myself if it's you…" Youki's cheeks flustered at the red words that left his lover's lips.
"Ranma you know you are the only man in my life…"
"But I don't doubt it."
"You say so sometimes, I am just wondering…" Youki's eyes blinked "I know Ranma, it's just-"
"I can tell you I would never dare touch, much less love anyone else, if it's not your mouth I'm kissing, if it's not those eyes I'm staring at, if it's not your scent then I am not interested… you've fucked me up real bad Youki…"
"You know I feel the same way don't you?"
Ranma turned to face his lover again and their faces grew close until their lips pressed firmly but featherly against the other, closing their eyes and tenderly squeezing plump lips against the other's eager mouth, Ranma allowed himself to sigh, tongues just slightly savoring the other's taste, Youki caressed Ranma's rosy bottom lip with his thumb just as the kiss was cut short.
"I know…" Ranma smiled.
"Ranma now I want to tell you-"
"Wait…."
Youki smiled as his lips were caressed by Ranma's thumb, he let the raven continue.
"I always say I don't want to see you again don't I? Do you believe me, even for a fraction of seconds?" Ranma exhaled dismally. "Don't. Just don't… Don't be an idiot and fucking understand you've hurt me to the fucking core, I'm broken okay? You fucking know that, why would you push me the way you do? I love you and sometimes you act like you don't feel the same but hell I know you do, I know your feelings are clearer than mine at least, I know you love me and that thought always have me gripping hope between us… I will never leave you even if I chant the shit out of that."
The words were surely bitter, but Youki respired with a tiny smile on his face, he was aware of the powerful message they conveyed. "Ranma…"
"I… adore… you, how you say it. Somehow, it's hard for me to process you are frail against that slutty face you have," Ranma pressed his lips against Youki's lip corners and proceeded to peck "speaking of which, your body and your face is like a sexy bomb for me. One thing does not lead to the other, you have a very receptive body but I know it belongs to me… I think we match like puzzle pieces and though you open your legs every time I want, I still think it's a gift, I've not taken your body for granted, I swear to god…I appreciate every night with you, I've not forgotten you've only been mine. I am not telling you this for being a creep or just plainly perverted and make you uncomfortable by how crude my vocabulary is; it actually holds significance of the insults I threw at you before."
"Oh my… Ranma…"
"I mean I am sorry I called you a slut, you are only very sexual to me and I know that, I never meant those insults Youki."
"Ranma… of course I mean-"
"You are no trash, you are not the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I love you, I'm still head over heels for you. Honestly, I didn't want to talk about this, I was going to let it go like we have been doing for the last year, but you reminded me when you had 16, when I was 18, when we were kids? We used to fix every detail till' our hearts were fixed with apologies and I think we did that better, I was going to let this one go as well like I said… But I can't see us crumbling any longer, I still love you so fucking bad to allow it Youki, I want to repair what I've broken and I want you to try it with me because I'm hella loose over here, I'm falling apart and I don't know what to do."
Youki's heart shattered and his eyes crystalized. "My…"
"I just want to hear you love me too, I want to hear you are sorry because this time, I feel as if you intended to kill me and I'm not in the mood for masquerades, I'm fucking hurt Youki, that's that. I feel you aimed correctly this time and I'm in pieces I can't even cry but I wouldn't hide… It just hurts… It fucking does."
Climbing up again on top of his lover, Youki allowed their lips to meld softly, the salty taste between their pressing mouths allowed Youki to land over the thought if those tears belonged to him or belonged to Ranma. His fingertips caressed wet rosy cheeks and his heart broke at the view of the man he loved breaking before his eyes.
"Ranma sometimes I feel I am about to give up, I keep saying this is enough, that this time you went across the line, that this time it was just 'too much' but at the same time, I feel as if every time, I deserve it, I caused it, that I'm not something you deserve, and don't get me wrong." Youki smiled acidly, "You are this good-looking man with so much talent and so much character, you are in fact. What the hell are you doing with someone like me?"
