"Let Her Go"
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Skwisgaar kept his head down as he walked through the snow storm to get to the Swedish bar he knew to be ahead. It seemed much more pathetic without his friend making fun of him.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
The meth pipe shattered against the dark wall, pieces of hot glass and burning rock creating small holes in that stupid shark poster he remembered Toki forcing him to get him. Saying the sharks reminded him of Skwisgaar with how cold and calculated they were, like when he was playing guitar.
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
Toki kept his eyes on the full glass of water that was placed just out of their reach, wanting nothing more than to get them the needed water. He thought back to the time that he and Skwisgaar thought they were going to a water park together, he was disappointed to find it out it was just a prank. But Skwisgaar had found a park later and taken him. The memory was shattered just as the glass was against the floor, a crazed laugh filling the dark room.
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
Toki smiled as he remembered when he played guitar with his friend to get into the band. The older man's white clothes making him look to be an angel in contrast to Toki's dirty street clothes. But the lovely dream ended when Skwisgaar's guitar faltered and he looked down, a lovely red flower blooming across his chest before he fell to the ground. Toki's father was standing in his place, a large blade in his hand both covered in blood.
"You are death."
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Skwisgaar stared blankly at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar, waving away any woman who came near him. He couldn't keep ignoring the fact that his friend should be sitting next to him at the bar, asking what sweet mix drink he should try next.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
He knew he was in the next room. They finally got Toki out, but Skwisgaar was detoxing. He couldn't go see him yet. He needed to be back to his old self first.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Toki looked up at the ceiling in the hospital room, his fingers mindlessly trailing through the blond hair that belonged to the older man that had fallen asleep against his bed. But he knew it was guilt that kept him there, even if it was more than that that made him want him there.
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep
Skwisgaars eyes slowly opened as the calming fingers in his hair stopped carding through his locks. He studied the broken man in front of him, making himself remember every cut, new scar, and bruise he could see in the dim light. He should have done something sooner, but he couldn't admit his feeling's for so long. And now that he did, he knew there was no going back.
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Toki couldn't do it. He couldn't stay. Everything he touched died or was broken beyond repair. He wouldn't bring down his guitar god. With the decision to leave the band, to leave him, he felt the last little part of his heart break.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Skwisgaar stared at the meth pipe that had found its way into his hands again. Trying to chemically create the feeling he got when he was around Toki. Trying to create that feeling of belonging and…..
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?
Skwisgaar watched as Toki walked to the car, a small bag in his hand and nothing more. He didn't even look back at Mordhaus. The blond screamed as he crushed the whiskey glass in his hand, the alcohol burning as it ran down his bleeding fingers.
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Toki looked up into the Norwegian sky, welcoming the cold snow swirls that surrounded him, covering the sun with their whiteness. This was better. He would be safer without him around.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Dry heaves shook his thin frame as the alcohol poison made its way through his system, his head pounding from dehydration and abuse. He wanted to go home. To see that cocky smile and to hear that deep voice say he knew he'd be back. But he couldn't. He couldn't let him die because of him.
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Pickles picked up the drugged out guitarist from the winter ground outside, pulling his arm across his shoulders as he dragged him inside, glancing at blue eyes as tears stream, lips whispering apologizes that would never be heard by the right ears.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Skwisgaar knew he needed to clean up, he had to start playing again. Maybe, just maybe. If he played good enough, put enough love into his rifts. They would reach him. He would come back to him.
And you let her go