Ranma's lips opened to retort but fingers stopped him from doing so, "Ranma you deserve so much better than me. I'm foolish, I'm naïve, I am very frail and you don't have to keep up with my shit, I am sick of realizing I am in fact, fucked up. What stings me is that I can't get you to understand it."
"Youki no, I don't want anyone else, I wouldn't make a change."
"I am not an attention whore; frankly, I hate to be told otherwise. I think you are only with me because this shit is what you think you deserve, I'm this piece of shit that keeps you from growing. I wished you stop castigating yourself with everything you do, including your love for me. And at the same time it is so difficult to let you go."
"You are much more than I could ever expect."
"No I am not. I am this brittle friend you chose to love and I can only thank you for the opportunity but I think I'm not up to your standards, I never will. You could be happier with someone much better than me, you are always angry with me, I can't blame you, it's of course because I have done something. It's because I don't deserve you and I definitely don't make you… happy."
"Youki you are wrong, I am not angry at you always, I'm this fucked up pissed man… I wish I could control that and you are the only one who I want and is able to see through my shit, without you-"
"I would see you smile more often, wouldn't I? it doesn't matter how you want to see it, I am in fact feeling blessed I even had you, but you truth is I am no good for you, you said it yourself."
"That is not what I meant, my crossed up feelings are even confusing to myself, Yo-"
"I sometimes have a hard time believing you genuinely love me. And it frustrates me because I feel powerless; after all I can't ever expect you to love me back. Because I do, I love you. But at the same time, Ranma I know you love me, I know you do and I'm here for that spark in your eyes that makes me feel so especial."
Youki continued, "You think I haven't noticed, I haven't noticed you Ranma, I can't deny you love me with every ounce in you" Youki's voice was soft as he continued, "You think that when my anxiousness grabs a hold of me I can't notice what's going on around me? How you always fix me a tea and my hands are shaking that I can even grab the cup, I always notice you always put yours on top of mines and help me get it through. You sooth me with each of your caresses and you are not awkward but the only light I have when it's dark."
The wavy haired proceeded, "You take me when I feel the ugliest, you make me laugh even when you are pissed, if you notice it's one of my bad days, you go out of your engrossment and go for me. You are the only one who cares if I sink. You crawl to my lap when you are not fine and you cry on my shoulder and let me know I exist, that you care, that I am special, that I am different. You do so much for me, you do so much for us and I never recognize you that." Ranma smiled tenderly.
"Is that love, yes it is" Youki hugged his lover close and he continued, "how your eyes hold that preoccupation if the tea is okay because you are obviously only doing them because it's me, you don't even know how to boil them correctly, and I swear it is very especial for me, I swear I come back to life every time you try. I won't lie, when you wake up pissy you are an asshole and you boss me around all the fucking time, if I don't bend my arm then you get pissed off but you do stuff without being pushed, you have these real details for me, you save my life every time, and I don't even thank you."
"Youki I do-"
"No I know you can be good to me and it just feels that whenever you want a punching bag to keep you from getting even more stressed then that's me. I know how good you can be to me but I feel you sometimes choose not to. I want to see your real face, I think I see it every time, but I don't think you understand how I can help you relive your tension, you don't need to yell at me, let me hug you and tell you how much I love you, let me be your best friend and take you to a movie, I want to do all those things and I don't want you to close yourself, open up for me. I care. I love you and I never meant to hurt you. "
"No Youki I never-"
"I hate I feel I'm insignificant to you, the way you dispose me like I'm the nothing I am trying to avoid thinking I am, I am thorn over the thought you wouldn't go to me, the way you stopped talking about our fights, how I felt I lost you the day you decided not to talk, how I saw our relationship break and other times to heal, I felt there were plenty of unspoken shit I needed to get out of my chest. I hate that you no longer apologize, I hate you don't make me apologize either and now you only fix everything with a heartless 'move on' In fact you seem undefeatable to me, I can't excuse myself over it though. This relationship feels like hell, but it's my fucking heaven I swear to god"
"Youki…" The weak and sorrowed undertone in the younger's voice made Ranma close his eyes.
"I never intended to shoot you, I wanted my lover to be back to my arms but I never saw you bend in, you stopped kissing me if we were not having sex, I want to hug you damn it, I know you hate that and I always feared you would distance from me If I ever relented and you did! I did what you wanted and-"
"Youki I just don't want you to blam-" Lips melding passionately, the coarse sound of an unsaid world drowning inside their touching tongues came after a long sigh of pure grief, "I'm sorry Ranma…" the tears started falling immediately after their lips unglued and Ranma's eyes widened slightly.
"I... Youki don't." Ranma's hand wiped Youki's fresh tears off and he sighed mournfully.
"I don't want to make it seem like that, I believe in every word you said… I-I need to tell you what's hurting me Ranma…"
"I'm sorry..."
"Listen, I love you with my entire being, but I never thought I would ever hurt you and not that I wanted, I also thought you became emotionless to me and it just caved in my fucking core, I thought in various ways of giving up and I always ended up on my knees begging you to be with me and it stings, my heart stung so much for you, still I never meant to make you sink so low. I am so sorry"
His head fell on his lover's strong chest and since he was already son top of Ranma, the position made it so much easier to be embraced in a heartfelt, comforting hug. "Youki..."
"I-I won't justify myself any longer and from now on I want to talk about it now that we know the consequences of not doing it, you are mine I know that, I know those eyes would only tear for me, and I would only do so for you. R-Ranma I want your happiness and I am sorry we fucked it up, I fucked it up with you, but let me heal that, let me love you, I want to apologize again, I am sorry."
"Hey it's fine…" Ranma mumbled with a tiny smile on his lips.
"Sorry I was this bitchy rude level, I hate to see your eyes darken with sadness, I am sorry Ranma… I am sorry I called you a drug addict, I am not against those drugs, but sometimes you take those too much, it worries me and I need you to stop yourself a little."
"I will… I don't… I don't want to lose control over that."
"You won't if I'm with you okay?" Ranma nodded and another kiss was pressed against Youki's cheek.
Youki continued, "I think that without you I would have done what I wanted so long ago, I mean I am alive only for you, Ranma dying for someone is not hard, it is so clichéd but important, You are the one who is pushing me to live and sometimes it is so damn hard, but you are worth it. Ranma you are the only medicine I need, you don't know the effect you have on me."
"Liar…"
"Fuck I can go as far as not taking my medicines all day, if you are making love to me then I fucking forget I'm broken. You equal my happiness."
Ranma's blush made Youki smile and he proceeded.
"But don't forget you are not only that. I'm not only with you because otherwise I would be alone. I am with you because it is you, you are that essence I love with my entire soul, I love the man who smells of cinnamon, the man who blushes at every compliment and every wink, the man with soft skin and hard muscles, the man that lets me grope his ass without much further ado, I love that sable haired man with impossible talents, with a ridiculous amount of honor, I love his voice, his anger, his pouts, his shyness, his stubbornness that I find so adorable, I love to steal his hoodies and how incredibly sensitive he is to my touch."
"Shut the fuck up" Ranma warned playfully, his face glowed in colorful red.
"Ranma, I love your limits, I am not afraid of your strength; it thrills me to think you wouldn't use your force with me. Even if I do every time I push you. It is kind of funny and I understand the reason why you get upset."
"You are a bitch then"
Youki started laughing, "Kind of, when I push you I do it with all my strength, it doesn't do nothing to you I know, but you see through the circumstance, I find interesting that despite you explode every time I do that, you don't do the same, even if you push me sometimes, and you push me back immediately after I push you first, you had never and would never use your entire strength, you know I can't take it and that means you see aside from your anger, you think about my wellbeing."
"Ah yep, then you know it, you are very aware of that, you are officially a bitch."
"Ranma I love you." Youki laughed as he pecked Ranma's flushed cheek, "Not only for what you provoke in me, but because of what you are, even that darkness and that beasty treatment you might give me if you are pissed off, those aggressive eyes you have if you are feeling attacked, I love how husky some curses sound coming from your lips, I love everything of you. Even what you don't love in yourself, I do."
"Idiot…"
"You drive me crazy, in the entire positive and negative aspect, you make me feel so fucking imperfect and at the same time I feel someone that's worth it when I'm between your arms, it is so complicated and I absolutely hate that I want that fucking feeling so bad. You kill me in ways that numbs my urges to slit my fucking wrists and I appreciate those times, I would be more scarred otherwise."
Ranma laughed, "You do have a very strange and morbid humor ya' know."
"Yes, I feel… I feel so lucky when your eyes look at me with such tenderness, I know it's hard for you, I know. But I feel so invincible, so strong, I love the way you make me feel, its indescribable, I love your rants, I love those sounds you make, your grunts excite me, your breath against my ear when we are fucking just turns me on so bad, I love how your stubble feels against my thighs when you go down on me."
"Shut up already, to think I even apologized if I sounded perverted for god's sake."
"Okay, more love and less sex in my words, I love those single flowers you bring me once in a while that I never thank you for. Those are beautiful, I know you don't want to hurt my cook pride and sometimes you swallow things that are way too salty and I know you can be hurtful to others but to me you are just 'suggesting', against what I always say, you are delicate with my feelings now that I recall but you are still sincere, I also know there are dishes I do that you really enjoy."
Ranma smiled and let his boyfriend continue, his heart felt the bandages coming around its shattered structure.
"Have I noticed, pffff, I have, your cheeks turn pink and I see upturn rosy lips thanking me and I swear the way your eyes lit up is the best sight in this world. Ranma I am stupidly at your feet. I won't hurt you anymore, I won't try, I don't want to. I want you to love me… genuinely so and I need you to believe me I will."
"I do."
"And I know you, just that sometimes I forget I do, just like I know you are hella awkward right now."
"Yep."
Youki smiled and melded their lips again, "Do you forgive me?"
"If you do the same."
"Sure will, how can I ever be angry after all that you said."
Ranma grunted, "Sometimes it is necessary, but rest assured Youki, you won't ever hear me saying shit like that again."
"Not necessary handsome, I know all I need to know, and I hope the same goes for you."
"Yes, now I'm fine. Just one thing, don't you ever let yourself feel worthless to me, you are much more than what I deserve and if you don't like how that sounds then, you are just perfect for me" Ranma's smile was genuine and it made Youki's stomach churn with butterflies. "Plus I'm feeling happy now."
"Okay, I am too…" a kiss on the cheek and Youki's arms hugged him closer, "We'll be fine right?"
"I'm pretty sure we will, sexy." Ranma breathed out loud, "now…"
"Huh?"
"Suck me or open your legs, you decide."
"…"
"Youki?"
"What about both?"
"Really?"
"mhm."
"Sounds great, go ahead,"
"…"
"W-what?"
"…that was so bad, oh my god!" Youki started laughing.
"Hey! no pun intended, I swear to god."
OOOOO
AN/ This was very difficult to finish, for a second I was about to debunk it. It is very alike many fics I've written but has never seen the light. This is another attempt with content like this.. I was in a writer's block and I needed to write, that's why I couldn't start with fluff, at least it ended up being happy, I think all they said is cheesy af so I guess that makes up for the bitter beginning. I really wasn't in the mood for description and you may find my character's lack of movements, I only wanted to write those dialogues, if it was for me, it would have only being dialogues the entire scene, so I'm sorry if my adjectives were repetitive af. Yep it was meant to be only dialogues :c
Next fic is romance :D sheer romance (as if this one wasn't cheesy enough)
PS: just in case, the fight they were 'speaking about' obviously didn't start at the beginning of this fic, so they as well apologized for things that weren't mentioned in the fight from the first scene. Hopefully you enjoyed this bitter fic :D I kinda had fun with it.
Till next time.
Batya.